What Should I Do With My Life? 475
| What Should I Do With My Life? | |
| author | Po Bronson |
| pages | 400 |
| publisher | Random House |
| rating | not perfect but worthwhile |
| reviewer | Scott Evans |
| ISBN | 0375507493 |
| summary | Dozens of "real people" refactor their lives and careers in pursuit of happiness. |
Given all that, I figured What Should I Do With My Life? was pretty much written for me. The book tells the true stories of dozens of people who made hard decisions and gave up careers, educations, and lifestyles in order to give themselves reasons to get up every morning, and maybe to find true happiness. In researching the book, Po Bronson interviewed nearly a thousand people all over the US, and got to know some of them very well. He intertwines their stories with his own personal tale, and often pauses between stories to reflect on everything he saw and learned while writing the book.
So how's the book? Good and bad.
I had hoped to distill some great truth from these stories -- to leave with a clear sense of the changes I have to make, and with the resolve to make them. No dice. To be fair, Bronson never promises any such thing; in fact, he promises quite the opposite. And rightfully so. There are certainly no silver bullets here.
But my real problem with What Should I Do With My Life? is that I couldn't identify with so many of its subjects, and eventually that turned me off. It felt like four out of five people had law degrees or worked in finance or politics. Very few were geeks, or even grunt-level office 9-to-5'ers. In his introduction Bronson says "the people in this book are ordinary people," but it didn't feel that way. An ex-doctor whose father was a famous cardiologist; a Hollywood production executive; an established Hollywood screenwriter; CFOs, CEOs; guys that sold startups for millions. A PhD marine biologist who "quit and became a dentist." Wowie.
Even Bronson's generalizations alienated me. The "we" that define ourselves by our salary or possessions or career achievements -- that's not my "we." I think (hope?) Bronson has spent so much time in Silicon Valley culture that he's over-projecting. Maybe I'm not ambitious enough, but I've never been a careerist and neither have my friends. So when Bronson steps back so say we need to fight the urge to justify ourselves by our status, I think "who's 'we'? I never had that urge." I've never had anything to prove to anyone but myself; yet I still feel trapped by some of the life/career decisions I've made.
Now, the book doesn't focus solely on outstanding people. It's just that once I noticed all the med school and law degrees and sold-her-third-startup, I couldn't not notice them anymore, and I'd say to myself "maybe this book isn't for me after all. I'm nothing like these people."
But enough bitching. There's some great stuff in the book as well and some stories really connected with me: the attorney turned trucker; the husband/wife team that bought a tree farm; the would-be Olympic athlete who had to give it up for motherhood; and more. Better yet, some concepts stayed with me. For instance, the this-should-be-obvious concept that local cultures shape expectations and self-worth differently. "In Los Angeles, if you say you're a musician, you're asked ... are you, or will you be, successful? In New Orleans, if you say you're a musician, then people accept that you're a musician, even if you jam one night a week at some dive with no audience." Nice.
My favorite concept from this book is one of Bronson's closing points: the reminder that all you get is a glimmer. The rest is all you and your willingness to to see where that glimmer takes you. I've lived this -- it's true in the creation of good software, it's true in making records, it's true in any creative pursuit. Eureka moments rarely happen, so don't wait around for one.
I found myself flying through this book -- it's written in a nice, casual tone and it's an easy read. But reading quickly was a mistake. I suggest reading a chapter or two at a time, then putting the book down to digest it. Otherwise it's too easy for people and stories to blur together or be forgotten entirely. Maybe that's why the online excerpts were so compelling -- I was left with 2 pages to think about instead of 75.
Okay, so Po Bronson didn't provide the answers to all my problems. But he got me to frame my "what am I doing to do" question better, and he got me to take it seriously. That's worth $15 right there. It's also uplifting to read about people who have found their bliss. There is hope!
I'll lend this book to a lot of friends and I'll probably buy copies for a few as well. It's worth a read.
Whether or not you buy the book, I strongly recommend reading the aforementioned NPR interview and excerpted chapter. Those alone address some great points and will get you thinking.
You can purchase What Should I Do With My Life? from bn.com. Slashdot welcomes readers' book reviews -- to see your own review here, read the book review guidelines, then visit the submission page. You may also want to visit Po Bronson homepage: pobronson.com."
I Know! (Score:3, Funny)
Re:I Know! (Score:4, Insightful)
I still write software...but it's software *I* want to write. I also go skiing, rock climbing, running.
I took me getting laid off to see what was important in my life. Bleeding into someone else's cup was NOT my thing.
Your career does NOT define you as a person. The sooner you learn that, the sooner you'll get out of your funk.
Best of luck.
"You drank the Cool-Aid and woke up in someone else's clothes."
-- Mark Twight
Here's what you do.... (Score:3, Insightful)
Not a flame. Sincerely.
Give up an education? (Score:5, Insightful)
fish v. fishing (Score:3)
Imagine a Java coder. Took courses exclusively in Java, aimed at knowing every minute subchunk of the API. "Graduates" from his trade school. Knows nothing of the larger art/science/cruft of computer science. Couple of years into the workforce, she wants to quit coding Java.
She's giving up an education. I would submit that it was a el crapola education to begin with, but she's still giving it up.
I happen to believe that GOOD educations stick around through general conceptualizations, rather than rote memorization, but that's gotta be drifting, if not steaming, OT.
Re:fish v. fishing (Score:4, Insightful)
Very true. We used to joke here where I work about how we generally didn't hire programmers to program. It basicaly went like "we've got a film-maker (physicist), a poet (physicist), a jazz musician (mathematician), a DJ (english major), and one computer science guy". And that was pretty much true... forget the fact that the two physicists and the mathematician really had been trained in CS, as well, it makes a better story that way.
The point is, though, that outside of a very corporate, dilbertesque world, the quality of the person makes a much bigger difference than his/her specific training. Programming languages and systems can be learned, but intelligence, creativity and passion really can't.
Re:Give up an education? (Score:3, Insightful)
Re:Give up an education? (Score:3, Funny)
three main issues stick out in my head (Score:3, Insightful)
b) what's the point of a formal education when you might not get to study exactly what you want? so, i didn't take high school as seriously as i might have. i was a B, B+ student. well that translated into not getting into a school like UCB or MIT where i could've taken a degree that was a little more out there. (i would've preferred an art-computer science hybrid.) i had to settle for a college education that centered more around CS and enrich my life on the side with artistic pursuits.
i got into grad school and dropped out midway through the first semester solely because i could've aced a master's degree but i would've totally missed out on becoming a master of what i really love.
c) and in a result of that, i now find myself with and degree in computer engineering, but no easy way to pursue a degree in art or any of these new art-computer degrees that have been around for the last few years. i have too much XP for a bachelors program, but not quite enough paper to back up my readiness for a masters. sometimes having that slip of paper is a hinderance.
of course, these are just mistakes and lessons i've learned... (which, the lessons could be mistakes on their own.)
m.
Now what should one do with his life? (Score:4, Insightful)
Never forget: You are the center of your world. You are the reason for your decisions.
You have a life? (Score:3, Funny)
Pretty telling (Score:5, Insightful)
An ex-doctor whose father was a famous cardiologist; a Hollywood production executive; an established Hollywood screenwriter; CFOs, CEOs; guys that sold startups for millions. A PhD marine biologist who "quit and became a dentist." Wowie.
Some of the local papers run these stories too--about people who cashed in on the "hectic dot com lifestyle" to run a bed and breakfast or some sort. Makes it a lot easier to "get out of the rat race" when you have a nice, fat bank account to fall back on.
I am much more impressed, as you note, with those who are not independently wealthy, but chunk the opportunity to become so in order to follow their dreams. Like, say, the teacher I married.
And no, I don't have a problem with those pursuing wealth above all else either...as long as they are fulfilled its their own choice to make.
Head above water first (Score:5, Insightful)
I believe that many people are truly stuck in their current jobs because they don't have the savings or support to make the leap. Hence, most of the success stories you read are about those people who sold their company, or had a high income previously, simply because those are the people who were able to make the leap.
Re:Head above water first (Score:3, Insightful)
Re:Head above water first (Score:5, Informative)
This statistic blows me away.
Much of this is the genesis for the Simple Living or Voluntary Simplicity [google.com] movement that is beginning to see a surge in the US.
The guiding idea is that you can have a happier more fulfilled life if you pull out of the rat race. There are tons of tools to help [amazon.com] you along this path.
My wife and I are looking at pursuing it even more vigorously as we look at starting a family. In all probability, we will be able to have one of us stay home with our kids with just a few life changes made now.
Learn to be a penney pincher and you can afford to save $100-$150 a month
I would go so far as to say, you can afford to save 10% of your earnings without taking on an extra job. Join a Voluntary Simplicity circle and work with a group of peers to find ways to unclutter your financial life.
Extraordinarily most people that make these changes are able to shift their lives to follow what is most important to them and many are much happier.
Good luck.
Prodigal Sons (Score:4, Insightful)
And then there's Bronson's trucker who quit the venal, awful music law business to spend more time with his kid...well, good for him, but I know dozens of actual creative musicians who had to ditch their dreams because of venal, awful music lawyers like the trucker admits he used to be. Many of them would LOVE to be able to afford the tuition to go to trucker school.
I'm all in favor of people reconsidering their values, and it's never too late to turn around. But the homeless shelter where I live is full of unemployed teachers, professors, network administrators, graphic designers who followed their consciences all their lives. So my admiration for people who waste half their lives getting rich enough to finally do something REAL is, shall we say, limited.
Doesn't sound overly informative (Score:5, Interesting)
I've changed directions several times in my life, and in most cases it's been a leap up (or at least not a leap back). The main thing is finding what you like to do, what you want to achieve, and a way to do it legally while making money. Sure there's compromises, stretches, and training, but no one promised life would be easy.
I expect to see more and more books on Careers with this economy. Look soon for a book where some author explains or studies people who left IT for other careers.
Re:Doesn't sound overly informative (Score:3, Insightful)
But I think that the phenomenon the author is examining (people leaving their professions to find happiness) if anything may *decrease* now that recession has hit. Remember in the 90's when we all were hearing about 30-somehtings who were "retiring" after having made millions -- they were starting new "careers" pursuing life interests, which were often not especially profitable.
There is a big difference between being forced out of a profession because there are no jobs, and leaving when the going's good.
My impression is that this is less of a "career advice book" than an inspirational, or at least eye-opening, look at various individuls who have chosen the road less traveled, although they were already on a road leading to wealth and success. If anything, i should think it is the sort of book we will be seeing *less* of as the economy worstens...
Re:Doesn't sound overly informative (Score:3, Insightful)
How did this get moderated up to 5? It's not a career advice book. Jeesus, RTFB.
It's a journalistic exploration of the experience of people who have had interesting relationships to their careers. It is a book about interesting questions, it's not a book about answers. As to whether it does a good job at that is one thing.
Simple (Score:5, Insightful)
I love programming, cold weather and storms. I don't have time for dread. Life is meant to be lived and I'm all over it. BANZAI!!!
Re:Simple (Score:5, Insightful)
People hate risk. But the longer you wait to take the risk, the more you have to gamble with, thus making it harder to take the risk.
Re:Simple (Score:4, Insightful)
No, it's not that simple, and it takes guts to do - as you say, most people hate risk. BUT, at least in this situation you have enough financial security to have the option to make this decision.
Re:Simple (Score:5, Insightful)
I just have no sympathy for whiny, rich people who are desperate to "find themselves," which is the meme it seems that this book is enamored with.
I guess it's cool if you're rich to do something you like, but don't try to convince me that you're somehow more noble for having done it. There are lots of people who are poor or middle class who do work at what they enjoy, or have satisfying lives, but they don't make a giant federal case out of it.
As to the person who chucks the $200,000 job to open the general store in Montana, they just strike me as being selfish and immature. It's a rustic, escapist fantasy, and they force their family to live through the unpleasant reality with them. It's very unlikely that someone making $200K a year will ever be able to develop the survival skills needed to live at $50K (gross).
Actually... (Score:5, Insightful)
Maybe a person with more money has more options, but more options does not necessarily make a decision easier, either.
Also: in general, people tend to spend what they make. The guy who makes $200k might be just as leveraged and stuck as a guy who makes $30k. OK, he drives a cooler car, but does that, in itself, make him less noble?
Re:Actually... (Score:4, Insightful)
Maybe a person with more money has more options, but more options does not necessarily make a decision easier, either.
This is one of the wisest observations I've seen on this subject. It explains decadence and mob rage, without resorting to classifying people.
Economics is what classifies us today, with the legacy of racial xenophobia as its foundation. Strip away those wisps of maya, and the Human is laid bare: a semi-conscious being desparately struggling to understand its own existence. We can call this sylopsism "intelligence", but I don't see the haunted look in my eyes reflected back to me in my dog's eyes, and she is certainly not lacking in intelligence.
We all have the same problem, regardless of financial status. Sadly, only some--as this book attests--are given the opportunity to explore this problem, while the remainder struggle for simple sustenance. I can't help but believe that we would *all* be better if everyone was afforded the opportunity of grappling with this problem before beginning their preparations for their transition.
Yes, that's a call to revolution......
Bitter much? (Score:5, Insightful)
If you think that having all that claptrap in the first place makes someone lucky, then of course you don't get it. If you beleive that being wealthy means that you have a good life, then no wonder you don't have sympathy for people in that situation. Besides which, if you think that living on $50K (gross) requires "survival skills," you're in the same absurdly wealthy class as those earning $200K, relative to that 99.999% of humanity you talk about.
Let me tell you something. Money ain't shit. Once you've got enough for food, shelter and education, there's no correlation between having more and being happier. Really. None. There are two obvious conclusions to be drawn from this:
If you're awake the lesson of this book isn't "The wealthy occasionally choose to be a little less wealthy. How noble." but "Sometimes people realize that money isn't making them happy. Once you get this, you can spend your like taking care of yourself instead of chasing the Almighty Dollar."
Look at it this way: Maybe the reason you hear about whiny rich people chucking it all to "find themselves" is because they needed to have wealth before they could stop and look at it and realize that it wasn't worth going for after all. As long as you think that you're not wealthy enough yet, you can maintain the illusion that maybe the next dollar will be the one to make you happy. Someone (like you) can look at those who have $200K and figure "Hey, they must have it good. I'm jealous."
Now, you've got three choices as I see it. You can live the rest of your life not making $200K/year, but being jealous of those who do. That's just pathetic. Or, you can figure out what you have to do to make $200K/year yourself. That's a waste of your life, but at least you're not stewing with impotent envy. Or, you can realize now that having that kind of money isn't worth anything, take pity on people who've wasted their precious life on aquiring it, and put your life into something worthwhile. What'll it be?
It's in the top 1% (Score:3, Insightful)
Of course, if you read The Millionaire Next Door you will see that the authors of that book define rich in a "better" way IMHO - they define it as the amount of time one could sustain one's style of living without any income source. So, if the dude who makes $200k a year blows $195 a year on stuff, then he is quite poor, actually.
Re:Simple (Score:4, Insightful)
Rich is a $0 salary with $12M in investment income. Rich is deciding that you'd like to spend 3 months in Maui and doing it that day.
Not necessarily (Score:3)
Slight correction: If you make $200K you should have security and comfort. But if you make $200K a year and spend $200K each year, then you have no more security than the guy who makes $33K a year and spends $33K a year. Wealth is not about what you make, it's about the delta between what you make and what you spend.
Re:Simple (Score:5, Insightful)
I dunno. My father game me some advice one time which I will always remember. When I was in college and while at my first job (programming) I said to him that I had no idea what to do with my life. I didn't know what I enjoyed (video games don't count).
He told me, instead of doing something you enjoy, do something that pays decent and works decent hours, and pursue your hobbies. So I do. And now I've got weekends free and enough money to write short stories, scuba dive, and contribute to Open Source projects.
So maybe my job isn't the greatest in the world. I have to deal with crappy management, stupid projects, etc etc. But that's not my life focus. I spend every evening and all weekend doing exactly what I want to do.
Re:Simple (Score:5, Funny)
Actually he said "Stop whining, work sucks. That's why they call it 'Work' and not 'Blowjob'"
You kind of have to read between the lines with my dad. I came away with basically the same message you did.
=Shreak
Re:Simple (Score:5, Interesting)
My father flunked out of college at first and majored in accounting. He was misserable. When he majored in accounting he hated it and looked at college like a prison. But he wanted to where the money was. He went back 4 years later and majored in English with a 3.9 gpa and became an executive. He loved reading and writing but figured he couldn't make a living off it. When he matured and majored in what he liked (this case english)he excelled and enjoyed it. Today he is the only one on the board of executives without a MBA but he did what he liked his whole life and everything worked out.
If you enjoy it your probably good at it and can and should persue it. This will lead you into exciting things. Both at school and at work. People who have jobs they don't like do not get promoted and do not perform as well as those who like it. Its better if you leave and find something else for both parties. Do any of you want to be an old man in a wheel chair in Florida day dreaming about what life could of been? I sure don't.
Not so simple (Score:4, Insightful)
FWIW, I've been doing that for the last 11 years, and I've decided it's got to end. It's a schizophrenic existence, and I find, because my "hobbies" also require a high level of commitment and administrative/management skill, that there is a tug-of-war between them for my energy. I can only put up with so much administrative bullshit in a day, which is going to get it: my job or my volunteer work?
I find I'm mentally in a place where I want my life to "hang together" better. I don't want to have to shift so much between work-mode and play-mode.
And this is part of the value of the book under discussion: it talks about the difference between expecting your job to be fun or entertaining (on one hand) and expecting your job to be satisfying and meaningful (on the other).
I'm not looking for a job that's "fun", but I need to do work the value of which is not solely in that it funds things which are of value to me. I need, increasingly, my work to feel like it makes a positive contribution to my community/world.
To bring this home a little: I'm a web dev. I've worked on a lot of corporate brochure-ware web sites. I feel proud of the quality of my work, and the value I gave for the money I way paid -- as a good craftsman will. But that's not enough any more. I now do web dev for a edu non-profit, which is better, I suppose, but also still not enough.
EXACTLY, AND HERE'S HOW... (Score:4, Interesting)
Sometimes doing what you love for income does not work. I love flying, and regulary use MS Flight Simulator 2002. And I also fly the real thing, a rented Cessna 172, and am slowly earning my private pilot licence. I love to fly, but my income is consulting and work I get through the S corp. So I so not earn through my passion, but I am free enough that when I want to fly on a Wednesday morning, I do so without having to "take off work" or "call in sick". I just don't book a selling appointment Wed. morning and I'm free as a bird. And having an uncle in the U.K. and some family in Italy too I know many other contries allow people to incorperate. But in the USA the benefits you get for being a "partner" of the Governemnt are amazing (as someone who might create jobs and also spends a lot on inventory, supplies, etc). Anyway, good luck!
Re:Simple (Score:2)
Can I do Jennifer Love Hewitt?
Seriously though, that's fantastic advice, but completely impractical for many people for one, simple reason: They don't really know what it is they completely love to do. Anyone who has figured out that one thing that totally inspires them and that they really enjoy doing is one damn lucky son-of-a-b*%$h.
Life's too short to waste an entire day with a hangover. I have never heard anyone lament on their deathbed "I never should have bought that nice stereo".
I think most of my friends would trade that expensive stereo for the New Year's Day hangover we all had this year without blinking, and that hangover cost us each at least a whole day. It's all about what's important to you.
Simple? (Score:2, Interesting)
Oh, and if you even *know* what you love... believe it or not, that's pretty damned hard for most people. I started coding because I needed some money, not because I'd enjoyed my coding experiences so far. Now that I know what I'm doing, I get a lot of respect, I successfully solve most of the problems I tackle, and I get to work on problems that I feel keep my brain sharp. THAT'S what I'm happy with.
I have plenty of friends who are in grad school in various subjects, who are seriously worried that they won't be happy in their chosen fields, since they aren't fulfilled in their studies. Hey, why would they be? They're still just learning, which can feel kind of hollow after a while because you aren't accomplishing anything that affects the "real world".
Besides, where do "dreams" come from? It's what we *think* will make us happy. Most people don't really have a clue what will make them happy, and they don't realize that until they've fought for 30 years to achieve the dream, only to find out that the TV (or that uncle who seemed so cool, or the idealistic teacher at school) was wrong....
I say, figure out what you need (some money for food, etc.), then try something. Anything that will achieve at least the minimum. Then try to change the things you don't like. If you can't, try something else.
If you're going to try something that will take a long time (i.e., you need to go to school for 6 years first), get in the environment first and see if you like it. Knowledge! Experience! Etc....
Chose Sysadminning! (Adminspotting!) (Score:2)
This had to be said.
- http://www.adminspotting.org/ [adminspotting.org]Same old struggle (Score:2, Insightful)
Re:Same old struggle (Score:2)
Got it on CD... (Score:5, Insightful)
Personally, I hope to get two things out of books like this: evidence, and motivation. By evidence I mean case studies that seem similar enough to my own life that I feel like something's been proven to me, that it really can happen. I use motivation to refer to those cases that don't have a direct connection, but still offer something that I can take away and motivate myself with later.
Perhaps my favorite "evidence" story is from Bronson himself where he speaks of a job that required him to check data in a spreadsheet all day and put little checkboxes next to the ones he validated. What he actually did was run a small greeting card business out of the office, using all of the office supplies he could lay hands on, and at the end of the day would just go ahead and check off some numbers that he never really validated. His coworkers not only knew about it, but they invested in his business. Being in a dead end office job where no one looks over my shoulder, married to a woman who once told me that if she couldn't do physical therapy she'd like to open up a greeting card store, I found that story brilliant.
Thus far, unfortunately, that's it. The one about the guy that got a letter saying he was the next Dalai Lama did nothing for me (although I am a follower of Buddhism and liked the story, it did not exactly motivate me to check the mail). The catfish farmer was a little better in the motivation category. The lady who got disowned by her family for doing charity work didn't affect me as much as it probably should have. Despite not wanting to hear so much about Bronson's stories I find myself wanting to go back to him just because his experience is on a better parallel with mine. I really really really don't ever expect to be a catfish farmer.
The biggest paradox about all these books centers around risk. Everyone who reads them wants to find the key to doing something with their lives, without taking the risk of changing everything over night. Yet, all these books say exactly that -- "Person X had great life, but wasn't fulfilled, so chucked it all and did something crazy." Luckily, this book does not suffer from that too badly -- in fact, Bronson recognizes the problem and basically says, "Look, there's no magic here, you're not going to see one story and say Wow, that's it, that's exactly what I'll do with my life. I'm just presenting them, and you can take anything from them that helps you. " Everybody in the book at one point or another takes a risk. Sometimes they're small (like his potential for getting fired from a job he hated anyway) and some are huge (like getting disowned by your family).
I think one of his primary points is that every case is unique, and hopefully you won't walk away thinking "Ug, my situation is nothing like any of those, I didn't learn anything" but rather "I guess anybody in any situation can turn it around, so why don't I get started?"
Will you find playing clubs for years fulfilling? (Score:2, Insightful)
Sure, it might be nice to get a record deal, with decent record sales and play in front of large adoring arena crowds, but what if that doesn't happen? What if you never get past the level of playing clubs (and weddings) to pay the bills? Is that such a great alternative to prgramming when you're in your 40's and 50's?
Musicians Have Similar Issues (Score:2)
Omg, an NPR listener (Score:2)
1. Do not start a book review site.... (Score:2)
Seriously! I've a fairly good site going - more than 300 reviews, which is lots more content then most book sites (which are mostly just lists of top selling books on amazon).
I get about 150 unique visitors a day (not enough to make money on banners so I don't have any, but more than must Science Fiction book review site), and that has, on average, given me 10us$ a month (thats the total from both amazon us and amazon uk). Even with the review copies, that some publishers are nice enough to send me thrown into the calculation, this is less than I spend on the site.
I would love to read and review full time for my own site (there wouldn't be much point to it if I did it for somebody else..), but I'm not prepared to learn how to live on bugs and leftovers.
Besides I still enjoy programming as a professional... (changing to php has given me new life).
Good luck on changing your life...
Do you really need (Score:3, Insightful)
If your job really, truly, sucks 100% of the time, you should know when to move on. How you go about moving on really depends on the job you have, and the job/etc you want. For most people, a job is only part of life, and if it's burning you out at some point you can take a holiday, or focus more on family etc or something else that makes you happy outside of the workplace.
Almost nobody enjoys their job 100% of the time, it's how you manage with the rest of your life that counts.
career option advice (Score:5, Interesting)
>musician I often wonder if I should follow my heart elsewhere.
Let me offer you the other side of the coin.
I was a musician since I was a little kid. I have a music degree from a big-name private music school. Playing was, and is, something that I very much enjoy.
I've also programmed as a hobby since I was a kid, since starting out on a Trash-80. Computers were something that interested me, but I never considered making a career out of it.
In 1996, I was a year out of college. I was living on a friend's couch, and eating cold cereal and canned beans three meals a day. I had *no* money, and no real prospects for making any.
A friend of a friend of a friend was running a porn site, and the business had grown to the point where he needed help. He offered me a job, part time, sorting pictures and answering customer email. Over time, I learned html, then perl, then server administration, blah blah blah.
Fast-forward seven years. I run my own consultancy. I work in my bathrobe most days. I eat cold cereal and canned beans (sometimes) because I happen to like them, not because this week's food budget is $4. I still play, but only for fun. Life is good.
Art is great, but be prepared to be a pauper if you're going to try to make a living at it. If you can deal with complete and utter poverty, go for it. For me, it just wasn't worth it.
Re:career option advice (Score:3, Funny)
"I work in my bathrobe most days."
Hef?
generalizations (Score:3, Insightful)
That probably says a lot about why he wrote the book. He probably over-generalized to everyone, but make no mistake: that's American society in a nutshell (i.e. - most people). It's these people who spend their lives never really thinking about where they're going. "I guess I'll go to college" "I guess this will be my career" "I guess I'll get married". People for the most part just never really THINK about their lives, their place in the world, about much of ANYTHING. I guess for some of us we tend to take for granted that you just sit idle some time to think about things, but it's sort of a shocker to a lot of people who are too busy selling their soul to a corporation for some menial gain in their trivial materialistic lives.
Re:generalizations (Score:4, Insightful)
BTW, you're ahead of 90% of the population.
The key to financial security is to be able to live beneath your means. I had to laugh at the post about the guy talking (hypothetically) about 10 years at the $200K job, house/wife/3kids/car, and "getting hit by a layoff and having to give it all up for $50K in Montana". Well, duh, whether he enjoys it or not, he needs $200K just to keep running in place.
Skip the fancy house/car/wife/kids, and it's real easy to accumulate enough savings that you can bail to Montana. (And if you've made it out of college without a wife, skipping the wife/kids crap should be automatic from that point on! :)
Even in the Bay Area, a single with no dependents can live there for $2000/month, including a car. Cut that in half if you're in Montana.
How? Little things - say, start with a $3000 used car that you own, rather than a $30,000 SUV that you owe payments on. You'll get to work in the same amount of time. (Got $1M in the bank? Same deal - go with a $50K Boxster instead of a $250K Ferrari).
Instead of eating out ($5/meal at McDonald's x 3 meals a day), learn to cook - start with the Ars Technica "Bachelor Chow" cookbook and work your way up to Cordon Bleu. You can buy a frickin' 8-oz filet mignon for $5, and cook it in less than 30 minutes. Imagine - you can chow down on filet mignon with sauteed onions and mushrooms, every day, while your cow orkers spend 15 minutes driving to McDonald's, 10 minutes waiting at the drive-thru, and 15 minutes driving back home for a Big Mac.
No kids? Dude, at least you realize that's not a bug, it's a feature! Most of the marrieds-with-children that I know are harried out of their wits, and have no time for their kids or themselves. Having kids meant they had to get a house in the "right" neighborhood with the "right" schools, and that means a longer commute, and that means - tada - less time for the family in the first place.
Sock away $1000-2000 a month in savings (a little harder in the Bay Area than Montana), and within 10 years, you'll have enough money saved to tide you over for 10+ years. (10 years x 1500 = $150K, and at $1000/month living in Montana, that's a 10-year cushion. Use that time to hunt for a decent $50K job, or use that money to start your own business. Your choice.)
Contrast that with the 20something who bogs himself down with a wife (a breakeven if she works, a big drain if she doesn't), kids ($BIGNUM, plus $BIGGERNUM in college expenses down the road, oh, and the odds that your wife will want to continue working drop pretty significantly when she breeds :-), and mortgage payments (to house the aforementioned wife/kids), who's put himself on the treadmill of wage slavery for life.
Partnering with a childfree female is a decent option - you get to split living costs, and there's a high probability that she, like you, will be cash flow positive. That'll put both of you on track to early retirement sooner than either of you could have hacked it by yourselves.
Of course, evolution has tweaked things so that childfree females are as rare as hen's teeth. Don't knock it if one falls into your lap, but I wouldn't waste any time looking for one either. YMMV.
Two incomes, one set of living expenses... (Score:3, Interesting)
This is true. Most of my friends really didn't start getting ahead until they got married. The reason is two incomes, and one set of living expenses. It was only then that they were able to save enough for a downpayment on a house, etc. These are professionals, too, people with good educations and good jobs, who are generally frugal and not flashy.
If you have to pay for your own education and deal with the cost of living in a major city, it's likely that even with a good job (lawyer, engineer, etc.), you won't be able to buy a house until your mid to late 30s. And even that is with working your ass off, making some smart investments, and wheeling and dealing a little. The people who really make out are the ones who manage to buy a house in a neighborhood that magically improves, and they double their money in 5 years or so. Real estate appreciation is still how most people get ahead in America.
The fact is that most young people (35) who are living a flashier lifestyle are are still subsidized by parental wealth in some way. They either got their educations paid for so they have no college debt, they got money to put into their houses, or, they spend themselves silly because they know, in the back of their minds, that an inheritance will ultimately save their sorry broke ass when they're 50 or 60. Usually it's all three of these things. I know plenty of people living this way too.
Become a Freelance Consultant. (Score:3, Insightful)
I worked for myself for a while. I spent a lot of
time with my youngest boy. I worked out of the house and was Mr. Mom for a while. It was cool, you
can't replace the time I had off with anything. I didn't have any worries then, no house, I rented from my in-laws. Now I've got a mortgate and an equity loan and bills bills bills. I've got to work. I hope to be able to design a widget on my own time that would allow me to retire early.. other than that my house will be paid off when I'm 65, Maybe earlier if I sneak in an extra payment per year.
What's all this whining about fulfilment anyway.
I work because I have a family and obligations.
I use my family to benchmark my life, not my job.
Re:Become a Freelance Consultant. (Score:2, Interesting)
This is the strongest argument I've seen against starting a family or taking on obligations. YMMV.
Re:Become a Freelance Consultant. (Score:2)
Eventually, I will hang the shingle out there, but it will be a gamble to some degree and plenty of stress will come with it...
Re:Become a Freelance Consultant. (Score:4, Interesting)
She passed the bar and started her business the year our first son was born. BTW, that was a lot of fun living with a pregnant woman who was studying for the bar. I'd hear things like "Dammit, I need some ice cream, pickles, and a pink f*cking hilighter!"
I was consulting at the time and tried doing the house-dad thing. It was impossible. Babies require constant attention. I was unable to devote the necessary concentration to my projects. Fortunately, I had an elder relative that was willing to provide day care so that I could get some work done.
Six years and another child later, my wife's earning ability surpassed mine. My investment had paid off. I had been burned out on programming for well over 5 years but kept doing it because I had to. Now, I didn't. So I retired and take care of kids and house. I spend my days playing with my children, trying to sneak in the occasional educational activity. I've been learning to cook all sorts of things, some of them are actually good. Of course, cleaning house sucks, but the kids are old enough to help out.
Since my kids are no longer babies, I can even do some programming. I've occasionally done small (1 to 3 month) programming projects. But I no longer feel burned-out because I know that I don't have to do it and I choose fun projects. Yesterday, I set up a Debian 3 box with my kids - what a blast!
My kids really know me (and I'm pretty sure they like me!). My wife enjoys being around me again. Computers are fun again. Basically, I've never been happier or healthier.
Thoughts on life (Score:2)
Everyone wonders. What makes life so enjoyable for some, dudgery for others? Think of the things that make you happy of course, figure out what you like, dislike, set goals and follow though. I've created my short list (in no order):
- Travel
- Friends / Family
- Art
- Keeping my mind sharp
- Being with someone
Some of my goals are easy. I just finished a 3 week vacation in Paris with a week in Val Thorens (Apls ski resort), met a bunch of great people and spent time with my sister and her husband.Other goals are very hard, Being with someone, my relastionships don't workout, and that hurts. Others like keeping my mind sharp is why I like programming (the puzzles of solving problems), and art (relaxes the mind).
Life is what you make of it- so make the most of it.
Of course the tag line on
Guess even random quote programs have a sense of whimsy.
A better (though more general) book (Score:2)
Re:A better (though more general) book (Score:2, Informative)
I second this (Score:2)
That's the summary - discuss amongst yourselves. It's no unification theory or psych or perfect, but very interesting and instantly applicable. I know it might sound like a bunch of psychobabble, but it is an interesting debate. Frankl's assertions come from his treatment of tuboculosis patients in concentration camps. Those who had a reason to survive, more often did. Those who felt they had no reason to go on, always died first.
The most notable point here (and a possible reason it's ignored) is this concept effectively turns Maslow's triangle upside down. Essentially, a person will not breathe, unless they have a reson to.
Context counts (Score:2, Insightful)
This also extends to the workplace environment as well. The "fit" you have in your work environment has a tremendous influence on your productivity and overall happiness with a career. This is in part due to the influence of your surroundings ("supportive" vs. "pressure cooker").
But, in some cases, you can also control a lot of this by attitude (or perception) as well. A good example of this is worrying about job status or promotions as opposed to the actual goal of the work. A lack of focus on the true task at hand and fretting about things out of your control can have a negative impact on your work and general well being.
Another take on this (Score:5, Interesting)
The stories are so snore-inducing I could barely keep my eyes from jumping and skimming paragraphs ahead to locate something of interest. How many times did my head hit the pages? I started to wonder if the "kinder, gentler Po Bronson" with his soft-spoken voice and new age-y happy talk might have intended the book as a subliminal Deepak Chopra-esque meditation vehicle of some sort. Your eyes are getting heavy, you find yourself drifting off....
At the end I wouldn't have given you a plug nickel for anyone in the book and some of them were more repugnant than others in their whiny-ness and cluelessness. Like the one who went to medical school and decided to drop out after two months because she "didn't like sick people" like what the hell, hadn't she ever BEEN to a Doctor before? Didn't she KNOW that's what they do?
The book is filled with the stories of people who live within a 300 mile radius of San Francisco. Just about everyone is from the area from LA to Seattle with only a few out of this main drag as filler (or to make the book seem more serious). I used to live in this area. Insufferable individuals, who are overly impressed with themselves like the ones in this book, are why I don't live there any longer.
Most impressed with himself is the author, Po Bronson, who liberally infuses the book with cutaways into his own miraculous existence. Although he takes the blame for ruining his first marriage by cheating on his wife, he also calls her a West Coast Feminist and contrasts that with his new wife, who apparently stays much more in her place and defers to Po and let's him feel all big and strong and manly. In fact there are several thinly veiled insults to his former wife (who does not have a name) which are supremely tacky since she was with him for 12 years and pretty much encouraged and fostered his entire writing career. Way to go, Po! And perhaps a warning - look for the wolf in sheep's clothing wife number two.
Not to mention that after somewhat accidentally ending up a father, Po goes on to slam his former ideals about not wanting children. Then he slams all people who choose NOT to breed as doing it out of FEAR. He thinks it takes courage to procreate and raise children. He says, it's not that big a deal, really. Well, NOT IF YOU ARE A MAN.
What world does this guy live in? He crows about HONESTY yet I see little in this book. This is like those supposed "reality" TV shows where you go to a lush island and try to "survive" knowing there is a crew chuckwagon and medical staff standing two feet from the camera in case you stub your toe.
This is a book for the RATIONALIZATION GENERATION. The same kids he wrote about in Silicon Valley who need to pat themselves on the back and tell themselves that it's ok they lost a billion dollars. This is a book for the privelaged who need validation. Or as Bronson calls them "people with more choices" than "the working class". Right. You mean the people who actually WORK and don't cry in Starbucks about what LOSERS they are.
The people profiled in this book didn't take any REAL risks. In fact, most of them didn't do anything but change jobs here and there or think about changing a job or consider switching enterprises within their same field. There are only a scant few who chuck it all to weave baskets (in this case sell trees, farm catfish, become a long-haul trucker) and truthfully they are the only stories that have a modicum of impact. The rest are the kind of people you would move away from quickly at a cocktail party.
And Bronson himself is the one you'd want to beat feet from the fastest. He truly needs to GET OVER HIMSELF. Maybe that should be his next book, "What should I do to GET OVER MYSELF."
Re:Another take on this (Score:3, Funny)
"Love, Po's first wife"
eat packet noodles and die (Score:2, Insightful)
defining one's identity thru' occupation (Score:2)
Hands up everyone who's heard themselves talking about work to friends or family saying "Well, what we did was..."
It's not WE unless you're self-employed or have a significant stake in the enterprise. It's a super-liminal strategy that ensures we - we employees - identify our own wellbeing and status with that of the organisation that happens to pay our salaries.
For those rare few self-actualisers who actually do control their own professional life, perhaps along with a few other close friends: congratulations.
Don't listen to other people's criteria for succes (Score:5, Interesting)
When I was in my early twenties, just after I left university, I was full of ambition, and was going to rule the world, and be a "success". I met a guy in his 30s at a party who was a gardener. He had a crappy rented flat and was paid next to nothing tending people's gardens. I thought, what a loser, when I'm his age I'm going to be successful and rich! And I told him as much. He looked me straight in the eye and told me he was the most successful person he knew. He spent all day outside doing a job he loved, he had little stress and didn't feel the need to have loads of stuff or a big house. And he told me I didn't understand myself yet. I remember thinking he was loser and a jerk, and knowing what I was like then I expect that came across quite clearly.
Now I'm older I can imagine that conversation, and I cringe at who I was then. I was the jerk, and he was right - he was a success and I didn't know what I wanted. Thankfully I do now, and I'm very happy doing a job I love.
But I still have friends who are really "successful" but really unhappy. I told one recently that he should give up his (very "successful") career in insurance and become an interior decorator (which is what he had always wanted to do when he was younger). His response was "are you nuts? I couldn't possibly do that. Everyone would think I was crazy."
Ho hum.
Re:Don't listen to other people's criteria for... (Score:2)
All the time I hear people saying "Don't worry about what other people say", and then going on to explain exactly what they think about the issue. Hell of a qualifying statement you got there: "I'm about to go on for a bit, but you should absolutely, positively, without question, ignore every word of it."
You thought he was a jerk, and with good reason: He was telling you his own view of what success is. Just because "Personal Happiness" has the word "Personal" in it, don't think that it isnt just somebody else's view of what success is.
So listen to my view of what success is, don't care about what some old guy tells you: Success is not personal happiness. Success and feeling "fulfilled" are entirely seperate things. Success is just what you do in order to have enough time to be fulfilled.
In case you can't guess, I am not successful.
Re:Don't listen to other people's criteria for... (Score:5, Insightful)
You thought he was a jerk, and with good reason: He was telling you his own view of what success is.
No he wasn't. He didn't tell me what "successful" meant, only that, according to his own criteria for success, he was successful, and screw what anyone else thought. He also told me that I didn't understand myself, and he was right about that.
The whole point of my post was that, you have to make your own criteria for success. Don't get confused by what your co-workers, or your mom, or your friends think.
Re:Don't listen to other people's criteria for... (Score:3, Funny)
I'm a successful slacker who lives in my mom's basement. Hopefully I wont do too well at my job interview next week, or I wont even have that.
Re:Don't listen to other people's criteria for... (Score:5, Insightful)
I can see that the point of my story is lost on some people. Oh well...
Re:Don't listen to other people's criteria for... (Score:3, Insightful)
Re:Don't listen to other people's criteria for suc (Score:2)
If he's good (or bad) at it, he might even get a spot as a designer on Trading Spaces or While You Were Out. Wouldn't make him less gay(appearing) but it would be a cool gig.
Reading the Radio [Pedantry] (Score:2)
"Read more about it on NPR"
akin to saying
"Smelled more about it on TV?"
Whattaya Do If You've Been There, Done That (Score:2)
Some of us *have* sacrificed careers for something we were hoping would give us a reason to get up in the morning, only to find that it's still the same old same old.
There's a little bit of "no matter where you go, you always bring yourself with you" involved.
But I've found that many of us really don't know what we wanna do when we grow up. I include myself: I've been a programmer for 20 years. I don't love it. It puts bread on the table. It pays for my home. Heck, it pays for my home theater.
I just don't think that that many of us are going to get jobs where we "get paid to play". What *I* consider playing just won't pay me very well, if it paid at all.
So, I personally really do find the thought of reading about more people who have found what I don't think I'll ever find quite discouraging.
Is my life a drag? Far from it! But, work is work and life is life. They don't really intermingle that much for me.
Mark
"To Adam he said, "Because you listened to your wife and ate from the tree about which I commanded you, `You must not eat of it,'
'Cursed is the ground because of you;
through painful toil you will eat of it
all the days of your life.
It will produce thorns and thistles for you,
and you will eat the plants of the field.
By the sweat of your brow
you will eat your food
until you return to the ground,
since from it you were taken;
for dust you are
and to dust you will return.'
It's easy (Score:5, Interesting)
I do anything I want to, if it interests me. Why? Because I can. I've been with OSHA, I've been a race car driver, I've been a writer, worked in a tattoo shop, network engineer, among other things.
Not for money or fame, I don't care about that, I did it because I wanted to. And I am richer (not in terms of wealth) for it. The experiences will last a lifetime, far beyond the thrill of a new computer or a new kernel upgrade.
Life finds a way to working itself out. I've never been homeless, even though I was jobless for a year. Even then, life had something to offer, if we would only learn from it.
As an aside, of all the jobs I've held, the illegal ones were most fun
An next on /. (Score:2)
Slashdot: Self-help for Nerds. Stuff that Matters.
Changing from Unix Sysadmin to Custom Fashions (Score:2, Interesting)
is being talked about.
I was a sysadmin and Oracle DBA until Oct, 2001
when I got laid off as a contractor at Boeing.
This is just as well because I saw the work ease
up even before 9/11. It really should have happened
sooner. .
Starting in about 1994 to 1995, I took up the
hobby of sewing my own clothes. I found it
exteremely relaxing and therapeutic. I could
come in with a headache after a stressful day
at work. Six hours of sewing later, the headache
would be gone and I would be relaxed.
Now that I am trying to make a business out of it,
I have found myself less stressed.
Granted, the income is not yet as great as that
of a sysadmin/oracle dba.
But there is also no pager/cell phone to wake
me at 2 am or ruin a Christmas dinner. I have
far fewer headaches.
I am making something that someone can hold in
their hands. Some of the things I make can be
considered heirlooms.
Mark
I Don't Know, But I'm Sure the Book Doesn't Either (Score:5, Interesting)
In 1996 I doused my television with lighter fluid and did you-know-what. I really only expected to not be chained to it anymore but its effects got a lot more profound than that; around 2001 I actually began to have thoughts of my own that I couldn't trace to any marketing effort.
Further, we're social things, we humans. We float ideas we develop past them and find out what sticks and what doesn't and respond accordingly. But who are our "friends" these days? Friends, that's who. Granted, not entirely. And for some more than others. But who do you see more of -- your flesh-and-blood friends or actors? The question is rhetorical so answer honestly after thinking about it for a few minutes.
I bring this last point up because with this whole Iraq war looming, for example, I realized I was forming my own opinions instead of abrogating this responsibility to the television. I no longer had a group of electronic friends that would keep my thinking corraled within the bounds of "acceptable," whether that be Dan Rather or
Does this seems silly? Like I'm off the deep end? How many of your ideas of right and wrong coincide with how television would present it? Is this a coincidence? Is it also a coincidence that our media-drenched society is also significantly out of touch with the entire rest of the world and observably so (if you bother to look, anyway).
To borrow a page from Adbusters, go sit in front of your TV but don't turn it on. Sit there for an hour looking at it. If the first idea through your head is "that's nonsense, I'm not going to do nothing for a whole hour"
So to answer the question of this post, "What Should [You] Do With Your Life?" I don't know. That's up to you. But don't get the answer from a book, regardless of how well it is written. If you're looking to a book to answer that question for you, I would suggest you have bigger issues.
Thanks for reading this far.
Re:I Don't Know, But I'm Sure the Book Doesn't Eit (Score:5, Insightful)
I watch TV and (gasp!) have independent thoughts. All things in moderation.
NYT Review (Score:2)
And hey, it is definitely something I do.
The NYT had an excellent and quite humourous review [nytimes.com] that is worth reading.
I have a success story (Score:2)
I decided to go back to school at night and learn animation (this was circa 1990) I got very lucky and hooked up with some very talented people. We sold a concept to a network. I quit my job on the sheer faith that things would work out... and they did. The show went to pilot then to series and I have been successfully employed in animation ever since.
The hardest part was quitting the day job. It's a nice and comfy to have a steady job, but you have to take risks to get anything worthwhile.
My suggestion (Score:2, Interesting)
In the same boat. (Score:2)
This review sorta hit home. I'm not a 'careerist,' I just want to get a comfortable, low stress job that can support my wife and kids. I don't think that's possible, since I'd like to be a network admin.
There are some days where I'd give it all up to work the night shift at a seven-eleven, But I know the money just isn't there.
I'm outta here (Score:5, Interesting)
I have 3 months until I no longer have to deal with IT as a career again. Everytime I see these half-ass Tech School commercials on the local cable, I titter with dementia. "A fulfilling career in which you can go places!" What-fucking-ever. 9 years after stupidly volunteering for training on AIX, I am getting my terminal degree and heading to the promised land -- academia -- to do what I have always dream of.
It is difficult to express how jaded I am with the tech industry and to be honest my feelings really have little to do with my peers (who work their asses off and get no credit) but with PHBs and, most of all, users. Just before typing this post, I got off the phone with a woman who bypassed the helpdesk and sussed out (somehow) that I was the person responsible for a part of our web services platform. Of course, the problem had nothing to do with what I was responsible for. She was using an old version of IE which didn't support something in the interface. If she had called the helpdesk, she would have been told the same thing by a person who would have known instantly what the problem was. It took me 30 minutes (read $15 of taxpayer money) to figure this out simply because I am not familiar with the problem. Why did she bypass the helpdesk? Well, they cut a ticket on each call and track users and their recurring problems. In other words, they do their jobs. I asked why this was a problem. "They don't like to talk to me." A quick search shows hundreds of calls in the past year from this person. I told her that my help was a one time shot and she needed to call the helpdesk from now on. She got all pissed and said "No. Now I have a man on the inside." Fuck that. Found her supervisor and put her ass on notice. I am tired of being a bitch to people who couldn't fuck their way out of a wet paper bag.
I know. My mistake was helping her in the first place, but do you just stomp past the reception desk at the emergency room and demand that a doctor fix your hangnail? No.
So I am going to do something interesting that doesn't pay shit and is low-tech and let's me hide for 3 months of the year -- college professor.
Learn to detect self-deception (Score:2)
There are certainly no silver bullets here.
I think the essence of dissatisfaction with one's life is being dishonest with yourself. Do you really love the work you're doing?
Learn the telltale signs of self-deception: Where do you really end up spending your time? Step back and examine your own body language when you say things like "I enjoy my job" or "I'm happy with my life." What really gives you that warm feeling inside? Follow your gut.
Most of all: are you saying and doing what you believe, or are you saying and doing what you want people to believe of you?
Everyone must assess themselves in their own way. And everyone must come up with their own solution in their own way.
There are no silver bullets, period.
Don't Quit Your Day Job!!! (Score:3, Informative)
1. Keep your day job. Especially if it pays for you to live in a big city. You'll never got noticed if you're not playing in a big city. However, cut down on your hours as much as you can.
2. Give up buying anything except rent and (cheap) food. The more money you have, the more you can afford to survive without a job (when it comes to that).
3. Give up going out with friends, especially for drinks. You're trying to save money, remember? Besides, you need that time to practice. You've already wasted half your day at work.
4. Sick of practicing? That's okay, you need to work on marketing yourself and sending out demo CDs. If you're good enough to gig, you should be calling all the clubs in the area, playing at open mike nights, whatever you can to get people to see you often.
5. After a long long time, if you're good, you might get some recognition locally, and enough paying gigs to pay rent with. Now, quit your day job. The money you saved in steps 2 and 3 will really come in handy now. Here's where your troubles begin...
Remember, the day Nevermind was released, Kurt Cobain was kicked out of his apartment for not being able to pay the rent. It ain't easy.
Obi-wan knows! (Score:2)
"You should go home and rethink your life"
What should I do with my life (Score:2, Interesting)
Re: (Score:2)
this book helped me refocus (Score:2, Interesting)
Some posters seem to think it's a career advice book, but I think that's an oversimplification that Bronson dismisses early on. It's a collection of stories about how various people figured out (or, more often, tried to figure out) what they really wanted to do with their time. It's not a book about parceling your time or a set of tips on how to kiss up to your manager.
Bronson's stories are charming, and although I agree that he infused the book with a little too much of his own experience, those stories were never so flat that I wanted to skip them. I particularly enjoyed the story about the good 'ole boy that jumped out of the consulting-to-Big-Oil business not just to try something different, but the complete opposite of what he had been doing. The absurdity of the whole process was also humorously revealed in the story of the guy that figured out while interviewing with Bronson what he really ought to do: "I want to help people...play better golf!"
I found this book at a time when I needed some reminding of what I thought my purpose was. I just started graduate school last fall and, as it seems nearly everyone does, got to the point why I wondered why the hell I was going through the academic motions all over again. All my other friends had moved on to something new, and here I was in the same old grind.
I had forgotten that I had come to graduate school to study a topic that I'd dreamed about pursuing (polar glaciology, not exactly something you can just pick up) for several years. It was virtually the only thing that got me really jazzed as an undergraduate so when the opportunity arose to get into it, I jumped at it.
But then all the other grad school stuff kicked in, and it didn't seem like such a good use of 6 years anymore. Bronson's book helped me refocus on why came to do what I'm doing. A friend said that if I had to read the book to remind myself why I was in grad school, then I must not be doing what I really want to do. But I think if she read the book, she'd realize (as I eventually did) that your "calling" is, as Bronson concludes, a glimmer that can oscillate. It's almost never an epiphany, instead it's a trend towards what you really want to do.
I hate these books (Score:3, Insightful)
They never talk about the people that follow their dreams and fail spectacularly.
Ever notice how the people that do these things usually have a nest egg to fall back on? Poor rich people that are so bored with their jobs, boo fucking hoo.
People like that rarely grew up poor. I grew up poor (well, Canadian poor, which is not nearly as bad as, for example, Mexican poor) and I worked my ass off to get my "demeaning, wage slave" job - it's a fuck of a lot better than scrubbing toilets and working graveyard shifts at a liquor store for a fraction of what I earn now. The last two years since college have been like a fucking vacation compared to the six before it.
I only have to listen to this shit from people that grew up in the US and Canada. Every person I talk to that grew up poor (ie/ from Mexico, the Philipines, etc) is pleased as punch to be working their "wage slave" jobs.
I guess it's easy to wax poetically about the gutter if you have never really lived in it and can always crawl out.
[/rant]
A few points to add here. . . (Score:5, Interesting)
I know many people who cashed in their chips and made the brave and bold move to start up their own business, and nearly all of them failed. --I know a LOT of people who ended up in debt up to their ears, out of business and out of luck less than two years later. The banks tell us that statistically, only 1 in 5 business start-ups go anywhere. This is the truth.
HOWEVER. . . This does not mean that following one's dream is a bad idea. In fact, I happen to believe that it is the ONLY idea worth investing in, and that it can't go wrong so long as you are true to yourself. --You've heard that before, but let's think about it. .
You see, there are commonalities to all of the stories of failure, and they are, Too Little Planning and Too Much Wishful Thinking. The results are poor execution, and then failure. This cannot be overstated! --It is entirely true that if you follow your heart, you cannot fail. But many, many people don't follow their hearts. They follow illusions.
I have been amazed at the number of times I have watched a friend or acquaintance make a stupendously awful business decision, and when I gently suggest a way to correct the problem, I am barked at for, "Being Mean," for "Attacking my Dream," for, "Undermining my Positive Thinking." Etc, etc.
Yes, it is a million times more comfortable to pretend that Everything Is Alright, than it is to acknowledge that one has made an error in judgment and to then fix that error, but if you conduct yourself in such a delusional manner, you can be pretty much guaranteed to be on the skids 2 years later. This seems obvious, but clearly it is a huge issue. (1 in 5. .
When people ask my advice on starting one's own company, I stress 2 things.
In any case, though, you can sort of see why people get upset with me. Living in illusion is a helluva lot more comfy than facing these kinds of truths. But that's life; it's hard and it's unforgiving to those who refuse to look at things in an honest light. If you can't deal with that, then go back to selling burgers and quit complaining. --By contrast, however, when you DO start looking at the hard questions and when you DO start working to solve those problems in a diligent manner, then the Universe will start doling out luck and opportunities galore. I'm not kidding one little bit. Once you stop chasing illusions and determine the true nature of your path, then the Universe falls in love with you and will help you along. The Universe loves those who are willing to self-examine and strive for self-improvement. The reason for this is that the Universe knows just how devastatingly difficult this is to actually do, it knows how hard it is to earn the skills required to participate in a field in a meaningful way, and it rewards people accordingly.
The other thing to keep in mind, (and this one is golden!), is that dreams are easily transferable from one industry to another, and that aiming to acquire one stream of income is not the only or the best model for success.
For example, let's say you want to be a musician; you want to sing and write music for a living. Well, there are many, many ways to write music and sing which entirely by-pass the whole Top 40, going on tour, strutting on stage, big music label, route. There are, in fact, many unexplored ways to make music and also pay the bills. Music is a valued commodity, and there are many aspects to it which require skilled people in many different fields, in many different mediums.
Just because you happen to, say, end up as a technical producer at a recording studio, doesn't mean that you can't also write and record your own songs, etc. You might be able to book free time at the studio you work in. You might be able to take a summer off and play at pubs and sell your CD. You might meet other musicians and share ideas. Heck, perhaps you'll go the other way and discover that you find joy in repairing and building guitars and selling hand-crafted instruments. There are a million ways to build a fulfilling career. It's vital to remember that it's okay to not be on the cover of Rolling Stone. --Of course, if your heart is set on being a famous musician, if that is where the lodestone of your soul directs you without mercy, then chances are, if you play it smart and do your homework, then yes, you probably WILL end up on the cover of Rolling Stone. But most people's lodestones do not point that way, and those people need to be honest and listen more carefully to themselves in order to learn what will make them happy in the long run.
Just a few thoughts to consider.
-Fantastic Lad
But the important thing is... (Score:3, Insightful)
you.
I think the thing that irritates me the most about these types of discussions is the insistance that there is this "perfect job" out there, or the "perfect friends", or whatever, and "if only you can find that..." We have completely externalized the idea of happiness and insist that it has to be "out there somewhere". Rather than enjoying life, we're so busy searching for it.
What I've found is that the only true path to happiness is to love yourself. Unconditionally. This is the only starting point we can go from. Sure, everyone makes mistakes, sure, no one's perfect, but we have to believe in ourselves because the world sure as hell isn't going to do that for us. That's not anyone else's job. It's our own.
Think about it. If everything in your life is taken away from you, what have you got left? Just yourself. And that has to be the most important thing. There are all sorts of support structures in life: a good job, friends, family, you name it. But if you simply can't exist without these, then you're allowing your life to be held up at the expense of these supports, without paying any attention to the foundation (you!).
There is no Question. There is only a collection of confused souls floundering about in the vastness of the world, searching for a Meaning that they themselves created!
Be happy with yourself. Do what you need to do to make money, but understand that YOU are the answer. Have a beer with some buddies from time to time, find a place to relax, get yourself moving whenever you start pondering "The Question"! (God, I hate that phrase...) Because, unfortunately, there is no Answer.
In case you're wondering, I'm working in the IT field at the moment, but I can still have fun from time to time. Life is not just fun times, anyway, it's difficulty and stress thrown in there as well. To tell the truth, I think I'd feel a bit strange if it was any other way.
The major difference, I think, between those people who are satisfied with their lives and those that aren't is a matter of personal philosophy and personality. Sometimes it's a good idea to hang around with coworkers who seem to "have it all together", not only to see that it can be done, but also to realize the humanity of these so-called "gods".
We're all in this game of life together. I, for my part, intend to have a good time ;)
I'm A Software Developer/DBA... (Score:3, Insightful)
My wife has to drag me away from the computer most nights.
What about those of us in the tech industry who do it because we really like it, and the money and perks are just a side benefit?
It sounds like everyone in the high tech industry is doing something they hate for a few extra bucks.
How to read this book (Score:3, Informative)
A quick word of advice to add to the review: this is not Studs Terkel's Working, this is not a lot of randomly assembled vignettes into jobs -- read the book in order. If, like me, you're inclined to cherry-pick excerpts from things that look like anthologies, don't. It's not several dozen little unconnected stories, they're actually arranged in an order to make a point. If you read them out of order, you often miss the point he was getting to. He also will make an analogy in one story (the "inner table" for example) and then refer to it subsequently, without further explanation. Read it like a novel.
Flamebait? That's harsh. (Score:3, Insightful)
I wish I had some mod points for you.
Re:Fulfilment (Score:2, Funny)
Somebody had to do it.
Hmmmm. Tricky question. (Score:2)
If you are female, then the answer is simple. Have an affair with a congressman.
If you are male, then the same advice should work.
Re:It is really so simple... (Score:5, Insightful)
Re:It is really so simple... (Score:2)
I'd be interested to hear of anyone actually being truly happy because they earn lots of money, or have lots of sex, or whatever. Sure: such things strike a pleasure point, but that is not the same thing.
Don't mod me down. Think about what I've said and get over your prejudice that "all people are the same and society makes us different", and its cousin "men and women are just the same except for the external organs, and it's our rotten education system that makes us different". They are both pure BS and the cause of much misery. We are not random blobs of genetic material, but finely designed answers to very specific questions. Our hands, our minds, our bodies... all tools of one kind or another.
Happiness comes from discovering one's true nature and satisfying that. Ask yourself whether humans are designed for modern urban life, and if so, what evolutionary mechanism would work that fast. And if not, what are we designed for?
The rest is simple honest observation and deduction.
Re:Framing the question (Score:2)
Everyone needs a goal.
Kintanon
I sympathise... (Score:2)
You'll figure it out, and you'll do better than you think. You'll also find it's not so bad, and that you're not alone.
Good luck and...welcome to the real world!
; )