300 Episodes of the Simpsons

circletimessquare writes "As we approach 300 Episodes of the Simpsons, Entertainment Weekly tries to pick the 25 best episodes of The Simpsons (and the one episode they consider the worst). They do a pretty good job. But since "best of" lists like this one are always rife with debate and contention, I can't think of a better place than Slashdot to send up EW (pun partially intended)."

No more deer for a week

[Elvisisdead]

Homer: "OK, no more deer for a week"
Marge: " Homer, did you say deer or beer?"
Homer: "Deer."

Bah!

[RPoet]

That site crashes my Mozilla.

Best episode ever

[Apreche]

I haven't looked at their picks yet, but I know the best episode ever.

The halloween special with the shinning. It's got 3 super hilarious quotes and is overall the best episode ever.

"no beer no tv make homer something something"
"shhhh, you wanna get suuuued?"
"that's willy's time!"

Ralph Wiggum

[Gambrinus]

Ralph (Wearing a sign taped to him saying "IDAHO"): I'm Idaho!

Ralph: Help! She's touching my special area!

Re:My favorite...

[Q-Branch]

Wow, Troy McClure. I remember him from such specials as "Out With Gout '88" and "Save Tony Orlando's House"

Ralph Wiggum as a /. poster...

[VitrosChemistryAnaly]

Me post first? That's unpossible...

Re:Bah!

[Thurog]

Interesting, as it features a Netscape Network toolbar on top.

Viva la conspiracion!

Comic Book Guy

[mrpuffypants]

CBG: "Immediately after reading the 25 best episodes I was on the Internet registering my disgust and complaints."

Bart: "But they provide you with free and quality content!"

CBG: "Worst. Top 25 list. ever."

Re:NRA 4 EVER

[micromoog]

It says "$847.63", which was the officially published cost at the time of one month of baby raisin'.

My favourite

[pubjames]

My favourite line:

(Mr Burns to Homer): "You're the fattest thing I've ever seen. And I've been on safari."

Re:Favorite quote:

[levik]

Ummm... Yeah... that should say:

Apu: "Mister Simpson, please do not offer my GOD a peanut."

Stupud tipo.

What about ...

[simong_oz]

hmmm ... seen the list, and while I agree with some (Mr Plow, Monorail, Homer Badman) it misses out some of my all-time favourites

Deep Space Homer
the one where Homer gets fat to work from home
the episode where Bart wins the elephant
any episode where Barney is sober

and now for some classic simpsons quotes (all atributed to Homer of course - who else!):

"I'm a white male, aged 18 to 49. *Everybody* cares what I think!"
"Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try."
"I know I'm not usually a praying man, but if you're up there, Please Superman help me!"
"Homer no function beer well without."
"Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel."
"To alcohol - the cause of, and solution to all of life's problems."

and my all-time favourite ...

"Maybe for once, someone will call me 'sir' without adding 'You're making a scene'." - Homer J Simpson

My favorites that didn't make the list...

[xTK-421x]

Homer the Great [snpp.com]

Homer: I've always wondered if there was a god. And now I know there is -- and it's me.
Marge: You're not a god, Homer.
Lisa: Remember Dad, "All glory is fleeting."
Homer: So?
Lisa: "Beware the Ides of March."
Homer: No!
Lisa: Dad, I know you think you're happy now, but it's not going to last forever.
Homer: Everything lasts forever.

Homer Goes to College [snpp.com]

Marge: [hearing modem noises] Ooh, what's wrong with this phone? it's making crazy noises.
Nerd 2: [contemptuously] Those "crazy noises" are computer signals.
Nerd 3: Yeah. Some guys at MIT are sending us reasons why Captain Picard is better than Captain Kirk.
Nerd 1: Hah! They're outta their minds.

Re:No more deer for a week

[Marco_polo]

My all time favorite:

Homer: D'oh
Marge: A Deer!
Lisa: A Female Deer!

Obvious "Best Episode Ever"

[goldspider]

"Worst Episode Ever" [snpp.com]

Re:No more deer for a week

[simong_oz]

MARGE: "Homer, the plant called. They said if you don't show up tomorrow don't bother showing up on Monday."
HOMER: "Woo-hoo! Four-day weekend!"

Coors!

[Alizarin Erythrosin]

Funniest part in a Simpsons episode EVER:

The 3 frogs sitting in the pond going "Bud... Weis... Er" over and over then the alligator eats them and goes "Coors!" I laughed for a very long time after that one.

The PTA Disbands

[taliver]

Easily my favorite, if for just some of the lines:

"In this house we obey they laws of thermodynamics"

"I'll have no more of your Vasser bashing young lady."

"I guess I'll just have to go hide in the crawl space"
"I hate it when he does that."

"There's just something so unwholesome about flying a kite at night."

Re:Favorite quote:

[jdh-22]

Here is a couple good ones too: Milhouse: "The Statue of Liberty? Where are we?" Milhouse: "Everything is coming up Milhouse!" Ralph: "Go Banana!" Ralph: "My cat's breath smells like cat food."

Re:Favorite quote:

[Znonymous Coward]

Save me Jeebus! Save me!

Simpsons is dead in the water if EW is covering it

[mattbot 5000]

The fact that The Simpsons is getting hype from Entertainment Weekly further proves this show lost its satrical bite (and relevance) a LONG time ago.

Re:Favorite quote:

[i_m_sane]

Me Fail English? Thats Umpossible - Ralph

My Favorite quote.

Favorite quote

[lostboy2]

Homer: Doh!
Lisa: A deer!
Marge: A female deer!

Perfect! Just perfect! :-)

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Comment removed based on user account deletion

Re:My favorites that didn't make the list...

[dewboy]

I heartily agree. I was pretty disappointed not to see Homer the Great on the list -- one of the best, IMHO. One of my other favorites: King-Size Homer [snpp.com].

Homer: [reading screen] "To Start Press Any Key". Where's the ANY key? I see Esk ["ESC"], Catarl ["CTRL"], and Pig-Up ["PGUP"]. There doesn't seem to be any ANY key. Woo! All this computer hacking is making me thirsty. I think I'll order a TAB. [presses TAB key] Oh...no time for that now, the computer's starting!

Re:Favorite quote:

[AgentUSA]

Here's some other random quotes:

Homer: "Kids, kids. I'm not going to die. That only happens to bad people."
Bart: "What about Abraham Lincoln?"
Homer: "Uh, he sold poison milk to school children."

Homer: "No, no, no, Lisa. If adults don't like their jobs, they don't go on strike. They just go in every day and do it really half-assed."

Re:My favorite...

[BrianHV]

Troy McClure, aka Phil Hartman, explains the food chain, which shows a Shark jumping out of the water and eating a Gorilla hanging from a tree.

Could it be said, then, that that's when the Simpsons jumped the shark? [jumptheshark.com]

Re:Favorite quote:

[Anonymous Coward]

No.

The best one is from the episode where the kids are snowed in at the school.

Homer and Flanders are driving there to rescue them when they run over something in the road.

Flanders: "We just ran over something."
Homer: "Yeah, I hope it was Flanders."

I laughed my ass off for probably 5 straight minutes.

Another one

[levik]

Ants in the space shuttle:

"Quick, protect the queen"
"Which one is the queen?"
"I am"
"No you're not!"

Re:Like Fine Wine...

[rpi1995]

Bart vs. Australia...

Ahhh.

That's not a knife, this is a knife.
That's not a knife, that's a spoon.
Ah, I see you've played knifey spooney before!

"Yahoo Serious Festival" - I know what all those words mean, and that doesn't make any sense.

Two of my favorite all time lines, along with..

Ralph Wiggam....
I won! I won!
No Ralph, you're failing English.
Me fail English, that's unpossible.

Re:Another one

[Coward the Anonymous]

"Freedom! Horrible, horrible freedom!"

Re:Springfield U

[OblvnDrgn]

IMHO, the clown college was the better of the two

I'll thank you not to refer to Princeton that way.

One of the all time best

[kingrat]

I've quoted this before, still think its one of the funnyest exchanges in Simpsons history:

Lenny: Hey Homer, that's four strikes in a row. You've got a perfect game going.

Homer: Really?

Carl: Careful what you say, Lenny; you'll jinx him.

Lenny: Oh, right, sorry.

[Homer steps up to the line, and gets ready to bowl]

Lenny: Miss! Miss! [Homer and Carl glare at him] Sorry, I was calling the waitress.
[to waitress] Ah, this split you sold me is making me choke.

Homer: Lenny!

Lenny: What? I paid 7.10 for this split.

Carl: Will you at least call it a banana split, you dumbwad?

Lenny: Hey, spare me your gutter-mouth. [Homer strikes Lenny by throwing a bowling ball at him]

In the Garden of Eden

[John Harrison]

I don't know about best episode ever, but the best scene ever was when Bart handed out the music for the opening hymn at church - In the Garden of Eden by I. Ron Butterfly. The poor organist had to play 28 minutes non-stop and then collapsed.

Re:Favorite quote:

[zambotsu]

Stupud tipo.

"Shut up brain or I'll stab you with a Q-tip!"

Re:What about ...

[mrpuffypants]

actually, wasn't Barney sober in the episode when homer went into space?

"I don't understand, that was non-alcoholic beer..."

Re:Favorite quote:

[Anonymous Coward]

"A noble spirit embiggens the smallest man"

Re:My favorite...

[SophtwareSlump]

Since I tend to have no emotional connection with actors, the first thing I thought of when I heard that Phil Hartman was murdered was 'oh no! Troy McClure and Lionel Hutz are gone!'

My favorite line from the show was between Marge and Lionel Hutz that went something like this:

LH: Oh no! We've drawn Judge Snyder!
M: Is that a bad thing?
LH: Well he's kinda had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog.
M: Oh
LH: Well replace 'accidentally' with 'repeatedly' and 'dog' with 'son'.

Classic.

My favorite

[slaughts]

In Bart's Comet, when the Bill to evacuate Sprintfield was shot down after Congress tried to tack on a pay raise:

Kent Brockman: I've said it before and I'll say it again: democracy simply doesn't work.

Now that I think about it...

Re:Stonecutters

[King Babar]

The Stonecutter episode was good if for no other reason than getting to hear Patrick Stewart describe the one initiation ritual.

"This one is 'the paddling of the swollen ass ... with paddles.'" ...

Man, that *is* a great episode, but where I lost bladder control was during the song, which I really think is the very best one:

WE DO! (The Stonecutters' Song)

Who controls the British crown?
Who keeps the metric system down?
We do! We do!

Who keeps Atlantis off the maps?
Who keeps the Martians under wraps?
We do! We do!

Who holds back the electric car?
Who makes Steve Guttenberg a star?
We do! We do!

Who robs the cave fish of their site?
Who rigs every Oscar night?
We do! We do!

Re:Favorite quote:

[IndependentVik]

But I don't even believe in Jeebus!

Lisa the Vegetarian

[DrJimmy]

Even though the ending is pretty weak (Paul & Linda McCartney), I couldn't believe this one wasn't in the top 10. May have Homer's greatest conversation:

Lisa: No I can't! I can't eat any of them!
Homer: Wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute. Lisa honey, are you saying you're *never* going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad! Those all come from the same animal!
Homer: [Chuckles] Yeah, right Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.

Re: "Bart to the Future" the worst? NO!

[Black Parrot]

> in a fair world, Homer-centric should be a word

Yeah, like Homer Sexual.

Re:Favorite quote:

[kmcg83]

My all time favorite is definitely, "Kentucky Fried Panda? But it's Finger Ling-Ling Good!"

Re:Favorite quote:

[wilsonjo]

There's nary an animal alive that can out run a greased scottsman. - Groundskeeper Willy

The Great Money Caper

[Anonymous Coward]

My favorite episode is actually one from the newer seasons - The Great Money Caper [snpp.com]. A snippet:

Lawyer: Will you tell the court your whereabouts at the time of the
carjacking?
Willie: I was alone in me Unabomber-style shack; I had nothing to do with
that carjacking.
Lawyer: Carjacking?! Who said anything about a carjacking?
[galley and jury murmurs]
Willie: But, didn't you just say--?
Lawyer: *I'll* ask the questions here, Carjacker Willie!
Lawyer 2: Objection!
Judge: I'm going to allow it -- it characterizes the defendant as a
carjacker.

Now the lawyer interrogates Homer.

Lawyer: Mr. Simpson, could you describe your assailant to the court?
Homer: I told you, my memory is fuzzy! Fuzzy!
Lawyer: Fuzzy like Willie's beard?!
[galley gasps]
Homer: Yes, exactly! No, no, I mean, the whole incident is hazy.
Lawyer: Hazy like the moors of Scotland?!
[galley gasps]
Homer: Yes, exactly! [groans and tries to chloroform himself again, but
only has Mountain Dew]

Wacking DAY!!!!

[idfrsr]

Why is there no wacking day?

Barry White guest stars

"Did you bring the pre-wacked snakes?"

"Should I wack fast or slow, Marge?"

"Oooh slow and then fast!"

"There's nothing I like more than the sexy slither of the lady snake."

"Wacking Day was originally started as an excuss to beat up the Irish"

Not to mention, the classic wacking day kung fu practice by Homer, Bart driving Willy's tractor into superintendent Chalmers. Come on people it deserves at least an honourable mention.

Lionel Hutz was great.

[Wntrmute]

JS: Mr. Hutz, do you have any actual evidence to present?
LH: Well, I have lots of hearsay and conjecture, those are *kinds* of evidence.

LH: I lost the case, so your pizza's free.
MS: But we won the case.
LH: That's ok, the box is empty.

And of course the "No(,) money down" gag...

Re:Favorite quote:

[totallygeek]

Mmmmmmm, Sacralicious

Homer, after finding out the image of God on the ceiling was realy just a stuck pancake, decides to eat the once-known diety.

Re:Favorite quote:

[Anonymous Coward]

Homer, after seeing Lisa's perpetual motion machine: "Lisa, in this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics!"

Dan

Welcome to the Internet!

[Espectr0]

Homer:
"Welcome to the Internet, my friend.
How can I help you ? "

customer:
" I am interested in upgrading my 28.8 KBaud
Internet connection to a 1.5 MBit fiber optic T1 line.
Will you be able to provide an IP router, that's
compatible with my TokenRing Ethernet LAN
configuration ? "

(pause)

Homer: Can i have some money now?

best blackboard quote in opening sequence

[frink_exp]

pork is not a verb

fav line from fav character

[MrPotatoeHead]

man, my favorite line was from willie...

" i 'ate the dog.."
" and i 'ate the mess he left on the floor..."

i was roollin on the floor after that line..

Re:Peaked Too Soon...!

[ChadN]

That has THE best quote, IMO. (from snpp):


Man: But presidente, America tried to kill you!
Fidel Castro: Ah, they're not so bad. They even named a street after me in San Francisco!
Man 2: [whispers in Castro's ear]
Fidel Castro: It's full of what?!

I havn't seen this quote yet...

[Selfbain]

(After homer opens a beer that Bart had placed in a paint shaker causing an enormous explosion)
Lou: Looks like an explosion at the old Simpson's place. Should we check it out?
Chief Wiggum: You kidding me? That's three blocks away.
Lou: Looks like there's beer coming out of the chimney.
Chief Wiggum: I'm proceeding in on foot, call for backup.
Lou (on the radio): This is a code eight. We need pretzels. I repeat, we need pretzels.

NO DEEP SPACE HOMER!??!

[devilsadvoc]

WTF?! Easily in my top 10, along with Chili cookout and the St. Patrick's day episode.

Supporting quotes:
Homer "I'll show HIM inanimate. Grr....."
Homer "There once was a man from nantucket. . ." while doing cartwheels. Where WAS he going with that?. . .
"In Rod we trust" on cover of Time
Kent Brockman "I for one would like to welcome our new ant masters and remind them that I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground sugar mines" (complete with graphic of a big ant whipping someone in the background.)

and from the St. Patrick's day episode: Moe "OK, this is the busiest drinking day of the year, where are the designated drivers? BEAT IT! I've got no time for cheapskates."

Re:Favorite quote:

[The_dev0]

Ahhh... embiggens. A perfectly cromulent word.

Re:Favorite quote:

[GimmeFuel]

Apu cooks dinner:
Marge: "Ooh, Lisa is that too spicy for you?"
Lisa: "I can see through time!"

Re:Favorite quote:

[slasher_14]

Marge: Where are you going, Bart?
Bart: Mom, you won't believe this, but something you said the other day really got through to me.
Marge: Mmm!
Bart: And now, I am going to teach some kids a lesson.
Marge: I choose to take that literally.
Bart: [outside] Death to Shelbyville!
Homer:Yes, Bart's a tutor now. Tute on, son! Tute on.

Later in that episode

Marge: It's almost lunch time. Do you know where your brother is tutoring?
Lisa: Pfft. Tutoring? The only thing Bart's teaching is guerilla combat in Shelbyville.
Marge: Well, do you have a number where we can reach him?
Lisa: No, Mom, Bart and some kids ran off to wage war on Shelbyville!
Marge: [gasps] Homer! Come quick! Bart's quit his tutoring job and joined a violence gang!

The Cat Burglar

[Anonymous Coward]

Am I the only one that enjoyed this episode.
There are so many funny bits.

Homer : No burning leaves without a permit
Guy burning leaves : But I've got a permit
Homer : Too late

The bit where the guns go off

Lenny: Someone Else

Abe : See old people arent useless after all
ha haha
Mo : Shut Up
Abe : Ive had my moment

Homer : I need to go home now to sleep
Wiggum : I too wil go home now for sleep also

Nelson (phone call):Stamp collection ha ha

Wiggum : Dig Up stupid!