MPAA, Microsoft Testify Piracy Funds Terrorism

GuyMannDude writes "[Yesterday's] Oversight Hearing on "International Copyright Piracy: Links to Organized Crime and Terrorism" featured the MPAA and Microsoft testifying that software and movie DVD counterfeiting is an acute problem, with criminal gangs operating factories in Russia, Malaysia and other countries that have weak copyright laws. They further claim that intellectual property piracy is a vehicle for financing or supporting acts of terror." There's another article about the hearing at Infoworld.

Oh No!!!

[x311]

Wait.......since when did Microsoft become the ANTI-terrorists?

they are getting desparate

[moab]

Yeah and Osama Bin Laden is sittin in a cave in Afghanistan with a buncha cds and a burner!

Sure it funds terrorism

[kryliss]

And so does unwanted pop up ads

Bullshit ... or Not?

[notaspy]

Next on Bullshit or Not, recent evidence indicates that Jack the Ripper was really ... the Loch Ness Monster!!!

No more Britney for me!

[PIPBoy3000]

Dang, I'll have to stop downloading Britney Spears off Kazaa. I didn't realize it helped buy Kalashnikov rifles for terrorists.

FP!

[Anonymous Coward]

Microsoft is really going over the line here. They're just using the current hysteria to promote their agenda. Oh wait, that's just business as usual.

new PSA

[ejaw5]

Got some kid on tv:
"I helped kill a cop by downloading Windows from Kazaa."

Another kid: "When I bought a bootleg of Harry Potter, I didn't know I was helping millions of terrorists"

If you run Windows...

[Rayonic]

...then the terrorists have already won!

It's worse than you think

[blancolioni]

Piracy might fund terrorists, but Hollywood [imdb.com] is where they get their bombs [imdb.com] from.

Loophole

[Anonymous Coward]

How does stealing something for free FUND terrorism? It can't. Lesson here kiddies, it's okay to steal for free. Don't be stupid and buy things.

The bandwagon's looking a little rickety...

[Natestradamus]

Are they sure they ought to be jumping on it like that?

News Flash:

[pi radians]

This just in:

Breathing supports terrorism. Scientists have just discovered that if you breath oxygen, you are in fact taking away necessary, life giving resources, namely oxygen from those who fight the terrorists.

The public is now being asked to refrain from breathing so that the counter-terrorists do not run out of oxygen (although is was also recommended that if you are around any terrorist you should try to use as much oxygen as possible, because we believe that terrorists also use oxygen to live).

Re:Oh No!!!

[Anonymous Coward]

No, P2P fights terrorism!

If you can download it for free, that would undercut the piracy market which is funding terrorist.

Put your wares online for America!

Wait!

[hottoh]

Hot off of the press...

Commerce funds terrorism!

Finally!

[volve]

For the love of the DMCA-Bush-MPAA-alliance, how long does it actually /take/ to equate everything under the sun to an act of terrorism!?!

Come on people, we need to start whipping out these unfounded defacements quicker!

We've already renamed 'French fries' in the capital, but that may not be enough, we actually have to stand up in a court of Bush^H^H^H^Law and accuse anyone that still refers to them as 'French' as being a TERRORIST!

Ha! That'll teach them! Now I must go formulate my plan to charge all McDonalds franchises as terrorist havens thanks to their newly proposed WiFi!

-VolVE

no no, it funds tourism

[blandthrax]

Because, with all the money saved on a pirated copy of MS Office, you can afford to go on vacation.

Simple solution

[shepd]

If Microsoft and the MPAA were to release everything under the public domain, there would be nothing to pirate. Ergo, terrorism would end.

Seems like a good solution for everyone. Microsoft and the MPAA, I implore you to end terrorism! Only you can do it!

supporting terrorism

[MasterD]

I like to listen to mp3's [riaa.com] and watch SVCD's [com.com] in my SUV [ariannaonline.com] while I am high [theantidrug.com].

Funny (5)

[Anonymous Coward]

from the no-evidence-required-or-desired dept.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha...

Re:Sheesh...

[MisanthropicProggram]

This might be a way that the DOJ can get at MS: "Because of the large increase in MS's stock as a result of their monopolistic business practices, we are going to curtail and break up MS's business in order to keep terrorists from funding their activities with stock profits."

Why not jump on the what-you're-doing-is-funding-terrorists bandwagon? Whenever someone wants to stop something - anything - that THEY don't like, they'll attribute it to funding terrorists.

Watch out! That joint you're smoking is funding that bomb!

Re:supporting terrorism?

[Anonymous Coward]

Oh I don't know. Every time I have to deal with Windows, pirated or not, I'm terrorized.

Microsoft: What horrors would you like to deal with today?

This just in...

[caino59]

Local twelve year-old boy downloads "Lord of the Rings: Two Towers" dvd-rip. Later sends love letters to Osama and Saddam. Young lad is rumored to be single-handedly responsible for the September 11 attacks.

More at 4:20.

Oh My GAWD!!!

[Anonymous Coward]

I have never laughed so hard in my life.

Wait . . . driving a car funds terrorism . . .

Where can we go from there . . .

So speeding and using too much fuel which funds terrorists is a terrorist act.

waahahahahaha

hmmm

[Lxy]

maybe I'm reading into this wrong, but isn't the MPAA/MS the ones funding terrorism?

Some group in Russia is stealing software/DVDs and selling them for profit, that money is going to terrorist groups (supposedly). Is this my fault? Not really. I've never paid money for pirated software, so I know I'm not supporting anyone.

It looks to me like MICROSOFT is the culprit. They're the ones putting software out there to be pirated. The MPAA is releasing DVDs that are getting pirated. Funny, I've never heard of anyone making money pirating linux CDs.

So, listen to Microsoft. Stop supporting piracy. Support open source.

Re:Sure it funds terrorism

[Elendil]

And spam! Don't forget spam!

Oh Great ....

[Usagi_yo]

Here comes the DMCTA ... The Digital Millenium Copyright Terrorist Act. We all knew Napster was domestic terrorism.

Re:they are getting desparate

[Karl Cocknozzle]

my favorite is that Marijuana use funds terrorism. Funny, most of the Marijuana sold in the US is from farms in KY and TN... Unless Terrorists like to reside in the hills of KY and TN I doubt this is true...

+5 Funny for Microsoft and the MPAA!

...And occasionally British Columbia... And of course, you know you should fear those canucks.

After all, anybody who preaches free health care must be "un-American." (Lately I've been thinking being unAmerican isn't all bad...)

This just in... Leaving the house is hazardous

[jlk_71]

This just in --> Getting out of bed in the morning funds terrorist acts. Unless you are intent on helping our enemies take over the world, STAY IN BED!!!

The way they are going (M$ and the MPAA that is), you will not be able to leave your house without doing something wrong.

Re:Microsoft funds terrorism....

[cybercuzco]

So does that mean when you BUY microsoft products youre supporting terrorism? Support free linux today!

BSA

[gr8_phk]

And how is that different that buying M|cro$oft products that fund the BSA?

Simple Solution

[LegalEagle]

Microsoft software "indirectly" funding terrorism? Well there is an easy solution! Just GPL all MS software. The price would drop to $0 and the terrorists would be deprived of a source of revenue.

Come on, Bill. Do your part.

Re:Sure it funds terrorism

[los furtive]

And energy conservation, don't foget that avoiding the consumption of fossil fuels is anti-american.

Bad Day

[milo_Gwalthny]

So, driving to work in my Lincoln Navigator while smoking dope and listening to my pirated copy of Rage Against the Machine was probably not the best way to start the day?

Re:new PSA

[droid_rage]

even worse are the businessmen ads. You know which ones I'm talking about:
-----------
Younger businessman: So I'm supposed to believe that pirating software funds terrorism?
Older businessman: That's right.
Younger businessman: Why's that?
OB: Because it's true.
YB: Because it's true?
OB: Because it's true.
YB: Hm... so it's true.

The Problem

[Greyfox]

This problem is not completely intractable. My regime would require a breeding license in order to breed. Reversable sterilization would be mandatory prior to the onset of puberty and reversed when the license is issued.

All children will be confiscated and raised in state-run facilities in a standard ISO Certified Environment. Care takers will work in pairs and those pairs rotated on a regular basis. Any hint of subversion (IE: Mentioning any form of religion, attempting to molest or otherwise mishandle the children, etc) will be reported and punished appropriately. Secret police agents will be rotated into the caretaker list from time to time to insure that caretakers are reporting suspecious behavior on the part of their co-workers. Any form of religion will not be mentioned and critical thinking skill development will be encouraged.

Forcing the interbreeding of the diverse races will also be a long term goal of the regime. At some point the state would probably find it necessary to require citizens to breed across racial lines, until everyone is a single ISO Certified color of Tan. Personally I think this is the only way to resolve the Israel/Palestinian problem too, but I have yet to find a way to a position to force the issue in those populations.

The only logical conclusion...

[airship]

is that you should create your own pirate copies at home, rather than chance buying a pirate copy that could fund terrorism.

/. does too!

[Joe the Lesser]

They further claim that subscribing to news for nerds and stuff that matters is a vehicle for financing or supporting acts of terror.

kinda makes you wonder

[xeeno]

No wonder I always get stomped by the arabs while playing my pirated copy of C&C generals, al quaeda musta funded it.....

This could become something bigger

[Anonymous Coward]

This could become a cult phenom - the next Kevin bacon game...

How many degrees apart is any random object X, or innocuous activity Y from terrorism?

Re:they are getting desparate

[cje]

I can't wait for the next series of ads from Focus on the Family:

MASTURBATION PROVIDES AID TO TERRORISTS

Re:new PSA

[Reziac]

My new IBM Business Bullshit Detector is making the most horrible screeching noise...

The Gummi Bears Go To Washington

[Viking Coder]

Before I begin, let me say that I really, truly, hate the SlashDot lameness filter. You have no idea how long I spent trying to format this to have more than 39.7 characters per line!

Hostettler (R-Indiana): "Before we begin, I'd like to thank all of the Gummi Bears for making the long journey from GummiGlen in the Kingdom of Dunwyn."

Zummi Gummi: "It is an honor to come and speak to you, today, your honors!"

Waters (D-California): "I used to love your show!"

Jenkins (R-Tennessee): "Not as much as I did, Waters! I used to watch it every Saturday! And then, later, when it switched to be one of those 'After School' cartoons, I used to watch it then, too!"

Gruffi Gummi: (mutters to himself)

Hostettler (R-Indiana): "Yes, well... Ladies and gentlegummies, we face a very serious issue today. One that affects all of us. From the smallest child in the heart of the Midwest, to the greatest of Gummies, bouncing in the forest. The issue is that of Duke Igthorn supporting terrorists!"

(collective gasp from the audience)

Sunni Gummi: "That's right, your honor! He's a terrorist!"

Lofgren (D-California): "If you would, Mr. Gummi, explain in your own words why you think this Duke Igthorn has ties with terrorism."

Zummi Gummi: "Certainly. Well, it seems to happen every week, Saturday morning, at about 9:00 AM, Eastern Time (8:00 AM Central). We're bouncing here. And there. And everywhere. And then all of a sudden, we're forced to have a high adventure, far beyond compare."

Jenkins (R-Tennessee) and Waters (D-California): (start humming)

Tummi Gummi: (Eats a cookie. And another, and another, and another...)

Nadler (D-New York): "Yes, that's all well and good, Mr. 'Gummi', is it? Yes. But that hardly constitutes a terrorist action!"

Cubbi Gummi: "But, your honor!"

Grammi Gummi: "Now, now, Cubbi! Let the others do the talking."

Zummi Gummi: "I see what you mean. Well, they're always trying to steal our Gummi Juice!"

Nadler (D-New York): "Uh huh. And would you please describe this 'Gummi Juice'?"

Zummi Gummi: "Well..."

Nadler (D-New York): "Isn't it true that it is this 'Gummi Juice' which makes it possible for you to bounce" (reading) "'Here and there. And everywhere', Mr. Gummi?"

Zummi Gummi: "I uh..."

Nadler (D-New York): "And isn't it true, Mr. Gummi, that the effects of this 'Gummi Juice' can best be described as being an analeptic amphetamine!"

(collective gasp from the audience)

Gruffi Gummi: "Why you!"

Zummi Gummi: "No! Gummi Juice isn't a drug! It's harmless!"

Nadler (D-New York): "'Harmless', you say? 'Harmless'? Well, if you're so certain that it's 'harmless', perhaps you could educate us about this 'Gummi Juice' by giving us the recipie?"

Cubbi Gummi: "Wait a minute! That's not Jerrold Nadler, the Democrat from New York! That's Duke Igthorn!"

(collective gasp from the audience)

Duke Igthorn (D-New York): "Curses! Damn you Gummi Bears!"

Hostettler (R-Indiana): "Goodness! Explain yourself, Jerrold!"

Duke Igthorn (D-New York): "Yes, I am Duke Igthorn! But that doesn't change the fact that these Gummies have taken part in terrorist activities themselves!"

Grammi Gummi: "That's not true!"

Duke Igthorn (D-New York): "Yes it is! You Gummies have ruined my castle so many times that I'm not sure there's anything left of the original!"

Gruffi Gummi: (chuckles)

Duke Igthorn (D-New York): "Silence! And that's not all! These Gummies have helped to defeat fingerprint sensors!"*

(collective gasp from the audience)

Gruffi Gummi: (mutters to himself)

Zummi Gummi: "We didn't want to defeat those fingerprint sensors! We were forced to!"

Duke Igthorn (D-New York): "And so, I move that this special session be called to a close!"

Jenkins (R-Tennessee): "You can't do that!"

Duke Igthorn

Re:they are getting desparate

[Thud457]

"If these commercials were to show the truth, they would show a car full of stoners laughing as they wallk out of Krispy Kreme with 10 boxes of donuts... Harmless? =D"

The munchies stimulate the economy -- particularly in the service sector which, with the corps shipping all manufacturing off to overseas sweatshops, is exctly what puts money in the pockets of real Americans!

Re:they are getting desparate

[cindik]

Marijuana does not increase terrorism.

Marijuana increases typographical errors.

Re:Wrong movie

[Anonymous Coward]

Sorry, I always confuse Steven Segal and Kermit the Frog.

Re:I love todays propaganda, it's so transparent

[gilroy]

Blockquoth the poster:

Intended implication being "If your kids illegally download music, they will grow up to be Mafia shills or even terrorists!!"

Maybe we should push file-sharing as a road to a solid career in organized crime. :) "Yeah, Bobby just ripped his millionth MP3 -- now he's a made man."

I wonder how long until...?

[WIAKywbfatw]

I wonder how long until someone makes the argument that serving french fries funds terrorism? Or Black Forest cake? Or russian caviar?

On a lighter note, wouldn't it be wonderful if we could convince Dubya that spam funds terrorism? That'll be just about the only way to get his government to tackle that issue and I'm willing to bet that here's a more than a hint of truth to it too.

Re:they are getting desparate

[Twilight1]

> my favorite is that Marijuana use funds terrorism.

Well, apparently it scares the heebie-jeebies out of John Ashcroft, and terrorism is about instilling fear...

So does a bare breasted female statue... what's next? Enjoying the nude female will be an act of terrorism? Sheesh. What ever happened to seperation of church and state? Oh yeah... it was all a myth to begin with. Silly me... what was I thinking?

- Twilight1

This is true. Here's proof.

[Didion Sprague]

This doesn't surprise me one bit.

In the early 1980s, I tried a similar tactic with my parents. I was hooked on video games, and attempted to explain that if I didn't get an Atari 2600, they'd be funding terrorism.

I also explained the lack of quarters for the Aladdin's Castle in the mall was probably funding terrorism. When I wanted a TRS-80 Model I Level II computer and my parents refused, I urged them to rethink their stance. "Not buying the computer probably means you're funding terrorism."

My dad looked at me, told me to go to my room and not come out for a while. From behind my bedroom door, I yelled out that by grounding me, they were supporting the Soviets in Afghanistan. By not purchasing the Mattel 'Big Trak' remote control car I coveted, they were essentially supporting the Argentinians in the Falkland Island dispute. But they held firm.

When, many years later, my parents refused to fund the purchase of my first automoble (a little Buick Opel), I wondered whether or not their recalcitrance wasn't actually helping Manuel Noreiga in Panama. I explained that by refusing to do what I asked was probably assisting rogue regimes across the globe.

And now, take a look around. The North Koreans are threatening to rain missiles down on America's cities. Sadaam Hussein is sitting in his bunker with some sweet tea, watching Tony Blair struggle for his political life. General Idi Amin Dada is still exiled in Saudi Arabia, but I'm betting he's got a funding pipeline that comes directly from all those times my parents refused to give me five dollar bills so that I could go to Aladdin's Castle and get the five extra tokens when you stuck a five dollar bill in the cash machine.

The rise of rogue regimes is the direct results of doing things I didn't want done. Microsoft is absolutely right.

Re:Oh No!!!

[Anonvmous Coward]

"If you can download it for free, that would undercut the piracy market which is funding terrorist. "

Heh funny as that comment is, there's a good point to be made here. The MPAA should not call online trading piracy if they're going to associate it with terrorism that way.

Or should we just sling it right back at them?

"The MPAA funds terrorism by making movies available."

Here's the catch...

[MediaBoy77]

...if only our elected officials had the cojones to say it out loud.

The black market in software and pirated DVDs only exists because there is a profit to be made by selling those pirated items.

If you make it possible to obtain those items without paying for them (i.e. P2P networks), then there's no profit to be made by selling individual discs!

Thus: Napster, Kazaa, and Gnutella are fighting the war on terror!

Re:Take it one step further...

[symbolic]

Just ban Microsoft, since it supplies the software being pirated.

WWJD

[xtheunknown]

I guess we now have to ask, "What would Jesus download?"

I think we all know the answer to that question...

Blink-182, of course!

Re:And do you know why?

[chiller2]

"What do you do if you buy some weed from a dealer and it turns out to be catnip and oregano? Call the cops?"

You could give it to your cat and it'd love you forever. Always a silver lining ;)