Shakedown: How the Business Software Alliance Operates

An anonymous source writes: "I'm a faculty member at a public university which the Business Software Alliance contacted in a bulk mailing last Fall. Stupidly, our IT department invited them in to 'explain' licensing to us, and now we are trying to fend off an audit on our computers (public and private). Two questions: what kind of leverage does the BSA actually have against us? And does anyone have war stories, successful or otherwise, of their encounters with the BSA?" Although Slashdot is running this story as from an anonymous reader, we have contacted the source and believe the story is factual and the appeal for help is real. Consider this Slashdot's contribution to National Copyright Awareness Week.

The source continues: "The report that the BSA gave to our administration was filled with scary stories about other schools who tried to resist, so unless there's some hard evidence to the contrary I suspect our university will just roll over. We were told that:

• auditing software *will* be installed on every campus machine;
• the license for every program, on every machine, must be produced upon demand;
• failure to produce licenses for all commercial or shareware software will constitute prima facie evidence of illegal possession, with penalties that could range from the confiscation of the machine to the firing of the user;
• and this includes computers *personally* owned by faculty."

The BSA isn't all bad

[larsu]

The BSA isn't all bad. First, haggles over license increase the total cost of ownership for commercial software, which makes free (as in speech) software more attractive.

Second, I used them to shut down a competing software retail store once. The place was selling Microsoft OEM software off the shelf. A call each to the BSA and to Microsofts Piracy line and the place was out of business in 4 months. :)

Re:BSA's feedback phone number

[great_flaming_foo]

You know they have to have caller ID on that line and are most likely takeing notes on who to audit next.

Hmm, a case for moving a whole school to LINUX.

[IMarvinTPA]

Step 1, bury all burned CDs
Step 2, download distro of choice.
Step 3, burn that onto CD.
Step 4, format HD and install it.
Step 5, laugh when you show them the freeware license.

Alternatively,
Step 1, transfer to another school.
Step 2, feel bad for your friends.

IMarvinTPA

Firing of users?

[Fiver-rah]

You can tell that they're full of it for at least one reason. They claim that they can force the university to fire users, including professors. This is, quite simply, bull.

It seems to me that there's no way they can force the university to fire people over licensing issues. *Especially* professors. Most of those people have tenure, you know. Professors with tenure at my university have gotten away with embezzling grant money and sleeping with undergraduate students. Depending on the tenure contract at your school, it is probably *illegal* for the university to fire professors over this issue. BSA can't possibly wield a big enough stick for this to hold any water.

As such, it seems to me like they're protesting too much. The scenario they paint is patently ridiculous.

Pirate?

[Anonymous Coward]

As Dr. Teague put it. R dr d-theta. ;-)

I wonder...

[cnkeller]

If anyone has told the BSA to f**k off? Had them come back with Federal Marshalls/FBI, then politely let them inside, offered tea and cookies, showed all appropriate licenses, then bill the BSA for wasting the companies time in a fruitless search and wasting tax payer dollars for the marshalls....

Personally, I enclosed a RedHat sticker in their mailing and told them where to stick it....

Re:Fire that guy!

[scrytch]

If the Gestappo comes by asking if you've seen any Jews, do you ask them to explain what Naziism is all about?

Godwin's Law. Discussion over. Ask a Bosnian Muslim how he feels about your comparison. Or a Hutu.

my vision of talking with the BSA

[Evil Willow]

BSA: We need to see licenses for all your software.
Me: This is an open source shop, but if you tell me which open source license you would like to see...
BSA: We at least need you to run this auditing software.
Me: Hmmm, seems kinda pointless, but what the hell. Do you have a Linux version?
BSA: No. You will have to remove your Linux OS and install an MS based OS that we do support.
Me: You want me to do what?!? Get the !&@$#%*@$%^& outta my sight!

BSA have a history of lunacy.

[Anonymous Coward]

The Register's article BSA deploys imaginary pirate software detector vans [theregister.co.uk] explains everything.

- Toby Inkster

Re:BSA's feedback phone number

[Anonymous Coward]

You might want to call from an outside payphone or some other means where the number can not be associated with you

Call them from your enemy's office.

Re:Check with the school Lawyers

[Anonymous Coward]

Yah, here at UC Berkeley, I like to
say that we have a football team, a police force,
a law school, and thermonuclear weapons.

I doubt if the BSA has the last item on the list.

Seriously though, this is what the legal dept. is for. Punting this issue as far up the chain of command as possible is the best approach.

Re:BSA's feedback phone number

[Anonymous Coward]

Or you could just call from a business or personal phone of someone you don't really like.

Well, one option is to uninstall everything

[Illserve]

Just nuke your machines across the board, backing up the important data, and reinstall everything after they leave. Tell them you use MSDOS Edit to write your papers in LATEX by hand. This process, while a huge hassle, is probably less hassle than the BSA will give you, and when you're done, you'll have cleared out hundreds of gigs of useless crap, reinitialized your Windows registries and effective defragmented everything in one fell swoop. Also a good time to do some software upgrades.

I know this idea is unfeasible, but I'd love to see the look on their faces when a dual processor 1.5 ghz machine boots to a dos prompt.

Re:Scared of audits?

[jordan_a]

I know lots of people that will produce the contents of their pants for only a few cents :P

Re:Legality in doing this?

[Waffle Iron]

but how can they just march in and start installing software and demanding licensing documentation? They are not a government organization, right?

Maybe they interpret the U.S. Constitution thusly:

• The government is not permitted to perform unreasonable searches and seizures.
• All rights not expressly given to the government are reserved for the people.
• Therefore: Private parties have the express right to perform unreasonable searches and seizures!

One more reason to throw out junkmail...

[Anonymous Coward]

First off, lawyer up. Let the lawyers talk.

Second, smack the IT moron who thought it'd be neat to call the BSA and invite them in.

Third, smack moron again...

Fourth, Direct the mailroom to filter out all junk mail...

I got one of these "truce letters" from the BSA about 4 months back - FOR A COMPANY THAT I SHUT DOWN 5 YEARS AGO! I still get mail with that company's name on it, so I knew this thing was total crap... Didn't even open it... Wrote "Refused... Return to Sender. Addressee Unknown" and tossed it right back into the box...

Fuck the BSA...

Re:my vision of talking with the BSA

[Tackhead]

> BSA: We need to see licenses for all your software.
> Me: This is an open source shop, but if you tell me which open source license you would like to see...
> BSA: We at least need you to run this auditing software.
> Me: Hmmm, seems kinda pointless, but what the hell. Do you have a Linux version?
> BSA: No. You will have to remove your Linux OS and install an MS based OS that we do support.
> Me: You want me to do what?!? Get the !&@$#%*@$%^& outta my sight!

You left out a part...

BSA: "Step away from the computer. We're installing our auditing tool. Huh? Linucks? What's this gear doing where the Start menu should be?" (power-cycles machine)

You: "Hey, what are you doing with that DOS boot floppy?"

BSA: FDISK... FORMAT C: /S...

~ two hours later ~

BSA: Finally, I've installed Windows ME. Now I can install and run the audit tool.

You: YOU BASTARD! YOU JUST REFORMATTED MY DEVELOPMENT WORKSTATION WITH TWO WEEKS OF MY WORK ON IT!

BSA: Relax, Mr. Willow, your audit was pretty clean. Everything seems to be in order on your network, except you have one unlicensed copy of Windows ME. Please pay $10,000 in fines or face one criminal charge of copyright infringement.

Re:my vision of talking with the BSA

[Lxy]

BSA: We need to see licenses for all your software.
Me: This is an open source shop, but if you tell me which open source license you would like to see...
BSA: We at least need you to run this auditing software.
Me: Hmmm, seems kinda pointless, but what the hell. Do you have a Linux version?
BSA: No. You will have to remove your Linux OS and install an MS based OS that we do support.

To continue:

Me: Ok, fine. (Installs Windoze on a machine not currently being used)
BSA: Where did you get that copy of Windows?
Me: It came with the PC. See the sticker?
BSA: You mean you have a licensed PC but are not running Windows on it?
Me: Yes. We don't run Windows here. We're a linux shop.
BSA: According to MS's license policy, the license must remain installed on that PC.
Me: Ummm..... what?
BSA: And as for the rest of these PCs..
Me: I'm calling the cops.
BSA: We're giving you a grace period to reinstall Windows on all of them to meet compliance requirements. You have 5 days.
Me: But.. But...
BSA: Good Day.

Re:Ain't anonymous

[Sabalon]

Okay...lets see the BSA converge on the pay phone outside of the wal-mart. :)

Re:First,

[Anonymous Coward]

Two reputable firms that immediately come to mind, that you should retain anyway:

1.) Smith & Wesson

2.) Heckler & Koch

Both of them are fully capable of making the intruders understand that they are not welcome unless they have the appropriate paperwork and understand that the burden of proof is upon them, not you. Just make sure that Vinny and Guido keep the safety engaged unless absolutely necessary...

Scientology?

[dattaway]

Looks like the BSA is taking lessons from Scientologists.

Does anyone else wish...

[Anonymous Coward]

Does anyone else wish that the Boy Scouts of America would sue the Business Software Alliance for using "BSA"?

Call the bluff

[Anonymous Coward]

Collect all of your licenses and hide them - make every computer without exception in "violation" and make them accuse you of running nothing but illegal software. Make them show up with guns and cops, force them to haul away every machine and shut down the entire campus. Make them go to the homes of professors and confiscate their machines. Make them openly claim that you somehow bought name-brand computers without Windows even though that's impossible. Make sure the press is there to watch it happen.

Then produce the licenses to the press.

Re:Scientology?

[F34nor]

"Arg! Your crawling with Body Thetans! Some body get a e-meter over here QUICK!" *sucking sound "GOT EM! You're luck those little alien spirits were weighing your spirit down"

"No they weren't that was my wallet you took! Come back here you fucking cultist bastards!" *sucking sound "My HOUSE! You fucks took my house. Man, now I am going to have to go and pee on L. Ron Hubbard's grave."

Re:BSA's feedback phone number

[kruczkowski]

And the guy next to you answers the phone...

I can't believe how evil the Boy Scouts are!

[Self-Important]

Darned BSA! Always camping and hiking and...trying to enforce manopolistic, cartel-like business practices! Shame!

Re:Can I suggest MIT?

[ckd]

What about MIT?

I can see it now...the BSA auditor shows up, sees a Dell box, and walks up to it to start his Win32 auditing tools.

Then he says "what's this freaking owl doing on the login screen [mit.edu]?"

Don't fuck around

[Anonymous Coward]

I would show up at their offices with a token mouthpiece and a couple of large bodies with ominous looking bulges under their jackets and explain that you don't believe in lawyers. Better yet, if you're a public university, maybe you could get some state troopers or something.

I'm serious. These goons have been extorting people for years and getting away with it. You're gonna have to put the fear of $DIETY in them. Either that or have a big check ready for them when they tell you to pay.

Maybe a horse's head or something?

--rgb

Re:Contracts

[Drachemorder]

You may have given them the right to make inspections or audits when you signed a contract. My local cable company has a clause for this in their service agreement.

They can't conduct an inspection if I don't open the door for them. And they better not try to get in my house without my permission --- that would be breaking and entering, and I could legally shoot them if I catch 'em doing it. I wouldn't shoot a cable guy, of course, but a BSA representative, now, that's different. :-)

Re:One helpful suggestion

[Skevin]

When you say personal machines, do you mean machines that are actually owned by the primary user?
Makes me think of the following war story: I worked at a company that hired a few consultants who brought their own machines in. On the day of a BSA audit, one of the contractors left his laptop unattended for a couple of hours, during which one of the auditors started going through it. The auditor was still on when the consultant came back, and needless to say, he wasn't pleased.

Consultant: Get off my notebook.
Auditor: I see you have X, Y, and Z. Do you have licenses for these packages?
[note: we hired consultants who have software that we don't - they should be responsible for their own machines]
Consultant: I know who you bastards are, and I don't have to answer to you. Nobody touches my notebook but me. Get out of my cubicle.
Auditor: Sir, you are interfering with an official BSA audit. Please be patient while I finish installing this monitoring software...
[Other auditors and employees start homing in on the disturbance.]
Consultant: I won't warn you again.
[Moment of silence, then...]
[Cursing, sounds of something tearing, loud scuffle, followed by a dull *thud*.]

At this point, I tried to see what had happened, but the crowd outside his cubicle was too tight for me to get a good view. Moments later, the consultant emerged from the crowd, into the open arms of security guards, but with a strange look of triumph on his face and notebook computer clutched under his arm. A dented metal curtain rod followed shortly after (now in my possession, which I affectionately call my "BSA Stick").
I never saw the consultant again.

courts

[schporto]

Use their annonymous tip line. Report that your local courthouse is using illegal software. But just give the address and claim the violations are in the hundreds. Esp if you call from right outside the courthouse. Somehow I think it'd be amusing. "Your honor that computer you're using is illegal." Wham. "Contempt. Go to jail." Sorry daydreaming now.

Asked them to come?

[chefmonkey]

I guess this adds to the well known list of entities you never invite in:

• Vampires
• Law Enforcement Officials
• The BSA

Easy solution

[Tremul]

Three step process

• Invite them to come in 2 weeks
• Switch everything to Linux
• Invite them back for another visit on their way out

Yeah, this is somewhat unrealistic however it would be enormously funny. Let them waste money looking at Linux machines.