Resident Evil

Reader M. Grochmal writes with his brief review of Resident Evil, below. Yes, Resident Evil the game has been turned into Resident Evil, the movie. You have been warned.

The latest in a line of video game adaptations, Resident Evil was released over the weekend. While past conversions such as Super Mario Brothers and Street Fighter were box-office flops, Resident Evil has the chance to break the game-to-movie-flop habit. While the movie is not a straight port of the game, it can still offer a good viewing experience.

The movie takes place in Raccoon City, USA, within a secret underground research lab called The Hive. The lab's work on a cell regeneration medicine ("the T-Cell serum:) for the Umbrella Corporation has a very negative side effect: it reverts the donor into a creature with basic instinctive needs. A lab experiment causes the virus to be released in the air circulation system and, after a logic snafu from the Red Queen (The Hive's AI), this AI quarantines the lab and kills everyone who may have been exposed to the virus.

A SWAT team (not STARS, for the Resident faithful), is sent to find out what's going on. After finding Alice (Milla Jovovich), they break into the HIVE. The Red Queen's traps have fun with the troops, and one they figure things are going their way, the dead scientists of the HIVE are released. On top of that, they're all thirsty for blood.

From here, it goes into a Night of the Living Dead shoot-and-scream-a-thon. There are some genuine scares, but most of them are peppered with shouting and running. There wasn't enough time to get to know the characters before they start getting killed off. The movie tries to be like Aliens in some respects, and sometimes it works.

Plot notwithstanding, the movie still offers a good viewing. It is a shame that George Romero didn't take the project, as was the original plan. Instead, it was taken by Paul Anderson (Soldier, Event Horizon, Mortal Kombat), whose influences show with strobe lights, dark passageways, and a loud soundtrack. Go and see it during the matinee, or wait for it on video. AfterThought: For those who are also fans of anime, here is a video you may wish to download: Resident Eva . It uses the trailer's audio track and makes good use of Neon Genesis Evangelion.

Inhuman Robot Skull Consumes Vertebrate Life

[Anonymous Coward]

Human Combustion Industries has announced the completion of their latest home entertainment robot, OBIT. OBIT manifests as a human skull 3.1 meters in height, equipped with two stubby robot legs and an extensible fanged proboscis described by surviving journalists as "indescribable", "ravenous", and "obscene".

OBIT is powered by a 500 hp diesel-electric fuel cell located in the area of the cranium traditionally reserved for the medulla oblongata. This configuration allows for extended operation in low-oxygen environments as well as the "silent stalking" behavior demonstrated to such dramatic effect at Tuesday's eventful press conference.

OBIT is also equipped with sophisticated magnetic resonance imaging equipment enabling 98% accurate detection of the presence of an advanced central nervous system in organisms variously defined as "visitor", "prey", "family member", "clergy", or "passer-by". Complex neural-net technology allows all detected instances of CNS regardless of category to be recategorized as "prey". "Prey" instances are greeted with prompt action when target acquisition phase is complete! Graceful proboscis extends rapidly, providing spectator great joy as jaws open wide and gleaming fang extend. Studies show most immediate immobilization benefit in prompt attack to legs; hence OBIT prefer leg-first approach. Quaint antics of disabled prey may be observed by all as limbs are removed, followed by educational vivisection of torso and head accompanied by instructional lecture. Excellent consistency in results is obtained.

Remains of owner and guests to be disposed of at all times in accordance with applicable statutes of local municipality.

Milla Jovavich

[kaimiike1970]

As long as they stick to Milla in a short skirt we should have a pretty good movie. If they insist on a plot or a storyline then all is lost. Also, if they are so foolish as to have other people in it then likewise all is lost. I would go see 2+ hours of scantily clad Milla kicking the crap out of CG anything...

Oh my.

[Electric Angst]

Is that...

No, it can't be...

Wait! It is.

Someone is linking to a dyndns server on Slashdot, for a large multimedia file, no less.

I have a feeling someone's cable modem is about to explode.

But how true to the games is it?

[dave-fu]

Most importantly, I'm wondering if the characters (players?) in the movie can step side-to-side or if they've stayed true to the RE series and made them all move like tanks (turning on their axes). So which is it?

Re:Oh my.

[Ubergrendle]

I think I'll need to break out my logarithmic calculator to identify to which ^10 he has invalidated his ISP bandwidth cap...

Asteroids, The Movie

[Anonymous Coward]

Ship twirls around and fires. Misses. Fires again. Hits a large asteroid. Fires again and hits a flying saucer. Keeps firing. Hits a small asteroid. Fires four times in rapid succession. Oh-oh, tiny fast-moving rock: hyperspace. Re-enters close to the screen. Oh oh oh, dangerous, moves closer to the middle. Tiny spaceship comes out. Ship fires and hits it. 1000 points. Fires. Misses. Fires again. Another tiny spaceship fires back and hits him.

George Romero?

[Knunov]

"It is a shame that George Romero didn't take the project..."

It's even more of a shame that John Romero [gracelessland.com] didn't take the project.

What with his obsession of story lines in video games, Resident Evil would have been nothing less than a smash hit.

Just ask him. I'm sure he'll agree.

Knunov

(it actually does happen..)

[zapfie]

Now, in the spirit of modern-day marketing and product tie-ins, we will soon see a crappy game based off of this movie..

Write your own /. movie preview.

[nob]

In the past game-to-movie conversions have been _______(negative adjective.) But ________ (newest game-to-movie) has the chance to break the habit. Since the game has sold over _____ (big number) copies, and the movie has a budget of _____ (big number), it will probably be very ______(positive adjective.)

Milla Jovavich

[psycht]

I'd watch Pokemon if it had her in it.

From the hoster of the AMV...

[Mike A.]

• Yes, it's hosted on a DSL connection.
  
• Yes, it's quite thoroughly slashdotted.
  
• No, I don't mind. It'll be cleared up enough by the time I get home.
  
• Yes, I was warned in advance.
  
• Yes, you may mirror the file if any of you successfully managed to get it.
  

Thank you for visiting my beleaguered box. :)

When you get home...

[wiredog]

You will be greeted by the fire department. They will say something about a large explosion and/or fire in the vicinity of your DSL connection. Then the people from the phone company will stop by...

Re:Asteroids, The Movie

[jeff67]

Three words: "Pong - The Movie"

New Feature - Slash Libs!

[gosand]

You missed the golden opportunity to title your post Slash Libs!

You could have Katz Slash Libs too!

In this day and age of ____(buzz word) and ____ (buzz word), we often don't realize that the ____ (buzz word) has been ______ (verb). That isn't the case anymore. I remember back in ___ (year) when I was _________ (boring verb), things were much more _______ (wordy adjective). In conclusion, I think that we need to _______ (verb) the ________ (buzz word) and embrace the _______ (noun) before it is too late.

(verb) the (buzzword) and embrace the (noun)

[wiredog]

I'm not sure, but I think that's illegal here in Virginia.

Re:George Romero?

[nomadic]

What with his obsession of story lines in video games, Resident Evil would have been nothing less than a smash hit.

Hey! Quake III had a GREAT storyline! There was this arena, you see. And uhh...you fought in it.

I saw RE with my girlfriend...

[psxndc]

I got to see two hours of Milla Jovovich (who called Grand Theft Auto "GTA" on The Daily Show the other night. score), and my girlfriend had nightmares. Mission accomlished as far as I'm concerned.

psxndc

Am I the only one...

[neonzebra]

...who thought "Hey, I've played this level of Half-Life!" when they first entered the Hive complex?

Re:Tomb Raider did flop...

[ceswiedler]

You had to ask female friends to find out that real breasts aren't anything like that? I'm sorry, my friend.

Re:Decent movies stand alone

[Anonymous Coward]

Think about it. Zombies are dead and decaying. They probably taste like shit. Sexy SWAT team people on the other hand...

Basic instinctive needs?

[Anonymous Coward]

They were just clawing and biting. How the hell is that basic instinctive needs? Basic instinctive needs would have meant an orgy of zombies.

Hey, is it necrophilia if you and your partner are dead?

Re:New Feature - Slash Libs!

[nvembar]

I believe you neglected the following sentence:
"In these post-_______ (reference to an event which apparently colors our entire world view) times, we have begun to realize ______ (something totally obvious)."

-Navin

Re:Tomb Raider did flop...

[L-Train8]

Real breasts don't move that way.

The movie was just being true to the video game. They made Angelina Jolie's chest move just like Lara Croft's does in the video game. I think the film's faithful adaptation of breasts was the best thing about it.

Re:Nude Surprise!

[SuiteSisterMary]

Good old America. Bloody violence and mayhem? Ho-hum. The bodyparts every human being is born with? AAAAAH! MY EYES!

Re:Milla Jovavich

[fonetik]

I could watch her reading a phone book.