Offline Book "Lending" Costs US Publishers Nearly $1 Trillion 494
An anonymous reader writes with this excerpt from a tongue-in-cheek blog post which puts publisher worries about ebook piracy into perspective:
"Hot on the heels of the story in Publisher's Weekly that 'publishers could be losing out on as much $3 billion to online book piracy' comes a sudden realization of a much larger threat to the viability of the book industry. Apparently, over 2 billion books were 'loaned' last year by a cabal of organizations found in nearly every American city and town. Using the same advanced projective mathematics used in the study cited by Publishers Weekly, Go To Hellman has computed that publishers could be losing sales opportunities totaling over $100 billion per year, losses which extend back to at least the year 2000. ... From what we've been able to piece together, the book 'lending' takes place in 'libraries.' On entering one of these dens, patrons may view a dazzling array of books, periodicals, even CDs and DVDs, all available to anyone willing to disclose valuable personal information in exchange for a 'card.' But there is an ominous silence pervading these ersatz sanctuaries, enforced by the stern demeanor of staff and the glares of other patrons. Although there's no admission charge and it doesn't cost anything to borrow a book, there's always the threat of an onerous overdue bill for the hapless borrower who forgets to continue the cycle of not paying for copyrighted material."
In other news... (Score:5, Funny)
Coming clean (Score:1, Funny)
I have been loaning books to friends for years. I am posting anonymously to avoid the repercussions.
Think of the libraries! (Score:1, Funny)
Just think how much the libraries are costing publishers, OMG!
And with the ability to actually borrow a book for free, nobody will ever need to actually buy a book. That's nothing but the liberals, err socialists trying to take nationalize both the publishing and retail book industries!
Hackers (Score:5, Funny)
Notorious hacker group "The Librarians" thumbed their collective noses today at the intellectual property industry as they investigated new ways to channel IP into the hands of teenagers.
"I got this great new bag today," said one student, "and realized I needed a few novels to put in it." [Editor's note: we believe the term "bag" is street for a memory storage device.]
One self-proclaimed member of this criminal organization stated "The biggest challenge with kids today is getting access to reading material. Many come from poorer families and depend on the free availability of reading material to supplement their school-provided education." She continued, "That's why today we're announcing a reading competition, with the winner awarded a really wonderful bag to store their materials in."
When pressed for clarification, this member stated "Of course all the reading materials would be provided for free. That is the whole purpose of what we do." Upon further research, it is believed that local and federal funds are being diverted for these activities.
Organizations representing intellectual property owners did not immediately answer calls. [Editor's note: we let the phone ring once, then hang up. If they can't answer their calls in less than one ring, it's not immediate enough for us.]
Re:In other news... (Score:5, Funny)
Sunlight costs lightbulb makers nearly 100 bazillion dollars!
Only if you invest for the short term. Personally, I invest for the long term. I'm quite sure that my lightbulb investments will prove profitable in 5,000,000,000 years.
Re:And the PORN!!! (Score:5, Funny)
Re:As a mathematician (Score:5, Funny)
I am irked by the phrase "advanced projective mathematics." This to me is a red flag warning me of some business school BS coming up.
Pff- you elitist ivory tower eggheads and your fancy-schmancy degrees think you know everything! If you had any sort of street-smarts, you'd realize that there's a reason people with MBAs run the world!
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm late for my MBA meeting - we've decided to solve the financial crisis by making the leaf the standard unit of currency - everybody will be rich beyond their wildest dreams!
Re:And then (Score:5, Funny)
The First Book Is Free. (Score:5, Funny)
When I was growing up, my family did not have a lot of money. Almost all the books I read were borrowed from a library. As I got older, my mom and dad moved in to better jobs, and some of my books were purchased. By the time I was in high school and college, the only time I went to the library was to do research for school papers.
Now that I make good money, I never to go the library. I buy all my books (from independent book stores if I can).
Like any good drug dealer they need to keep the first "hit" free.
They're fighting it with an "educational campaign" (Score:5, Funny)
Their "Campaign to Promote Illiteracy" will be mandatory in most schools in the next semester. Students will be treated to videos with titles such as "Johnny Can't Read"; older classes will be subjected to aversion therapy with pop-up books such as "My Pet Goatse" and "Animal Farm-sex".
They'll also be promoting their new android-based phone, which enables illiterates to send "text" messages using only pictures, so that texting becomes a game of rebus [wikipedia.org]. For example, he message "Can I see you tonight?" becomes
"picture of a tin can" = "can", +
"picture of an eye" = "eye", +
"picture of waves" = "sea", +
picture of a female goat" = "ewe", +
"picture of dog poop" = "number 2" +
"picture of a knight on a horse" = "knight"
"can eye sea ewe 2 knight" = "can I see you tonight"
typo (Score:5, Funny)
You spelled his name wrong; that's GNU/Stallman
Add more to that (Score:1, Funny)
Has anyone considered that in addition to libraries, schools circulate copyright material for free to the students. An argument against this as unlawful may include the exposure of the fact that a very small percentage of the recipients actually read this text and a large percentage of the books suffer irrepairable damages. Still, it might add a few more pennies to their losses. Woe is the publishing industry.
On unhappy Camel-porn... (Score:4, Funny)
That's nothing. The Economist once had a cover with two copulating camels (the female didn't look to happy).
She was probably getting dry-humped.
Thank you, I'm here all week.
Re:Dammit... (Score:5, Funny)
http://isohunt.com/torrent_details/147160293/barbie+horse+adventures?tab=summary [isohunt.com]
Re:typo (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Excellent satire (Score:2, Funny)
I guess I'm only half kidding with this post...