Vatican Debates Possibility of Alien Life 721
Pickens writes "The Telegraph reports that the Vatican's Pontifical Academy of Sciences is holding its first ever conference on alien life, the discovery of which would have profound implications for the Catholic Church. For centuries, theologians have argued over what the existence of life elsewhere in the universe would mean for the Church. Among other things, extremely alien-looking aliens would be hard to fit with the idea that God 'made man in his own image' and Jesus Christ's role as savior would be confused; would other worlds have their own Christ-figures, or would Earth's Christ be universal? Just as the Church eventually made accommodations after Copernicus and Galileo showed that the Earth was not the center of the universe, and when it belatedly accepted the truth of Darwin's theory of evolution, Catholic leaders say that alien life can be aligned with the Bible's teachings. 'Just as a multiplicity of creatures exists on Earth, so there could be other beings, also intelligent, created by God,' says Father Jose Funes, a Jesuit astronomer at the Vatican Observatory and one of the organizers of the conference. Others do not agree. 'If you look back at the history of Christian debate on this, it divides into two camps. There are those that believe that it is human destiny to bring salvation to the aliens, and those who believe in multiple incarnations,' says Paul Davies, a theoretical physicist. 'The multiple incarnations is a heresy in Catholicism.'"
Spread the word! (Score:5, Funny)
We need money to build an interstellar cruiser. Now, this space ship will be able to travel through a wormhole and deliver the message and guh-glory of Jesus Christ to those godless aliens.
S-send your money now. Amen.
Probably not what you think (Score:5, Funny)
Normal folks think of aliens as being extraterrestrial. In this case, it's probably a study of non-Catholics.
You know what this means! (Score:3, Funny)
If you don't believe me, check out V on ABC (in the USA)
Isn't this all solved by the FSM? (Score:1, Funny)
His noodley appendages touch ALL planets
Re:Of course, there is another solution (Score:5, Funny)
"There is more to life than what you can prove scientifically."
Prove it.
Re:Wow... (Score:2, Funny)
Be careful, you might break an altar boy's coccyx.
No surrender (Score:5, Funny)
As a protestant, you, your pope, and all his cardinals can all fuck off.
Re:No surrender (Score:5, Funny)
As a Jew, you're both a pack of heretics. "Son of god", my ass.
Re:No surrender (Score:5, Funny)
As a heathen, get over it already. We know you're cranky, but it's not our fault Moses wouldn't stop for directions...
Catholics: Prepare to be assimilated. (Score:5, Funny)
Christians, please be aware that the intergalactic god, Zul-9 is the "one and only God". The alien crusaders are coming to spread the Word of the Great God Zul-9, and they want your churches, cathedrals and your women.
And if you silly Christians want "proof" that Zul-9 is the only God, then you can read it for yourself in the Biblio Galactica -- where it's written in clear, concise Zorgox "There is no God but Zul-9. All other gods are His sexual playthings -- until he eats them like crumpets with his afternoon tea."
Any evidence that the Cathoilc church attempts to put forward in an effort to discredit Zul-9 are words of the Devil (The evil "Byxaplaximax") and are but mere examples of obfuscation used by the Forces of Evil to cloud the One True Word of Zul-9. (It is common knowledge that the entire Bible was penned by an incredibly drunk Byxaplaximax in a weak effort to stifle Zul-9.)
To any Catholics who suddenly believe that their god may have created life elsewhere in the Universe, Zul-9 has proclaimed the following words: "Jesus H. Christ, stop trying to change up your stodgy little screed to encompass new scientific data which clearly disproves your stodgy little screed. There is no god but me, and you should know that because I've already buggered and devoured your god and he needed salt." (From the Book of the Book of St. Pogax-7).
And if there are any Catholics who cling to their religion in spite of the overwhelming evidence that they are uneducated monkeys, Zul-9 would like to remind these unbelievers that they have to "have faith".
Re:Third group (Score:1, Funny)
Agrajag, the Bowl of Petunias, was Jesus. Pontius Pilate ("What, why are you making me decide this? I just wanted a nice cup of hot tea!") was Arthur Dent.
"Oh no, not again."
- Jesus Christ, upon realizing He'd need to be nailed to the local equivalent of a tree, once for every seperately-evolved sentient species in the Universe.
Re:Of course, there is another solution (Score:4, Funny)
Re:WTF? Of course it affects reality. (Score:2, Funny)
I Like Playing God (Score:3, Funny)