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Businesses It's funny.  Laugh. The Almighty Buck

The Press Releases of the Damned 176

Harry writes "Once upon a time, Microsoft said that Windows Vista would transform life as we knew it. Palm said its Foleo was a breakthrough. Circuit City said firing its most experienced salespeople would save the company. And Apple said that Web apps were all that iPhone owners needed. I've collected the original press releases for these and other ill-fated tech announcements, and annotated them with the facts as they played out in the real world."
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The Press Releases of the Damned

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  • Re:Ugh (Score:3, Interesting)

    by drinkypoo ( 153816 ) <drink@hyperlogos.org> on Tuesday August 18, 2009 @09:37AM (#29104761) Homepage Journal

    On top of that, if you look at your noscript menu you can see that the multiple page layout is just an attempt to create more ad impressions. Eight pages of free ad credit for a one-page article? DO NOT WANT

    If only I didn't have to watch a fucking video tutorial to use autopager, I might have read his stupid article. But I still wouldn't click next seven times.

  • by drseuk ( 824707 ) on Tuesday August 18, 2009 @09:50AM (#29104901)
    "Peace for our time" - Neville Chamberlain http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peace_for_our_time [wikipedia.org] == "Peace after 1946"

    "Mission accomplished!" George W. Bush http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mission_Accomplished [wikipedia.org] == "Mission not accomplished"

    "Titanic goes down: everyone safe" Daily Express, April 1912 http://www.newstatesman.com/200606190037 [newstatesman.com] == well, even the Cameron film didn't distort reality quite that much.
  • Comment removed (Score:3, Interesting)

    by account_deleted ( 4530225 ) on Tuesday August 18, 2009 @10:02AM (#29105057)
    Comment removed based on user account deletion
  • by OzPeter ( 195038 ) on Tuesday August 18, 2009 @10:11AM (#29105227)
    Why is it that in this day and age the movement of the market (and the whole underpinnings of the global economy) is based on things like the perception of how someone wrote a press release? It seems crazy to me that we put up with things like this. However IANAE (economist) so I have no idea how structure our economy differently
  • Re:Not worth reading (Score:2, Interesting)

    by methano ( 519830 ) on Tuesday August 18, 2009 @10:26AM (#29105425)
    This is exactly right. A lot of people hoot on Steve Case over this deal. I think it was a genius move on his part as explained above. I did the math back when it happened and AOL was valued at around $7K per US household. It would take a long time to get that kind of money back. It was a disastrous deal on TW's part. Overall it was a bad deal because TW was twice as stupid as Case and company were smart.
  • by Attila Dimedici ( 1036002 ) on Tuesday August 18, 2009 @10:29AM (#29105455)

    Why is it that in this day and age the movement of the market (and the whole underpinnings of the global economy) is based on things like the perception of how someone wrote a press release? It seems crazy to me that we put up with things like this. However IANAE (economist) so I have no idea how structure our economy differently

    The problem is that as an investor, if you are invested in a company that is basically sound, but is currently in a weak market position, if a lot of people perceive that this current weak position is a fundamental flaw in the company, their reaction to that perception can make it a reality.

  • Re:Not worth reading (Score:4, Interesting)

    by Bat Country ( 829565 ) on Tuesday August 18, 2009 @11:02AM (#29105897) Homepage

    Don't forget Compuserve [wikipedia.org] who was the granddaddy of AOL and modern ISPs and the first to bring nationwide dial-up home computer network access to American families.

    I actually pulled the first open source program I ever used from a friend's dad's Compuserve after reading about it in a catalog listing from one of those generic BBS file collection CDs they used to sell.

  • Re:Not worth reading (Score:5, Interesting)

    by el_gordo101 ( 643167 ) on Tuesday August 18, 2009 @12:03PM (#29106745)
    Originally, they were a distributor of 3.5" floppies that could be re-formatted and re-used. They changed their business model when floppies fell out of favor and CDs became popular. It was then that they became the #1 polluter in the US by distributing millions of useless shiny plastic coasters to every man, woman, and child in the country, overwhelming landfills across the nation.
  • Re:Not worth reading (Score:5, Interesting)

    by Just Some Guy ( 3352 ) <kirk+slashdot@strauser.com> on Tuesday August 18, 2009 @12:12PM (#29106855) Homepage Journal

    What the heck is AOL?

    The first major brand of malware. I worked tech support at an ISP in the late 90s, and occasionally you'd get a call from someone whose computer would no longer dial in. When pressed, they'd admit that they tried out "that AOL disk I got in the mail / found on the mall floor / found under my windshield wiper", and we'd sigh and tell them to find their Windows installation disk. There was no known way of uninstalling that junk other than by reinstalling Windows.

    A few stalwart customers would insist on re-trying the experiment every six months or so to see if the situation had improved, that is, whether the inferior dialup software to a substandard provider had suddenly stopped horking systems. It hadn't. We'd tell them that it was reinstall time again, they'd cuss, then we'd be good for another half year.

  • Re:Not worth reading (Score:4, Interesting)

    by sjames ( 1099 ) on Tuesday August 18, 2009 @01:31PM (#29108209) Homepage Journal

    AOL came along on the tail end of the BBS era. The internet was already going strong at universities and was getting off the ground for home dial-up accounts. They were the guy that shows up ready to party just as the hosts are getting ready for bed. Their business plan was practically expired before they launched.

    For years after, they pressed forward with their walled garden and hourly rates in the face of flat fee dialup internet counting on an overwhelming flood of marketing to overcome fundamental shortcomings in their product. Their customers mostly consisted of people who had never heard of the Internet and those who finally gave up after repeated attempts to cancel their account.

    Their marketing became so strident by the end, they were actually offering more free hours than existed in a month to get people to sign up and depending on making cancellation a bureaucratic near-impossibility to stay afloat. They were stupid to believe that a crazy huge marketing campaign could keep a fundamentally flawed service alive forever.

    In the process they made themselves synonymous with anything and everything that wasn't good about the Internet (including spam for quite a while). Their one and only real value (as "the free blank floppy of the month club") went away when they switched to sending CDROMS. Let's face it, once you have 4-6 of those, you just don't need any more coasters.

    The only reason they were expected to roll over and die is because they had already made it clear they were unable or unwilling to offer what the customer wanted to buy.

    Their crowning achievement was convincing TW (somehow) that they were worth $7000/U.S. household.

  • by Nom du Keyboard ( 633989 ) on Tuesday August 18, 2009 @02:34PM (#29109233)

    Originally, they were a distributor of 3.5" floppies that could be re-formatted and re-used. They changed their business model when floppies fell out of favor and CDs became popular...became the #1 polluter in the US by distributing millions of useless shiny plastic coasters...

    Hey, they didn't become totally worthless then. Those tin containers containing those coasters are the best thing yet to reuse when putting your own precious CD/DVDs into the trunks of the elephants employed by the U.S. Snail Service.

He has not acquired a fortune; the fortune has acquired him. -- Bion

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