You, Too, Could Be Batman In 10 To 12 Years 493
jmcbain tips a fascinating interview in Scientific American with a professor of kinesiology and neuroscience (and a 26-year practitioner of Chito-Ryu karate-do). The question was, how much training would it take for a normal person to become Batman? The professor says: "You could train somebody to be a tremendous athlete and to have a significant martial arts background, and also to use some of the gear that he has, which requires a lot of physical prowess... In terms of the physical skills to be able to defend himself against all these opponents all the time, I would benchmark that at 10 to 12 years." The problem is, even after that amount of training, no one could remain on top of their game for more than a few years. And "Batman can't really afford to lose. Losing means death — or at least not being able to be Batman anymore."
Glad I don't subscribe to Scientific American (Score:5, Funny)
The problem is, even after that amount of training, no one could remain on top of their game for more than a few years. And "Batman can't really afford to lose. Losing means death â" or at least not being able to be Batman anymore."
So, after all that, we should all stick to our day-jobs? Thanks Slashdot, you saved us again!
I'd go with the Charles Atlas method instead (Score:4, Funny)
Bonk (Score:5, Funny)
Why spend all that time training (Score:5, Funny)
when you can just get hit in the head [youtube.com].
Re:Where do we sign up? (Score:5, Funny)
Well, given the size and scope of Bruce Wayne's awesome shit, I'd say quite well.
That, or its being a self-loathing billionaire industrialist that pays out.
Frankly, its probably not even in the scope of most slashdotters to end up being ATHF's Meatwad... after all, Meatwad makes the money, see; Meatwad gets the honeys, G...
and we don't :(
Re:Glad I don't subscribe to Scientific American (Score:3, Funny)
You can just 'feel' something about pokemon and have a PhD in "Pokemon Studies", anymore.
See http://www.dourish.com/goodies/decon.html [dourish.com]
I prefer some 'Real' expert opinions (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Then we'd need to train a bunch of people... (Score:5, Funny)
That would be an insane morale buster for the bad guys. Say you knife the Batman -- actually see your knife tear into his guts -- but he shoots his BatRope and BatDisappears for ten minutes. When he comes back he's replaced and as strong as ever, but you don't know that. All you know is that the Batman can't be killed. Maybe he's an immortal?? Maybe he's a demon?? It would be like one of those bunker busters that just completely deflate the enemy..
Re:Then we'd need to train a bunch of people... (Score:5, Funny)
I am not the real Batman. My name is Ryan; I inherited the Batmobile from the previous Batman, just as you will inherit it from me. The man I inherited it from is not the real Batman either. His name was Cummerbund. The real Batman has been retired 15 years and living like a king in Patagonia.
Re:Yeah, but... (Score:3, Funny)
Re:10,000 hours (Score:3, Funny)
It doesn't take that long to become a superhero.....just look here: http://www.scifi.com/superhero/ [scifi.com]
Layne
I can see it now..... (Score:5, Funny)
How much will you pay for this?
900$?
NO!
500$?
NO!
For a limited time, just two easy payments of one parent!
Re:Then we'd need to train a bunch of people... (Score:1, Funny)
Re:Then we'd need to train a bunch of people... (Score:5, Funny)
>I am not the real Batman. My name is Ryan; I inherited the Batmobile from the previous Batman, just as you will inherit it from me. The man I inherited it from is not the real Batman either. His name was Cummerbund. The real Batman has been retired 15 years and living like a king in Patagonia.
Inconceivable!
Re:But will the future "Batmen" be able to put you (Score:3, Funny)
I went to a midnight showing of The Dark Knight last night and managed to fall asleep with an hour left in the movie and wake up just in time for the credits to roll.
What kind of city do you live in where you can see a midnight showing of Dark Knight and not also have access to coffee 24 hours a day?
Fuck that. (Score:5, Funny)
Hang out in the YMCA locker room and you can be Robin in under 5 minutes.
Re:Then we'd need to train a bunch of people... (Score:5, Funny)
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
Re:Where do we sign up? (Score:5, Funny)
Alright, that does not add to the conversation. You're just using this opportunity to gloat.
RAIB?! (Score:5, Funny)
Would that be a RAIB?
Redundant Array of Interchangeable Batmen?
or more like a High Available Batcluster?
Re:People we can get but the real question is... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Then we'd need to train a bunch of people... (Score:3, Funny)
I'm already a superhero! (Score:5, Funny)
Re:RAIB?! (Score:5, Funny)
Killing Grendel, then taking out the Joker ... I don't think the words exist to convey exactly how badass a Beowulf cluster of Batmans (Batmen?) would be.
Re:Then we'd need to train a bunch of people... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:How many years for the morals? (Score:5, Funny)
Isn't that because they keep all the super-villians locked up, and then release one at a time randomly for Batman to fight? That's how it seems to work. The real trouble in Gotham is that doctor at the psych ward who keeps saying things like, "Yeah, I think the Joker is rehabilitated now." Batman should just fight that guy.
Re:Oh he'd stay on top of his game (Score:1, Funny)
Well, a guy who dresses up like a bat clearly has issues.
Re:Then we'd need to train a bunch of people... (Score:3, Funny)
Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders!
Re:Then we'd need to train a bunch of people... (Score:3, Funny)
Then we'd need to train a bunch of people... (Score:5, Insightful)
and replace them as they 'fail' ... that way we've always got a batman.
That always seemed like a better way of handling an avenger sort of character like this. Use a face-obscuring costume so there's no way to tell one masked man from another but don't have multiple ones operating together so baddies would guess there has to be more than one but will never have a clue as to how large the organization is or how many.
I always liked the idea of the two-king system of Sparta, a king could be lost in battle and yet there would still be a king. With rulers using doubles to protect themselves from assassination, it seemed like the next step would be to adopt an official royal uniform that again hid the face and body so there would be no telling who was the king. Have a dozen of these guys running around and there's no telling who's the active king and who isn't. But then again, this also means that it's easier for an impostor to come in and claim he's got authority. Heh. So much fun.
bad guy: The next one who makes a noise answers to me!
[bad guy gets hit in the head]
bad guy: Who the FUCK did that?!
blackbelt jones: Batman, motherfucker!
Re:I'd go with the Charles Atlas method instead (Score:3, Funny)
Don't you mean Mr Apollo?
You can beat up bullies 'til they cry
"Oh lah! Oh, crikey! Let go, you rotter! Don't punish me!"
Yes, just give me ten years of your life, and I'll trade in that puny flab for living muscle..
Physique you deserve!
Strong!
Chest and shoulders to hold your shirt!
Five years ago, I was a four stone apology
Today, I am two separate gorillas.
No tiresome exercises, no tricks,
no unpleasant bending, Wrestle poodles and win!
Play beach ball! Shave your legs! Lope over walls!
Tease people! Brush them aside as though they were matchsticks!
Impress your friends!
Re:Where do we sign up? (Score:2, Funny)
I've made many a greasy anime nerd scoff in disbelief before, so perhaps, for public health concerns, as well as the general welfare, its best that I don't.
Translation: He burned the [physical] pictures of her (and deleted any digitals) he had when he walked in on her cheating with the high school quarterback and, therefore, thought it prudent to call off the engagement.
Chuck Norris (Score:2, Funny)
Re:I don't care how good you are... (Score:2, Funny)
5 D's (Dodge duck dip dive dodge)
Don't you mean: "Ho! Haha! Guard! Turn! Parry! Dodge! Spin! Ha - THRUST!"
That's So Starfire (Score:3, Funny)
Hiro used to feel this way, too, but then he ran into Raven.
You mean Raven from That's So Starfire?
Re:Street fighting (Score:3, Funny)
32 inch waste
Wow, TMI.
I suppose that's impressive from a physiological standpoint, but how does it make you a better fighter?
Re:Then we'd need to train a bunch of people... (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Then we'd need to train a bunch of people... (Score:3, Funny)
Close...
That would be an insane morale buster for the bad guys. Say you knife the Batman -- actually see your knife tear into his BatGuts -- but he shoots his BatRope and BatDisappears for ten minutes. When he comes back he's BatReplaced and as BatStrong as ever, but you don't know that. All you know is that the Batman can't be killed....
Re:Then we'd need to train a bunch of people... (Score:4, Funny)
the next step would be to adopt an official royal uniform that again hid the face and body
It's been done [freshpeel.com].
Re:Then we'd need to train a bunch of people... (Score:3, Funny)
Or Ace Rimmer, Space Adventurer!
Re:Where do we sign up? (Score:4, Funny)
But that's my best line!
Re:Then we'd need to train a bunch of people... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:How many years for the morals? (Score:1, Funny)
Yeah, contrived plot rationalizations spawned by talented writers stretched out by dealing with contrived backstories built decades ago to support a gimmick in a character. Those always make perfect logical sense, especially in comic books, which are known for their adherence to the rules that govern reality.
Re:Then we'd need to train a bunch of people... (Score:1, Funny)
No! I'm batman and so is my wife....
Holy Runaway Memes Batman! (Score:3, Funny)
Don't worry chums, I have my Bat-grammar Nazi Repellent Spray right here on my Bat-Utility belt.
One spray from this canister will take care of him until the authorities arrive.
Re:I don't care how good you are... (Score:3, Funny)
And no, they don't always helpfully attack one or two at a time: watch half a dozen cops taking down a violent drunk some time.
That's only b/c the drunks never have a 6-foot bamboo stick with shattered ends. I saw Drunken Master 2 - as long as you have that stick you can be shit-faced and take out over 30 guys.
Re:Then we'd need to train a bunch of people... (Score:1, Funny)
You are using Bonetti's Defense against me, ah?
Re:Then we'd need to train a bunch of people... (Score:3, Funny)
The Incredibles" stole the concept of the government forcibly retiring superheroes and covering up their existence from Frank Miller.
Wait, did I miss the part of "The Incredibles" where the government was trying to hide superheroes from Frank Miller?!
Re:How many years for the morals? (Score:2, Funny)
Re:I don't care how good you are... (Score:2, Funny)
... take down ten opponents at close range before they get close enough to grab you
Make sure to take Point Blank Shot as a feat before you fight, or just have a close-range weapon on hotswap.