Nerds Still More Likely To Get Bullied 480
trashbird1240 writes "Reports on a recent meta-analysis of bullies and victims found that bullies and victims have similar personality traits, but that bullies tend to do poorly in school, as opposed to those who get bullied. Both bullies and victims are poor social problem solvers, but they resort to different tactics to handle their social ineptitude. To me this represents a huge leap forward in understanding nerd psychology."
The key to not getting beaten up as a nerd (Score:5, Interesting)
Work out. A lot. Throughout middle school and high school, I was a huge geek (and dressed like one)...but I was also huge. In high school, at only 5'6", I weighed around 200 pounds, and could lift what the varsity football team lifted in the weightroom (and, in some cases, even more.)
I was a dork, but no one dared fuck with me. A good thing, too...I had no idea how to fight :p
Re:The key to not getting beaten up as a nerd (Score:5, Interesting)
Playing the borderline psycho route is also good. (Although these days you'll probably end up on some watch lists.) I can't really point to any single thing I did nor do I remember why they actually thought I was. (I guess critiquing what previous school shooters did wrong in an English paper was one thing...)
But when I skipped the senior photo in the gym, I guess one of my friends told me some people were joking I was in the rafters with a rifle.
Top of my class, BSME, going back for my MSME. I think >90% of my class is still at home drinking at the one bar in town and partying like they're still seniors. It's sad, but if they're happy, what ever.
I think ... (Score:5, Interesting)
That the problem is that people are so hard-wired to find social ineptitude a problem.
There are times where I wouldn't want to hang out with people because I didn't like the people. At one point (it was between grade 8 and 9) I realized that I could be whoever I really wanted to be, and was not relegated to any kind of social outcast or nerdy clique for the rest of my days. I went out, bought some clothes, got a haircut, and emailed someone I didn't usually hang out with, and asked if they wanted to go Skateboarding. I - however - had never been great at skateboarding. However, this new friend of mine took my motion as a kind gesture and proceeded to teach me a bit so that I could hang out with him and his friends more. He understood that I had wanted to get out of any antisocial tendancies I might have had and wanted to have fun with more friends. Obviously, he was not the bullying type.
However, after a year or so of this, I began to miss the old things. Playing LAN Starcraft till 5 am, reading Fantasy Novels, and programming. Things I never had time for when there was a party that weekend, movie night at a friends house, or hanging out after class. Eventually, I went back to my old tendancies, and I really didn't care if I was labelled a nerd because I liked being alone a bit more.
Re:The key to not getting beaten up as a nerd (Score:1, Interesting)
Wear all black, and talk cryptically about "your visions" of life and reality. That was enough to make most people too scared of me in highschool to ever pick on me like they did in middle school. Also, you don't have to hurt people to make them afraid of you, you just have to make them afraid of what you'd do. Punch a locker, make your fist bleed, then laugh. If you do that to yourself, what would you do to someone that made you mad?
Etc...
This is the loaded term (Score:4, Interesting)
What does this mean, bullies not knowing how to interact are pent up with rage, and take it out on others. There’s one problem with this bullies are very good at reading people. Quite often they can bully under every bodies nose without arousing suspicion. They even have good mechanisms to handle tense situations (like being investigated), they can even lie effectively under these tense situations. How do you think they can get away with it.
Re:The key to not getting beaten up as a nerd (Score:5, Interesting)
Aikido is more fun. It's the closest most mortals get to being utterly invulnerable... I don't mean you can win fights because nobody can really hurt you; I mean you don't even have to care.
It's one thing to bloody someone up, really; but when you pretty much stand there, and just quietly move and draw them along, that's different. Judo works great for this, but it's more aggressive; you react sharply, roll their weight and motion out the way you want, and wind up hurling them spectacularly through the air or locking them hard into a submission. Aikido... the motions aren't combative; you basically take a step out of the way, and lead them to the ground, mainly in ways specifically designed not to injure. It looks like your opponent is just tripping over his own stupidity, rather than getting owned.
Seriously, who the fuck wants to mess with that? The less aggressive you look while utterly dismissing your opponents, the more confused and frightened people become.
Terrorists and buttsecks (Score:3, Interesting)
Interesting interview on NPR a few weeks back on a woman (who had been raped as a teen) who had studied middle eastern terrorists and came up with the thesis that many had been seriously sexually abused as children in the training camps. Pointing out that the common thread with terrorists and other people who went postal or Columbine was that they had been subjected to some form of grave humiliation and didn't really have a support group or other form of outlet.
Not excusing their means of retaliation, but it was interesting to draw the connection between humiliation and people who eventually snap violently. If the world had less humiliation going around and bystanders who are complicit with it, we'd all probably be better off, bullies and nerds alike.
Re:The key to not getting beaten up as a nerd (Score:3, Interesting)
Re:The key to not getting beaten up as a nerd (Score:4, Interesting)
You don't. You socialize with other people, becoming part of the herd. You're less likely to be picked off by a predator then.
Comment removed (Score:3, Interesting)
Re:Stand up for yourself (Score:5, Interesting)
I don't know how our dutch schools compare to high schools, but for this story, it is comparable enough.
I was in my 2nd year and for the first 6 months a group of kids kept teasing, annoying, harassing me, etc. It was horrible.
I remember being in shop class reaching out for a tool that I needed to continue my work. One of the kids grabbed it after I did and tried to pull it out of my hand, I told that person that I was using it, then the kid spit on my hand.
That was the moment something snapped in my head, everything went dark, I was smart enough to drop the tool and I said one little thing: "Run."
The kid knew I was serious and started running, as did I. I jumped over chairs and desks while in pursuit only having one goal, to destroy that person.
It took 6 people to grab me and hold me against a wall until I calmed down.
That experience made sure that they didn't bother me anymore but it scared the fuck out of me.
I have learned more patience, more forgiveness and more understanding since then since I do not want to repeat an episode like that.
You are correct when some people only understand violence, I wish that was different.
Re:The key to not getting beaten up as a nerd (Score:1, Interesting)
Yeah, I got through middle school and high school on the "crazy" route as well. Especially middle school. I actually overheard someone one day suggesting that someone else not push me too far for fear of . Vague and unsubstantiated rumors of concealed weapons, poisons, plans for arson, various forms of electronic "ruining your life" kinds of situations, etc, etc. Thankfully the school administration knew better, or those kinda of things would have made life more difficult.
Re:The key to not getting beaten up as a nerd (Score:3, Interesting)
...unless she is a member of your D&D group, of course. Then that might be the specific topic of discussion, or it might be something else entirely, or she might just want to jump your bones. One of those is probably right, at least.
Re:Perhaps... (Score:4, Interesting)
Seeing how far you can push somebody wouldn't be such an attractive hobby if the risk of being the guy who pushed them just a little too far were there in the back of your mind...
Re:Stand up for yourself (Score:3, Interesting)
One day at a school assembly one of my personal bullies pushed me just a little to far. I saw red (I am color blind) and set about beating him to death in front of the whole school. Fortunately I came to my senses before that happened, but not before breaking his nose, and jaw. Also breaking 3 ribs of the, very large, PE teacher who tried to stop me.
Word got around, and it was the last fight I ever had.
My principal was an idiot. He had the foolish belief that it takes two to fight, so he took the two combatants and made them pick up garbage unsupervised around the school. I am sure you can imagine the results.
Re:Animal psychology (Score:3, Interesting)
This is much more prevalent in public schools where we train the sheep than in private schools where we train the wolves.
Re:I think ... (Score:5, Interesting)
That the problem is that people are so hard-wired to find social ineptitude a problem.
Social ineptitude is a problem. You are confusing being an introvert (preferring not to spend time with other people) with being socially inept. Not all introverts are socially inept. Sometimes people are labeled "nerds" because they choose to be socially uninvolved. However, the term originally (and in this context) referred to people who wish to be socially involved but are outcasts because they do things that are socially viewed opposite of the way they intend.
Re:This is the loaded term (Score:4, Interesting)
If it is a mistake you make when you are supposed to be working on somebody else's behalf, as in the case of school staff, parole boards, and the like; it can have major consequences for others, which makes you either negligent or incompetent.
Re:Stand up for yourself (Score:2, Interesting)
Killjoy, I had a similar experience. Black out, apparently some extreme violence against the bullies, then I come to afraid of what I see I've done. I had the same results too. It scared me, I didn't know I had that kind of anger within myself, and it scares me to think I could go there again. But, one bully became a great friend, others let me be, and the jocks that happened to witness the incident kept a respectful distance from me. Just interesting to me to see such a similar story.
Re:This is the loaded term (Score:3, Interesting)
I'm amazed that this got modded up so highly. I guess people on /. really were bullied quite a bit. Bullies are not sadists, they just prefer being the bully to being the one being bullied and belonging to a group, even if that group is not really based on friendship or anything stable.