USAF Studies Teleportation

ArchAngel21x writes "Star Trek fans may be happy to hear that the Air Force has paid to study psychic teleportation. But scientists aren't so thrilled. The Air Force Research Lab's August 'Teleportation Physics Report', posted earlier this week on the Federation of American Scientists (FAS) Web site, struck a raw nerve with physicists and critics of wasteful military spending."

zerg

[Lord Omlette]

If someone gave me money to study "psychic teleportation", I'd be like "Thank you, Allah!" and immediately begin researching liquor and hookers.

"Guys, you're not gonna believe this! Last night, I as at this strip club, I closed my eyes and when I opened them, I was face down in the gutter a few blocks away!"

well Ronald Reagan did Star Wars

[Anonymous Coward]

Not to be outdone, someone else decided to approve a Star Trek Project. What next - someone's going to try to build Hal 9000 to decide who is placed on the do-not fly list?

Coverup

[Kyn]

This is just the cover story. The money is really being funneled into the Stargate program.

Watch out when your sleeping tonight

[glrotate]

Maj. Ed Dames' astral body may come kick you in the nuts.

Re:Watch out when your sleeping tonight

[BWJones]

Maj. Ed Dames' astral body may come kick you in the nuts.

Then he would have to worry about my corporal body kicking back. :-)

Re:Well

[BFaucet]

Phychic powers have been studied for centuries. No one has made any convincing argument or presented any substantial evidence in this area.

I have also called Cleo and she said she sees the project failing.

It's about time...

[Anonymous Coward]

I have been patiently waiting for this technology to be developed so that I will finally have a chance to contact my home planet.

I will also be able to contact my planet's rental spaceship company to tell them where to pick up their stupid craft. Next time I go with a reputable rental agency.

Re:Insulting...

[meringuoid]

Please, this is an insult to Star Trek fans everywhere. The Star Trek vision, if anything, was about using science and technology to enhance people's lives. It was and is in no way about this pseudo-scientific nonsense.

Which is why about half the aliens they encounter are telepathic, psychic, equipped with ESP, able to transition into pure energy, or have telekinetic powers. And that was before the bloody Pah-wraiths which turned the end of Deep Space Nine into something resembling Buffy the Vampire Slayer...

Summary of 88 page report

[Sai Babu]

Maybe you can push a string after all.
But only if it's a really tiny string and there's enough grant money.

Psychic teleportation?

[lpangelrob2]

I have to imagine that most slashdotters engage in psychic teleportation when they try to picture themselves with the opposite sex...

Yeah, we could be together, and hold hands, and you would be my girlfriend, and... did I just say that out loud?

The only problem is that the random hot girl would probably just smack you back to reality, producing a failure rate of 100%.

It's either this....

[Anonymous Coward]

or a $1.5 million stapler. You pick.

Re:Carte blanche?

[magarity]

if this technology falls into the "wrong hands"

Dude, it's *psychic* technology... it's in everyone's head already.

Re:Hey, if they want to waste money...

[TheRealFixer]

We might even end up with politicians who know the difference between Sweden and Switzerland.

Hey, I can't fault that mistake. They probably got their information off of the Internets.

Re:Why not?

[cmdr_beeftaco]

Or it could be they want us to think it is a hoax project because they are tantalizingly close to actually teleportation. It has been my experience that they only use these double-double-cover-ups when the project has some serious voodoo. But then again I could be wrong.

Re:For the love of.....

[Rei]

Nonono. We need to keep giving the military more money. They always put it to good uses. They'd never, say, misplace 1 trillion dollars [sfgate.com]. More money for the military is the solution to everything.

Even sarcasm. :)

Re:Well

[cephyn]

But was she expecting your call?

Re:Missile Defense

[ch-chuck]

8 million that MIGHT have a radical payoff is a bargain.

Psychic Research is probably about the only way they're ever going to find Bin Laden anyway.

Re:Why not?

[KarmaMB84]

This doesn't fool me, I know they just ripped the telepads out of one of them UFOs and are now intending to teleport into hell to bring back specimens.

Psychic Teleportation

[CyanDisaster]

In the report, author Eric Davis says psychic teleportation, moving yourself from location to location through mind powers, is "quite real and can be controlled."

Yeah. It's called 'walking.' Or am I looking at it totally wrong?

Hope be with ye,
Cyan

Re:Well

[Anonymous Coward]

if she were russian, she would call you!

Re:With the current administration...

[Carnildo]

You mean, besides announcing that God speaks through him?

Deep space Radar Telemetry

[mailman-zero]

"...struck a raw nerve with physicists and critics of wasteful military spending."

Just wait until they hear about the SGC and the rest of the Stargate program!

Re:My 2 cents...

[dwbryson]

You mean this Sam Cassel [nbaflash.free.fr] ?

If that isn't evidence of UFO's I don't know what is.

Re:For the love of.....

[ThePlague]

Hey, it's all part of the "faith-based inititive". First it was money to religious organizations, then it was faith-based intelligence regarding Iraq, and now it's faith-based science.

I'd be willing to bet there's federal grant money out there right now studying "Intelligent Design" as an alternative to evolution.

First tests seem to work

[nizo]

It looks like Warp Drive Metrics has succeeded in teleporting $25,000 into their bank account from the taxpayers wallets; we shall see if future expirements are as successful.

Remote Viewer on Art Bell Show says don't worry

[dmh20002]

On the Art Bell Show [coasttocoastam.com], Major Ed Dames, a reknowed remote viewer, (you can spend a few $100 and take his class) used remote viewing to determine that the world will end in 2 years when a massive solar flare scorches everything. So don't worry about the wasted money. it doesn't matter anyway.

What for?

[Pentrite]

I don't get it, if they manage to discover how teleportation works, they will lose their jobs, as G. W. B. wont need airplanes anymore to bomb whoever he wants...

Re:For the love of.....

[FurryFeet]

Do you think they'll use Tiger Teams to coordinate synergies into digital convergence devices in order to create Best-of-Breed teleporters?
(I have got to stop taliing to marketers. It's not healthy).

I already have this power

[General Alcazar]

In the report, author Eric Davis says psychic teleportation, moving yourself from location to location through mind powers, is "quite real and can be controlled."

I have tried to keep this a secret for as long as I have been able, but I guess the cat is out of the bag now. Just a few minutes ago, I was standing on the other side of the room from where I am now typing. With my mind, I told my body to move over to the other side of the room and immediately it happened! My body does whatever I tell it to! It is completely under my psychic control!

For a while it was cool being the only one with this power, but now everyone is going to start doing it. Suxx azz.

ga

Why must you mock me?

[TiggertheMad]

Eighty-three percent of American adults believe in the Virgin birth of Jesus Christ

I resent the fact that you imply my beliefs are backwards and illogical. I think it makes perfect sense to believe that Jesus Christ was a virgin when he was born.

STOP MOCKING ME!

Re:For the love of.....

[pipingguy]

Krusty: So he's proactive, huh?

Lady: Oh, God, yes. We're talking about a totally outrageous paradigm.

Writer: Excuse me, but 'proactive' and 'paradigm'? Aren't these just buzzwords that dumb people use to sound important? Not that I'm accusing you of anything like that. .....[pause]..... I'm fired, aren't I?

Myers: Oh, yes! - The rest of you writers start thinking up a name for this funky dog; I dunno, something along the line of say... Poochie, only more proactive.

Re:For the love of.....

[azav]

Yes, hello. Catholic church? I need a priest who can exorcise Marketing Speak from a poor slashdotter.

Yes, I'll hold.

Hardly surprising.

[miguel]

With a country that is going back to the middle
ages, this seems only like the tip of the
iceberg.

With Bush in office, I expect the next couple of
years to be packed with amusement from your witch
hunts to your basic alchemy courses taught in
schools and maybe some sacrifices made to the
gods if the stock market goes up.

miguel.

No, no, no... rethink this. You need to be fair.

[fyngyrz]

Those guys made an awful decision, and should be teleported out of their jobs.

As a successful businessman who has handled many ticklish employee issues, let me explain how you should actually deal with this.

First, you fire them using the normal politically correct "here are your final paychecks, and the Human Resources department's collective foot in your collective asses" procedure.

But you inform them that if they can teleport back in, they can have their jobs back.

Re:Stephen King's short story about teleportation

[Anonymous Coward]

It might be considered steam punk to a degree by some.

By who exactly? The illiterate?

Re:Spider Sense (and roaches and flies, oh my)

[sonicattack]

Flies have a 3-stage pipelined visual system that operates a 400 Hz (compared to human's 60 Hz system). They see the swatter and react more quickly than the human eye.

Why do Americans always assume the rest of the world goes by their standards?

The human visual system, as we Europeans all know very well, runs on 50 Hz here. But this is more than well compensated for by our higher count of rods and staffs.

Re:Watch out when your sleeping tonight

[Anonymous Coward]

Just out of curiousity, when was your day? (The reason I ask is because I've owned several days, the most recent being June 3, 2004. I've never found them to be much use, despite what the guy on the street corner who sold them to me said.)