Star Wars Episode III : Birth Of The Empire 970
lemmen writes "According the Brtish tabloid The Sun, Star Wars III will carry the name 'Birth Of The Empire'. This will be announced soon according the article. Also it describes one of the highlights of the movie: 'A thrilling lightsabre clash between Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker while surfing on lava.' Can't wait till May 15th 2005!" Thanks to reader ExoticMandibles, another quality news source: Teen Hollywood. Update: 05/20 05:47 GMT by T :
Gokey writes with a correction: "StarWars.com indicates that the movie is released May 19th, 2005 (exactly
one year from now) not May 15th, 2005."
"Birth of the Empire"? (Score:5, Funny)
Star Wars III: (Score:3, Funny)
I sense a disturbance in the Force... (Score:3, Funny)
Surfing on lava? (Score:5, Funny)
~Berj
surfing on (Score:1, Funny)
Nah (Score:3, Funny)
A great birthday present George! (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Surfing on lava? (Score:5, Funny)
Just one more push Mrs. Sideous .... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Surfing on lava? (Score:5, Funny)
Well, considering the quality of the past two Star Wars movies, estimates say that George Lucas's brain did the same thing ca 1984..
Birth of the Empire? (Score:2, Funny)
Ok, that was bad. Sorry.
Keep Continuity. PLEASE Don't Make It Stupid Surf (Score:5, Funny)
But I swear to God in heaven! If the battle consists of Ben and Anny fighting while surfing on 2 rocks floating on a lava flow, I'm walking out.
Knowing Lucas lately, they'll be Beach Boys playing in the background, and Anny will be catchign some "serious air, maannnnn".
What a coincidence... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:hmmmm.... i wonder.... (Score:2, Funny)
Surfing? Awesome! (Score:2, Funny)
Great title..not (Score:5, Funny)
Re:"Birth of the Empire"? (Score:4, Funny)
or... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:"Surfing on lava"? (Score:3, Funny)
Spoiler alert (Score:5, Funny)
Holy crap! Darth Vader is Luke's father? Way to spoil the ending for me, guys.
Re:Surfing on lava? (Score:3, Funny)
Re:A great birthday present George! (Score:2, Funny)
Please Lucas...don't screw it up...
Too late...
Re:"Surfing on lava"? (Score:3, Funny)
Re:hmmmm.... i wonder.... (Score:3, Funny)
What did you expect? (Score:1, Funny)
A spoiler for episode III is that Anakin will go over to the dark side after he whores himself out to dirty old senator palpatine, and tries to hang himself while huffing bantha poodoo in an effort to find an altered state of the force where the memories of wrinkled sagging skin no longer haunt him. And count dooku dies of cancer.
Re:hmmmm.... i wonder.... (Score:5, Funny)
But yeh, it goes something like that.
At least Lucas didn't completely shred everything and say "you know, I think we should make him wear the suit because Jar Jar accidentally superglues it to his head."
Cheesey attempts to appeal to teens (Score:5, Funny)
Obi-wan: You will not fall to the dark side!
Anakin: Hang ten old man!
(Anakin escapes)
Obi-wan: Bogus
My wife says that the only joy she takes from this is that it's the last movie.
deja vu. I had a dream about this last night. (Score:2, Funny)
Stallman: Use the source Linus!
Gates: Linus! *I* am your father! Come to the dark side!
ESR:bleep! scree! Wrrr!
Perens: I'm sure this is all your fault!
Shut up! It's a dream. Ohhhhhhh!!! I'll never touch that stuff again.....
Like in Spy Kids 3D? (Score:5, Funny)
You mean like the lava surfing scene in Spy Kids 3D?
Lucas used to be original. But THX-1138 was a long time ago.
Oh come on! (Score:1, Funny)
Re:Surfing on lava? (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Surfing on lava? (Score:5, Funny)
Re:A great birthday present George! (Score:5, Funny)
Don't screw it up? DON'T SCREW IT UP!?
DID YOU WATCH THE LAST TWO MOVIES!? DID YOU READ THE PART OF THE ARTICLE THAT SAYS SURFING ON LAVA!?
The only way this could not be screwed up is if the lava is real, Lucas is the surfboard, and he does his own damn stunts.
Yoda on the fiddle (Score:5, Funny)
Yoda needed cane to walk and then doing double back flip, mctwists while fighting.
Ah you see, that is Yoda being the crafty little bugger that he is. Notice that he waits until everyone else (except his opponent of course) is out cold before engaging in said acrobatics. As soon as the others start to come round he is back on the stick before they can notice.
I suspect a benefit/social security fiddle of some sort...Re:Lava (Score:3, Funny)
Actually, that was about the only scene I liked from Ep. 2.
Re:Lava (Score:4, Funny)
"riiiight l810c..."
(reaching for phone to the men in white coats)
"and what was that you were saying about the potato men coming to get you when the clouds rose?"
(hurry up!!!)
kowbunga, dudes (Score:3, Funny)
earlier versions had the showdown taking place during a dual bungie-jump session at Anakin's bar miztvah
Re:A great birthday present George! (Score:3, Funny)
Oh boy! Sounds neato! (Score:3, Funny)
Ahh slashdot. Where we spend days / weeks uncovering that an anti-linux source is microsoft backed, but we take the word of 'The Sun' and 'Teen Hollywood' (about star wars no less) as 100% fact.
Ahh crap (Score:4, Funny)
Now I'm thinking of a secret lair in a volcano, with sharks that have frickin laser beams attached to their heads...
Thanks /. we have Soviet Russia, Hot Grits, pr0n, fp, and everytime I think of sharks I'm reminded of everytime someone mentions it on here.
Vicious circle I suppose... *shrugs*
Re:Surfing on lava makes sense (Score:5, Funny)
Official Name posted at starwars.com (Score:5, Funny)
Episode III: A Year to Go
WhatMeWorry
So, are the rumors true then? (Score:5, Funny)
That can't be smart.
Re:Surfing on lava? (Score:5, Funny)
Lava surfing = Oscar.
Re:Surfing on lava? (Score:1, Funny)
Re:"Surfboards?" (Score:5, Funny)
And at some point during that battle, there *will* be a "clever" visual gag that makes the lava-surfing look like real surfing, and at that point a major character will say "whoah!" like unto the manner of Keanu Reeves. Ad at that point, I will fling poo at the screen.
Mark my words, George Lucas! Poo!
Re:Surfing on lava? (Score:3, Funny)
No shit, Sherlock! (Score:1, Funny)
My dream of a Point Break/Star Wars crossover... (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Surfing (Score:3, Funny)
You must have forgotten that Frankie and Annette still rule Hollywood with an iron fist.
Re:Spoiler alert (Score:1, Funny)
Re:Yoda on the fiddle (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Surfing on lava? (Score:3, Funny)
I'd settle for the definitive game of Rockem Sockem Robots, best 2 out of 3.
Re:Spoiler alert - Leia? (Score:5, Funny)
Yeah, real clever, let's raise Darth Vader's son using HIS OWN LAST NAME OF SKYWALKER ON HIS HOME PLANET.
Perry Mason couldn't crack this case.
Re:"Surfboards?" (Score:5, Funny)
Re:deja vu. I had a dream about this last night. (Score:5, Funny)
Episode IV: A GNU/Hope
Tabloid?!? I'll have you know that ... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:"Birth of the Empire"? (Score:5, Funny)
Re:"Birth of the Empire"? (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Surfing on lava? (Score:3, Funny)
Re:"Birth of the Empire"? (Score:4, Funny)
Re:A great birthday present George! (Score:4, Funny)
Re:"Birth of the Empire"? (Score:5, Funny)
Re:I'll wait... (Score:3, Funny)
Speaking as one of the few female-types on here, if you're reading Maxim for the articles, they're crap. I can respect a guy who "reads" it for the pictures (hey, yer human). But if you're using the articles for anything but to laugh at, you really need a better source of info on "how to get a girl".
Re:Ahh crap (Score:3, Funny)
Seriously though, Lucas could pick up 40 random bums, give them sticks and tell them to have a swordfight, and as long as he called it episode 3 it would still gross more than just about every other film in 2005 even though you clearly remember episode 2 as a steaming pile of dung with special effects. You're all going to - no, youre all obligated to see it, having wasted so much of your lives on the other 5.
I only wish I had the strength to stay away.
Poochie says (Score:2, Funny)
what a joke.
Re:Surfing on lava? (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Spoiler alert - Leia? (Score:4, Funny)
Obi Wan Kenobi, crazy like a fox.
myke
Re:Are those crickets chirping that I hear (Score:4, Funny)
To the dismay of fashion conscious
How are you 2 doing anyway?
Coming soon to your local XXX theatre (Score:5, Funny)
Re:"Surfboards?" (Score:5, Funny)
I'm going to complain about the scene where the Power Puff Girls come riding in on three identical My Little Ponies and shoot frickin' lasers out of their eyes at C3P0. I hate the fuckin scene! I mean come on! My Little Ponies!?! How lame!
Re:"Birth of the Empire"? (Score:5, Funny)
NEWS FLASH! (Score:3, Funny)
JAR JAR? R2-D2 FLYING?!?! WHAT THE FSCK?! The list goes on. Hey Look! I've got a minute!
Like Yoda would need a light saber - and if he did, like he wouldn't completely win? Isn't Palpatine about Yoda's level? So who's this Yoda-battle-worthy douche Dooku? Wasn't Douche-ku a pupil of Yoda's? So wouldn't Yoda just stop him dead with the wink of his eye?? On top of that, why did Yoda need his hands to steady that rock he STRUGGLED with? (And why'd he struggle? I thought "size mattered not - only different in your mind")
It's almost like Lucas set out to shatter our love of the real trilogy. Oh yeah - and R2 CAN NOT fly - if he could, why the hell didn't he just fly instead of falling in the swamp on Dagobah? Or when the ewoks got him? Or through the desert? Are You going to tell me his jets will be irrepairably damaged in this upcoming puke fest?
I used to believe it might not suck, back just before I saw Jar Jar and the Gun Guns scene the first time. Then reality set in and I admitted that Lucas has a problem.
Hey - if all the stormtroopers are clones of Boba/Jango Fett - why are the Fetts so good and stormtroopers are so comically pathetic?
I could go on, but I have to leave work now. I cheerily invite someone to pick up where I left off - I'm sure there's some of you out there with flaws I haven't even thought of yet...
Volcano? (Score:5, Funny)
I still have my original programs from Episode 4, Star Trek TMP, Close Encounters and Superman... I was on Isaac Asimov's security detail at Star Trek conventions in the 70's... I won a science fiction trivia contest at a con... I published a fanzine for several years... I financed that fanzine with proceeds from selling swords, "crystal balls" and other drek in the huckster room of many cons... My first date with my wife was to see The Empire Strikes Back...
And still, I feel an uplifting soul-freeing relief, because I didn't know about the fucking volcano.
Re:Surfing on lava? (Score:5, Funny)
Then it all fits together with episode 4 a new hope ;)
Re:"Surfboards?" (Score:2, Funny)
Re:What a coincidence... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Surfing on lava? (Score:2, Funny)
To borrow a phrase from Vader:
"Don't underestimate the pow-er of the Dark Side."
YOU FAIL IT! (Score:1, Funny)
Re:I'll wait... (Score:3, Funny)
From my personal expierence, most AC are male anyway.
I suggest that that AC create an account with the name of SexyFemaleWillingToBeYourWife and try again at me.
-Grump
Good riddance Hayden! (Score:2, Funny)
Temporal Physics (Re:"Birth of the Empire"?) (Score:5, Funny)
If he is somehow stopped from making this movie, then Anakin will never turn into Darth Vader, and the Empire will never be born.
If there is no Empire and no Vader, then the original trilogy could have never existed, thereby negating two things:
1. Lucas' immense wealth (as well the wealth of Hammil and the fame of Ford).
2. The need for the prequels.
If there is no need for the prequels, 2 things will happen due to that:
1. There will have been no prequels, so
2. No more Natalie Portman, so
So... this movie has to be made, the alternative being something along the lines of `mv
And all this time I thought that the Catholics would be the ones to negate the creation [imdb.com]...
On that note, who's up for goin to Hollywood with me to stop this movie from being made?
I figure we've got 8 days...
Re:"Surfboards?" (Score:4, Funny)
rather it's .. (Score:5, Funny)
Yoda is realistic (Score:2, Funny)
Yoda needed cane to walk and then doing double back flip, mctwists while fighting.
There's nothing unrealistic about this. That scene resembled Ozzy Osbourne before, during, and after a performance.
Correction: Springtime for Vader (Score:1, Funny)
Springtime For Vader on Tatooine!
Winter for Lea on hoth
Re:"Surfboards?" (Score:5, Funny)
By Jove, I believe I just found a sig.
Re:"Surfboards?" (Score:1, Funny)
What the hell did that poor bear ever do to you?
Re:I'll wait... (Score:2, Funny)
No, because that would *prove* that the AC is a guy.
I can see the climax of the film now... (Score:3, Funny)
Re:"Surfboards?" (Score:4, Funny)
No, but Anakin will get knocked into the lava by Gollum, falling from high above...
Re:"Surfboards?" (Score:2, Funny)
Re:A new hope... (Score:5, Funny)
...because there's no better way to come off like an evil badass than to name yourself "Dooku." Except maybe "Chocula."
Correction Correction: (Score:3, Funny)
Jar Jar IS cow dung.
Re:"Surfboards?" (Score:2, Funny)
Re:No kidding! (Score:1, Funny)
Star Wars E3: All Your Hopes Are Belong To Us! (Score:1, Funny)
Re:Spoiler, if you ask me. (Score:5, Funny)
Psst... Darth Vader is Luke's father!
(Seriously, Sixth Sense was spoiled for me when someone mentioned that Bruce Willis was actually a robot)
Re:"Surfboards?" (Score:3, Funny)
Re:I got news for you ... (Score:2, Funny)
Episode 3: The Search for Curly's Gold
Stone, meet Glass House (Score:5, Funny)
Not to mention, your analysis is pretty week,
'nuff said.
Re:Volcano? (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Temporal Physics (Re:"Birth of the Empire"?) (Score:5, Funny)
Must be your first day here if you think it takes Star Wars to get Slashdot bitching.
Jesus Christ could descend from Heaven, contradict the Bible and grant forgiveness and entrance into Heaven to even those that did not follow him, promise people anything they could possibly want is waiting for them in Heaven.... and Slashdotters would bitch about having to stand in line.
And they'd call Jesus a flip-flopper.
...or maybe not... (Score:3, Funny)
Moderators--DON'T DO IT! He will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!
Re:I got news for you ... (Score:2, Funny)
Re:"Surfboards?" (Score:1, Funny)
Re:What a coincidence... (Score:2, Funny)
Dude.
Linux is free... you don't need to pay for it...
Re:"Surfboards?" (Score:2, Funny)
Re:deja vu. I had a dream about this last night. (Score:2, Funny)
SCOrm Trooper: "halt!"
Obi-Wan Kernelbi: "These aren't the sources you are looking for."
SCOrm Trooper: "...These aren't the sources I'm looking for..."
i'll go see it...
Re:I got news for you ... (Score:3, Funny)
I wonder if "Abortion of an Empire" was ever considered as a title for Star Wars VI?
Maybe I'm Amazed (Sorry Paul) (Score:3, Funny)
Let's see...
(X) Bitch about George Lucas making oodels of $$
(X) Bitch about how stupid the titles are for the prequels
(X) Bitch about how the story sucks
(X) Bitch about all things Star Wars Prequel
(X) Pay my $10 to see it
There is the paradox!
Re:Spoiler, if you ask me. (Score:3, Funny)
Ade_
Re:...or maybe not... -- joke SW quote (Score:2, Funny)