I'm waiting for Lord Of The Rings On Ice!

Hum along...

Luke, be a Jedi tonight!
Just be a Jedi tonight!
Do it for Yoda, while we serve our guests a soda.
Uh, and do it for Chewie and the Ewoks, and all the other puppets ...
Luke, be a Jedi tonight!

Troy McClure as Frodo

This is about as close as you can get. What's next? Return of the Jedi... the musical?
*starts singing..* you're not my faaaaaaaaaatttheeeeerrr. .....

Here's hoping they cut Tom Bombadil out of this one, too...

Frodo of the nine fingers and the ring of DOOM.

"Hi, I'm Troy McClure! You might remember me from such Tolkien epics as Hobbit 2: There and Back Again, Again and Dial M for Mordor..."

/ Oh, my god - I was wrong:
/ It was Frodo all along...

that they could have managed to reserve a theater. :)

I'm off to destroy the One Ring... after which all the hobbits will siiiinnngggg...

My pressshhhhious... my pressshhiiiouuusss... we must get the ring backs to ussssss...

Frodo! Frodo! Be careful where you trod, lest that Golum take the ring whilst you nod...

Sam, you have eaten all the fooooood. That was very ruuuuuude! I'm most upset... as your lack of respeeeeeccttt...

To the mountain! To the mountain! The ring will go in the fire, or I am a big fat liaaaarr...

What shall I do? The ring calls me so... I must say NO! I must say NO! Into the fire you go!

My pressshiousss... I will not linger! I will get you and eat his finnngeeerrrrr!

Into the lava, into the lava!

[chorus] We're a happy Hobbit town! Our frowns have all turned upside down!

[curtain drops]

One (sung by Gandalf, to the tune of "One"):

Well it's - one Ring,
To bind,
And hold them in the darkness -
Tonight

It's One, but we're, not the same
We'll just hurt each other

I'm Too Sexy (Sung by Aragorn):

I'm - to sexy for my sword,
To sexy for my shield, to sexy for my shirt
So sexy it hurts,

And I'm, to sexy for shampoo,
My hair is long and greasy,
But girls don't think I'm freaky,
No way I'm becoming the High King

I'm a Ranger, you know what I mean,
And I'm dating a real hot Elf girl
Oh, an Elf girl, yeah.....

Fish Heads (Sung by Golem)

Fish heads, fish heads,
Rolly polly fish heads
Fish heads, fish heads,
Eat them up - yum!
(OK, so no word changes - but why mess with a classic?)

...this isn't going to help eliminate the running jokes about gay subtext between Sam and Frodo.

I can just picture it now... to the tune of "Bohemian Rhapsody"

Gandalf: "I see a little silhouetto of an eye!"
Saruman: "Scaramouche, scaramouche, can hear the eye calling? Thunderbolts and lightning, Lord Sauron is calling thee!"

(switch scenes)

Frodo: Samwise Gamgee!
Samwise: Mr. Frodo!
Frodo: Samwise Gamgee!
Samwise: Mr. Frodo!
Frodo: Samwise Gamgee, off the road!
(chorus): The Nazgul come!!! ... oy, I better stop myself, this could get bad.

If the 'inspired' music of "the Hobbit" animated movie is any sort of indicator we could be in for a treat!

I'm waiting for Lord Of The Rings On Ice!

... and StarWars in space!

... ohh wait ...

Simpsons actually had an episode once in which Mark Hamill did a guest appearance. I don't remember the whole thing, but there was a Star Wars musical and he did in fact sing "Luke be a Jedi Tonight" to the tune of "Luck be a Lady Tonight" from Guys and Dolls;-)

Personally, I enjoyed the over-the-top comments from the producer like, "The environment surrounds us and we are in Middle Earth." I guess their insurance premiums are going to skyrocket after Orcs eat the folks in the mezzanine;-)

Toronto is our version of Minas Morgul. Their motto is "one city to rule them all, from the center of the universe, for the rest of time".

Wait until it hits the road...

Any theatre buffs have any idea on how they'll pull this off?

I'm not a theater buff, but my best guess is poorly.

SiO2

I immediately had a vision of that guy Michael Flatley from http://www.lordofthedance.com/ [lordofthedance.com], playing the part of Frodo, tippity-tapping his way across Middle Earth to Mordor destroy the One Ring, while a bevy of Hobbits, Elves, Dwarves, and Men dance a jig behind him with arms straight down at their sides.

(...) it was slated to run in Britain.
should't be 'it was slated to ruin Britain'?

i doubt Aragorn went to Gondor for sex tourism reasons though, so that would be a wee bit out of context

...with Elmer Fudd as Sauron.

Sauron:
Kill da hobbit!
Kill da hobbit,
With my orcs and flying Nazgul!

Frodo:
Flying Nazgul?

Sauron:
Yes, flying Nazgul!
Let me give you a sample...

Do they have Orc's singing "Where there's a whip, there's a way"?

A whole chorus line of Orcs in straw boater hats with Canes dancing around Minas Morgul while an off stage voice sings a (very baritone) ditty about crushing all the friends of the light.

[lights fade as Mount Doom erupts dramatically in the background and immediately fade in stage left]

A drunk Sam and Frodo jaunt through the Shire [stage right to left] singing "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine..."

[qeue Gandalf stage left]

Startled Hobbits quickly turn to overjoyed hobbits and hug the old Wizard. However they are quickly stricken with panic as Gandalf throws the ring round Frodo's neck and tells him to get to Mount Doom.

[the entire cast of Heroes enters stage left]

All the heroes (backed by a chorus of elves in armor and Rohirrim on horseback) sing an uplifting ballad about hope in the darkest hour.

[curtain falls on Frodo down on one knee spotlighted center stage]

INTERMISSION

An invisible Frodo is wrestling with Gollum on the brink of Mount Doom. Gollum bites off Frodo's finger falling into pit, destroing ring.

[Final chorus enters... everyone together... orcs hand in hand with hobbits... and Sauron arm in arm with Aragorn... Saruman and Gnadalf holding both hands crossed in center and spinning]

Sing about good vs. evil

FIN

Hey you guys, now you've spoiled it for him...I tell ya, it's getting harder and harder for people who live under a giant rock in this day and age.

And when it's "LOTR: On Ice," we can get Brian Boitano to play lead.

They should include the The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins [tolkiencollector.com] by Leonard Nimoy too. ;)

Hey, if you do bad enough of a cast, it could be amusing (sort of a "Springtime for Hitler" effect):

The voice of the ring: Michael Dorn ("Worf")
Frodo: A muppet, voiced by Leonardo DiCaprio
Sam: Lewis Black
Bilbo: Danny Devito
Aragorn: Robin Williams
Boromir: Dick Cheney (come on, who else would try to take the ring?)
Gimli: Jack Nicholson
Gollum: Carrot Top
Gandalf: Uri Geller
Saruman: David Blaine
Arwen: Joanie Lauer (Chyna)
Legolas: Howard Stern
Galadriel: Martha Stewart
Directed by: Quentin Tarantino
Special Effects: Ted Kaczynski

I had to try hard not to recycle people from my "Worst Firefly Cast Ever", where I had Keanu Reeves as Mal, Graham Norton as Jayne, Roseanne as Kaylee, Chris Rock as Book, Wanda Sykes as Zoe, Rick Moranis as Niska (the space station guy), the Blue Man Group as the guys after River, etc.

Ah, Canada...... Toronto's backyard.

(And Michigan.... Toronto's garbage dump)

That's not true! Canada has at least another 2 or 3 city-states controlling the rest of the countryside. Montreal used to be one until the PQ decided to sabotage it and go rural. Vancouver's definitely one, Calgary possibly, and Halifax for sure (not because of size or port but because there's very little else out east).

It's a fucking fantastic system - cottages for all! Um, don't forget the snow tires.

How has the thread gotten so far without a link to The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins [tolkiencollector.com]?

Phil Hartman is dead, you insensitive clod!