US Prepares for Eventual Cyberwar

The New York Times is reporting on preparations in the works by the US government to prep for a 'cyberwar'. Precautionary measures are being taken to guard against concerted attacks by politically-minded (or well-paid) hackers looking to cause havoc. Though they outline scenarios where mass damage is the desired outcome (such as remotely opening a dam's gates to flood cities), most expect such conflicts to be more subtle. Parts of the internet, for example, may be unreachable or unreliable for certain countries. Regardless, the article suggests we've already seen our first low-level cyberwar in Estonia: "The cyberattacks in Estonia were apparently sparked by tensions over the country's plan to remove Soviet-era war memorials. Estonian officials initially blamed Russia for the attacks, suggesting that its state-run computer networks blocked online access to banks and government offices. The Kremlin denied the accusations. And Estonian officials ultimately accepted the idea that perhaps this attack was the work of tech-savvy activists, or 'hactivists,' who have been mounting similar attacks against just about everyone for several years."

New peace activist slogan:

[Khaed]

"Make cyberlove, not cyberwar!"

Tickle Me Elmos transformed into killing machines

[niceone]

Now that would have made a good headline. It's directly from the article:

microchip-controlled Tickle Me Elmos will be transformed into unstoppable killing machines

(taken slightly out of context)

Newspaper ad

[suv4x4]

As the government is getting ready for the upcoming cyberwar, the following ad was noticed in a local newspaper:

We're looking for a young man named John Connor, to lead our efforts in the war against the machines. We offer $1000 to anyone who has any substancial information in discovering his location. If you can help, please dial 1-800-ILL-BE-BACK.

    - The Government (it's not Terminator this time, I swear)

Re:Newspaper ad

[suv4x4]

The next day another ad was printed:

This is The Government. We're warning you that Terminator seems to be posting newspaper ads looking for John Cohnor and presenting himself as The Government. Do NOT call him. The real Government would never post ads in a newspaper in a fashion like that.

Hmm, wait a second. Bob, stop typing, let me call the general. Hello, General? I just realized, we can't type in a newspaper ad, that we'd never post in a newspaper ad, we'd look like damn morons. Uhuh. Uhuh.. Wait.. BOB I told you to STOP TYPING THAT!

Re:Obvious safeguard

[Anonymous Coward]

Welcome to the whitehouse.gov administration panel, please enter your 6 digit password below:
_ _ _ _ _ _

Access granted! Hello Mr. President,

would you like to...
[1] Raise taxes
[2] Open floodgates
[3] Administrate the US Army
[4] Launch nuclear warheads
[5] Play online poker

Ladies and Gentlemen, Start Your Memes!

[ettlz]

In 2007, cyberwar was beginning.

Re:Ladies and Gentlemen, Start Your Memes!

[Anonymous Coward]

What happen?
Somebody set us up teh hax!

Re:always a war

[suv4x4]

Why is it that america is always preparing for a war? a war on 'terrer', a cyberwar, a war on drugs, a war on immigrants, a war on pirates, a war on guns. When is the last time america made peace?

Amen. Let's declare war on war!

Disaster contingency planning

[zmollusc]

Can we agree on a flag to wave so that, once the 3vi1 h4xx0rs have destroyed all the intarnets, we can signal to others in visual range 'willing to trade pr0n dvdroms via sneakernet'? Maybe any suitably encrusted piece of fabric?

Re:Obvious safeguard

[Anonymous Coward]

Access granted! Hello Mr. President,
would you like to...
[1] Raise taxes
[2] Open floodgates
[3] Administrate the US Army
[4] Launch nuclear warheads
[5] Play online poker

[6]Global Thermonuclear War

Re:It's not just the Internet

[zmollusc]

If the attackers want to maximise chaos, they will leave the traffic signals functioning normally.

PLAN FOR ACTION

[allanc]

Okay, this is serious, and the US could be in serious danger. Here's my plan for action to make sure we can come through a potential cyber-war victorious:

1. "Security through Conformity": Standardize on exactly one platform. Make sure everyone in government is using it. That way, if we discover a gaping security hole in that platform, we only have to patch one type of system. Homogeneity is the key.
2. We need to put our trust in professionals. That one platform should definitely be Microsoft Windows. Sure, having people from all over the world looking for bugs might be quicker and more effective, but that also means that people from all over the world have the potential to find a security hole, but we have no clear target to blame for that security hole. And don't forget that backdoor that was almost slipped into Linux (though, fortunately, caught before it got into source control because of all of the people able to look at it)! We wouldn't have to worry about that with Microsoft Windows
3. Don't leave computer decisions in the hands of long-haired computer geeks who spend all day working with technology. They tend to have decidedly leftist--if not communist!--leanings. All IT decisions for the US government should be made by the people best qualified to make them: Career bureaucrats.

Cyber Cyber Cyber

[gumpish]

Can't they call it "Digital Warfare" or "Internet Warfare"?

"Cyber" is so 1990's... anything that inserts it into the language more often is a nuisance. Can you imagine if it gradually became a synonym for "good"?

Dude, that pizza was totally cyber!

Ugh...

Re:It's not just the Internet

[MisterSquid]

A serious attack by a technically savvy attacker with significant resources and a good plan can very likely do most of those things and a great many more.

William Gibson called and he's asking for Wintermute back.

Re:always a war

[aepervius]

You forgot the war on "tities". Seeing the great scandal that a breast on TV can generate, I would not be surprised that there is a big need to have some vent to let out the frustration. Since you can't have sex, then you have got to have wars, lot of them.

Maybe we in the EU should organize a USA-thon ? I propose that we get big transport plane full of penthouse, playboy, maxim, german porn , a few fetish and silicon "realistic" sex doll, then we air drop the whole on washington. While everybody is occupyed, errrrrr, to clean up the mess, I am sure the world will feel more at peace :P.











Note : I have a really bad humour, so feel free to mod me funny or unfunny. Fair is fair :).

Re:New peace activist slogan:

[The One and Only]

I put on my robe and wizard's hat.