Sony BMG Says Ripping CDs is Stealing

LKM writes "Sony seems to think we should not be allowed to rip CDs we own to our iPods. In fact, doing so is stealing, and we should all re-buy songs, preferably one copy for each device. Says Jennifer Pariser, the head of litigation for Sony BMG: 'When an individual makes a copy of a song for himself, I suppose we can say he stole a song. Making a copy of a purchased song is just a nice way of saying 'steals just one copy'.' I guess somebody should tell Sony about all the devices Sony produces that allow this stealing to occur!"

She continued her testimony saying...

[Anonymous Coward]

I have one final thing I want you to consider. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk. But Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now think about it; that does not make sense!

Why would a Wookiee, an eight-foot tall Wookiee, want to live on Endor, with a bunch of two-foot tall Ewoks? That does not make sense! But more important, you have to ask yourself: What does this have to do with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does not make sense! Look at me. I'm a lawyer defending a major record company, and I'm talkin' about Chewbacca! Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense! None of this makes sense! And so you have to remember, when you're in that jury room deliberatin' and conjugatin' the Emancipation Proclamation, does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense! If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit!

OK, they just need to admit it

[jayhawk88]

Clearly all the major record labels got together about 15 years ago and decided that they had already made entirely too much money, and wagered amongst themselves to see who could do the most to kill the music industry. It's been a fun ride guys, but you're just getting too blatant now, we're onto your little game.

Re:Suppositions

[Vorghagen]

Now they're just trying to look like asshats. Before this we could almost give them the benefit of the doubt, but now...... nope.

This is where I normally try to be insightful

[IndustrialComplex]

But in this instance I can't. When confronted with such an asinine comment my gut reactions kick in and all I can think of is:

I want to throw a phonebook at her and knock her off the podium. Preferably mid-sentence with video footage. Big yellow book smacking her in the side of her head from out of nowhere. Sure, I'd go to jail for assault, but that video would be on the internet. Being shared (she would call it stolen) and laughed at by thousands of people. That would be my solace.

Sorry for my lapse of any real discussion, but some people just need a good old whack upside the head.

Re:Suppositions

[Anonymous Coward]

Furthermore, We can presume that when a "retail" CD Pressing company that manufacturers all of these CDs for a RIAA company does their work, it's wholescale chinese-pirate-eclipsing piracy. If copying one song is stealing, what do you call copying 17 tracks across millions of discs!

Don't you just love blanket statements? :D

Re:Well if it's all stealing

[Dunbal]

Oh no, it gets better than that. You're going to have to buy a copy every single time you REMEMBER a song.

This is old news...

[zerojoker]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MTbX1aMajow [youtube.com]

It's only a matter of time...

[adam613]

...until Sony sues itself for contributing to piracy.

Memo to HR: fire yourselves

[Anonymous Coward]

Why would you put someone who lacks even a fundamental understanding of copyright law in charge of your litigation group?

Oh wait... is she hot?

Re:For once I prefer the RIAA position!

[j00r0m4nc3r]

Oh, they meant Cadmium [wikipedia.org], not Compact Disc

Re:She continued her testimony saying...

[everphilski]

in the land of two foot ewoks, the eight foot wookie is king?

Re:This is where I normally try to be insightful

[eck011219]

You'd just be sued by R.R. Donnelly for misuse of their copyrighted material.

Re:Contact details

[Anonymous Coward]

Boy, she sure wasn't happy when I told her she was a stupid litigious bitch... and then asked her on a date. She sounds hot. Honestly!

It's a FAX

[thegnu]

I don't know if they hooked up a fax machine because of the flood of calls, but please please, someone with a fax, send them something.

For extra points, tape several sheets together and write "We Will Not Purchase Music From Sony BMG Until You Change Your Position," feed it through the fax machine, tape the ends together so they receive never-ending protest message, take a picture of yourself doing it (not your face, of course), post it on imageshack.us, and share the joy with the rest of us.

You can do it. I know you can.

Re:Cognitive dissonance, resolved.

[Tanuki64]

I generally pay for my music.

Shame on you. Buying music is the same as supporting terrorists.

Re:This is where I normally try to be insightful

[Aladrin]

You mean something like http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3DaPRNpgdZE [youtube.com] ?

Yeah, I'm all for that.

Re:Next Step

[boyfaceddog]

And after that...
Dear sir or madam;

We respectfully request that you cease and desist from listening to our music. The license you purchased from us only allows you to listen to each song once. This was clearly printed on the wrapper included with CD or in the EULA you agreed to before you downloaded the song.

We are presenting you with this opportunity to comply with the law (see statute on next twenty three pages). If you fail to comply with the law we will have no choice but to file a law suit against you.

Please remember - LISTENING IS STEALING.

Sincerely,

The RIAA.

Re:It's a FAX

[GundamFan]

Three Words: Black Construction Paper.

Re:I guess you could say I stole one FP

[Krakhan]

Nah, it appears you let the Wookie win.

Re:Contact details

[Anonymous Coward]

MP3 or it didn't happen.

Re:Suppositions

[Andrewkov]

but then again, half of all lawyers graduate in the bottom half of their class

Is this true??? We must do something to improve the quality of lawyers! Also I'm trying to figure out why 40% of sick days are taken on Mondays and Fridays, but that's another issue.

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Re:It's a FAX

[deniable]

You may have found a practical use for goatse man.

Re:For once I prefer the RIAA position!

[Storlek]

Wait, the RIAA doesn't object to something that blatantly violates the Lomonosov-Lavoisier law? Those universe-destroying bastards.

Re:Sony is not welcome in my wallet...

[FredDC]

Sony probably thinks that is stealing too. They are contacting the politicians they own right now to create a law making it illegal not to buy their products.

Re:Memo to HR: fire yourselves

[Lurker2288]

There was a photo of her up on Sony BMG's site, but then she realized that they had stolen her image and demanded that they remove it.

Re:Well if it's all stealing

[kimvette]

Dear mark^H^H^H^Hsucker^H^H^H^H^H^HConsumer,

Thank you for contacting us to resolve your long history of copyright infringement. We are happy to see that you recognize that you have been stealing from us and want to rectify the matter. I am sure that we can reach an amicable solution without having to sue your grandmother. As you know, we, the RIAA members, have long been victimized by earworm performances.

If I get a song stuck in my head and I can't get it out, will I have to pay them each time it runs through?

Excellent question.

Of course you have to pay. Earworms are unlicensed and uncompensated performances of a mechanical recording. Now, did you have a question to which the answer is not obvious?

I keep trying to remember the rest of the song, but I can't. All I can hear is that one stupid line. Over and over and over . . . . driving me crazy. Are they going to start charging me a percentage of the song's cost every time that line tortures me as it mocks my feeble existance playing over and over?

Of course. We will be happy to prorate the licensing fees for you. Our prorated fees for samples/clips start at 50% of the normal rate. However first we need a few details:

  - were you thinking about work or doing work while enjoying the earworm, or were you home on your own time?
  - were you at an educational institution instructing, attending, or auditing a class? We do offer educational discounts of .003%
  - were you at the time singing along, humming, or in your case, grunting along with the performance?
  - were you at any time during these unlicensed performance:
            - banging your head
            - tapping your feet
            - tapping your steering wheel
            - playing your 'air guitar?"
        If so then on top of our usual full rate, you also owe us public performance royalties.

And if I can't remember the song, or the artist, who do I pay?

Us. You pay us. Are you so stupid you could not figure this out? We don't care which artist's work you were enjoying, so long as we get our cut. Don't worry, if you cannot remember the title or artist, we will put the artist's pitiful slice of pie into an interest-bearing account of which the artist will never see a penny. Er, what I mean by that is that we will try to figure out which artist should receive the royal- hell with it I'll come out and say it. We don't give a rat's ass about the artist, but if you do not pay up we will sue.

Thank you for your patronage. We look forward to your continued business.

Sincerely,

RIAA Member

I have to agree with Sony BMG and more!

[erroneus]

I think buying a CD for use in your car and then playing it in a portable player, or in your office's computer or at home is stealing! You bought the CD for use in the car! You should buy another one for at home, another for in the office and another for your portable player. With the availability for consumers to buy multiple copies of the same thing, there's no need for "personal backups" or any other such nonsense.

Buy the same thing over and over and over. You don't buy just one loaf of bread do you? You don't buy just one shirt do you? Why can't they get it through your collective heads that you NEED to BUY and BUY and BUY! Stop thinking! Stop budgeting! BUY BUY BUY!!! Who cares if they don't come out with anything new! BUY!!!

Re:She continued her testimony saying...

[djasbestos]

No, no, he has a time-share...and the Empire has really gone lax on regulating real estate fraud with all the kickbacks they get from that industry. I'm sure he wants to get out of it, but contracts will screw you. How was he to predict that "arboreal condo" was actually a frickin' tree fort? The beds on the Falcon are probably way more comfortable than some lashed together bamboo mat, even with his size.

Re:It's a FAX

[rucs_hack]

You may have found a practical use for goatse man.

oh dear, you've done it now. Who knew rule 34 applied to faxes?

I wish I was able to see the look on the face of whoever reads those faxes.

Re:In that case...

[Corporate Troll]

At least the Mafia has an implicit code of honour ;-))

Re:I guess you could say I stole one FP

[Anonymous Coward]

Horseshit. When I hit reply I was the first.

Slashdong has ripped me off yet again, thankless fuckers

Re:ripping is stealing....

[Opportunist]

Of course! After all, with the rootkit deal, they didn't steal anything from you. You actually got bonus material.

Re:She continued her testimony saying...

[Lord Apathy]

In the land of the 6 foot hairless apes, the 8 foot wookie is still king.

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Re:She continued her testimony saying...

[mr_mischief]

Especially if you beat them at Space Chess.

Re:Next Step

[rk]

"The ??AA's Holy Grail would be a technology that allowed people to pay money to experience their products and walk away with a good feeling about it (to encourage future sales), but at the same time render them unable to remember the specifics (to encourage paing money for the same thing again)."

So that explains modern pop music. It's all so clear now.

Re:Suppositions

[Lord Apathy]

Now they're just trying to look like asshats

I really don't think they are trying any more. I think we can say they have mastered that just fine. Lets see, I have canned response to sony. I wrote it down on an index card, just a second let me get it. Okay here it is..

..."Fuck You!"...

Re:If it's wrong, Sony should give back copying le

[Anonymous Coward]

Further to that.

I buy a lot of blanks but I never use them to copy music. I'd like my levy back please.

How about some RIAA-style calculations. Is it still $75,000 per track? I have purchased about 150 blank cd's this year, and if we say a conservative average of 5MB per track, it looks like about (150x700MB)=105,000MB / 5 = 21,000 tracks "not stolen". That means I'm due a refund of $1,575,000,000.

Re:For once I prefer the RIAA position!

[kponto]

From that RIAA FAQ:

Again and again, we have embraced the technological advances that have allowed millions upon millions of people around the world to enjoy the music we create.

HA!

Re:So I guess everyone was stealing...

[Kemanorel]

Or the FDA division of Brawndo: The Thirst MUTILATOR!

"It's got what plants crave."

Re:Out of print CDs?

[Juln]

By choosing to listen to obsolete music, you are robbing today's artists of sales!
I urge you to refrain from endangering the economy in this way.
Repent!

Chewbacca is a pedophile

[spun]

Ewoks look like Wookie children. Chewbacca is a perv.

Re:what bothers you about that joke

[thegnu]

Dude, South Park never makes fun of people based on their race, ethnicity, social status, or sexuality. Please, let's not sling mud.

Oh, and wooooooo, season premiere tonight!

Re:Contact details

[Anonymous Coward]

> "Go fu*k herself?"

Naw. When an individual goes and fucks herself, I suppose we can say she stole an orgasm... Making a copy of the sexual experience is just a nice way of saying 'steals just one orgasm'.'

Listening to a CD more then once

[JohnnyGTO]

is STEALING! You must all nuke your cd's and buy new ones after each use. You are not entitled to listen to the same crappy song more then once!

Re:Contact details

[Jaysyn]

Jesus, they're both lawyers. I hope one of them is sterile.

Re:Contact details

[j79zlr]

And much to my shock, it's not goatse.

Ok, just so I have this straight, you thought it was goatse yet clicked the link anyways????

Question

[Fartacus]

Q: How do you know if a Sony BMG employee is lying?

A: His lips are moving