Early Review Calls New Indiana Jones Film Dreadful

bowman9991 writes "Hope this one isn't true! An early negative review calls the upcoming "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" movie predictable, lacking in tension, and a fan's worst nightmare. SFFMedia believes this new Indiana Jones movie could create a similar reaction a lot of people experienced after watching the first of the last three Star Wars movies, 'The Phantom Menace': you wait for years and years, the anticipation building, and then it's so awful it taints your view of the original movies. Of course George Lucas was involved with Star Wars too." The SFFMedia piece refers to this review on Ain't it Cool News. The trailer I saw (before Iron Man) actually looked great to me, so I'm taking this with a grain of salt.

This ONE is dreadful

[iamhigh]

Weren't they all? Well, at least I haven't been counting down the days to see the next IJ movie. they certainly weren't that good.

I'd like to make up my own mind

[Anonymous Coward]

So, torrent plz so I can see for myself?

No lack of tension at all!

[Anonymous Coward]

The opening scene is a total heart attack. Indy barely escapes a huge stone ball despite being slowed by his walker. He pulls his colostomy bag out of the way just in time. It was a real heart pounding experience. But that was easily fixed with an emergency room visit and some clot-busting drugs.

I doubt that..

[Cinnamon Whirl]

..the reviewer is the master of any Shoguns either. So I'm not too worried.

star wars previews

[Anonymous Coward]

i remember seeing the episode 1 teaser preview for the first time and thought OMG yes! this is gonna be sweet. as we all know hindsight is 20/20.

do you like darth vader?
oh god yes! i love darth vader!
well in the first one you get to see him as a little kid.
is he evil like damien?
no he's just a little kid then he leaves his mom and gets sad.

do you like bobba fett?
hell yeah i like bobba fett.
well in the second movie you get to see him as a little kid.
is he like a badass bounty hunter in training?
no, his died dies and he gets sad.

As a man who...

[InvisblePinkUnicorn]

As a man who finds himself occasionally yelling out "INDY!!" in imitation of John Rhys-Davies, all I have to say is...

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Re:#4, PG-13....

[bsDaemon]

Well, Temple of Doom sucked hell-a bad. Frankly, I blame it on "short stuff" and trying to be campy.

Putting that Shai LaBuff (spelling) kid in this one is probably what did it in. The success formula for Indiana Jones movies is number of nazis > number of kids. Nazis are exciting and mysterious, kids are just obnoxious and don't belong in an adventure film anyway... except for Goonies.

Re:A good trailer

[L Boom]

Absolutely. I'm at work so I can't actually check the link, but this [youtube.com] should be a link to a great clip job. They took scenes from The Shining trailer and recut it to look like a romantic comedy. Really excellent job.

The streak continues.

[UnknowingFool]

So far this has been the pattern:

1st film: Groundbreaking
2nd film: Great
3rd film: Ok
4th film: WTF was everyone thinking?

So help me if one character utters something like "Me-sa gonna get the skull, Indy?", I'm going to have kill myself right there in the theater. Maybe I'll humanley spare some fellow movie patrons by taking them out first. :P

Aliens.

[Anonymous Coward]

Movies about aliens just ain't that popular anymore...

Re:complete BS

[businessnerd]

Agreed. I suggest the Wall Street Journal for movie reviews. Usually they hate everything, so if they actually like something, you should probably see it.

Re:A good trailer

[Splab]

Or you could be aiding in rick rolling us.

The plot thickens! //crawls under his table and puts on his tin-foil hat

If it's not a success...

[ShinySteelRobot]

...then I'm sure we can look forward to a multitude of Special Editions with various tweaks. Guns will be digitally replaced with walkie talkies, walkie talkies will be replaced with guns, and eventually Shia LaBeouf will be digitally replaced with an character that's more universally loved and admired, such as Jar Jar Binks.

Re:A good trailer

[L Boom]

I would never rick-roll you. Also, I would never give you up, let you down, never ever run around, or turn around and hurt you.

Modern Cash-In of Classic Film Series "Dreadful"?

[morari]

Well no shit.

Re:The streak continues.

[morgan_greywolf]

This just in ... from the original script:

(Finale Scene: In the cave. Indiana Jones and company are surrounded by villains while the cave is collapsing.)

Jones (fighting off villains): HEY! Don't just stand there, DO SOMETHING!!!
Binks: Meesa gonna get the skull, Indy!!!

Save us from crystal skulls!!!

[FooAtWFU]

There was also an episode of The A-Team towards the end of its run about a crystal skull. It, too, was widely regarded as the worst episode ever, a fan's nightmare, and such.

The lesson: if it says "crystal skull" anywhere, avoid it like the plague.

Re:That, my friends, is...

[mark72005]

There is no standard in the universe by which the Phantom Menace can be judged a 'great movie'.

Re:A good trailer

[Anonymous Coward]

ACK! I've been rick-rolled by text!

Re:#4, PG-13....

[somersault]

Yeah, I don't see why Indy found her attractive, but I guess when you're stuck out in the middle of nowhere surrounded by creepy bald guys painted in blood, you get desperate.

Re:A good trailer

[twistedsymphony]

Great idea! Movies would be only 3 minutes long and completely filled with explosions. You would of course, charge full price.

So... it's like a Michael Bay flick?

Re:That, my friends, is...

[badasscat]

Indeed, I could almost guarantee that without the original Star Wars pedigree, Phantom Menace would never have been greenlit in the first place and would *certainly* not have been released in its existing form. It would have been reworked, re-shot and probably still eventually shelved, then dumped straight to DVD assuming it was greenlit in the first place.

Can you see the pitch now?

Lucas: "It's a film about trade disputes and tax reform... in space!"

Studio: "Next!"

Re:Highlander II: The Sickening

[mark72005]

<quote>
I still haven't got over my disappointment at the utter pile of poo that was the second Highlander film</quote>

THERE (should have been) ONLY ONE!

Re:star wars previews

[Anonymous Coward]

So... Lucas remade it into Emo Wars? Vader is dressed in black to match the darkness in his soul? When he had his helmet off and chilling in his chamber in "Empire..." he was busy blogging?

No he wasn't blogging.
He was redoing his mascara and eyeliner.

Re:A good trailer

[chromatic]

I wish Michael Bay movies were only three minutes long!

Re:As a man who...

[jollyreaper]

As a man who finds himself occasionally yelling out "INDY!!" in imitation of John Rhys-Davies, all I have to say is...

NOOOOOOOOOO!!!

You fail.

Your choices should have been:

(a) Do not want!!!!!

or

(b) Sequels, why did it have to be sequels?

or honorable mention:

(c) I have had it with these motherfucking sequels to these motherfucking classics!

Re:And?

[Cheapy]

Congratulations sir. This post was your 1337th.

Re:20 years too late

[letxa2000]

This movie is 20 years too late. I would have gladly seen it in 1988.

Oh, come on... I admit it should've been done sooner. But even Spielberg isn't good enough to be able to release the fourth installment before the third!

Re:My Answer: YOU'RE ALL TOO OLD!!!!

[Mister Whirly]

My Answer: you are too young. Too young to actually remember when Hollywood had the ability to crank out thoughtful, meaningful, entertaining, and relevant films. Now movies are just vehicles for selling tie-in merchandise, and count on the bar being set so low that even crap like JarJar and Mannequin Skywalker's bad acting are perfectly acceptable to the younger generations. Ewoks? If I wanted fucking Muppets in a movie, I would go see one of the Muppet Movies (which were great - at least the first 2)- but don't mess up my Star Wars movies with them.

Now you damn kids GET OFF MY LAWN!!

Re:A good trailer

[luder]

Excellent job, indeed. Here are some more great recuts:

THE ORIGINAL Scary 'Mary Poppins' Recut Trailer [youtube.com]
Must Love Jaws [youtube.com]
10 Things I Hate About Commandments [youtube.com]

These would make pretty interesting movies! But seriously, though, pimpified trailers are one of the reasons I don't go to the theaters so often. It really infuriates me to be deceived that way. Nowadays, I either rent or ________...

Re:Hold up

[StormReaver]

"The Phantom Menace was pretty poor, but it's largely to do with the excessive expectations of people and their over-hyped ideals."

No, The Phantom Menace sucked on it's own merits (yes, that's a double, maybe triple, entendre).

Re:My Answer: YOU'RE ALL TOO OLD!!!!

[sakonofie]

If I wanted fucking Muppets in a movie, I would go see one of the Muppet Movies

Offended Yoda is.

Re:No lack of tension at all!

[skuzzlebutt]

I read that the giant stone was lodged in his kidney this time, and that the quest was for the Prune Drink of Asimoth, which would then lead him to the Throne of Eventual Relief.

Re:A good trailer

[corbettw]

Great, now I had to explain to my non-nerdy wife what the hell "rick rolling" is, so she could understand my loud outburst of laughter.