Star Wars II: Return of the Name

Mutant was among the onslaught of readers who submitted that the final name has been chosen for Star Wars Episode II. It is... Attack of the Clones. Let the sarcasm commence. I'll pass judgement after I see it.

Re:here's another:

[zombieking]

Star Wars Two: STAR HARDER

Re:Why wasn't this posted earlier?

[loraksus]

Well, It was probably something like this.
Microsoft Balmer dis'es linux! cool!, accept, next, "attack of the clones", wtf? reject, next...

Re:Probably a fake

[ratguy]

So, what you're saying is...

The title really might be "Send in the Clones"?

Ratguy

Title for Episode III

[Spider Man]

Jar Jar and friends

Re:*sigh*

[danger42]

When I was a kid, I thought they were saying "The Cologne Wars". I really assumed there was some sort of fracas over fragrances. I am just glad it turned out to be "clones".

Re:Probably a fake

[An Ominous Coward]

Or "Clones Gone Wild".

Re:When Jedi Attack

[Rogerborg]

Star Wars: Episode 3: Your Childhood Memories are Raped For Two Solid Hours, then the Orchestral Score and Mood Lighting in the Last Thirty Seconds Tricks You into Thinking that this is a Worthy Prequel to Episode 4.

A little unwieldy, I grant you, but it's only a working title.

Attack of the Clones.......

[jparp]

ATTACK OF THE CLONES.

What the hell kind of name is that?! This has to be a joke. CowboyNeal, say it isn't so! I can't handle this. I want an explanation.

He might as well have called it "A New Hope 2", starring Christopher Walken as Obi Wan, and featuring the cast of American Pie.

Someone needs to shoot George Lucas before he does anything else...But wait...Maybe he's already dead...MAYBE He REALLY died in the mid eighties, but he was CLONED!!!!Thats it! His clone is now wrecking havoc on the world, tricking them into watching hour upon hour of JarJars and annoying little Anakin Skywalkers!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!Meanwhile, George Lucas writhes in his grave, awaiting the day when he will rise again, to save the world from His evil Clone!!!!! Sounds like a good movie to me.

YUB YUB!

Re:here's mine:

[ozbon]

Star Wars : Clone Ranger

With Jar-Jar as Tonto???

Re:Might this not be a ploy

[cpt kangarooski]

So would it be possible that these Wookies were independent contractors?

Re:The REAL trilogy is that everybody is waiting f

[Stormie]

...is of course Lord of the Rings.

Peter Jackson! Ian McKellen! Christopher Lee! Hugo Weaving! Cate Blanchett! John Rhys-Davies! How could anyone not be waiting for this?

Assuming that Natalie Portman will be neither naked nor petrified, the only trump card that When Clones Attack has is Samuel L. Damn, they should have cast him in LotR, maybe as a badass orc or something. "Does Sauron look like a bitch?"

Re:Might this not be a ploy

[thesteveco]

Episode II: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Force

Attack of the Clones

[Overt Coward]

Attack Of The Clones
(To the tune of "Send In The Clowns")

Isn't it rich?

We're a matched pair.
Waving our lightsabers
Around in the air.
Attack of the clones.

Lucas gone mad
We've all been had
After the first one was so
Incredibly bad.
Attack of the clones?
Does he think that we're drones?

Just when I'd stopped
Trashing Jar-Jar
Lucas is going
Even further afar.
Making a loser again
With his usual flair
Expecting big lines...
They'll probably be there.

Oh, what a farce.
Our fault, we hear.
We're supposed to like what he shows
Year after year.
And where are the clones?
("Attack of the Clones"???)
It's too late, they're here.

Isn't it bad?
Isn't it dull?
And the worst part of all is that
The theater'll be full.
And so it's the clones...
"Attack of the Clones"
Will open next year.

CmdrTaco strikes again

[Anonymous Coward]

I'll pass judgement after I see it.

This will be a first.

*sigh*

[Ignatius_Gunnarsson]

And now, a moment for America to shake its head and sob softly to itself... What the hell is wrong with the "clone wars"? Are the traditional starships we have grown accustomed to now to be replaced with flying saucers? When will George Lucas learn not to make important decisions when drunk?

I can see it now...

[G-funk]

...Millions of sheep named dolly attack tatooine. All is feared lost, until annakin decides to release his keeler blue heeler to save the day.

bring in...

[jobber-d]

bring in, the clones!

Bummer...

[Dancin_Santa]

I was hoping for "Jar Jar's fiery death" or something similar. "Attack of the Clones" only makes me fear the creation of an entire army of Jar Jars.

Dancin Santa

Re:Might this not be a ploy

[yellowstone]

Like revenge of the jedi -> return of the jedi

What, so the real title is going to be Send In The Clones?

(ducking)

Possible money saver...

[Loligo]

Yaknow, if they just call it "Send in the Clones" they can fire John Williams and use pre-existing music...

-l
...imagining a full orchestra with Krusty singing...

The only thing worse than the name.

[angst7]

The clone wars are fought by thousands upon thousands of copies of Jar Jar. *shiver*

Suddenly, Jar Jar doesn't seem all that bad...

[Kinetic Kit]

I have a feeling this is some kind of cross-promotion with Fox's reality television.

I bet it will air on Fox First

[ShaggusMacHaggis]

Star Wars Episode II : When Clones Go Bad

Re:Might this not be a ploy

[xx01dk]

OR...."Send In the CLOWNS"??? Sorry, couldn't resist *snicker*

Episode III leak...

[StaticEngine]

And in further news, Episode III will be named, "I Wipe my Ass With Your Money", and will consist entirely of 15 minutes of Hayden Christensen putting on the Darth Vader outfit, saying "This is heavy," and "Okay, I'm ready to be Evil now."

Yeah, it's like watching Big Bird go into the oven

[jeko]

Imagine if Captain Kangaroo had turned into an alcoholic lunatic, or Mr. Rogers had fallen to AIDS or if Kermit turned up as part of the Cajun dinner special...

"Star Wars" was MY childhood. My middle-school friends and I argued endlessly about "Empire." Vader, Luke's father? No way. Who was this Boba Fett anyway? Why was he masked the entire film. Somethin's gotta be goin' on there.

WE WAITED MORE THAN A DECADE FOR EPISODE 1! I grew up, I became an OLD MAN waiting for that bloody movie. When I heard it was coming, it was like the Return of Gandalf. The World would be OK. I dragged my wife to the theater, promising her it would be great, this would be epic, Strap In and Enjoy the Ride.

Ten minutes in, I wanted to shoot myself. Twenty minutes in, and my wife was openly wondering if this constituted the sort of spousal abuse that would get her more than 50% in the divorce.

To give you a contemporary example, I want you to go to your child and explain that in the next book, which we're all waiting for like it was Christmas, in the next book, Dumbledore turns out to be a child molester.

Watch the look on the face of your little Harry-or-Hermione-wannabe.

THAT's exactly how episode one made me feel.

Re:The only thing worse than the name.

[LogicalRealism]

At least this would mean we get to see Jar Jar die thousands of times, hundreds of ways.

That sounds like something. . .

[cornette]

That sounds like something that Joel and the Bots would watch.

Star Wars : the musical returns....

[decaying]

Anakin: Quick, send in the clones
Obi-Wan: Don't bother, they're here
Lucas: Isn't it rich, isn't it queer, Losing my timing so late in my career
SW Fans: There ought to be clones
Lucas and Fox Studios:: Well maybe next year

Re:Might this not be a ploy

[Rei]

Here's some of Fark.com's user suggestions:

Attack of the Killer Human Stem Cells.
Killer Klones from Outer Space
Episode II: Hype
Episode II: Luke's Dad Was a Whiner, Too
Episode II: Reporting is Pravda the Clone Attacking
Episode II: Bloodsucking Clones from Pittsburgh
Episode II: Plan Clone From Outer Space
Episode II: Clones Are EEEEEEVIL
Episode II: Lucas Must Die
Star Wars Episode 2: All your clone are belong to..
Send in the Clones!
Tears of a Clone
Jar-Jar's Big Adventure
Star Wars Episode II: The Second Episode
Star Wars II - Just like 83/84, only more missle based...
Star Wars II 1/2 - The smell of Lucas
Episode II, JarJar Binks, Return of The Kingfish

-= rei =-

Excerpt from leaked screenplay

[jutus]

This just in...

Anakin looks up to see Queen Amidala and Obi-Wan dressed like clones, holding miniature billboards advertising the clone college and dancing to clone music. "Amidala...?" asks Anakin slowly. "Yes, Anakin?" answers the clone Amidala, starting to hum clone music.

Anakin: That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clone college! [leaves]

Obi-Wan: I don't think any of us expected him to say that.

The full story arc:

[number one duck]

"The Phantom Menace" "The Attack of the Clones" "My Wookie and Me" "A New Hope" "The Empire Strikes Back" "Return of the Jedi"

I've got a better title

[Ukab the Great]

Dolly the Jedi Slayer

Re:cloned army of jar jar

[cruelworld]

what do you think IS under those stormtrooper helmets?

Re:cloned army of jar jar

[Anonymous Coward]

Storm troopers speak English too well to be clones of Jar Jar. You'd think that even if they weren't raised in their own culture, they'd still retain the lisp.

There's another thing I can hate about the movie. I hate Jar Jar and I hate Lisp.

Official Clone Action Figures!

[Bonker]

Collect them all!

Re:You'll never see it. SW2 violates the DMCA!

[Anonymous Coward]

Damn straight! And just because it happens in "a galaxy far far away" doesn't mean the cloners can't be busted for it. Look at Sklyarov! He wrote his code in Russia. Came (without the code) to the US, and merely spoke about it.

Re:ENOUGH already!

[Tumbleweed]

Hey man, watch it. Clones are people, two!

here's mine:

[Tumbleweed]

Star Wars: Dude, Where's My Clone?

Re:Might this not be a ploy

[Lunastorm]

Let's not forget: Episode II: Queen Amidala Does the Empire

The best part? Even CNN readers think it sucks.

[Vladinator]

Check out the results from this poll [cnn.com] over on CNN. Yep, even non geeks think it sucks ass, but about 2/3rds.

Oh, God...

[bflong]

Weird Al is going to have a ball with this one.

marching clones.

[spongman]

singalong with lucas...

oh when the clones!
oh when the clones!
oh when the clones come marching in,
I want to be, in that number!
oh when the clones come marching in.

Karma Suicide!

[JBowz15]

It had to be done by someone...

Natalie Portman stars in "Attack of the Hot Grits"
(Rated R for nudity)

Re:When Jedi Attack

[bartok]

What next, Jar-Jar with snap action tongue and mini rocketlauncher?

Nope, sorry but Snap Action Tongue and Mini Rocketlauncher are patented and used exclusively on Monika and Bill action figures.

What I wouldn't give...

[NortonDC]

What I wouldn't give for the ability to have a separate threshold for comments marked as funny...

The CBG said it best...

[Junior J. Junior III]

"Star Wars: Episode II: Worst Episode Ever"

That's weak, try this...

[E-Rock-23]

How about "The Death Of Jar Jar?" Or maybe "Jar Jar's Slow, Painful, Torturous Demise?" Or en espanol, "La Dia De La Muerta De Jar Jar?" Anything with Jar Jar dying, I'll pay $15 bucks to see. Maybe "Jar Jar Gets Flung Into A Blender and C3P0 Sets It To Puree?"

Re:Yeah, it's like watching Big Bird go into the o

[Black Parrot]

> But anybody who remembers the Ewoks smashing Stormtroopers in ROTJ had to see this coming

Yeah, I thought the scene where Leia came out of the Ewok's home wearing her nightgown would have made a much better meme for him to follow up on.

At least we would know where Wookies come from.

Top Ten Rejected Titles for Ep 2

[jbuhler]

10. Plan 9 From a Galaxy Far, Far Away
9. I Married a Dark Jedi
8. It Came from Tatooine
7. Die, Jedi, Die!
6. Will Success Spoil George Lucas?
5. Evil Sith 2: Army of Clones
4. Urotsukijedi
3. Pod Racer Summer
2. Midichlorians: the Awakening

And the number one rejected title for Star Wars Episode 2...

1. Surf Gungans Must Die

Re:Bummer...

[Black Parrot]

> Attack of the Clones" only makes me fear the creation of an entire army of Jar Jars.

Without a doubt, that's the title's subliminal message: "How can they be clones, if you only buy one of each action figure?"

Expect the action figures for this one to be sold in sets of twelve.