The Perfect Formula For Box Office Success

Julez writes "According to icLiverpool, the formula for creating the "perfect" film has been discovered by a UK academic. The research will be used to assess the potential success of possible film sponsorship deals. Apparently, the perfect feature must have: action 30pc, comedy 17pc, good v evil 13pc, love/sex/romance 12pc, special effects 10pc, plot 10pc and music 8pc "

shows what i know

[loveandpeace]

i always thought it was an equal mix: The Destruction of Property, The Defiance of Authority, and The Removal of Clothing. Someone got paid for this? I'm in the wrong business.

How about 100% porn?

[Anonymous Coward]

How about 100% porn?

Good grief!

[Keighvin]

Did anyone else feel it was an insult to those with intelligence that plot took only an 8% grab?

Gee, I guess that means the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy is a tremendous flop, doomed to failure; it's got the whole thing backwards!

Just in the perfect Slashdot Artical.

[Neck_of_the_Woods]

38% Windows bash.
22% Linux worship.
16% Katz bash.
13% OS penis messuring.
8% punctuation correction.
2% spelling correction.
1% comedy.
1% math correction.
1% sig.

Don't forget:

[Anonymous Coward]

Harry man dressed as a plumber: 15%

Housewife that answers her door in lingerie: 15%

Cheesy sound track: 10%

Money Shot: 60%

There are some movies that get rated R. For everything else, there's XXX

Oh!

[Schezar]

Oh! So -that's- why Kangaroo Jack sucked. I get it now!

Next time, we give the kangaroo a gun, add Satan, and make sure there's a steamy sex scene.

Re:Just in the perfect Slashdot Artical.

[The Dobber]

And a -2% adjustment for math.

Eureka!!!

[EChris]

(Reuters) Further research also produced an Instant Film Generation Algorithm (IFGA). The Perfect Film Formula (PFF) was then programmed into the IFGA and the scientists were delighted to see Star Wars: Episode IV: A New Hope produced spontaneously.

Viewers of the IFGA/PFF results were astounded and enthralled until someone realized that popcorn hadn't been figured into the PFF. The project was scrapped.

Chris

8pc music?

[gunnarstahl]

That means that in a 90 minute movie you have 7.2 minutes where you don't see anything, just some black screen with music in the background?

Re:Just in the perfect Slashdot Artical.

[dsplat]

16% Katz bash.

Well, if this is true it explains the decline in quality in recent years. I haven't seen Katz bashed in ages.

Re:Just in the perfect Slashdot Artical.

[djward]

Actually, halve all of those numbers - it's not a perfect article until its been duped.

Re:Hmmmm

[Surak]

Err...apparently you haven't actually watched any recent 'Star Trek' films. I'm *still* trying to find the plot in Insurrection. ;)

Wow

[Evil Adrian]

These statistics are about as useful as toilet paper, if you catch my drift.

Re:How about 100% porn?

[Anne_Nonymous]

That would be 110% love/sex/romance, -5% plot, and -5% music.

Not that I would know...

Re:Just in the perfect Slashdot Artical.

[Neck_of_the_Woods]

dude your killing me....

next thing you will tell me is that my math is wrong.

Classic.

Re:Oh!

[kinnell]

I for one am looking forward to "Kangaroo Jack 2: Attack of the Satanic Nymphomaniacs"

Re:Good grief!

[Anonymous Coward]

The US population demands more substance.

+5 Funny

Here it is

[Schezar]

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"


http://www.cnn.com/2002/TECH/science/10/03/joke. fu nniest/

Funniest joke...

[jpkunst]

Search Google for "funniest joke", first item [laughlab.co.uk] that comes up is the joke in question.

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"

JP

Re:Missing element

[RobotRunAmok]

Anyone else feel that the Matrix Reloaded Heineken commercial just makes the Matrix franchise appear "cheap"?

What, you mean in a way that the videogames, comic books, cartoons, action figures and Carrie-Ann Moss dipped in latex do not?

The Perfect Formula For Slashdot Stories

[zulux]

Xulux writes "According to icBloodyWankers, the formula for creating the "perfect" Slashdot Story has been discovered by a UK pompus-git. The research will be used to assess the potential success of possible Slahvertisements(TM). Apparently, the perfect story must have: troll 30pc, childish humor / potty words 17pc, Nazi MS Users v Commie Linux Users 13pc, pr0n/goatse.cx/ASCII-porn 12pc, 'special' spelling 10pc, grammer 10pc and Katz 8pc "

Re:Just in the perfect Slashdot Artical.

[KingRamsis]

You missed the trolling sauce ingredients :
1) First posts
2) goatse.cx and tub girl
3) in soviet russia jokes
4) imagining a beowolf cluster of those
5) beautiful ascii art made by some retards
6) oh yeah and Taco, Hemos and CowboyNeal trolls
7) the infamous "it is official XYZ is dying"
:-)

Waterworld got it wrong:

[lovebyte]

action 1pc
comedy 0pc
good v evil 1pc
love/sex/romance 1pc
special effects 1pc
plot 0pc
music 0pc
water 96pc

Re:How about 100% porn?

[swordboy]

How about 100% porn?

This is nearly what the RIAA uses for the recipe for a chart topper:

- 50 percent porn
- 20 percent cowbell
- 30 percent ClearChannel

(all ingredients by volume)

Re:Oh!

[csteinle]

I for one am looking forward to "Kangaroo Jack 2: Attack of the Satanic Nymphomaniacs"

I would look forward to any film with that sub-title. The only improvement would be "Attack of the Leather-clad Satanic Vampire Co-ed Nymphomaniac Ninjas".

Toy Story 2?

[Pirogoeth]

Toy Story 2, a Disney Pixar production, was the film that had the closest match to the blueprint.

Funny, I don't recall a whole lot of love/sex/romance unless you count the Potatoheads getting it on in the Lincoln Log cabin early in the movie...

The obligatory Simpsons quote

[mlush]

[Silverman draws a standard dog]
Myers: No, no, no! He was supposed to have attitude.
Silverman: Um... wh-what do you mean, exactly?
Myers: Oh, you know, attitude, attitude! Uh... sunglasses!
Lady: Could we put him in more of a "hip-hop" context?
Krusty: Forget context, he's gotta be a surfer. Give me a nice shmear of surfer.
Lady: I feel we should Rasta-fy him by... 10 percent or so.
[the resulting dog is rather... proactive]
[all stare at it w/o any expression]
Myers: Hmm... I think he needs a little more attitude. [Silverman blackens in Poochie's sunglasses]
All Three: [variously] Oh, yeah, bingo. Yeah, that's it! There it is, right there! I love it!
-- Another cartoon character created in less than 15 minutes,
"The Itchy & Scratchy & Poochie Show"

Re:Good grief!

[csteinle]

Did anyone else feel it was an insult to those with intelligence that plot took only an 8% grab?

No, but it is an insult to your reading ability. It says plot 10pc :-P

Re:Just in the perfect Slashdot Artical.

[(trb001)]

I rally think you were to generous on punctuation and spalling.

--trb

Re:Arrogance and poor understanding of IQ.

[Anonymous Coward]

But what we are talking about here is appreciation of the arts.

And here was me thinking we were talking about American films...

*snicker*

[cjpez]

It is now my goal to create a movie which fits exactly into this mold. The first twenty-seven minutes will be nothing but action, The next fifteen or so will be comedy, the next eleven will be god and the devil arguing about something, then just under eleven minutes of porn, etc. It'll be great.

Reminds me of my plan to sculpt a movie designed to get exactly zero points on the capalert [capalert.com] scale: 15 minutes of wanton violence/crime, followed by 15 minutes of Impudence and Hate, 15 minutes of Sex and Homosexuality, etc...

Re:shows what i know

[rkz]

I thought they were talking about the new KFC menu? 10pc? why the hell aren't they just using "%"

Re:Bollywood? (NOT a troll)

[hummassa]

But I want to know why you do think Halle Berry silicone boobs are best than the other actresses' silicone boobs. Then we can partner in making Better Silicone Boobs!!!

Easy

[varjag]

His keyboard '5' key is probably broken. This conjecture is supported by lack of the digit '5' in all the percentages he listed.

Re:Good grief!

[FurryFeet]

1. You read and are a registered member of Slashdot, therefore your intelligence is likely at least 40 points above the average population.

You never read at -1 do you?

Re:Missing element

[BoyHowdyAAF]

Nothing pulls *me* out of a movie faster than an usher who just found out I don't have a ticket.