Fat People Cause Global Warming, Higher Food Prices

Stating the obvious: "Two scientists write that obese people are disproportionately responsible for high food prices and greenhouse gas emissions because they consume 18% more food energy due to their greater body mass -- and require increased quantities of fuel to transport themselves and the food they eat. 'Promotion of a normal distribution of BMI would reduce the global demand for, and thus the price of, food,' write the authors, Phil Edwards and Ian Roberts of the evocatively named London School of Hygiene & Tropical Medicine."

And on the plus side. of plus-size..

[RM6f9]

Weighing more makes us harder for the aliens to suck out of our cars, the reserves mean we'll last longer in the coming famine years, and if any skinny little vegans give us any lip, all we gotta do is sit on 'em to quash the noise...
Seriously, extreme obesity is a darwin rule in action, usually - nobody wants to breed with us, and heart disease/stroke usually kill us "early" - rather like gay marriage, if you don't like 'em, don't join 'em, otherwise, back off: It's hard enough living in a world that wasn't built for us without having some smug, self-righteous ass-hat making comments because, while normal, we don't fit average... only made the worse when it's people who want their particular outside-of-average needs respected who fail the tolerance test...

Re:Hey...

[Vectronic]

He's skinny... better mobility...

It evens out

[Eudial]

Way I see it, things even out pretty nicely: Fat people are disproportionately unlikely to get laid, and therefore don't contribute to overpopulation.

Ooooh!

[pete-classic]

Does this mean I'm finally in a class that the government is going to throw money at?

Oh, and I plan to live 20% fewer years than average, so it's really a 2% gain for the planet.

-Peter

Re:And on the plus side. of plus-size..

[eln]

I agree. Plus, when we run out of oil, we can burn them for heat, and they'll burn far longer than skinny people. Plus, when we have to resort to cannibalism, they'll taste better than their skinny and athletic counterparts, who will be tough and gamy. And, they will be far easier to hunt, as they will move slowly and tire quickly.

In conclusion, we should not be trying to eliminate obesity. Rather, we should establish "fat farms" where we can increase their numbers for our future needs.

Makes sense

[eebra82]

So Calista Flockhart was in fact just caring for the environment? Who knew.

Re:And on the plus side. of plus-size..

[slarrg]

I agree! It's those damn breeders and their children that really consume resources. ;)

Re:Mixed Causes

[circletimessquare]

Although it was quite funny, it's a straw man and...

unfortunately, according to the codified laws of debate, chapter 5, subsection 32, the charge of "straw man" is an applicable rhetorical device in any disagreement, except in the instance of arguing about a fat man. you will have to rephrase

Re:OK, I'm going to weigh in here

[Anonymous Coward]

Dude,

NO WAY you fit in a Civic! :-)

Re:Corn

[Jeremiah Cornelius]

You know? After all this time, I hadn't noticed this! Thanks.

Re:And on the plus side. of plus-size..

[Oktober Sunset]

Keep your hands off my chips you fat fuck.

Re:Mixed Causes

[Oktober Sunset]

BMI needs to be replaced by RWI or residual wobble index. In this, the doctor attaches accelerometers to your body and then rocks you from side to side and then measures how long your flabby belly continues to jiggle after he stops.

Re:Or, maybe, they should worry about themselves

[cjb658]

'Promotion of a normal distribution of BMI would reduce the global demand for, and thus the price of, food,' write the authors

We tried that, but when people find out what a normal BMI is, they just cry and eat more comfort food.

Re:And on the plus side. of plus-size..

[Anonymous Coward]

And, they will be far easier to hunt, as they will move slowly and tire quickly.

Careful. Because of their larger appetites, they'll also get hungry enough to resort to cannibalism first. Watch your back.

Re:And on the plus side. of plus-size..

[Anonymous Coward]

I am skinney and thus good for the environment. So I in theory have some "skinney environmental credit" comng to me. The way you can be fat and not feel guilty about hurting the environment is simply to pay me money for being skinney. That evens the score up. Say monthly you can send me $10 per lb that you are over weight. I am about 30 lbs under average. So I could help a fat 30 lb oveight guy feel completely ok about himself and the environment. Then he could tell people who rag him about being bad for the environment to go stick it, as he is not, he has ballanced the books by paying me!!! I would send him a certificate with my weght at a public scales and reciept as proof of his "fat environmental credit" purchase, and he can hang it on the wall in his office. I can even send him a wallet card or better yet a badge he can wear when out eating at a resturant. Problem solved!

Re:Ah the new religion

[Anonymous Coward]

Ah the new religion,
Now combining the sudo sceince of global warming with a little good old fashion scapegoating.

$ sudo sceince
sudo: sceince: command not found

Spoken like a true pseudo-literate.

Speaking as a 5'8" guy weighing in at around 135 pounds, this sounds alful facist to me.

Perhaps you should look up the spelling of "alful" and the definition of "facist."

Nobody would call me fat but replace global warmin with economic struggles and fat people with jew and our intelectual elite sound pretty much like Hitler did in the the late 1920s.

Oh, you did not just Godwin yourself... Oh wait, you did. Might I suggest taking a few steps towards joining the "intelectual elite" before shooting your mouth off in the future? You sound more convincing when you don't have to resort to attacks based in anti-intellectualism and misapprehensions about what constitutes Fascism to defend your reasonable point about scapegoating.

Can we get back to real science before we completely destroy the world pretty please?

No arguments there, this whole thing is preposterous beyond comprehension. What is it with people's never considering the actual marginal impact of ideas they advocate? Or even considering whether their pet project/scapegoat would have an effect within three orders of magnitude of the problem. Foolishness.

Re:One word: Ethanol

[dfedfe]

Drunk people can't possible eat *that* much.

Re:Mixed Causes

[Oktober Sunset]

I can see this method being inaccurate for very short people.

The most accurate test is PMR or Pie Merchant Response. In it, the subject aproaches a pie stall and an EEG is taken and compared to the EEG of the pie merchant looking at increasingly large heaps of money. Alternatly if the EEG matches the pie merchants reding when seeing images of unemployment offices, house repossessions and homeless people under a bridge, then the person is underweight.

Re:And on the plus side. of plus-size..

[RiotingPacifist]

you mean like carbohydrate offsetting?

quick somebody phone gore.

Re:And on the plus side. of plus-size..

[pyxl]

Bacon. From fat people.

the answer is ...

[constantnormal]

Soylent Green.

It's the only way to deal with the explosive population growth of overweight people.

Re:And on the plus side. of plus-size..

[MillionthMonkey]

Make no mistake,this BS will be just the start,and of course the answer wil be---drum roll---

A pound of flesh.

Re:And on the plus side. of plus-size..

[KermodeBear]

Home-cooking and exercise.

Exercise? Are you kidding me?

Do you know what happens when I exercise? I burn calories - and that produces heat - which warms the earth! Exercising causes global warming!

Do you know what else happens? I breathe in more oxygen... And I breathe out CO2, a greenhouse gas that causes global warming!

If we can get everyone to do their part and not exercise, just think of the impact we can make!

Re:And on the plus side. of plus-size..

[Belial6]

"You don't get to make that choice for other people. You want to poison yourself? Go ahead, but STFU if you think you're entitled to pollute other people's lungs."

Says the guy using a computer that is running off of coal generated electricity...

Re:And on the plus side. of plus-size..

[lena_10326]

Weighing more makes us harder for the aliens to suck out of our cars

I'm sure aliens have can openers.

Re:Corn

[MrNaz]

I hate people who kill conversations by invoking Godwin all the time. They're such communication Nazis!

Re:Corn is OVERRATED

[uhlume]

Wait, are you suggesting that a North American diet doesn't make North Americans slow and sluggish? Because, as someone who lives surrounded by the fuckers (I are American), I beg to differ.

Have you ever been to a North American mall?

Re:And on the plus side. of plus-size..

[Opportunist]

I once had a coworker that, I swear, was allergic to water. Or ... at least he smelled like he was.

Re:And on the plus side. of plus-size..

[Opportunist]

Simple solution: Outlaw kids.

Hmm... thinking of my daily trips with the public transport system when those little rats have to be shipped to school... where do I sign?

Re:OK, I'm going to weigh in here

[slimjim8094]

All it really seems to do is give people an escape goat for global warming.

Sir, with that sentence, you have made my day.