Previously Uncontacted Amazon Tribe Photographed

ManicMechanic and other readers sent in news of a tribe of aboriginal people from the border of Peru and Brazil that has been photographed by helicopter for the first time. The images show huts in a village and people in red body paint shooting arrows at the helicopter. The outfit that released the photos, Survival International, works to end illegal logging in the rainforest in order to protect the uncontacted tribes living there. They estimate that 100 uncontacted groups exist worldwide, about half of them in the Amazon basin.

We know who wins this one

[Tebriel]

Helicopter versus spearmen?

The f#*&ing spearmen.

xo

[spandex_panda]

quick, drop some XO's for them, THEY NEEDS THE INTERNETS

Re:Prioritize, people!

[2.7182]

Well said !!
I am going to stop loggin into Amazon too. Why let them have my cc# on file ? Each time I am going to type it in!! Be green!!

Re:We know who wins this one

[self assembled struc]

i see you've played civilization and sent a gunship in against an entrenched spearmen unit that's been there since 3800 B.C.

Re:We know who wins this one

[jayhawk88]

OK, no more Civilization 2 for you.

Re:Prioritize, people!

[SputnikPanic]

"Greasy inbred savages"? Columbus, is that you?

Re:Proofread articles plzkthxbai

[$RANDOMLUSER]

helocopter

Oh please.

^W heliocopter.

Feel better?

Re:To be a fly on a hut wall

[Tebriel]

"there goes the neighborhood"

Cameras

[Kohath]

Those cameras are watching everyone now!

Someone setup a jungle expedition. Those tribesmen need tinfoil hats!

The unknown...

[IronMagnus]

That helicopter is probably some sort of god or devil beast to that tribe now... Thats how religion works you know. You see something you don't understand, (try to) kill it, worship it.

Everything was going well...

[AioKits]

...until one of the cameramen modified the ole 'got yer nose!' trick to the less popular 'got yer soul!' trick using his camera.

Re:To be a fly on a hut wall

[FunkyELF]

They are probably using the term uncontacted very loosely.
These people are being driven from Peru closer to the Brazil border by loggers. You don't get driven anywhere without contact of some kind unless just the noise of whatever they're using to cut down the trees is making them move.
Maybe they just like to sleep in.

Expert Loses Job

[Ladred]

"Members of one of the worlds last uncontacted tribes have been spotted and photographed from the air near the Brazil-Peru border." ... "said uncontacted tribes expert Jose Carlos dos Reis Meirelles Junior." Grats Jose, you just worked yourself out of a job. Some expert you are!

I wonder what they could teach us?

[east coast]

A small Peruvian tribe has taught you: Ceremonial Burial.

Or maybe

A small Chilean tribe has given you: Skilled Warrior.

Wow!

Re:We know who wins this one

[y86]

But is he a veteran?

Re:Prioritize, people!

[Anonymous Coward]

No, sorry -- just got here.

What'd I miss while I was gone?

Re:Prioritize, people!

[Anonymous Coward]

Enough! Americans are not all greasy inbred savages!!!!

Wait... What?

Re:To be a fly on a hut wall

[Anonymous Coward]

"Haha, they totally fell for it!!"

Re:To be a fly on a hut wall

[bugnuts]

"Did they just violate the prime directive again? Maybe we can make them give us the secret of warp travel. And a lighter."

Re:Nice small picture

[ColdWetDog]

I like how Slashdot linked to the smallest picture available. The actual pictures are surprisingly good.

This is the new Slashdot. We're trying to protect the environment by NOT slashdotting random servers and heating up everything. Global warming, you know.

cooking fires

[apodyopsis]

It would of been fascinating to see them try and skin, roast and eat the helicopter after they brought it down. That would be the mother of all cooking fires.

Prime Directive

[Ecuador]

Hey, isn't flying over with a helicopter, a blatant violation of the Prime Directive?

reality!

[Joe_kools]

Is that Jeff Probst there in the black? This must be the super secret filming of the next survivor!

RIAA sueing?

[Ruben Gonzales]

Has the MPAA filed a lawsuit yet? Their red body paint totally infringes upon several trademarks connected to Indiana Jones, as is the whole "being an Indian".

They are voting ...

[140Mandak262Jamuna]

... for OOXML to be accepted as an ISO standard. Their spearman ooops, spokesman said, "though MSOffice does not support our language yet, I am sure they will soon because they gave us a picture of King Ballmer, and 24 glass beads".

I for one...

[Chysn]

...welcome our new spear-wielding overlords.

This is what every Anthropologist dreams about!

[Cathoderoytube]

You can only imagine a discovery like this is the sort of thing every Anthropologist dreams of. Finding some primitive culture, previously untouched by the outside world. Making contact with the people for the first time. Then showing them the power of the machine gun and overthrowing their chief, then ruling the tribe with an iron fist.

I wonder if

[swamp boy]

they dropped a Coke bottle from the helicopter and it happened to land within the tribe area. ("The Gods Must Be Crazy")

Re:Those pics look fake to me. Shenanigans?

[mckorr]

Nope, that's a picture of my backyard during the "Conquistador Fetish Ball".

The Gods Must Be Crazy!

[SoundGuyNoise]

Just drop a Coke bottle [imdb.com] with a GPS receiver or a mini cam. Let's see how they react to it.

Re:We know who wins this one

[Pebble]

They only get a 5 turn entrenchment bonus, Still better soften them up with the ICBM first.

Re:xo

[TyrainDreams]

Should we wait until they have warp capability to introduce them to our united federation of planets?

Re:Those pics look fake to me. Shenanigans?

[snowraver1]

You gotta admit, they have balls for trying to attack a helicopter, something presumably they have never seen before. Imaging seeing a helicoper, when the most advanced thing you have ever seen is a bow and arrow.

It would be fun to show them the real world. Either that or let them shoot some arrows, then fire back a couple hellfire missles, just to let them know who's boss.

Re:xo

[CFBMoo1]

Indeed, its an interesting thought though... I mean, everytime a chopper flies over, you could be redefining their entire religion or something.

God help them if one chopper of geeks drop's XO's with EMACS and another chopper of geeks drops XO's on the neighboring tribe with VI.

Re:Indians?

[Hatta]

There's already over a brazilian people in India.

Re:xo

[WwWonka]

quick, drop some XO's for them, THEY NEEDS THE INTERNETS

You fool! They have already had their drop of XO's, but with the Windows version not the Linux version! That's why they are so pissed off!

Re:Those pics look fake to me. Shenanigans?

[Shakrai]

They go on a helicopter over uncharted Amazonian jungle, and the best camera they bring is their cel phone?

Can you hear me now?

Re:Another link to pictures

[Waffle Iron]

Interesting how the woman in the photo is painted entirely in black, while some of the men have their faces or entire bodies painted in red. Obviously it would be nice to know why they have those customs, but I'm not sure how to find out without disturbing them.

The colors differentiate the class of warrior. When they go out on dangerous missions, the ones painted red get killed, the ones painted blue return unharmed, and the ones painted gold get laid.

Re:Those pics look fake to me. Shenanigans?

[jcgf]

Either that or let them shoot some arrows, then fire back a couple hellfire missles, just to let them know who's boss.

That would be cool. It would also be funny if you just hovered there and let their arrows bounce off until they got tired of shooting them. Then just start flashing a bunch of colored lights in geometric patterns. Once you have done that, leave the immediate area for a bit.

Then come back at night, abduct one of their tribesmen and put him in a bright room. Once he is in the room, we come in with dark sunglasses with big lenses and snazzy white coveralls to go with the shades. We should ignore him/her if they try to speak to us (we likely won't understand their language anyways). At this point we should shove probes up their asses and then take blood and other bodily fluid samples. If the abductee is female, she should be impregnated (artificial insemination is best, but if you are desperate just find a human with similar skin color and don't have him where the coveralls and glasses combo).

In the event that you do get a female and impregnate her, come back in 3 or 4 months (time isn't important, just be sure to get there before the end of the second trimester so that the baby has very little chance of surviving outside of the womb). When you come back, put the coveralls and glasses back on and abduct the woman again. Once you have her, remove the fetus and have your dark skinned pal make some hand gestures to indicate that the baby would live "up there" (point up to the sky etc). Then place a tiny piece of a meteorite under her skin (I recommend administering a good narcotic dose here, not enough to put her to sleep but enough to make her groggy and unaware). You can either keep the fetus or throw it away at this point, you won't need it again for our purposes (though I recommend keeping it as you can sell it to stem cell researchers or you can dissect it yourself if you like embryology and you just never no when an aborted fetus might come in handy - it's best to store them in a deep freeze or similar device).

Finally, every few years, come back and abduct her again. Each time you do it come back with the same weird looking kid (note that he must be both wierd looking in some fashion and of similar skin color and body type to the abductee). Have her play with the kid and give her food and drink that would appear strange to her (you could just bring something from burger king just make sure to present it in an odd fashion). If she seems upset to leave the kid behind, have the kid indicate that he can't survive outside in the air (he could just take deep breaths and then pretend to gag while pointing outside).

This is a wonderful hobby, but be warned that it's easy to get carried away with it.

Re:Those pics look fake to me. Shenanigans?

[xerxesVII]

Damn, is my dad going to sad when I break this bit of news to him.

Re:First Alien Contact Lessons

[busydoingnothing]

Screw spears, I'm fixing myself a board with a nail. Everyone knows aliens are afraid of those. If my simple board and nail doesn't frighten them, I will build a bigger board with a bigger nail...

Re:To be a fly on a hut wall

[Detritus]

Missionaries make mighty fine barbeque.

Re:xo

[Genrou]

"That's Whirly, God of Birds!"
"Where, behind the chopper? Quick, take a picture!"
"Can't, my cell phone doesn't have a camera."

Re:Those pics look fake to me. Shenanigans?

[Anonymous Coward]

Don't worry. Local talk show host Artio Bellio is now tackling the topic of these mysterious UFOs and the little white men inside. Topics include first contact and whether they'll have any chance to fight back with their spears if they survive.

Re:Those pics look fake to me. Shenanigans?

[afedaken]

Barbarian Archers. S'okie. I've got a nice stack of Combat I Swordsmen coming down the road in short order.

Re:Those pics look fake to me. Shenanigans?

[snowraver1]

Oh please! Okay, you tell me where you can get aborted fetuses for seventy cents on the dollar? You tell me, Chuck? ...Yeah, I didn't think so-You know, I'm just like the fetuses, Chuck. I wasn't born yesterday, either. Uh huh. ...So are you gonna talk to me, or are we just gonna keep bull shitting each other? Breakin' my balls, Chuck.

The Lost Dot Com Developers

[sycodon]

It's actually a bunch of San Francisco developers that moved their facilities during the dot.bust.

You can clearly see that one is wearing Nikes and the other is wearing Birkenstocks.

 

Re:To be a fly on a hut wall

[Number Twenty Four]

Sadly, by the time the plane came around for a third pass [flickr.com] the damage had been done and the modern world had begun to affect the tribe.

Re:Those pics look fake to me. Shenanigans?

[Anonymous Coward]

Looks like two oompa loompas and a sasquatch

Re:xo

[mnmn]

That will not happen

Microsoft and Intel will drop classmate PCs to get them hooked onto Vista Basic before the XO reaches them. They'll have to sell a lot of pelts and furs to raise money for antivirus updates.

Re:We know who wins this one

[Anonymous Coward]

> I see you've played civilization and sent a gunship in against an entrenched spearmen unit that's been there since 3800 B.C.

Stupid F%$%%$ing Ewoks.

Re:Those pics look fake to me. Shenanigans?

[Torvaun]

Looks photoshopped. [xkcd.com]

Re:Actually, I'd guess Civ 3

[daeley]

In the original Civilization, as well, veteran spearmen, in a city on a mountain, with city walls, could often hold off battleships.

Well, sure. Do you know how hard it is to get battleships up those tiny mountain passes? Not to mention the pack mules won't budge an inch after you load them up.

Re:Nice small picture

[kalirion]

Still looks like Diablo 2 to me.

Re:Prime Directive

[Shakrai]

Hey, isn't flying over with a helicopter, a blatant violation of the Prime Directive?

Not anymore [stardestroyer.net] apparently ;)

Re:Actually, I'd guess Civ 3

[Dachannien]

Battleship: KABOOM!
Spearmen: Uh.... G-12!
Battleship: Hey, you sank my... oh crap!

Re:To be a fly on a hut wall

[commodoresloat]

"should we eat it, fuck it, or kill it?"

Re:I wonder what they could teach us?

[naoursla]

You obviously haven't watched enough MccGyver.

Re:I wonder what they could teach us?

[Dachannien]

We note that your puny civilization has not even discovered the advance of Bright Red Full Body Paint. We will trade you this knowledge in exchange for Nuclear Weaponry.

What?! You reject our generous offer? Prepare for WAR!

Re:Those pics look fake to me. Shenanigans?

[Anonymous Coward]

Perhaps you're an idiot. It is, in fact, extraordinarily likely if you think primitive tribesmen see an enormous, extraordinarily loud bird in the sky and think "ah-hah! more humans! We'd better conserve our cultural sanctity!"

Re:The unknown...

[kalirion]

Exactly, they see a man walking on water and don't immediately think "oh, that man has nice chakra control, must be a ninja!" It's all Gods this, witches that....

Re:Prioritize, people!

[Anonymous Coward]

I thought he was referring to his peers on /.

Re:Those pics look fake to me. Shenanigans?

[Danny Rathjens]

Good thing this isn't in the USA. Our government would go in and take away the kids because the chief married more than one woman and married one of them when she was 15. ;)

Re:Those pics look fake to me. Shenanigans?

[Anonymous Coward]

Bows? Aggression? I'm confused. I thought that without the corrupting distortions of 'Western Civilization' the natural state of humans was peaceful vegetarianism.

I presume they don't have to chase down and shoot their plants, so what use are the projectile weapons? Either they engage in combat with someone or they hunt, or both.

Messing up my whole world view...

Clearly they have been contacted and therefore corrupted by some damn capitalist pig. If we do contact them we should try to repair that damage; get them back to nuts and fruit.

Re:xo

[Culture20]

"We noticed you've just developed the warp drive. We would like to welcome you to the United Federation of Planets."

"Sign us up! How many Planets are in your... our Federation?"

"Just this one, but we expect to get a lot more by using this warp drive you invented!"

Re:Those pics look fake to me. Shenanigans?

[raftpeople]

He just finds it hard to believe that people will waste that much time painting themselves for no practical benefit

Have you ever been to a Kiss concert?

Aboriginal Department of Defense in action:

[Alex Belits]

http://mars.illtel.denver.co.us/~abelits/images/department-of-defense.png [denver.co.us]

Um... wait...

[wcrowe]

If they're uncontacted, then how do we know they're uncontacted? I mean, unless you ask them whether they've interacted with a modern person before, how can you be absolutely sure they haven't?

Besides, one of the guys in the picture looks like he's wearing chucks.

Re:Prime Directive

[geekoid]

"We're not interfering, we're taking over." - Kirk

Re:Egotistical

[Anonymous Coward]

considerably fewer than six billion of them

That we know of.

Re:To be a fly on a hut wall

[bugnuts]

"should we eat it, fuck it, or kill it?"

"Yes, chief, but not in that order"

Re:Egotistical

[Chris Burke]

Are you sure? I'd bet quite a few helicopters have flown over you in the past. How can you be sure that one of them wasn't being flown by an Amazon tribe?