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Subterranean Slashdot Email Blues 267

Posted by samzenpus
from the so-you-want-to-work-at-slashdot dept.
If you can imagine working in the office of a school for gifted, troubled, and criminally insane children, inside an international airport, you can get a taste of what it is like to do support for Slashdot. I've worked here around 5 years now and have seen some crazy things. From a guy showing up at the office and offering me a car if I let him "reverse engineer Rob Malda's life", to people shaking and on the verge of tears because they got a Slashdot sticker. I was really tempted to take the car by the way but the thought of Rob spending his last few weeks in a hole, while this guy lowered a bucket of lotion and water down to him once a day, made me feel bad. Most of my time is spent answering email. Most days I receive about 50. When it's busy I can get well over a hundred. As everyone knows, people are precisely 500% more rude and angry online than they are in real life. Something about not having to see the tears or dodge the fist of the person you are swearing at brings out the worst in some people. We decided it would be fun to go through some of the more 'interesting' mails we've got through the years as part of our 10 year anniversary. Below you'll find some of my favorite rants, conspiracy theories and tantrums. (CT: Don't forget to put in your charity bid for the EFF- time is almost up.)


Lets start out with the good. I hardly ever get mail telling me how good we are and I don't expect it. I do appreciate humor though. When I get a mail like this it makes my day.

On Thu, 24 Feb 2005, ******** wrote: "Hi all Found the culprit at the London site that got them all banned from Slashdot. He was running a spider across bloglines.com, and there was a link to slashdot (which it followed).... as he said "I should have known better"... he should have, he is a real techie.... The rest of the staff at that site have taken the user outside, stripped him naked, and are currently stoning him in my middle of Oxford Street.... I hope this is an adequate punishment, and you see it in your hearts to allow ********* to access your fine online publication again. Sorry for any problems this has caused, when I get down to that site next week, I hope there are some stones left for me to throw at him."

Sometimes we get mail that is obviously for someone else.

Date: Thu, 15 Jul 2004 12:18:01 "I am very tired of your whining. John won custody of Brandon. There is no changing that. What makes you two think that I need Brandon to have a family? I have news for both of you I have my own kids. I don't need someone else's to complete my life. I could care less where he lives. Whether it be with Tammy or John it makes no difference to me. As a matter of fact I only have 2 kids because that is all I wanted. I sure did not need one that has a learning disability. So when you are sending out all your e-mails, letters and internet crap leave me out of it. I am just a person in the middle of all this bologna. Don't assume that what you all want is what I ever wanted. I have my own life and my own career. I have my own identity. None of it revolves around any of you or Brandon." Have a nice day!

I can only hope that everything worked out for Brandon. Sometimes people just need to share with me what's going on in their lives.

Sat, 9 Apr 2005 22:11:16 (PDT) "please take ******* off mailing list I get slash-story on yahoo and msn do not need both , and use yahoo more a lot more thank you I am a good man who very well may die in jail for something I did not do because I must take a plea 4 years of cancer has taken all of my money I am taking Clindamycin hcl 150 mg 3 pills 4 times per day plus Cipro XR 1000 mg 1 per day Acidophilus 3pills per day ! These are the new ones just for the Lung deal Cymbalta 60 mg 1 times a day ( 6mo's) prednisone 60 mg per day-off now !(4yearsplus) singulair 10 mg 1 per day (3 years) ranitide300 mg 2 times per day (3years) mirtazapine 45 mg bed time (1.5years) clonazepam 1 mg 4 times per day (2.5 years ) Advir 250/50 2 times per day (2 years ) combivent inhaler b-1 2 or 3 times a day (3 years) Wow when you write it all ! How do I keep going ? 5 Years no SSI-SSA Paid in 20 years ? Plus I must be on a lung pump W/oxygen everynight or I could die at any time !!!!!!!! Was on 60mgs of Paxil and 60mgs of steroids at the same time for over 4 years it changed my personality 100% took myself off both even with a danger of taking much time off the end of my life !"

This brings us to my favorite type of mail, the crazies. They range from the mildly disturbed to schizophrenics. I honestly wish i got more of these.

Date: Sun, 29 Aug 2004 08:41:39 "I try to be very circumspect in the emails that I generate. Some of my contacts are personal friends and some are serious business contacts. I am sending this link because it reflects the hours of study that I have done (far less than the 10,000 that the author mentions). In the 1960's while being trained to go to Vietnam, I was taught that you never can understand your enemy till you understand his religion. This nation is in a war - not because we chose to be in the war - but because those on the other side believe that we have no right to exist and they are determined to destroy us and our way of life - simply because we do not share their religion. I will never try to FORCE anyone to believe as I believe. I will openly discuss the evidence that has made me believe as I do, and if you accept that evidence then we will be agreed. If I have accepted false evidence, or if my logic is flawed, you are my friend to show me a better way. But for others to determine that if I will not accept their religion, then they must kill me and destroy all that I have is completely repugnant to all humanity. Read, study, think and make decisions that are logical based upon available evidence. May you always walk with God."

Thursday 15 November 2001 06:33 pm "I'm writing you to express my concern as a citizen that our government has spent and is spending taxpayer dollars on research into implanting microchips into the human brain. With some of the horror stories coming out in books from authors like Cathy O'Brien and Brice Taylor--survivors of atrocious CIA mind-control experiments--the potential abuse of this technology is very alarming. Slashdot would do well to alert the public about this issue, an invasive and abuse plan to control people's very thoughts. The U.S. Air Force released a report in 1996 titled AIR FORCE 2025, which is mirrored on the Federation of American Scientists Web site at: http://www.fas.org/spp/military/docops/usaf/2025/v3c2/v3c2-4.htm [By the year 2025:] "The civilian populace will likely accept an implanted microscopic chips that allow military members to defend vital national interests." --Chapter 4 of Information Operations: A New War-Fighting Capability contained in Volume 3 of Air Force 2025: Final Report by the U.S. Department of Defense (1996) Air Force 2025 is the final report on a study conducted by the U.S. Department of Defense presented on June 17th 1996, and which seeks to identify the technologies and practices that will need to be implemented by the year 2025 in order for the United States to "remain the dominant air and space force in the 21st century." The report actually uses the term "brain chip" for the implantable microchips which can perform a number of functions such as satellite tracking at all times, personal information storage and retrieval, and behavior modification."

Wed, 03 Mar 2004 15:39:17 "What is your problem? I'm doing the best I fucking can. My whole existence is to do the right thing and make people happy. You are doing it too alright. I realize the whole world is focused on me right now, get over it. I appreciate many things in life as we all do. Just do the right thing, every single time."

About a third of all the mail I get is angry users. Most are civil, some are nasty and a few threaten me with bodily harm. Even people who aren't exactly sure what Slashdot is send me angry mail.

Mon, 01 Nov 2004 07:20:22 "Dear Whom ever! You people are absolute idoits. You mean to tell me that you ban new user who have only been using your service/server what ever the case maybe after approximately 5 minutes or so? If that is the you people do not understand the concept of customer service in the least! Period! Even though, I did not select the use of what ever the your website or service this is a example of the worst customer service of all time, bar none.(Pardoning the pun of course) If you have agreements with other companies that customize windows and special add-on programs as such, maybe what ever this issue is or is being caused by can be resolved. And you can make no mistake about it, I do not exactly what your service is, But I will not ever knowingly use your service again. And, secondly, I have also advised all the people I know online (which is many); due to fact I attend 2 universities online. Not, to use your service if they are using an version of SideBar or the like program. It is as I mentioned before, where it is a default issue with SideBar or some issue with yourselves; I am not sure and frankly, at this point I do not care. However, You might want to consider having an amendment made with or to the Sidebar group to correct the problem or If I may suggest possibly sending them an email explaining who and what your policies of usage are upon receiving any new requests online. Thank you and Good luck in the future."

On Wed, 1 Jun 2005, ***** A wrote: "All I did was drag the icon for your feed to my firefox menu bar. It has been removed. I didn't abuse anything. Go fuck yourselves, I'll bet it's the only action you minimum-wage, still-living-in-the-parents-basement, criticizing-the-industry-you-cant-make-a-living-in, whiny-assed geeks can get. Put down your officially licensed Obi-Wan Kenobi replica light saber from Star Wars episode IV (the original theatrical release!), forget about what Microsoft is doing for 30 minutes and go talk to a girl (a real one, not one you downloaded or inflated or built out of spare vacuum cleaner parts in your basement). If you can't drive fast enough, stay off the fucking freeway!"

On Wed, 15 Feb 2006, ***** wrote: "Fuck you and your karma you stupid buddhist fags. Fucking elitist prick bastards. I will just open another account. I will just troll more now because you guys pissed me off with your homo statements. Slashdot is fucking gay, the stories you post are fucking gay, the commentary is gay, all of you are gay. You are all a bunch of pseudo-intellectuals that like to post the most idiodic stories, and then the mods get mad and mod people down when they complain about the quality of stories. I've even had someone go as far as to say "Slashdot isn't for the news. It's for the commentary and discussions." What an assclown, if the stories suck then guess what? The comments are going to suck too. Besides, you guys get most of your stories from Digg and Google News anyways. You are all fucking worthless, I hope you all die and go to hell where you can make stupid rebuttals to Satan's posts and mod his comments "flamebait." Stupid cunts. By the way, ban my IP for all I care. There's plenty of computers at the library I can use to open new accounts to troll with. Your karma system is just something for your /. fanbois to jack off too (Ooh look, I got +5 Insightful, I must be a fucking genius!); it's completely worthless at stopping trolls from posting. I can't believe you make people pay for your site. So they can have a * next to their name and see the stories early. Wow! That really makes up for the lack of quality control on the front page (dup stories ALL the time, misleading headlines, misleading article summaries, mods letting stories through THEY think are interesting instead of the majority deciding... and so on) So I hope you are happy, you have gained another troll that will make sure your site gets lots of "Insightful" comments."

Date: Fri, 15 Jul 2005 11:48:22 "When I try to log on, I get this message:
'Danger, Will Robinson! You didn't log in! You apparently put in the wrong password, or the wrong nickname. Either try again, or have your password mailed to you if you forgot your password. Logging in will allow you to post comments as yourself. If you don't log in, you will only be able to post as Anonymous Coward.'
I'm not Will Robinson! Can't you fuckers even keep track of users? Delete all my information now before you give it away to someone else! The bank fucked me like this I won't let you. Delete my info immediately or I will report you! On second thought you will fuck that up to just give me your adress so I know where to go to beat your ass!


I sent our address but he never showed up. For some people swearing and threatening me isn't enough. We had a banned user that I exchanged mail with at least a dozen times. It soon became clear that he wasn't interested in an explanation or what I had to tell him. The last message I sent was this.

Date: Thu, 23 Jun 2005 14:40:13 From: Robert Rozeboom To: ****************** Subject: Re: FW: FW: Problem with excessive bad posting "I'm sorry but there isn't anything to correct. This is how the system was meant to work. I am sorry that you disagree and feel slighted."

The next day he mailed me a few more times. I ignored him assuming that he'd get tired of yelling and wait for the timeout to expire. The following Monday Hemos tells me HR got a complaint and a fwd. mail in which I was abusive to a reader.

From: Robert Rozeboom [mailto:samzenpus@akane.blockstackers.com] On Behalf Of Robert Rozeboom Sent: Thursday, June 23, 2005 2:40 PM To:*********** Subject: Re: FW: FW: Problem with excessive bad posting "There isn't anything to correct dumb-ass. This is how the system was meant to work. It's pukes like you that we would prefer didn't have computers to begin with. Your whiney assed email isn't going to get you anywhere. Shut the fuck up or I will block you for good."

Can you spot the differences? Luckily I had saved all our correspondence but to this day it is the one time that a user really got to me. Pukes? Who the hell besides the drill instructor in Full Metal Jacket, says pukes? I'm used to the swearing and the threats but doctoring mail and trying to get me fired was a new one. So please, enjoy the site, enjoy the discussions, learn something, debate your thoughts and ideas. All I ask is that your next mail to me doesn't have WTF? as the subject.
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Subterranean Slashdot Email Blues

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  • by Anonymous Coward on Monday October 22, 2007 @12:06PM (#21073129)

    Most days I receive about 50. When it's busy I can get well over a hundred.
    Note to self: E-mail samzenpus about keeping consistant between writing numbers out ('hundred') versus using the number ('50') in articles. Bitch obsessively for three paragraphs in grammar nazi stylings designed to take him down a peg. Who does he think he is? Offering me aggregated news at no cost!? The very nerve!

    Seriously though, thanks for posting these e-mails, hilarious stuff for a terrible Monday morning.
    • by rustalot42684 (1055008) <fake@@@account...com> on Monday October 22, 2007 @12:23PM (#21073303)
      Why is this modded troll? It's obviosly a joke.
      Note to self: E-mail samzenpus about how the /. mod system sucks and he should really improve it. Bitch obsessively for three paragraphs designed to take him down a peg. Who does he think he is? Offering me aggregated news at no cost!? The very nerve!
      • Re: (Score:3, Funny)

        by ShieldW0lf (601553)
        On Wed, 15 Feb 2006, ***** wrote: "Fuck you and your karma you stupid buddhist fags. Fucking elitist prick bastards. I will just open another account. I will just troll more now because you guys pissed me off with your homo statements. Slashdot is fucking gay, the stories you post are fucking gay, the commentary is gay, all of you are gay.

        I have to confess. I'm not gay, but I did let ***** suck my dick in jail just for the hell of it. He's very conflicted inside, have pity on him.
    • Note to self: E-mail samzenpus about keeping consistant between writing numbers out ('hundred') versus using the number ('50') in articles. Bitch obsessively for three paragraphs in grammar nazi stylings designed to take him down a peg. Who does he think he is? Offering me aggregated news at no cost!? The very nerve!


      Just use at least 100 or over 9000. I don't remember the right number, but I read something about it last thursday.
    • by lucifig (255388) on Monday October 22, 2007 @01:50PM (#21074389)
      "Put down your officially licensed Obi-Wan Kenobi replica light saber from Star Wars episode IV (the original theatrical release!), forget about what Microsoft is doing for 30 minutes and go talk to a girl"

      Angry about whatever, this is an awesome line.
    • Re: (Score:2, Informative)

      by DirkGently (32794)
      Indeed. He got it bass-ackwards.

      The proper way to do it is to write out numbers below 100 and to use digits for 100 and above.

      This attempt at whoring for a "+5 Informative" brought to you today by the letters W, T and F and by the numbers eighty-four and 328.
    • by Sciros (986030)
      Oh crap it's Monday! Good t hing I read Slashdot gotta run!!
  • KDawson's on the Pavement, posting about the government. CowboyNeal's in the trench coat, poll out, laid off
    • by Tackhead (54550) on Monday October 22, 2007 @12:56PM (#21073739)
      I'm always down for a filk. Bring it.

      > CmdrTaco's in the basement mixing up the medicine,
      >KDawson's on the Pavement, posting about the government.
      >CowboyNeal's in the trench coat, poll out, laid off

      Says he's got a bad cough, likes his job at Slashdot.

      Look out kid, it's somethin' you did.
      God knows when, but we're filkin' it again.
      You better page down the thread a ways, linkin' to a new Friend,
      The link to the Goatse site, in the big pen
      He's eleven inches 'round, you only got ten.

      Natalie's big tits, naked, hot grits
      Talkin' that CALEA puttin' plants in the bed but
      The net's tapped anyway, Natalie's right, many say
      They bust Bush in early May, orders from the NSA

      You must be new here, kid, don't matter what you did,
      Mod up and down the Firehose, eatin' lotsa No-Doz,
      Better stay away from those that decrypt with a rubberhose,
      Make a clean post, watch the plainclothes,
      You don't need mod points to know which way the wind blows.

      Get sick, get well, hang around a inkwell,
      Ring bell, hard to tell if anything is goin' to sell,
      Troll hard, IP barred, get back, post Braille
      Chroot-jailed, jump bail, postin' pics captioned "FAIL".
      Look out kid, you're gonna get hit
      By losers, cheaters, six-digit users hangin' around the theaters,
      GLaDOS's chortle, make another Portal,
      Don't follow leaders, watch the karma meters.

      Youtubes, pwn n00bs, post b00bs, series of tubes,
      Ain't fair, thow chairs, Al Gore's pig and man and bear,
      Copy files, not abuse, fair use, don't steal, don't lift
      Ten years of workin' and I'm postin' from my day shift

      Look out kid, at -1 it's all hid,
      Better jump down a manhole, Super Mario's Candle,
      Don't wear sandals, post funny 'bout the scandals,
      Gum's chewin' bums, in Soviet Union,
      And the server's down 'cause it's outa file handles.

      • by ak_hepcat (468765)
        +1 Bob Dylan filk.

        One of my faves, too.

        You didn't post an attribution. How am I supposed to know if i can
        sing this version at the next con?
  • oh sure! (Score:5, Funny)

    by circletimessquare (444983) <circletimessquare&gmail,com> on Monday October 22, 2007 @12:16PM (#21073227) Homepage Journal
    you think it's funny to make fun of the mentally unstable!

    well...

    um...

    apparently it is!
    • Re: (Score:3, Funny)

      by Anonymous Coward
      Mentally unstable people who have Comic Sans MS as their default font!
    • Re: (Score:3, Insightful)

      by Opportunist (166417)
      Well, it's not politically correct. It really ruins your karma (the 'real' one, not the /. one). It's almost as low as making fun of people with silly names or other conditions they can't influence.

      But yes, it's really funny.

      And, with a lot of "crazy" people I'm honestly wondering whether it's not good ol' "home grown" madness. World doesn't work like he wants it to, or he can't grasp it, so it has to be some weird conspiracy and aliens/governments/computers/whatever controling his mind, or wanting to contr
    • Everyone at K5 makes fun of you.

      And, ummm, me.

    • Madmen (Score:2, Insightful)

      by Anonymous Coward
      Its as if these people learned to write email based on spam they've received.
  • Thanks for sharing. This was really good. This reminds me of the guy who runs tired.com. He once published some mails he got.
  • Crazies (Score:5, Interesting)

    by xevioso (598654) on Monday October 22, 2007 @12:17PM (#21073247)
    I've always found that people who have to deal with customer service in almost any vein often get to deal with some of the most loony people, and the rest of us only rarely get to catch a glimpse through the window of insanity. I used to work at a radio station, and we would get calls and comments from the most crazy people. Specifically, there was this one guy who always (I think he still does) call the radio station and try to get on the air through a lot of devious means. This guy thought that Stephen Spielberg killed John Lennon. We'd also get faxes from people who would write the nuttiest stuff..the one that sticks out in my mind was a bunch of writings that looked like chicken scratch, but actually was this elaborate way of writing normal sentences using mathematical equations and symbols. It was kindof cool...I almost passed it on to the cops because it reminded me of the way the Zodiac killer used to write, and this was in San Francisco. Nutty people make life more interesting.
    • Re:Crazies (Score:5, Interesting)

      by Synchis (191050) on Monday October 22, 2007 @12:48PM (#21073597) Homepage Journal
      I used to work Cancellations and Tech Support for MSN Internet access. It was quite possibly the most interesting and yet horrible 6 months of my life.

      Boy when people get mad at Microsoft, they vent in whatever direction the nearest "Microsoft Employee" happens to be... even though I was only technically working for the call center.

      We used to get people who didn't know they signed up, people who didn't have computers but were conned into an account by a dept store employee for a discount on their purchase, people who signed up legitimately, and then threaten legal action because they faced penalties for canceling a contract... and I once spent over 30 minutes trying to explain to an 80-year old southern grand mother what an underscore was so that she could type in her user name.

      I do *NOT* miss those days. :)
      • Re: (Score:3, Informative)

        by atamido (1020905)
        Awesome, I used to work for MSNIA tech support also. (In SLC during 2001-2002) The real weirdness didn't start until I got into their level 3 support. One of our side duties was to answer snail mail that people mailed to MSN. People mailed the weirdest crap to us. One lady taped a bunch of different colored sheets of paper together and wrote a message down it saying MS should make itself responsible for filtering the internet for the world. It was probably 10 feet long, so we hung it from the ceiling
    • ...without Marlon Brando's eyes. (- the rantings of a homeless person)

      Pretty much the only time you have to deal with customer service is to complain. There are people who love nothing but because it gives them something to do...simply.

      A friend of mine called Nynex (remember them?) so much to complain (and for no reason) that they ended up sending him a $500 check and two six-foot boxes of phone books covering every state.
    • Re:Crazies (Score:5, Interesting)

      by Assassin bug (835070) on Monday October 22, 2007 @01:11PM (#21073915) Journal
      It isn't just costumer service folks. Entomologists get it too. I have had a couple people during my short tenure in science visit my office and swear that they are infested with something and insist that they have the culprit in a plastic sandwich bag. To make them feel like they are having their problems addressed you stick the contents under your scope and find nothing but dry skin cells and pass them off to some unfortunate dermatologist. There is a name for this condition but I'm too lazy to remember it at the moment. Liars can also be fun. Once a female police officer handed a co-worker of mine a specimen for him to identify that she found "on a window ledge". It was a crab louse. No stage of a crab louse infests window ledges.
      • Re: (Score:3, Informative)

        by dysfunct (940221) *
        Did you mean something like Morgellons disease [wikipedia.org] or (the most likely cause of Morgellons) delusional parasitosis?
      • Re: (Score:3, Funny)

        by Obfuscant (592200)
        You think YOU got it bad? I'm an etymologist and I get people asking me to look at their crabs all the time, too. I actually never bought a microscope until this one real hot (but dumb) chick started working down the hall.
    • Re:Crazies (Score:5, Interesting)

      by cayenne8 (626475) on Monday October 22, 2007 @01:35PM (#21074197) Homepage Journal
      "I've always found that people who have to deal with customer service in almost any vein often get to deal with some of the most loony people, and the rest of us only rarely get to catch a glimpse through the window of insanity."

      It isn't just the classic "customer service" jobs that see this....it is pretty much ANYONE that works a job dealing directly with the public. When you work a public facing job (I had several growing up and early school years), you see just how crazy, rude and downright stupid the general public is. It was a real eye opening experience for me.

      I figured myself, and how I grew up was pretty average, and the same as most other people. Talk about a shock! I'd never seen such behavior. And man...some people can be true asshats...

      I thought I'd seen it bad working in food service, and retail sales (although bartending was more fun, everyone tries to be nice to you and they are generally feeling pretty good after service)...but, the worst horror stories I'd heard was from a former girlfriend that was a flight attendant. She amazed me with stories of how rude and obnoxious people were on a regular basis. She did say it seemed to be worse in the NE section of the US, but, was generally bad all over to some extent.

      I learned that you, at a minimum, want to be nice to 2 people....your bartenders (naturally), and your flight attendant, since they are your "bartender in the air".

      :-)

      But seriously, I used to advocate that we have some type of mandatory public service. That everyone had to at least for a year, work as a server in a restaurant or retail sales, just so people would know better how to treat people that are waiting on them. It isn't an easy job, not if you're good at it.

      I've noted, however, that service jobs in recent years....quality has gone down. Seems no one is taking pride in good work these days...

      [/ramble off]

    • Re:Crazies (Score:5, Insightful)

      by value_added (719364) on Monday October 22, 2007 @01:50PM (#21074403)
      I've always found that people who have to deal with customer service in almost any vein often get to deal with some of the most loony people, and the rest of us only rarely get to catch a glimpse through the window of insanity.

      Yeah, but the real kicker is some of those people you do see through the window (or sit the next cubicle over) are perfectly normal but their email suggests otherwise. There's a good number of literate, educated, well-spoken people I know that I cringe receiving email from.

      A few type in ALL CAPS due to reasons that range from being previous AOL customers, poor eyesight, claims of habit, or a personal preference ("It looks better").

      Many don't spell czeck. Which is fine, if you can spell, but absurd if they expect the person on the other to dismiss them as lazy, illiterate, or just rude.

      Most write in abbreviated form. That's a polite way of saying that they've adopted a habit of excessive abbreviation, truncating words where no appropriate abbreviation exists, and interspering redundant emoticons and a littering of ellipses (where a frigging period would have sufficed) between words with misplaced, absent or seemingly random capitalisation. You end trying to make sense of something that only a monkey who's a William Shatner fan banging away at a typewriter could produce. Were they in hurry, or did they never learn to type? Or is my time just worth less?

      Then, of course, there's the one-sentence-per-paragraph folks that leave you wondering whether they're free associating, really have a point or coherent argument to make, or just want to share quiet empty space with their friends. Easier to parse than a full page that consists of a single run-on sentence, but no less annoying.

      I shudder to think what any of these smart educated folks would write in a complaint email to some anonymous customer service department. In the heat of anger, we're always inclined to say or do things we know we'd otherwise regret, but while we'd think twice before leaving that nasty little note on the refrigerator for a family member or our significant other, few seem to hesitate to include all of it and more in an email.
  • by mcmonkey (96054) on Monday October 22, 2007 @12:17PM (#21073251) Homepage

    Do I get a pr...er, I mean, would someone get a prize if that person's email made it into the story?

    (And sorry about the 'puke' thing. I was having a bad day ;)

    • by ahaning (108463)
      So you're admitting that you sent doctored emails to Slashdot HR to try to get samzenpus in trouble? Ballsy.
  • WTF? (Score:5, Funny)

    by W33dz (643133) * on Monday October 22, 2007 @12:18PM (#21073257)
    I can only imagine how many emails you will get today with "WTF?" as the subject line. I'm gonna take a wild guess and say it will be more than your usual 50. :)
  • by phorest (877315) on Monday October 22, 2007 @12:18PM (#21073263) Journal

    "This brings us to my favorite type of mail, the crazies. They range from the mildly disturbed to schizophrenics. I honestly wish i got more of these."

    • Re: (Score:2, Funny)

      by TechForensics (944258)

      Slashdot is fucking gay, the stories you post are fucking gay, the commentary is gay, all of you are gay.

      Wow, he's right. My time on /. is always merry.

  • The scary thing (Score:3, Interesting)

    by ColdWetDog (752185) on Monday October 22, 2007 @12:18PM (#21073267) Homepage
    Is that the implantable microchip page [fas.org] is real (check out, however, the clip art source and date). It is a better article than half of the ones posted. Come on, open up and share more often. A lot of us don't take our meds all of the time. We would understand!
    • by gknoy (899301)

      [an implanted microchip capable of] creating a seamless interface between the user and the information resources (in-time collection data and archival databases). In essence, the chip relays the processed information from the IIC to the user. Second, the chip creates a computer-generated mental visualization based upon the user's request. The visualization encompasses the individual and allows the user to place himself into the selected battlespace.

      What I find funny is, this sounds like the report's equival

    • by Ilgaz (86384) * on Monday October 22, 2007 @02:05PM (#21074627) Homepage
      Here is a treasure I bookmarked back at 2000 or something.

      http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid/cs_paranoia.shtml [rinkworks.com]

      Stuff like these:

      "A customer called saying he was getting an error in Windows 95. He told me what the error was, and I recognized this as a typical error that occurs after installing MS Office 97.

      Tech Support: "Sir, did you just install Office 97?"
      Customer: "YOU'RE IN MY COMPUTER, AREN'T YOU?????" (click)"
  • WTF? (Score:2, Funny)

    by zrq (794138)

    All I ask is that your next mail to me doesn't have WTF? as the subject.

    With this crowd, I expect that in a few hours time your inbox will be full of emails with subject 'WTF?'

  • by davidsyes (765062) on Monday October 22, 2007 @12:20PM (#21073275) Homepage Journal
    called "Clarice", by an effete engineer/programmer or being told, "It PUTS the hard disk in the bucket, or it gets a reboot...", or something to that effect or affect...
  • Asking For Trouble (Score:5, Insightful)

    by StormReaver (59959) on Monday October 22, 2007 @12:21PM (#21073293)
    "All I ask is that your next mail to me doesn't have WTF? as the subject."

    Do you not realize what you've just invited half of Slashdot to do?
    • by daigu (111684)
      ...and filtering WTF in the subject line is hard because...?
      • ...and filtering WTF in the subject line is hard because...?

        because the Slashdot Effect will reduce their email server to a puddle of slag?

  • digg vs /. (Score:5, Funny)

    by graveyhead (210996) <fletch@flet[ ]ronics.net ['cht' in gap]> on Monday October 22, 2007 @12:28PM (#21073387)

    the thought of Rob spending his last few weeks in a hole, while this guy lowered a bucket of lotion and water down to him once a day, made me feel bad

    See this is where digg clearly has the upper hand. I mean you could take away KR for days and digg would just keep going (and going, and going....) Hell I think he's been in a hole for the past entire year ;)
    • by Mr. Underbridge (666784) on Monday October 22, 2007 @01:45PM (#21074323)

      See this is where digg clearly has the upper hand. I mean you could take away KR for days and digg would just keep going (and going, and going....) Hell I think he's been in a hole for the past entire year ;)

      It works here too. The slashdot server has a daemon process called 'kdawson' that puts random submissions on the front page. I think it's in line for a promotion to senior editor as soon as it gets its 'Turing Test' accreditation.

  • I guess I'm not clued in on this feature / bit of lore.

    Why would someone be in tears if they were to receive one?


    • Psychological validation?
    • Re: (Score:3, Funny)

      Maybe it's like the video from "The Ring," where if you get one you'll be forced to live out the rest of your life in your mom's basement and become pasty white and never see any girls.

      As for why they're in tears, I have no idea.
    • by klossner (733867)
      It's sticky on the back and has /. on the front: photo [flickr.com]
  • by trongey (21550) on Monday October 22, 2007 @12:31PM (#21073423) Homepage
    Wait. What? Slashdot provides some kind of a service? I though it was just a place where people from all over the world got together to type gibberish.
    • by Belacgod (1103921) on Monday October 22, 2007 @12:51PM (#21073663)
      If that was the case, we'd have come up with the complete works of Shakespeare by now.
    • by CopaceticOpus (965603) on Monday October 22, 2007 @01:36PM (#21074221)
      People these days don't know the first thing about gibberish. I remember the days of great gibberish. Like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe. So, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days nickels had pictures of bumblebees on them. 'Give me five bees for a quarter', you'd say. Now, where were we? Oh, yeah...the important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions because of the war; the only thing you could get was those big yellow ones.
  • I can empathize (Score:4, Interesting)

    by rubypossum (693765) on Monday October 22, 2007 @12:39PM (#21073515)
    When I worked for Big Retail Company I was in charge of the system that sent promotions out to users. We always got at least five people cursing at us for spamming them. It was incredible just how angry and irate people can get. The trouble was, the only way you could get on our email list is by saying yes to the cashier when they ask. In which case, they'd write your email address on a note card and the manager would type it in after closing. You'd actually have to watch them write it down! It just proves that some people are dimmer than others (and people REALLY hate spam.)
    • Re: (Score:2, Funny)

      I feel bad for noway@jose.com, idont@thinkso.com, canihaveyour@email.com, and kissmy@ss.com.

      They are usually the emails I give when it is required for something I have already paid for.

      I also feel bad for the person who lives at 123 Main St. Anytown USA 11111.

      Usually these go to the people who look at the back of my CC and still don't ask for ID when it clearly states that on my card.

  • by LWATCDR (28044) on Monday October 22, 2007 @12:41PM (#21073533) Homepage Journal
    With almost a million or is it now more registered users you are going to get and equal number of genius and complete loons.
    BTW.
    Hey you stupid jerks why didn't you take my submission? I bet the government got to you!

    In Soviet Russia and Beowulf cluster of old Koreans imagines you.

  • by MMInterface (1039102) on Monday October 22, 2007 @12:47PM (#21073589)
    This reminds me of the QQ topics in the WoW forums. It got to the point where people would use an alt character to post a fake complaint to start a flame war. A classic example would be someone posting with a lvl 10 warlock in the rogue forums about how rogues are overpowered an need to be nerfed. After 20 pages of long debunks it would become apparent that people had wasted part of their lives arguing with another bored rogue who didn't believe any of the crap they were posting. Not only were they playing a joke on their fellow rogues but they were making fun of people that came to their forums to complain. In a similar manner I wonder if any of these emails or posts on slashdot are from bored people expressing fake opinions that are the oppossite of their real ones, just for the amusement of seeing the responses. Always makes me think twice when it seems like someone is trying to spread FUD. Wouldn't suprise me a bit seeing as how some of those guys do visit slashdot.
    • by Bogtha (906264) on Monday October 22, 2007 @01:54PM (#21074457)

      After 20 pages of long debunks it would become apparent that people had wasted part of their lives arguing with another bored rogue who didn't believe any of the crap they were posting. Not only were they playing a joke on their fellow rogues but they were making fun of people that came to their forums to complain. In a similar manner I wonder if any of these emails or posts on slashdot are from bored people expressing fake opinions that are the oppossite of their real ones, just for the amusement of seeing the responses.

      On behalf of everybody at Dell, I'd like to congratulate you on the purchase of your first computer, and I offer you a hearty welcome to the Internet. These people are called "trolls" [wikipedia.org] and it is in fact perfectly legal to kill them with fire.

    • by Dan D. (10998)
      That's what I always liked about the term trolling... that is trailing a line off the end of a speeding boat to entice the fish. I can just imagine someone sitting there with a beer kicked back and watching the line of bait they just put into the water. Meanwhile the fish are swimming for all their worth to catch that line.

      Makes you almost feel bad for the fish when you've been one yourself :)

      But they taste so goooood.

  • My favorite idiot line had to be "By the way, ban my IP for all I care. There's plenty of computers at the library I can use to open new accounts to troll with.".

    But the guy who was most certainly not Will Robinson was the funniest.
  • by ptbarnett (159784) on Monday October 22, 2007 @12:55PM (#21073735)
    The guy who didn't recognize the "Danger, Will Robinson!" was the best of the lot. I'm amazed at how clueless some people can be.

    At one point, I used an email address specifically for posting to Usenet, and set it up to auto-respond with a simple message: "This is an automatically-generated response. I don't read email to this address, please reply to my posting in the newsgroup".

    One guy continued to reply to the automatic response, asking, then demanding that I stop emailing him. He claimed to be very upset, threatened to call the police, etc... despite the line at the beginning of every reply: "this is an automatically-generated response".

    His email address was in the tamu.edu domain. At that point, I started to wonder if most Aggie jokes were actually true.

    • Re: (Score:3, Funny)

      by LMacG (118321)
      "Not Will Robinson" is probably one of those guys who goes on and on about having thrown away his TV every time a television or TiVo story gets posted. Forget the children, won't somebody please think of the pop-culture references?
      • I don't watch TV anymore and even I know what that's from. Just because you don't watch TV doesn't mean you're an idiot, ya know.
    • by pz (113803)
      The guy who didn't recognize the "Danger, Will Robinson!" was the best of the lot. I'm amazed at how clueless some people can be.

      And provincial. I don't have proof, but I'm willing to wager that all manner of English-speaking folk have never seen nor even heard of "Lost in Space". Say, those from, the UK, Australia, New Zealand, India, even parts of Canada. Moreover, many people who don't come from English-speaking countries can read and write English quite well and have with even higher certainty not se
    • by LWATCDR (28044)
      I wrote a forum for by companies website way back around 95. At first I let people pick their own username and passwords. People kept forgetting them and not typing them in the right case.
      So I put this text up. "Remember your user name and password are case sensitive." I then had a guy call up asking me to change his user name and password for him. It seems his user name as case and his password was sensitive...
      I soon made the website assign your user name and password to you. But then I had people get ins
  • by JCSoRocks (1142053)

    If you have agreements with other companies that customize windows and special add-on programs as such, maybe what ever this issue is or is being caused by can be resolved. And you can make no mistake about it, I do not exactly what your service is, But I will not ever knowingly use your service again. And, secondly, I have also advised all the people I know online (which is many); due to fact I attend 2 universities online.

    Anyone else immediately think of Miss South Carolina!? I think we should ask her i

  • Thank you for posting this. Made midterm week a hell of a lot better, but really, I should be studying my vb.net... ^^' Yay for distractions! ^^ Oh, and if I fail... expect a really nice email from me. ;) I'm going to be a crazy!
  • Tech support/CS emails are always the best. I have a friend who used to have control over the mit.edu homepage, and was on the webmaster email list - now THOSE are some fun emails.
  • Wow. Just wow.

    I realize that all of us have some difficulties putting thoughts to e-paper. We miss spell words and screw up usages. Sometimes we even leave a fragment in the post during writing, and forget to re-read the post before hitting "Submit."

    Those emails are - without question - worse than what we see in the posts here on slashdot, and far worse than what I get in my inbox. I never realized how lucky I was not to have your job.
  • All I ask is that your next mail to me doesn't have WTF? as the subject.
    You do realize that you'll soon be getting 5000 emails per day with said subject line?

    Thanks for the article. Nice to know that PEBKAC is a factor for y'all too.

  • GOTO HELL (Score:3, Funny)

    by gerbouille (663639) on Monday October 22, 2007 @02:12PM (#21074735) Homepage

    This one is my favourite:

    I hope you all die and go to hell where you can make stupid rebuttals to Satan's posts and mod his comments "flamebait."

    God awful :-D

  • by beckerist (985855)
    The line that starts: Sat, 9 Apr 2005 22:11:16 (PDT) "please take ******* off mailing list

    looks like some sort of weird automatic-spam generator...
  • I guess folks who hate Slashdot must have had their navigation bar disappear from their browser.
  • by 6Yankee (597075) on Monday October 22, 2007 @03:29PM (#21075869)
    If you must put so many naughty words into a story, kindly warn people. Some (most?) of us read /. at work, and some of us have an over-sensitive naughty-word filter that throws up a very obviously naughty-word-filter-generated page for all to see. So, yeah, thanks for that.

    Had to wait till I was home just to post this.

    I've got no problem with swearing, but use your brain!

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