ID Thief Tries To Get Witnesses Whacked 168
adeelarshad82 writes "Pavel Valkovich of Sherman Oaks, CA has pleaded guilty to solicitation of murder, admitting that he attempted to hire hit-men to kill witnesses working with Federal authorities in their investigation of Valkovich's ID theft activities and subsequent crimes. According to the Justice Department: '...Valkovich and others had stolen personal identifying information and used that information to transfer funds from victims' bank accounts to PayPal accounts.'"
It wasn't him... (Score:3, Funny)
...his identity must have been stolen!
Re:What. The. Funk? (Score:5, Funny)
Valkovich will face a statutory maximum of 50 years in prison: 20 years for the murder-for-hire and 30 years for the bank fraud
On further investigation, a new fact has been discovered. When Valkovich was hiring the assassin, he was simultaneously copying his cds to a usb player. The sentence has been changed to death penalty of him, his entire family, and everybody in the same neighborhood with a name starting with a V, or a W.
surely this plan must eventually succeed (Score:3, Funny)
A minor setback, really--- clearly he's now just in need of a fourth person willing to commit three murders for hire...
Re:What. The. Funk? (Score:4, Funny)
Re:What. The. Funk? (Score:3, Funny)
Re:surely this plan must eventually succeed (Score:4, Funny)
A minor setback, really--- clearly he's now just in need of a fourth person willing to commit three murders for hire...
That's an example of the classic "putting fires off" mentality.
A good manager would have sent two assassins for the first target and two more for the assassins themselves. He'd then hire a fifth assassin, of greater skill, to kill whoever was alive at the end of the deals.
To hire such number of assassins, he'd have probaly created a small HR department. And to recoup from this initial investment, he'd capitalize the already prepared team by subcontracting it to other businesses.
Re:i was called to jury duty once (Score:5, Funny)
Actually, I had an amusing moment in the early 90s as regards this. I got a jury duty notice addressed to my father. Well, I called the court clerk and had a short conversation that went something like this:
Me: "Hello....I got this notice and I am calling to let you know that he will not be able to serve".
Clerk (in kind of a snotty tone): "I'm sorry sir, but everyone that is called is required to serve, or appear to explain why they cannot".
Me: "That may be a little difficult because he has been dead for six years now..."
lllloooonnnnngggg silence.
Clerk: "Ok...." and hangs up.
Apparently they got their records updated because I got no more summons. I must admit that I had this momentary desire to jerk them around a bit, and tell them that if they wanted to talk to him, they would have to come and get him....and then give his current address as the cemetary where he was buried.
Got to love the bureaucracy.
Dave Mundt
Re:What. The. Funk? (Score:2, Funny)
Re:"Copyright theft" and *Identity theft" (Score:3, Funny)
Now, did you have a point to make, or are you just being an asshat?
Re:Pond life (Score:3, Funny)
Couldn't have happened to a nicer piece of pond scum.
Don't be so complimentary - at least pond scum (of the algae variety) has its place in the ecosystem...