LucasArts Embargoes "Clone Wars" Reviews 603
An anonymous reader writes "George Lucas CGI 'Clone Wars' movie has premiered to reviews ranging from MSNBC's 'Ugly animation and an uninspired storyline drag down the film' to AintItCool's 'I hated the film. HATED IT. REALLY HATED IT.' Critics have noted the animation style, music and slapstick humor had more than a passing similarity to Pixar's Toy Story, and wondered if the introduction of new action figures (sorry, characters) like Baby Jabba Hutt and Jabba the Hutt's Gay Uncle may have taken the franchise a bridge too far.
Lucas responding by enforcing an embargo, forcing the reviews to be taken down. While sites like AintItCool.com responded, by then it was just a little too late.
Still, the CGI eye candy will make it popular with kids. If the 'Clone Wars' movie can't save the galaxy, can it at least save the franchise?"
Re:Save the Franchise? (Score:5, Funny)
You young whippersnappers! Back in my day, all we had to hate were the Ewoks! And we liked it that way!
Embargo? (Score:5, Funny)
Legal Action against LucasArts (Score:2, Funny)
What? (Score:5, Funny)
That doesn't make any sense. Okay look, this is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk. But Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now think about it; that does not make sense!
Why would a Wookiee, an eight-foot tall Wookiee, want to live on Endor, with a bunch of two-foot tall Ewoks? That does not make sense! But more important, you have to ask yourself: What does this have to do with this review? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this review! It does not make sense! Look at me. I'm a slashdotter defending a major mistake in starwars history, and I'm talkin' about Chewbacca! Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense! None of this makes sense! And so you have to remember, when you're sitting there in the move theater reviewing this movie, does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed review, it does not make sense! If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit!
Re:Embargo? (Score:5, Funny)
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
Inconceivable!!!
poor quality (Score:1, Funny)
I downloaded that film last week and it was just all gay porn. I couldn't understand what it had to do with star wars
Re:Save the Franchise? (Score:3, Funny)
That was a typo. I am certainly aware that it is Tatooine.
Re:Save the Franchise? (Score:1, Funny)
Ewoks were cool, and Lucas hadnt sold out then.
Is that you Steve? The reality distortion field is strong in this one.
Re:First Amendment? (Score:3, Funny)
For reviews in the USA, does this not go against the spirit of the first amendment (freedom of the press) even if not the letter of it?
What is this "first amendment" of which you speak? No doubt some ancient and outmoded document that no one takes seriously anymore.....
Re:Does taking down reviews ever help? (Score:3, Funny)
>>Now they are trying to sculpt the reaction to it on the Internet. Do they not realise it is futile?
Well it's one sure way to prevent people downloading it from BitTorrent.
Worked for the "Star Wars Holiday Special" right?
Re:Save the Franchise? (Score:5, Funny)
Please, Oh Great One, just release Mr. Lucas (Score:3, Funny)
You've killed it.
Star Wars is dead.
Nobody is watching anymore.
It's message has been buried.
We're even laughing at it now.
So really, REALLY, it is no longer a threat to you.
With its political message about evil empires and its spiritual messages about personal power. Really. Nobody is listening to that anymore. You've muddied the waters hopelessly. You've achieved your objective.
So please, please. Retract your mind-control claws from poor George's brain.
Show some pity.
-FL
Re:First Amendment? (Score:5, Funny)
The Constitution ... an elegant document for a more civilized age.
Re:Does taking down reviews ever help? (Score:1, Funny)
I pretty much placed it along with the barbie moves my 10 year old cousins watch...
You should really wait until your cousins are 18 before letting them watch your doll-fettish pr0n collection.
Jabba the Hutt's Gay Uncle (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Save the Franchise? (Score:5, Funny)
It's one thing to suspend disbelief, but that movie suspends believability
Yeah, cuz all the other Star Wars movies were much more believable ;)
I mean, what kind of self-respecting galactic overlord would have a throne room without a deep reactor pit of death in it?
TIE Fighter II (Score:5, Funny)
Personally I want an updated "Tie Fighter" game, that was probably their best sim.
But do you really want TIE Fighter II, TIE Fighter II' Champion Edition, TIE Fighter II Turbo: Hyper Fighting, Super TIE Fighter II: The New Challengers, Super TIE Fighter II Turbo, and Super TIE Fighter II Turbo HD Remix?
Dear LucasArts (Score:5, Funny)
The more you tighten your grip, LucasArts, the more reviewers will slip through your fingers.
Re:Save the Franchise? (Score:3, Funny)
Hey, I'll admit I liked the Ewoks. I was pretty young when I saw Jedi, but since I liked the Ewoks back then, I still like the Ewoks. (I also liked the first of the Ewok movies they made after Jedi, but I'm willing to bet that won't stand up as well to another viewing).
The ewoks were at least cute, Jar Jar's just annoying. (But it IS fun playing the Lego Star Wars game and slicing Jar Jar up all day (or shoving him off cliffs) with no penalty whatsoever)
Re:Save the Franchise? (Score:1, Funny)
You young whippersnappers! Back in my day, all we had to hate were the Ewoks! And we liked it that way!
When I was your age, all we had to hate was the "Star Wars Holiday Special."
Now get off my lawn.
Re:What? (Score:3, Funny)
Why would a Wookiee, an eight-foot tall Wookiee, want to live on Endor, with a bunch of two-foot tall Ewoks?
I dunno, cheap yet plentiful food source?
Re:Save the Franchise? (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Does taking down reviews ever help? (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Except that it doesn't make sense (Score:1, Funny)
Where are the episode 1-3 quotes?
YOU WERE THE CHOSEN ONE ANAKIN
bridges (Score:3, Funny)
"action figures.. like Baby Jabba Hutt and Jabba the Hutt's Gay Uncle may have taken the franchise a bridge too far."
Yes, a bridge too far over a tank of sharks.
Re:Except that it doesn't make sense (Score:1, Funny)
Where are the episode 1-3 quotes?
Here's one... "Yippee!"
Re:Save the Franchise? (Score:3, Funny)
No, I could have put up with Jar-Jar, but the midichlorians were the true knife in the back.
You're just bitter because your blood tested low for midichlorians. The truth hurts -- you'll never be a Jedi.
Re:Except that it doesn't make sense (Score:4, Funny)
He is right on about the quotes. I've seen all the "new" star wars movies at least twice and right now I can't think of a single memorable line from any of them. I can sit here and think of lines from the "old" ones all day.
The quotes are so memorable that you can use them in a business meeting, "I find your lack of faith disturbing", and get away with it.
Re:Save the Franchise? (Score:4, Funny)
Uh, OK, if you like. I take it that you've never seen the 1978 Star Wars Holiday Special [wikipedia.org]?
Seriously, it's real. It's not an urban legend. Phantom Menace? Jedi Bratz? Nothing on Leia singing. Nothing on Itchy and Lumpy. That thing will eat your soul, then crap it back out on your face.
Re:Save the Franchise? (Score:5, Funny)
> Only the very first missions are actually flown in a no-shields TIE-Fighter.
> Later you get to fly TIEs with shields
Darth Vader: Admiral Pooet
Admiral Pooet: Yes, Lord Vader?
Vader: Whose bright idea was it to send out recruits in ships without proper shielding?
Admiral Pooet: It was mine, Lord Vader. They didn't deserve it because then it would be too easy to accomplish their missions.
Vader: And this lead to the loss of hundreds of thousands of these fighters?
Admiral Pooet: Yyyy...essss.
Vader: The Empire has vast resources, Admiral, but not infinite ones. Have you never heard the old saying that if you find yourself in a fair fight, you haven't done your homework?
(Pooet collapses)
Vader: Admiral Foopfoop?
Admiral Foopfoop: (visibly uncomfortable) Yes, Lord Vader?
Vader: Please send for Moff Krunktor. I wish to discuss with him sending out recruit stormtroopers with defective blasters that have a tough killing those little squeeky mouse/doggie robots in fewer than 8 hits.
Foopfoop: Yes, Lord Vader.
Vader: (To himself) Which reminds me, I have to go have a "chat" with the Sith Academy teacher on Korriban. I don't like these pathetic lightsabers the young Sith are using which can't seem to effortlessly cut through a metal sword or suit of armor, to say nothing of melting a huge hole in a reinforced door.
Re:Except that it doesn't make sense (Score:1, Funny)
NOOOOO!
-Darth Vader Episode 3
Re:Force Unleashed (Score:3, Funny)
> Bioware has been working on a KOTOR-era MMO for a few years. I was recently confirmed.
What does your religion have to do with it?
Oh, wait. Jedi. Nevermind.
Re:Save the Franchise? (Score:3, Funny)
Except... Ah... um... Ahem... They lost.
So apparently the whole "send out millions of guys in inferior fighters to crash into the enemy and die" thing only works in Starcraft. Not in the Star Wars universe, and not in real life either.
Re:I'll fix it (Score:2, Funny)
I foresee one problem with this set up: the SciFi channel will cancel this series at the most inconvenient time for the creators, thus causing them to stuff the rest of the story into a 4 hour miniseries, skipping all of the good parts that would have occurred if the series was left to run its course.
Re:Save the Franchise? (Score:2, Funny)
That wasn't the DVD. . .
Re:More For Kids, I Think. (Score:5, Funny)
He took a perfectly good storyline and threw it in the trash
Ain't It Cool said something I have been saying for years. What the original Star Wars films had that made them work was Lucas' wife giving good input and reigning him in.
Now days there is no one who can tell George Lucas something is a bad idea. Midiclorians? Sure great! Yoda with a 6 pack jumping around like a frog in a blender. Cool, go for it Geroge.
Once upon a time he had a wife who could tell him no more blow jobs till he pulls that kind of crap out of his scripts. Now they are divorced and we are left to suffer.
Re:If in doubt, read this article! (Score:1, Funny)
You guys need to underline your point with the fact that had he done that he also wouldn't have the hassle of storing all that crap.
Re:George Lucas (Score:3, Funny)
Someone needs to have their mod points forcefully shoved up their ass
Don't you mean "FORCEfully" shoved up their ass?
Re:Oh, I have no doubt (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Lucas' Money (Score:3, Funny)
That's no moon...