2003 Vaporware Awards

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2003 Vaporware Awards 502

Posted by CmdrTaco on Tuesday January 20, 2004 @01:00PM from the annual-traditions dept.

7x7 writes "Wired News has the 2003 Vaporware Awards available for your perusal. Winning the Lifetime Achievement Award, if you hadn't guessed already: Duke Nukem Forever!"

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2003 Vaporware Awards

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probably best left on the drawing board... (Score:4, Funny)

by sweeney37 ( 325921 ) * writes: <mikesweeney@gma[ ]com ['il.' in gap]> on Tuesday January 20, 2004 @01:01PM (#8033103) Homepage Journal

Perhaps someone should comprise a list of things that should of been vaporware, for the sake of corporations that stupidly put them out and consumers who shelled out cash for them. NGage anyone?

Mike

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So... (Score:5, Funny)

by CaptainAlbert ( 162776 ) writes: on Tuesday January 20, 2004 @01:02PM (#8033117) Homepage

...do these awards, erm, ever get presented? :)

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Duke Nukem Forever (Score:4, Funny)

by gazuga ( 128955 ) writes: on Tuesday January 20, 2004 @01:02PM (#8033123) Homepage

Winning the Lifetime Achievement Award, if you hadn't guessed already: Duke Nukem Forever!

How do you think it got its name in the first place?

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missed the vote (Score:4, Funny)

by grub ( 11606 ) writes: <slashdot@grub.net> on Tuesday January 20, 2004 @01:03PM (#8033125) Homepage Journal

I would have voted for "SCO's Evidence Against Linux" had the thought crossed my mind.

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Hurd (Score:5, Funny)

by neodymium ( 411811 ) writes: on Tuesday January 20, 2004 @01:03PM (#8033134) Homepage

GNU Hurd didn't make it into the list. Odd....:-)

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WMDs (Score:0, Funny)

by Theatetus ( 521747 ) * writes: on Tuesday January 20, 2004 @01:04PM (#8033141) Journal

I'm surprised the Iraqi anthrax factories didn't make the list.

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2003 Grand Champion of Vaporwar is.... (Score:4, Funny)

by macdaddy ( 38372 ) writes: on Tuesday January 20, 2004 @01:04PM (#8033145) Homepage Journal

Weapons of Mass Destruction
Lets give it up for WMD ladies and gentlemen!
*cough* Well, I did say it was Vaporwar. :-)

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They quoted... me?!? (Score:5, Funny)

by downix ( 84795 ) writes: on Tuesday January 20, 2004 @01:05PM (#8033156) Homepage

Come on, out of who knows how many votes for AmigaOS 4, they picked me?

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Pre-Order for Duke Nukem Forever (Score:5, Funny)

by FraggleMI ( 117868 ) writes: on Tuesday January 20, 2004 @01:06PM (#8033169) Homepage

I think I might have pre-ordered DNF, but I have moved 4 times since, and have a feeling some lucky person will end up with my copy in 2054.

Holy crap, think about, all those people that pre-ordered will end up buying another copy just because they forgot they preordered.

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Re:Duke Nukem Forever (Score:5, Funny)

by cK-Gunslinger ( 443452 ) writes: on Tuesday January 20, 2004 @01:07PM (#8033182) Journal

But... you can pre-order the game:

Duke Nukem Forever Preorder [gamespot.com]

Only one more year! =P

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Re:So... (Score:5, Funny)

by DaveJ2001 ( 559498 ) writes: <dejewett2002 @ g m a i l . com> on Tuesday January 20, 2004 @01:07PM (#8033187)

What awards? This is just the press release, we'll never actually see the real thing...

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I nominate (Score:5, Funny)

by Anonymous Coward writes: on Tuesday January 20, 2004 @01:07PM (#8033188)

HTML standards-compliant Slashcode [slashcode.com]. ;)

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Re:So... (Score:5, Funny)

by b0r0din ( 304712 ) writes: on Tuesday January 20, 2004 @01:08PM (#8033191)

Yes, according to Duke Nukem's staff, the awards show will be sometime in late, oh, let's just say July of 2004. That seems about right.

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Next Slashdot poll (Score:5, Funny)

by C_Kode ( 102755 ) writes: on Tuesday January 20, 2004 @01:09PM (#8033209) Journal

I think we should take a poll to rename the word "Vaporware" to "Duke Nukem".

Then next year we can have " the 2003 Duke Nukem Awards"..

Ahh, just a thought...

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Re:Hurd (Score:5, Funny)

by __past__ ( 542467 ) writes: on Tuesday January 20, 2004 @01:10PM (#8033223)

Maybe you cannot be nominated more then 10 times in a row or so?

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Obligatory SCO troll (Score:2, Funny)

by RealProgrammer ( 723725 ) writes: on Tuesday January 20, 2004 @01:11PM (#8033248) Homepage Journal

The SCO Group [caldera.com] seems to have promised, but never delivered, UNIX code that was "copied verbatim" into Linux . None of the millions of lines, 65 files, or some new type of undefined intellectual property have yet materialized.

Hey, maybe this isn't as much a troll as I thought. Oh well, the mod points are yours.
------
UNIX is a registered trademark of The Open Group in the U.S. and other countries
Linux is a trademark of Linus Torvalds.

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The definition of vaporware (Score:3, Funny)

by ooby ( 729259 ) writes: on Tuesday January 20, 2004 @01:18PM (#8033316)

A Lifetime Achievement Award goes to Duke Nukem Forever on the suggestion of reader Jeff White, who wrote, "First proposed in 1801 (or something close to that), Duke Nukem Forever has now come to define the term 'vaporware.' I wouldn't be surprised if dictionaries actually began printing it: 'vaporware: n. See Duke Nukem Forever.'"

Don't be suprised, Jeff. Wikipedia has bested you [wikipedia.org]

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Re:Next Slashdot poll (Score:2, Funny)

by CyberDave ( 79582 ) writes: <davecorder@NoSPaM.yahoo.com> on Tuesday January 20, 2004 @01:22PM (#8033369)

Well, I think next year we might be having the 2004 Duke Nukem Awards. CyberDave

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Re:probably best left on the drawing board... (Score:4, Funny)

by Hes Nikke ( 237581 ) writes: on Tuesday January 20, 2004 @01:26PM (#8033403) Journal

Perhaps someone should comprise a list of things that should of been vaporware, for the sake of corporations that stupidly put them out and consumers who shelled out cash for them. NGage anyone?

the 1st thing on my list would be Diakatana. *shudder*

the 2nd thing on that list would be Microsoft Bob *shudder*

anyone else got something?

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Holy Crap (Score:4, Funny)

by jacem ( 665870 ) writes: on Tuesday January 20, 2004 @01:32PM (#8033457)

1) anounce game, setup preorder
2) delay game so long that people forget they pre ordered and buy another copy.
3) Profit!

Its a real busness plan.

JACEM

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Re:Do you folks even know what VAPORware is? (Score:3, Funny)

by happyfrogcow ( 708359 ) writes: on Tuesday January 20, 2004 @01:36PM (#8033496)

Yeah, I can sure download it but it refuses to run my copy of Duke Nukem Forever. So what's the point?

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A modest announcement (Score:5, Funny)

by inode_buddha ( 576844 ) writes: on Tuesday January 20, 2004 @01:39PM (#8033531) Journal

I've recently begun work on the next-generation game engine called "WMD Hunt". Current version is 0.0.001-pre-alpha. Notable changes include leveraging multiple synergies across player groups and enabling your gaming buddies to achieve your goals via graft and military-industrial contracts. Some degree of randomness has been added to account for the "lone strikers" play meme. I'm still trying to speedup and optimise the UN code though - it's slow enough that most players won't be able to use that option. Also, the "relative agression level" needs to be more fine-grained; You could be agressive towards your own relatives, or turn your level down instead of simply having a blanket policy. As opposed to a *real* blanket, if your home was recently destroyed.

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My vote... (Score:4, Funny)

by The Gline ( 173269 ) writes: on Tuesday January 20, 2004 @01:39PM (#8033534) Homepage

There was a product -- I don't remember the name -- which was supposed to be a module you could drop into a conventional 35mm film camera that would turn it into a digital camera. It never materialized, of course.

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Re:HL2 should not have been #1... (Score:5, Funny)

by schon ( 31600 ) writes: on Tuesday January 20, 2004 @01:43PM (#8033568)

How does the stealing of source code delay shipping?

Well DUH! It was stolen. Don't you watch ST:Voyager? When someone downloads something from you (like your EMH), you no longer have it.

If you need further proof of this, just ask anyone in the RIAA or MPAA.

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OHHH!!! I got the perfect title for that list (Score:5, Funny)

by StressGuy ( 472374 ) writes: on Tuesday January 20, 2004 @01:47PM (#8033614)

[drumroll.....]
.
"Little Piggies That Should Never Have Went to Market"
.
. ....catchy huh?
.

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Re:probably best left on the drawing board... (Score:5, Funny)

by geomon ( 78680 ) writes: on Tuesday January 20, 2004 @01:47PM (#8033620) Homepage Journal

the 1st thing on my list would be Diakatana. *shudder*

I was never lucky enough to have played this particular game. I did a web search for the name and came up with this website [onlineconfessional.com].

Truly frightning.

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Re:HL2 should not have been #1... (Score:3, Funny)

by Thai-Pan ( 414112 ) writes: on Tuesday January 20, 2004 @01:49PM (#8033647) Journal

Agreed. I still have my Team Fortress 2 poster hanging on the wall. At the bottom it says "MARCH" but for the life of my I can't remember what year. I think it was '98 or'99.

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Re:Story of Duke Nukem Forever? (Score:3, Funny)

by CGP314 ( 672613 ) writes: <CGP&ColinGregoryPalmer,net> on Tuesday January 20, 2004 @01:57PM (#8033717) Homepage

Does anyone here know the story of why Duke Nukem Forever has become vaporware? I'm interested in the seedy underbelly of the gaming industry.

Well, after Duke 3D, Duke made the time to play with himself... too much time.

--
In London? Need a Physics Tutor? [colingregorypalmer.net]

American Weblog in London [colingregorypalmer.net]

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Waiiiiiit a minute... (Score:3, Funny)

by Flakbait ( 742565 ) writes: on Tuesday January 20, 2004 @01:58PM (#8033727) Homepage Journal

President George W. Bush's weapons of mass destruction
I don't get it. If Prez Bush doesn't have WMD, then what do we have in all those silos in Montana?

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WMD (Score:3, Funny)

by CGP314 ( 672613 ) writes: <CGP&ColinGregoryPalmer,net> on Tuesday January 20, 2004 @02:01PM (#8033764) Homepage

I think I know something else that should be on that list.

::Nods head at George Bush::

--
In London? Need a Physics Tutor? [colingregorypalmer.net]

American Weblog in London [colingregorypalmer.net]

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Add Longhorn to the list (Score:4, Funny)

by DesScorp ( 410532 ) writes: on Tuesday January 20, 2004 @02:10PM (#8033873) Journal

At this rate, it'll get here in, oh, I don't know, 2012.....

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Re:Duke Nukem Forever (Score:5, Funny)

by GregWebb ( 26123 ) writes: on Tuesday January 20, 2004 @02:21PM (#8033989)

I always wondered whether 3D Realms have any motor racing anoraks on staff.

When you're looking down a results sheet, you will find some drivers will have 'DNF' printed against their names.

This stands for 'Did Not Finish' :-)

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Montana has more than silos..... (Score:1, Funny)

by Anonymous Coward writes: on Tuesday January 20, 2004 @02:32PM (#8034103)

I hate it when people think that MT is nothing more than silos....just because we are 3x the size of most states (for instance, SC), and have 1/3 of said southern state, we are considered to be nothing more than a nuclear weapon storage facility. I'll have you know that we have COWS here too, lots of 'em! Antelope too! :P

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Windows!! (Score:1, Funny)

by Anonymous Coward writes: on Tuesday January 20, 2004 @02:35PM (#8034145)

You know, the secure version of Windows (tm) that isn't susceptible to buffer overflows, viruses, or scripting attacks? The one that will run all existing software? The one that's safe to use on a wide-band, always-on internet connection? The one we've been promised since, what, 1998?

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Re:So... (Score:3, Funny)

by BlueArchon ( 531981 ) writes: <nisyrjal AT abo DOT fi> on Tuesday January 20, 2004 @02:41PM (#8034209)

His sig isn't broken, it's just vaporware...

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Re:HL2 should not have been #1... (Score:3, Funny)

by hamsterboy ( 218246 ) writes: on Tuesday January 20, 2004 @02:45PM (#8034273)

March ain't just a month, soldier.

-- Hamster

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Re:Console? (Score:3, Funny)

by dildatron ( 611498 ) writes: on Tuesday January 20, 2004 @02:49PM (#8034323)

And I, for one, welcome our new boobie overlords!

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Re:Pre-Order for Duke Nukem Forever (Score:5, Funny)

by siphoncolder ( 533004 ) writes: on Tuesday January 20, 2004 @03:10PM (#8034498) Homepage

Interesting. In racing, DNF is short for "Did Not Finish". Go figure.

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Re:probably best left on the drawing board... (Score:3, Funny)

by Frizzle Fry ( 149026 ) writes: on Tuesday January 20, 2004 @03:20PM (#8034605) Homepage

I got for christmas this year. Only cost me $2.

Aren't things you get for christmas not supposed to cost you anything?

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Re:probably best left on the drawing board... (Score:2, Funny)

by inode_buddha ( 576844 ) writes: on Tuesday January 20, 2004 @03:24PM (#8034646) Journal

how about a well-greased CueCat? At least its immediate utility was *obvious*...

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Let the boy be (Score:3, Funny)

by rblancarte ( 213492 ) writes: on Tuesday January 20, 2004 @03:27PM (#8034692) Homepage

Come on, admiting that he actually bought the game might have cost him his eternal soul.

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Duke Nukem Forever (Score:5, Funny)

by euxneks ( 516538 ) writes: on Tuesday January 20, 2004 @03:38PM (#8034807)

I wonder if they'll put that on the box, if/when it ever comes out:

"Duke Nukem winner of _many_ vaporware awards!"

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Re:Psychonauts (Score:3, Funny)

by EvilTwinSkippy ( 112490 ) writes: <yoda AT etoyoc DOT com> on Tuesday January 20, 2004 @03:39PM (#8034811) Homepage Journal

You bought something from Microsoft for an advertised feature?
I don't know whether to laugh at you or take pity on you.
Who am I kidding. (snicker).

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Re:Definition (Score:5, Funny)

by RGRistroph ( 86936 ) writes: <rgristroph@gmail.com> on Tuesday January 20, 2004 @04:08PM (#8035173) Homepage

I'll post one shortly ! Don't anyone else respond to this, because you'll be wasting the effort.

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Re:The List (Score:3, Funny)

by cpeterso ( 19082 ) writes: on Tuesday January 20, 2004 @04:30PM (#8035424) Homepage

Shouldn't the #1 vaporware of 2003 be Iraq's Weapons of Mass Destruction? :-)

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There may be more comments in this discussion. Without JavaScript enabled, you might want to turn on Classic Discussion System in your preferences instead.

probably best left on the drawing board... (Score:4, Funny)

So... (Score:5, Funny)

Duke Nukem Forever (Score:4, Funny)

missed the vote (Score:4, Funny)

Hurd (Score:5, Funny)

WMDs (Score:0, Funny)

2003 Grand Champion of Vaporwar is.... (Score:4, Funny)

They quoted... me?!? (Score:5, Funny)

Pre-Order for Duke Nukem Forever (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Duke Nukem Forever (Score:5, Funny)

Re:So... (Score:5, Funny)

I nominate (Score:5, Funny)

Re:So... (Score:5, Funny)

Next Slashdot poll (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Hurd (Score:5, Funny)

Obligatory SCO troll (Score:2, Funny)

The definition of vaporware (Score:3, Funny)

Re:Next Slashdot poll (Score:2, Funny)

Re:probably best left on the drawing board... (Score:4, Funny)

Holy Crap (Score:4, Funny)

Re:Do you folks even know what VAPORware is? (Score:3, Funny)

A modest announcement (Score:5, Funny)

My vote... (Score:4, Funny)

Re:HL2 should not have been #1... (Score:5, Funny)

OHHH!!! I got the perfect title for that list (Score:5, Funny)

Re:probably best left on the drawing board... (Score:5, Funny)

Re:HL2 should not have been #1... (Score:3, Funny)

Re:Story of Duke Nukem Forever? (Score:3, Funny)

Waiiiiiit a minute... (Score:3, Funny)

WMD (Score:3, Funny)

Add Longhorn to the list (Score:4, Funny)

Re:Duke Nukem Forever (Score:5, Funny)

Montana has more than silos..... (Score:1, Funny)

Windows!! (Score:1, Funny)

Re:So... (Score:3, Funny)

Re:HL2 should not have been #1... (Score:3, Funny)

Re:Console? (Score:3, Funny)

Re:Pre-Order for Duke Nukem Forever (Score:5, Funny)

Re:probably best left on the drawing board... (Score:3, Funny)

Re:probably best left on the drawing board... (Score:2, Funny)

Let the boy be (Score:3, Funny)

Duke Nukem Forever (Score:5, Funny)

Re:Psychonauts (Score:3, Funny)

Re:Definition (Score:5, Funny)

Re:The List (Score:3, Funny)

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