Papers Sealed In Class Action Against RIAA 215
NewYorkCountryLawyer writes "In Andersen v. Atlantic Recording, the Oregon class action brought by Tanya Anderson against the RIAA, MediaSentry, and others, the plaintiff's motion for class action certification has been sealed by the Court. Also, the Court conducted an 'in camera' conference with the defendants' attorneys — meaning the Judge met with the defendants' attorneys alone — in connection with a discovery motion, and the record of that conference has been sealed as well. The RIAA has made a motion to dismiss the class action; that has not been sealed. In case you're wondering what's going on here, so am I."
Sealed = for sale (Score:5, Funny)
The documents are sealed in a plastic box, but you can buy them for only $15.95 at your local record store.
If you copy them, we'll sue you. And there's no refunds if you don't like the documents.
Re:Sealed = for sale (Score:5, Funny)
Obviously fake. If this was real, it would have been mentioned that you have *leased* the contents to that box.
By terms of the license, you may enjoy the documents, but only for your personal and exclusive use.
The RIAA would never actually let you use the word "own" withing 50 feet of the IP that they have worked so hard to wring out of musicians.
Explanation needed ... (Score:5, Funny)
CC.
Uh-oh! (Score:5, Funny)
Oh fuck. It was bad enough when we had rank-and-file nerds asking for legal advice on slashdot.
Now we have a 'house lawyer', so to speak, and he's asking for legal information on slashdot.
The apocalypse is upon us! Run for the hills!*
IANAL. Even if I were a lawyer, I'd not be YOUR lawyer. This is not legal advice. By reading this footnote, you are agreeing to not hold Red Flayer liable for any damages sustained while running for the hills. For that matter, please walk, don't run -- and make sure to look both ways before crossing the street.
Sing Along Boys and Girls (Score:3, Funny)
Here at RIAA, we're the sleaze!
Much worse than venereal disease!
We'll take you to the courts,
And stick your head in dirty shorts.
We'll defecate through our noses,
Whilst beating you with rubber hoses.
Here at RIAA we're so vile,
But we're vile with endless style.
Some folks think they can win,
But we've got endless yards of spin.
Oh! Here at RIAA, we're the sleaze!
We'll probably give you a venereal disease!
Re:Sealed = for sale (Score:5, Funny)
Trade Secret (Score:5, Funny)
RIAA Lawyer: Your Honor, we need to disclose our trade secrets to you, in private.
Judge: Okay, step into my chambers. Now, what's this big secret of yours?
RIAA Lawyer: (points)
Judge: Well that looks like a briefcase full of hundreds, a kilo of Peruvian Marching Powder, and a coupon book for 'Escorts R Us.'
RIAA Lawyer: Sssshhh! That's a trade secret!
Re:I Figured It Out... (Score:4, Funny)
The **AA stumbled upon some sort of blackmail content (pictures or whatever) involving the judge and wanted to meet with him privately to give him the chance to toss the case before revealing said material. Hence the judge's willingness to seal everything going on. I would laugh at myself for the idea but am not sure its much of a joke these days....
Figured it out? With a name like BJ_Covert_Action, I wouldn't be surprised if you were part of it!
Re:IANAL, etc. (Score:4, Funny)
At my AA meetings, I do assume that everyone, including me, is drunk.
Re:Uh-oh! (Score:5, Funny)
Well, Ray, I wasn't really looking for any kind of response or anything, I was just making a joke.
But since you insist on getting my advice... let me help you out.
1. Google is your friend. It probably won't help you move, definitely won't help you move bodies, but if you use an anonymizing proxy, it may be a good place to research how to get rid of bodies.
2. Never tell a judge his robe makes him look fat. Relatedly, never tell him that his gavel is compensating for something.
3. The best response to "Order in the Court!" is "Ham and cheese on rye, yer Honor!"
That's about all the free legal advice I can give at this time, if you're looking for more where that came from, my billable rate is $375.
Re:Sing Along Boys and Girls (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Uh-oh! (Score:5, Funny)
That's about all the free legal advice I can give at this time, if you're looking for more where that came from, my billable rate is $375.
No problem; just send the bills to CowboyNeal.
Re:Link to Sealed Documents (Score:5, Funny)
Now, I'm not a lawyer but that's got a whole lot of lengthy legalese that no human could understand.
So what are you trying to say about lawyers? ;)
Re:Uh-oh! (Score:3, Funny)
Re:My guess is the Noerr-Pennington doctrine (Score:2, Funny)
Re:IANAL, etc. (Score:4, Funny)
About the only good thing I can think of is that the judge wanted to give the **AA lawyers just one chance to fix something in private before he hauled out the contempt charges and sanctions. And that's a real long shot.
Every other reason I can think of would seem to be bad news for the human race, and good news for the **AA.
Re:Explanation needed ... (Score:3, Funny)
otherwise one probably has to assume that the proceedings touch 'national security'.
Actually it is because of all the subliminal messages the Government (read: our alien overlords that run the world) place in the music. Which is why I only listen to white noise from my old analogue radio! Cthulhu fhtagn!
Re:My guess is the Noerr-Pennington doctrine (Score:4, Funny)
They're saying SOMETHING that a judge has apparently decided is so important to keep secret that not even opposing counsel can know about it.
My guess is that it involves blackjack and hookers. Well, maybe they forgot about the blackjack.
Is it just me? (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Sing Along Boys and Girls (Score:1, Funny)
i read this sitting in a university lecture hall listening to a lecture on environmental law... and all of a sudden environmental law seemed much more interesting when compared with reading that poetry
Re:My guess is the Noerr-Pennington doctrine (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Terrorists, Star Chambers, and immunity (Score:5, Funny)
To what, exactly, is God not immune?
A puff of logic [wikia.com]?
Re:Explanation needed ... (Score:3, Funny)
Re:My guess is the Noerr-Pennington doctrine (Score:2, Funny)
I just pray (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Uh-oh! (Score:4, Funny)
While I recognize it is a movie reference, I do have this to say:
If you don't have room for 16 pigs in your flat, try the self cleaning oven, it heats to about 750F and will leave naught but bones and ash, then vacuum out the oven, apologize to the neighbors profusely about the burning smell while you learn to cook, throw the bones in a backpack and run it over numerous times to crush whats left.
Then you can put them in an urn and spread them at sea, claiming it was an aunt's last wish.
I doubt the authorities would require a permit or really investigate the disposal of cremated ashes.
(not that this is legal advice, and please note that I am not suggesting murdering anyone or disposing of the evidence. I am just pointing out an alternative to explaining to the police why you keep 16 well-fed pigs in your flat.)
Re:Sealed = for sale (Score:2, Funny)
I saw the documents for sale by a street vendor in China... Next to CD copies of Duke Nukem Forever.