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Episode III Opening Crawl Released

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  • by NanoGator (522640) on Friday January 28, 2005 @12:28PM (#11504294) Homepage Journal
    ... click on this article and get "Nothing to see here, move along..."?
    • No, but... (Score:5, Funny)

      by paranode (671698) on Friday January 28, 2005 @12:36PM (#11504391)
      It did say "This isn't the story you're looking for" at which point I had an uncontrollable urge to say "Move along, move along". That was weird.
    • by Basehart (633304) on Friday January 28, 2005 @12:46PM (#11504512)
      I wonder if with all the last minute stuff going on at Lucas Film right now, whether anyone would notice if they forgot to make the opening titles crawl up the screen and just stuck that gif up there by accident.

      That would really put a dent in the look and feel of Star Wars III.
  • by American AC in Paris (230456) * on Friday January 28, 2005 @12:28PM (#11504298) Homepage
    In case of slashdotting, here's the original GIF:

    47 49 46 38 49 61 35 02 DC 02 C4 00 00 E0 E0 E0
    F0 F0 F0 10 10 10 D0 D0 D0 A0 A0 A0 30 30 30 20
    20 20 90 90 90 60 60 60 50 50 50 70 70 70 B0 B0
    B0 40 40 40 80 80 80 C0 C0 C0 00 00 00 FF FF FF
    00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00
    00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00
    00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 21 F9 04
    00 00 00 00 00 2C 00 00 00 00 35 02 DC 02 00 05
    FF 20 04 8E 64 69 9E 68 AA AE 6C EB BE 70 2C CF

    [Lameness Filter encountered. Post aborted.]

  • "it was the best of times, it was the worst of times..."
  • by Staplerh (806722) on Friday January 28, 2005 @12:28PM (#11504301) Homepage
    Maybe this means that I'll see the Opening Crawl for Episode III before that poor bloke who started camping out in front of the theatre about a month ago!
    • "You WILL!" (Score:3, Funny)

      by Thud457 (234763)
      Thanks to the Internet, you'll see Star Wars Episode III before that sad git camping out in line for tickets. /Tom Selleck
  • Oh Dear. (Score:2, Funny)

    by bburton (778244) *
    I just pissed my pants from excitement.

  • General Grievous? (Score:4, Insightful)

    by 10Ghz (453478) on Friday January 28, 2005 @12:29PM (#11504309)
    *sigh*
  • General Grievous? (Score:2, Insightful)

    by Anonymous Coward
    My god, how fucking stupid can Lucas get?
    • I think he just showed us, but then, that may just be scratching the surface.
    • So I'm guessing that you're one of those people that 25 years ago said, "Skywalker? How cheesy is that? Does he even think he's a native-American tribal hero?"

      Or are we again doomed to a thread where all that is holy and righteous was that which was Star Wars 4, 5, and 6. :-p

    • MAybe he's portrayed as a tragic figure. I mean, come on, with a name like that, he's obviously doomed from birth to be a bad guy in a cheesy sci-fi film.
    • by OleMoudi (624829) on Friday January 28, 2005 @12:56PM (#11504629) Homepage
      Every time some little detail about Episode III is revealed, people is always looking for catastrophical flaws at first sight and flashbacking to episode I.

      Seriously guys, if you try hard enough, you can easily see flaws in almost everything, even in the old trilogy. Try to imagine yourselves writing an opening crawler for episode III that couldn't be in some way criticised for any stupid elitist star wars zealot.

      Don't bury the movie till you see it
      • by gosand (234100) on Friday January 28, 2005 @02:38PM (#11505973)
        Don't bury the movie till you see it

        Mr. Lucas, is that you?

        Fool me once (Ep I), shame on me.
        Fool me twice (EpII)... uh... can't get fooled again.

        That twit isn't getting any more of my money. For Ep II he only got the rental money, this time he isn't getting squat.

        • There's an old saying on Tatooine -- I know it's on Naboo, probably on Tatooine -- that says, fool me once, shame on -- shame on you. Fool me -- you can't get fooled again.

          - Darth Doobyu
    • by bombadillo (706765)
      My god, how fucking stupid can Lucas get?

      He can be as stupid as he wants. Just as long as we keep flocking to see his movies and making him millions...
  • thanks... (Score:3, Funny)

    by phyruxus (72649) <jumpandlink&yahoo,com> on Friday January 28, 2005 @12:29PM (#11504313) Homepage Journal
    but meesa wait for the broadcast.
  • Not again! (Score:2, Insightful)

    by wjames (579137)
    Why does it sound like the story line to Episode I? Seriously, Kidnapped (Captured) Political Figure, Jedi go save her. They dont need to use the story line from Episode 4 all 4 times.
    • by The-Bus (138060)
      Did you not see the extended version of Episode I?

      At the end the Jedi defeats the evil koopa and then Padme comes out and she's all like,

      "Sorry, Jedi, but your Princess is in another castle."
  • Back to the Future (Score:5, Insightful)

    by TFGeditor (737839) on Friday January 28, 2005 @12:30PM (#11504318) Homepage
    Is it just me, or does the whole "back to the future" approach somehow degrade the Star Wars saga? The new stuff has nifty effects and all, but it just doesn't have the "feel" of the originals.
    • by dr_dank (472072) on Friday January 28, 2005 @12:34PM (#11504373) Homepage Journal
      Is it just me, or does the whole "back to the future" approach somehow degrade the Star Wars saga?

      Agree. SW jumped the shark when Yoda said "tree you make like and get out of here!".
  • Spoiler (Score:5, Funny)

    by TheNextBigThing (849842) on Friday January 28, 2005 @12:31PM (#11504328)
    Annikin becomes Darth Vader!!
  • by Mekabyte (678689) on Friday January 28, 2005 @12:31PM (#11504331) Homepage
    Separatist Droid Army and not SEPARATIST DROID ARMY?
  • As expected, not very exciting IMHO...
  • by Chagatai (524580) on Friday January 28, 2005 @12:32PM (#11504347) Homepage
    Absolutely nothing!

    Seriously, with the way the new crawl starts with the word "War!", Lucas just might have replaced it with "Ass!" or something else asinine.

  • by Anonymous Coward
    Episode III
    REVENGE OF THE SITH

    War! The Republic is crumbling under attacks by
    the ruthless Sith Lord, Count Dooku. There are
    heroes on both sides. Evil is everywhere.

    In a stunning move, the fiendish droid leader,
    General Grievous, has swept into the Republic
    capital and kidnapped Chancellor Palpatine,
    leader of the Galactic Senate.

    As the Separatist Droid Army attempts to flee
    the besieged capital with their turgid hostage,
    two Jedi Knights and a brave but clumsy Gungan
    warrior lead a desperate mission to rescue
    • If you can read this,
      you don't need glasses.
    • by Bonker (243350) on Friday January 28, 2005 @12:47PM (#11504520)
      Episode VI
      THE RETURN OF THE HYPE
      Money! Lucas' Fanbase is crumbling under
      the onslaught of bad film after bad film.
      Theree are people camping out for Episode
      III, but everyone thinks they are just
      kinda sad.

      In a predictable move, Lucas Arts has
      announced dozens of new action figures
      and marketing tie-ins. Ronald McDonald has
      been Kidnapped and is being replaced by
      Yoda, C-3P0, and Chewbacca.

      As the general geek community attempts
      to brace for another soul-crushing
      dissapointment, Jar Jar Binks threatens
      to taint yet another gasping breath of
      a dying franchise...
    • by HiredMan (5546) on Friday January 28, 2005 @12:52PM (#11504586) Journal
      As the Separatist Droid Army attempts to flee the besieged capital with their turgid hostage

      TURGID
      [adj] abnormally distended especially by fluids or gas; "tumescent tissue"; "puffy tumid flesh"

      Unless Lucas himself is playing Chancellor Palpatine I'm not sure how this description applies. Is it really necessary to point out that the guy is really fat in opening crawl?
      Either that or "turgid" is sometimes used as an oblique reference to having a stiffy... and that REALLY doesn't need to be in the opening crawl, IMHO.

      =tkk

    • Episode III
      REVENGE OF THE SITH

      War! - huh - yeah-
      What is it good for?
      Absolutely nothing
      Say it again y'all

      Ohhh... War! I despise
      Because it means destruction'
      Of innocent lives

      War means tears
      to thousands of mothers eyes
      When their sons go to fight
      and lose their lives

      I said - War! Huh - Good God y'all
      What is it good for?
      Absolutely nothing
      Say it again
  • I guess that leaves the door open for whatever the upcoming Lucas Arts games.
  • And with that... (Score:3, Insightful)

    by JasonUCF (601670) <jason-slashdawt@ ... minus physicist> on Friday January 28, 2005 @12:34PM (#11504365) Homepage
    And with that, the final raping of your childhood memories of Star Wars is now nearly at hand. Grab your wallet, grab your glasses, and grab your ankles.. May is coming sooner than you think!

  • by ackthpt (218170) * on Friday January 28, 2005 @12:36PM (#11504390) Homepage Journal
    Look. Look.
    See. See.
    Look. Look. Look.
    See. See. See.
    See Anakin. See Anakin turn. Turn Anakin turn.
    See Jedis. See Jedis die. Die Jedis die.
    See Palpatine. See Palpatine rule. Rule Palpatine rule.
    Look. See Darth Vader. See Amidala. See Amidala give birth and hide children. Hide them Amidala.
    See Amidala die. Die Amidala die.

    There's so much to see.

  • ugh, no wonder he is evil, what a terrible name "Hello Dooki...i mean dooku"
  • by FunWithHeadlines (644929) on Friday January 28, 2005 @12:38PM (#11504412) Homepage
    REVENGE OF THE LUCAS
    Cash! The production house is crumbling
    under attacks by the ruthless
    Sith Lord, and Slashdot fanboys.
    There are whiners on both sides.
    Ennui is everywhere.

    In a stunning move, the
    fiendish droid leader, General
    Lucas, has swept into the
    Hollywood capital and kidnapped
    famous movie critics, and leaders of
    the big studios.

    As the exhasperated Slashdot army
    attempts to flee the onslaught
    of PR pushed by bought-for flaks
    two Jedi Knights lead a
    desperate mission to rescue the
    captive franchise...

  • So for someone who hasn't seen all of the Star Wars series:

    Should I wait until this comes out, and then see the 6 in their intended order?

    Or should I forget all the prequels, and just watch the original three?

    Or watch the original three, then the prequels?

    I'm curious what the general concensus is. I've just never watched them, except for the original star wars once. (Now that I've shocked everyone, what's your opinion?)
    • I would watch 4-5-6 first because if you watch 1-2-3 before 4-5-6, the big punch "Luke... I AM..." in ep5 will be spoiled because you saw ep3.

      Yes, SW should be more enjoyable in the 456123 order, or better in the 456 order.

      Hey, why not trying 654321? It must be fun :)
  • The original (Score:2, Redundant)

    by numbski (515011) *
    Long ago, in a galaxy far, far away, the Old Republic was
    crumbling away, rotting from the corruption and treachery
    within. Power-hungry technocrats and wealthy bureaucrats
    maneuvered and bribed their way into office, while one am-
    bitious senator plotted to destroy the Jedi and rule the
    galaxy.

    Hoping to restore virtue and the remembered glory of the
    Republic, the High Council of Senators dispatched the Jedi
    Knights - protectorate of justice in the galaxy - on a
    quest to retrieve the lost Kaiburr Crystal. They bel
  • good grief (Score:3, Insightful)

    by WormholeFiend (674934) on Friday January 28, 2005 @12:41PM (#11504442)
    General Grievous is described on the star wars site basically as a cyborg, not a droid.

    Or do they mean he's the general of a droid army?

    These people need good writers, that's for sure.
  • by Linker3000 (626634) on Friday January 28, 2005 @12:43PM (#11504468) Journal
    It may only be a crawler when you first look, but I've just ordered this wonderful image enhancer sticker from an online store - the sticker's only about 1.5" by 2" and according to the spec it's manufactured from "advanced, outsized nanoparticles fused with filings from real phase inverted plasma conduits", and when you stick it on the side of your monitor you can see a full length screener of the film.
  • by Class Act Dynamo (802223) on Friday January 28, 2005 @12:46PM (#11504501) Homepage
    I would be remiss in my duties if I did not bring up the Cosmic Wars crawler text.

    The Gathering Shadow

    It is a time of uncertainty. The
    empire's ambiguous tariff statutes
    mandate close reexamination of
    galactic import quotas. Interim
    Princess Agoomba has co-chaired
    a subcommittee to draft amendments
    to existing trade policies

    Meanwhile, regulatory agencies
    are being heavily lobbied by a
    consortium of mercantile interest
    groups and their suppliers to
    streamline loading restrictions for
    class C cargo vessels. The shipping...
  • by calbanese (169547) on Friday January 28, 2005 @12:49PM (#11504560) Homepage
    Or does anyone else think that Lucas should spice up Episode III with some breakdancing?
  • Blah blah (Score:3, Informative)

    by LSD-OBS (183415) on Friday January 28, 2005 @12:50PM (#11504567)
    Yadda yadda

    Just kill Jar Jar FFS!
  • Holy... (Score:5, Funny)

    by jalefkowit (101585) <jason@nOSPam.jasonlefkowitz.net> on Friday January 28, 2005 @12:53PM (#11504601) Homepage

    He actually named a bad guy "General Grevious"???

    What a breathtaking lack of creativity. I look forward to seeing his counterpart on the other side, Major Niceguy.

  • parody (Score:5, Funny)

    by jmaxwell39648 (854203) on Friday January 28, 2005 @12:55PM (#11504626)
    Check out this parody of Episode III. The guy did some nice work. Looks like everything is green screen. Funny as hell. http://www.sequentialpictures.com/moviestarwarsepi sode3.html [sequentialpictures.com]
  • by attemptedgoalie (634133) on Friday January 28, 2005 @12:59PM (#11504666)
    I read an interview once where George said that he lets his kids name that characters...

    Hence: Jar Jar, Dooku, Grievous, Elan Sleazebaggo (don't believe me? look it up), etc.

  • by Odd John (806803) on Friday January 28, 2005 @01:03PM (#11504706)
    ''As the Separatist Droid Army attempts to flee the besieged capital with their turgid hostage''

    Turgid hostage!

    Did Senator Palpatine get a woody while being held down ?

    Turgid:

    1. Excessively ornate or complex in style or language; grandiloquent: turgid prose.

    2. Swollen or distended, as from a fluid; bloated: a turgid bladder; turgid veins.

    On the other hand you can say that all the Lucas movies are turgid.

  • by GeneralEmergency (240687) on Friday January 28, 2005 @01:11PM (#11504785) Journal


    Note to Scroll Writing Staff:

    Please rework Scroll to include the phrase "hot space-monkey nookie".

    Please, no Wookie-Nookie jokes.

    THX, GL

  • by William_Lee (834197) on Friday January 28, 2005 @01:17PM (#11504852)
    Star Wars has now become a parody of Space Balls...
  • by mcc (14761) <amcclure@purdue.edu> on Friday January 28, 2005 @01:19PM (#11504887) Homepage
    The opening crawls in the original trilogy served as a method of allowing the movie to open in medias res without the audience having a sense of disorientation. In the latter two movies this included an aspect of establishing that time had passed since the previous movie-- but, no meaningful or potentially interesting-to-watch events were in this way "skipped", it is simply made clear to us that what we expected has occurred in the intervening time (the war continues, Luke continues to train, Vader turned Solo over to Jabba the Hutt) with perhaps one or two little bits of information that alert us as to the movie's focus (the Imperials are known to be building a weapon capable of destroying an entire planet).

    In the prequel trilogies the crawls have served two purposes. The intentional purpose is to allow George Lucas to weasel out of characterization, establishing setting and place, and moving the plot along. Unlike the original trilogies, where the Star Wars universe's background and nature was established incidentally, through subtle details of what we see and hear during the movie, in the prequel trilogies they just use the opening crawl to say "plop, there it is", and disorientingly slam down the characters and setting they wish to put the movie in. After this point, since they seem to consider themselves thus freed from explaining themselves, they completely refrain during the movie from elaborating on the things the opening crawl sketches or filling in details beyond the crawl's bare outline (where is Naboo and why, if in any obvious way, are they important? who is the Trade Federation and why should we care? who is "count dooky", why would someone have heard of him, what does he claim he wants, and why does this all appear to be important to someone who does not know his true aspirations? who is "grevious", how and why is he starting a droid army, and what are the implications of this? most importantly what would the answer to these questions appear to be to someone within the movie-- not us the viewer, to whom the answers are "he's the bad guy and he wants to rule the world", what would an average citizen of the Republic think Dooku to be?) and so use the time freed up within the movie in this way to concentrate on roller-coaster-style but otherwise long, boring and irrelivant action scenes.

    The unintentional purpose of the prequel trilogy opening crawls is to bash you over the head with how stupid all these character names are ("Grevious"? "Dooku"??? I mean come on!), just in case the majesty of John Williams' opening score might otherwise distract you from the suspicion that the entire plotline to the prequel trilogy was written by Lucas's 4-year-old child in a single sitting some years ago in crayon on a napkin.

"Ahead warp factor 1" - Captain Kirk

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