Enterprise Getting New Aliens, Hairdos, Weapons

Steve Krutzler writes "The news about Enterprise's radical "new direction" for its third season is going mainstream on May 10th in TV Guide. Rick Berman reveals that the season finale will bring about major changes in the struggling Star Trek series for next year including new aliens, new weapons, new hairdos and a mission he calls a Star Trek "first."" I've felt like the show has been slipping all season, so here's hoping.

Borg

[dsyu]

Just somehow bring the Borg into an episode. That'll sell it. Oh wait, they're already doing that....

A Star Trek "First"?

[Ieshan]

What's going to happen, a trekkie is going to lose his virginity?

It's dead, Jim.

[whig]

says it all

Re:A Star Trek "First"?

[NineNine]

What's going to happen, a trekkie is going to lose his virginity?

Sure that could happen... in an episode where they travel to an alternate dimension.

Sex it up!

[ChuckleBug]

Don't get me wrong - I like hot babes in form-fitting clothes and all, but after Seven of Nine and T'Pol, how about a hot babe with all the nice bits PLUS an actual PERSONALITY? Sure, the physical goods are there, but their behavior isn't exactly sexy.

"Captain, it is 1300 hours. Time for our afternoon copulation."

Then again, since ratings are down, try a proven formula: Have Archer shave his head, grow a beard, and bring in Worf!

Re:A Star Trek "First"?

[Anonymous Coward]

What they mean by bringing in new aliens is bringing in more attractive aliens. The main reason a lot of people wach enterprise is to see if T'Pol will show some skin (at least my "little brother" :) does)

Ummm new hairstyles?

[sllim]

I actually like the series.
But new hair styles???
WTF?
If someone at Paramount thinks that putting new hairstyles on the actors heads is going to solve ANYTHING then Star Trek is in far worst shape then I thought it was.

Next thing you know they will go all politicly correct and make a female a star ship captain.

Oh wait....

Seriously though I think that Scott Bakula is the best thing to happen to Star Trek since Patrick Stewart.

But what is with the Borg in the next episode?
I am gonna put on my uber-geek cap for a minute here and say that I thought that the Borg were discovered during the Next Generation. I thought that it wasn't possible to run into the Borg during the Enterprise series.

Re:Sex it up!

[nurightshu]

The disturbing juxtaposition of the subject line and your last suggestion made me think of this [google.com].

Re:Please god,

[Pharmboy]

Wait a second, I LIKE Q. I had heard that Q was going to visit them, but the main story didnt mention it.

Q has potential, and the early Q episodes were pretty good, I thought. The Voyager Q episodes kinda sucked tho.

More importantly, they will be stocking new weapons so they can destroy stuff, including people. This is worth waiting for. The better episodes so far (relatively speaking) have been where they focused on the weapons anyway. First use of photon torpedos (hinted to this on last night's episode, which was an ok episode)

Guess I'm just a typical American, I want to see them blow shit up.

Re:Please god,

[BabyDave]

Hey, it could be worse:

• [Archer] I'd like to introduce our newest crew member, Ensign Binks.
• [Binks] Meesa muy-muy pleased to meet allayousa
• [Trekkies everywhere] Right, where did I put that fully-functional replica phase pistol?

The Trek Sex Virus

[retro128]

Slipping is an understatement. Nothing says "it's over" like the crew encountering an alien race that requres a threesome in order to reproduce. [treknation.com]

Seriously, if I wanted to see a bunch of oddly proportioned women who wear too much makeup getting it on with average looking guys, I'll watch a porn.

The Simpsons In Space

[Bendebecker]

"Furthermore, the dangerous Delphic Expanse, likened to the Bermuda Triangle, causes those who enter to "become anatomically inverted (skin on the inside, organs on the outside)"brWasn't that one of the Simpson's Holloween Specials? "Look! It's that funny gas that turns people inside-out!"

How about if....

[arcite]

While the enterprise is exploring a new nubula, they are caught in a plasma storm which shorts out their systems. The ship computer is then attacked by some alien force and gains awareness! Enterprise becomes a new character! Over the course of the rest of the series we get to follow the tear jerker exploits and follies of the ship as it makes it journey to discover what it means to be 'human'....

Re:A Star Trek "First"?

[Jeremy Erwin]

Don't worry. We'll learn some years from hence (or perhaps sooner) that Archer's adventures will lead to a radical restructuring of the universe. The Earth will be plunged into a technological dark age, and lose all technology more advanced than what would later appear on James T Kirk's enterprise. Earth will lose half of its astrogation knowledge, allowing Picard'e encounter with the Borg in "unexplored space" to seem novel. And the Klingons will indulge in cosmetic surgery.

The only way

[actappan]

The only way to save enterprise is to put Archer in an orange sweatshirt and have him die every episode.

Re:A Star Trek "First"?

[anonymous loser]

This is exactly why I watch the show. I like to think of it as Enterprise, starring Jolene Blalock's Ass.

Re:Please god,

[monopole]

Of course

Two Borgs... Therefore
One is Borgified Wesly Crusher
One is Borgified Q (This should eliminate any residual continuity or logic)

They trap the Enterprise in a primitive holodeck jerry-rigged from a PS2 running 'GTA3 Vice City'

As a result the new uniforms are 'Members Only' Jackets and the entire crew gets Flock of Seagulls haircuts.

Re:Borg

[UniverseIsADoughnut]

"Even if this ep bombs, there's still some potential here. (Note: I'll never forgive Voyager for pussifying the Borg.)"

Actully I think most would agree putting some pussy in the borg was a nice move.

More Fundamental Problems: Borgs Will Not Help

[Anonymous Coward]

The "Enterprise" suffers from a bad match between the actors and the characters. Replace Scott Bakula, who plays "Captain Archer", with someone like Harrison Ford. Bakula's acting is dull and uninspired. Then, get rid of T'pol and replace her with a male Vulcan. What is a female science officer with big tits doing in outer space? She should be in inner space, working at a strip club. Get rid of that African-American officer. He suffers from an Ebonics accent. Why do we still have Ebonics in the 23rd century?

Lastly, replace the communications officer with a rugged man or woman. Linda park looks too gorgeous and too frail to be going into outer space on scare missions.

Remember Kirk, Spock, and Bones? We need that comraderie and toughness and wit again. The current "Enterprise" just do not have the magic.

Re:A Star Trek "First"?

[AndroidCat]

I totally agree with you that including the borg into the preqel series would ruin it.

Don't worry, they'll only meet Pakkled drones. "We need things to make us go. Resistance is .. a pretty hard word."

Re:It's dead, Jim.

[stefanlasiewski]

More like:

"It's dead Jim, let's kick it around some more."

"It's dead Jim. But this is StarTrek, so we can solve the problem by 'modulating the frequency'."

Re:Slipping all season?

[NanoGator]

"First Officer? What did T'Pol have to do with it?"

Yeah yeah, sorry. I was distracted by my girlfriend.

Re:A Star Trek "First"?

[Motor]

You didn't see the trailer after last night's episode?

No... I'm in the UK.

Apparently they ARE going to involve the Borg.

Oh dear. They really do need new writers, don't they.

Re:Borg

[h3llfish]

Ok, a different timeline is one thing, but the word "before" just can't be correct. The whole enterprise series by definition takes place long after the time of Cochran and Company. Not before - after.

I understand what you're saying... you mean that from the point of view of Archer and crew, the past has not yet been sullied by the intrustion of the Borg and Picard. I'm not really sure what difference that makes though, since it's been established that Picard and co "fixed" the past so that it was close enough to what had originally occured that there were no significant differences.

That being the case, then why does it matter if Archer is in the same timeline or not? It's a given that the future can be changed... we've seen that again and again. So anything that happens to Archer has ramifications for all subsequent events. But if Berman was so bold as to say that events had become so messed up that all of the things in previous shows didn't happen, wouldn't we then have to form a mob and KILL him?

Shawn

A trekkie who has had sex with actual girls... and has the pictures to prove it.

Re:Maybe partly off-topic, but

[nytes]

I just wish that in terms of production values: 1) They ditch the catsuit for T'Pol. No real Vulcan would dress like that...it's degrading.

I agree 100%. I wanna see T'Pol without the catsuit on!

(Sorry, that was just too easy to pass up :-)

Re:In case the original article is slashdotted...

[Dausha]

What the article did not reveal, and what few of us really know, is who the leader of the Xindi is. Most of the third season will be spent with them slowly unraveling that cold, horrible truth. And, no, Bergman did not name the show after his girlfriend Cindy.

Cindy Lauper [cyndilauper.com]will star as the evil leader of the Xindi--who in reality are just a bunch of girls who want to have fun. At least this time, the ST crew will encounter a race with a cool new name, instead of some rip off of something from Earth's culture (Romulan, Vulcan, Borg, Cindy^H^H^H^H^H etc.).The other neat thing is that the evil leader speaks in song.

She bop--he bop--a--we bop I bop--you bop--a--they bop Be bop--be bop--a--lu--she bop

Translation: "I hope He will understand."

Re:A Star Trek "First"?

[Dark Lord Seth]

No, the Enterprise encounters a large unchartered cloud of hydrogen, helium and various heavy elements. Further scanning concludes, without any incidents happening, that the large cloud of hydrogen, helium and various heavy elements is indeed a large cloud of hydrogen, helium and various heavy elements. Or:

The Enterprise and her crew encounter a new species, who after careful consideration and non-rash diplomatic talks agrees to sign a peace treaty with the federation. Technology and businees booms as trade starts between the federation and the new species, who aren't afflicted with some sort of plague, who aren't warlike and who don't have any custms that piss of any runaway Federation captains with ships too small for their ego. Or either:

The Enterprise and her crew suddenly realize that time has shifted ahead one hour! After several days of frantic, though conservative research and violating NO protocols regarding temporal stuff, they simply realize the Federation has instituted daylight savings and the relevant subspace message got thrown away along with the usual spam messages by the captain.

Re:Vulcan loins on fire!

[Carnivorous Carrot]

> Synopsis: "A Tellarite bounty hunter captures
> Archer intending to turn him over to the
> Klingons for a substantial reward. Meanwhile,
> T'Pol is infected with an alien pathogen that
> unleashes her primal Vulcan urges."

Hey! You can do the same little trick with Star Trek synopsis as you can do with Chinese fortune cookies:

- A Tellarite bounty hunter captures Archer intending to turn him over to the Klingons for a substantial reward... ...in bed!

- Meanwhile, T'Pol is infected with an alien pathogen that unleashes her primal Vulcan urges... ...in bed!

Re:Borg

[DNS-and-BIND]

I think the Trek writers are doing whatever seems expedient to them at the moment, and not caring a fig for canon or How Things Happened.

Re:A Star Trek "First"?

[lobsterGun]

The only way the a Borg prequel episode would work would be if they were antiques Borg based on vacuume tube/hydraulic technology. Hell! even I would tune in for that!

[ excerpt from script ]
Evil Pre-Borg carrying a bicycle pump and a light bulb approaches a crewman.

Crewman: Dude! what the hell are you doing?

Pre-Borg: I'm assimilating you. Please do not resist (attempts to jam lightbulb into crewmans neck)

Crewman: OW! goddammit! enough with that lightbulb already!

Pre-Borg: It's not a lightbulb, It's a vacuum tube.

Crewman: Whatever Poindexter. (Punches pre-borg. The sound of glass shattering is heard)

Pre-Borg: Fuck! (slumps to the ground)

Re:It's dead, Jim.

[CleverNickName]

More like:

"It's dead Jim, let's kick it around some more."

"It's dead Jim. But this is StarTrek, so we can solve the problem by 'modulating the frequency'."

More like, why don't YOU modulate the frequency, NERD?
(only funny if you are a regular reader of the Strongbad Emails [homestarrunner.com], particularly this one [homestarrunner.com].)

For everyone else:

Speaking from experience, I can tell you that the best way to fix any problem is to modify the sensor array to emit an inverse tachyon pulse into the heart of the anomaly.

Or go ask Data, but ask him while he's in the Holodeck playing Sherlock Holmes.

Actually, that kind of makes sense...

[clambake]

You know, if you think about all the numbskulls on TNG that got assimilated, it only makes sense that their addition would have a negative impact on the collective... er, present company excluded?

Re:Alien aliens

[tenman]

I think they could get some great ideas for completely off-the wall characters by attending just one Star Trek convention.