Reality TV "Astronauts" Lift Off

RJG writes "In the latest reality show on British TV, three British "space tourists" last night succesfully blasted off on a five day mission and are currently orbiting the earth 200 miles up. Or so they think. And to forestall the first question. They aren't experiencing weightlessness due to a combination of being in a low orbit (rather than outer space where the weightlessness is) and a few under-floor gravity generators."

America has officially lost its monopoly on stupid

[TripMaster Monkey]

Well, at least it's nice to be reassured that stark raving idiocy isn't an exclusively American trait. Apparently, any prospective 'astronaut' who showed even the slightest glimmer of comprehension of the rudimentaries of physics was automatically disqualified. leaving us with the pick of the litter...people who are stupid enough to believe that 'gravity generators' exist, and that exposure to 'near space' will make you shorter and increase your lung capacity.

Now add to the mix a psycho Russian pilot:

Pilot Yevgeny Ivanovich joined the passengers for breakfast, and was asked about the colour painted on his finger. He told them it was a superstition of his. In faltering English he tried to explain his reliance on superstition. "The devil's strokes are sexy. He likes to be somebody sexy, the devil."

He told them that every day he's in space he paints another finger.

...and the hilarity practically writes itself. In fact, perhaps the only way this show could get any more entertaining is if the viewing public were allowed to vote on which indignity the 'astronauts' would have to suffer next.

Dramatic Final Episode

[nizo]

The last episode will be the best one, when the TV show fakes a leak in the station and they have five minutes to decide which of the three gets the two working space suits. Sort of like Lord of the Flies in space. I bet they will think it is soooooo funny when they find out it is just a TV show.

Big Brother Space Edition...

[matr0x_x]

So how long before other reality TV shows start happening in space? I can see it now, people being voted off the space station every week...

"reality" TV?

[Anonymous Coward]

so remind me why it's called that, again? Because it's "real"?

Sounds like a blast!

[RileyLewis]

For once, a reality show sounds like a blast! I hope it rockets right up to the top of the ratings!

To qualify, participants...

[Anonymous Coward]

...had to fail a drug test, physics test, and IQ test.

Re:"reality" TV?

[Anonymous Coward]

Because in reality people are stupid

gravity generators?

[at_18]

...gravity generators

Sure proof that those onboard deserve to be laughed at, assuming that they aren't paid actors.

Retards in space.

[cttforsale]

and the public laps it up...

For safety's sake...

[Anonymous Coward]

I hope they brought an inanimate carbon rod.

Heavy, man!

[oddaddresstrap]

"They aren't experiencing weightlessnes due to ... a few under-floor gravity generators." - "gravity generators" like, for instance, the EARTH?

Why do you doubt us??

[OctoberSky]

"...rather than outer space where the wightlessnes is"

News for Nerds? I think you can safely assume that the Slashdot crowd understand where wightlessness occurs.

Re:Hmm

[j-cloth]

nope. the simulator runs Solaris.

Re:Wightlessnes?

[jeblucas]

...if it's not too dear.

again?

[gfanboy]

I wonder if this is how they faked the original Apollo moon landing?

Re:America has officially lost its monopoly on stu

[tnk1]

We must act immediately to close the Stupid Gap!

We didn't lose the monopoly

[rsilvergun]

they licensed the patent.

Re:Heavy, man!

[MROD]

Nah, everyone knows that Star Trek is real and that all space ships and space stations have gravity plating under the desk plating. It must be true, it's on the telly!

Of course this will mean that to survive the contestants will have to use the ParticleOfTheWeek to thwart the danger. eg. The quantum bozo-on emissions will need to be deflected using the primary communication array, or somesuch.

Who gets voted into space?

[gelfling]

Sorry, 19 year old TV middle-ish attractive chick who whines alot. We've decided that for the greater good you have to bail. You can take it two ways. Either with a helmet where you slowly run out of air or no helmet and it's quick. Your call.

Now that I would watch. What are the 5 stages of reality TV grief?

Begging
Figthing
Urinating
Yet more drama
Hugging
Wins a car

Gravity generators. Uhh huh.

[RomulusNR]

Dammit, if I wanted to watch idiots being fooled by a large corporation, couldn't I just go to the mall?

The best episode

[Solr_Flare]

Will be the one where one of the tourists gets ejected into space but manages to hold his breath long enough to make it back inside. Also, thankfully, the gravity generators work outside the ship.

Re:America has officially lost its monopoly on stu

[Anonymous Coward]

Many American reality shows and even the concept of reality tv are borrowed from Great Britain.

I take minor solace in knowing no American was stupid enough to think up the concept of reality TV.

Re:America has officially lost its monopoly on stu

[Anonymous Coward]

>without GCSE's

this has got to be a typo, surely, "with up to 14 recent GCSE's" is more relevant

"low orbit"

[Digital_Quartz]

low orbit (rather than outer space where the wightlessnes is)

It's a little known fact, but this is why things always fall off the bottom of the moon.

Re:To qualify, participants...

[Anonymous Coward]

Not to mention take science classes in Kansas...

Better idea

[Quiet_Desperation]

Can they be voted out the airlock? I'd pay to watch that.

Re:America has officially lost its monopoly on stu

[Ellis D. Tripp]

Or in the White House....

Re:America has officially lost its monopoly on stu

[lucky130]

Technically speaking, all objects are gravity generators :).

Re:View out the windows

[Gratch42]

What'd be really funny is the computer that they run the "window visual simulation" on get's a BSOD and one of the people sees it.

Re:Heavy, man!

[po8]

That, and of course they were wearing the famous heavy boots [milk.com].

Re:To qualify, participants...

[Anonymous Coward]

So, GWB will be playing in the American version?

Re:America has officially lost its monopoly on stu

[MarkGriz]

"We must act immediately to close the Stupid Gap!"

I assume you mean "Stupidity Gap".

Yes, apparently it's worse than we thought.

They're not laughing with you...

[Thud457]

Somebody should found a religion like that. I'd join.

Re:Wow!

[merlin_jim]

If two science fiction nerds on slashdot can get confused about orbital mechanics, who can blame idiots on reality tv?

Re:How to find people that gullible

[aquatone282]

Damn, sounds like today's Democrats.

Re:The "Casting Call" episodes must be the best

[golgotha007]

You are right, is is not very nice.

However, they did get an OK from their close family or friends before putting them on the show.

Further, when the hoax is up, each of them will receive a wad of cash, a trip to Russia for a taste of the real space program and a trip on the vomit comet so they can experience weightlessness.

Watching this program (I'm in Russia) is hilarious, and all my Russian friends are getting a big kick out of it. Funny how they are supposedly in a place called Crimpsk (or some crap), however when they pointed to where "Crimpsk" is, they pointed to a place in the Ukraine!

Also, Kvas (the drink in episode 2) is not a "Russian soft drink". It's a non-alcoholic grain (sometimes veggie) fermented drink (and it is downright nasty).

The show could have done better; for example, most of the instructors were, oddly enough, British instructors. Why didn't they recruit real Russian folks for the task? lame.

Re:America has officially lost its monopoly on stu

[schnitzi]

Now, that would be a good show. Hire a bunch of contestants, and tell them that the whole thing is actually a hoax, and to pretend that they believe that they're actually being launched into space, and then (here's the tricky part) actually launch them into space.