All US Border Crossings Now Require A 'Terrorist Risk Profile'

conlaw writes with a somewhat intimidating Washington Post article. "The federal government disclosed details yesterday of a border-security program to screen all people who enter and leave the United States, create a terrorism risk profile of each individual and retain that information for up to 40 years ... The risk assessment is created by analysts at the National Targeting Center, a high-tech facility opened in November 2001 and now run by Customs and Border Protection. In a round-the-clock operation, targeters match names against terrorist watch lists and a host of other data to determine whether a person's background or behavior indicates a terrorist threat, a risk to border security or the potential for illegal activity. They also assess cargo."

Re:...Well.

[Cryacin]

I was trying to think up some kind of response to this but, honestly, it's so infuriating and, more importantly, so stupid that I simply can't.

Given pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of progress?

Great...

[DoofusOfDeath]

They also assess cargo.

Great, I can see it now:

Agent: It says here you have a truck full of... "baklava"?

Trucker: That's right.

Agent: Hold on, let me just run it through the ole' computer here...

(interminable wait)

Agent (to the crate of deserts): OK Mr. Bahklever, lay on the ground or we'll shoot!

Trucker: Dude... you're yelling at a pastry...

Agent: ON THE GROUND!!!

Trucker: I don't think it can hear you, man.

Agent: (incinerates truck)

Re:Thirteen months, actually.

[jamstar7]

It must have just gotten declassified.

Fear not, Citizen, our beloved government will rectify this by reclassifying it momentarily.

Ok; but where's my luggage?

[topham]

Ok, if they track so much information could they inform the airline what happened to my luggage? I was flying from Winnipeg, Canada to Chicago, Il; and on to Norfolk.

Somewhere in here United lost my luggage. They don't have a clue what they did with it.

The Perfect Solution

[Anonymous Coward]

This is just what we need, as long as the boxes with all that paperwork is stacked along the southern border.

Look on the bright side!

[zaydana]

The US won't be able to keep the data for 40 years, it won't exist by then!

Well, DUH!

[StefanJ]

We have better shopping. And big cars. And Jesus.

Name matching?

[oddaddresstrap]

Then our duty is clear. Even though it will cause a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of names suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced, we must all change our names to "Richard Bruce Cheney".

Soviet Vespucciland

[Jeremiah Cornelius]

Can you say it?
I know you can!

We make the DDR look like Sweden!

Re:Awesome!

[Moofie]

Kangaroo fucker. It's the worst thing a person can be.

Re:So

[__aaclcg7560]

Why do we give licenses to foreigners to begin with?

Obviously, they had a valid driver's license in their home country and could pass the state driving test. A new question should be added to the written exam to eliminate this problem: ARE YOU A TERRORIST? YES/NO

Re:Soviet Vespucciland

[Durinthal]

What does a popular rhythm-based video game have to do with a Scandinavian country?

Re:Awesome!

[DigitalWallaby]

The problem is keeping up with them as they bounce along.

Re:So

[The One and Only]

Is there really a danger of a Mexican terrorist?

Pancho VIlla may be dead, but his cause lives on!

Re:Move? Russia, China? Each sounds so promising

[QuickFox]

A fucking commie? On Slashdot? Unlikely. How would a slashdotter get to fuck?

Re:Soviet Vespucciland

[insertwackynamehere]

dance dance social uprising ..in the Eastern Bloc!

Re:plenty of people come in that way, too

[Brickwall]

True. I tend to use dirt clods myself since rocks can damage the house the nest is attached to.

I have to ask: are those insensitive clods?

Re:So much for ever visting the US again...

[Anonymous Coward]

Well, I have been reluctant to want to visit the US given the rampant paranoia and siege state that seems to be prevalent down there recently, but this pretty much guarantees I won't ever visit again. Its not that I am a terrorist, its not that I am any sort of threat to anyone, and its not that I have anything to hide in fact, its that I don't want to have a profile that will be retained for 40-years, that will undoubtedly end up being incorrect in some aspect, which I can't update, correct, or most likely even view at any point during that period. Its that I don't want to risk having some mistake result in my being whisked away to some foreign country for a torture session that will produce whatever they want me to say (as erroneous as it will be) because I recognize I wouldn't stand up to sustained torture for very long. The chances are admittedly very very small, but why take any chances. When the mad dog in the junkyard is unpredictable, its better to just stay away from it.

Dude! Have you seen the exchange rates? It's a bargain here!