Vatican To Digitize Prohibited Archives

tiltowait writes "Hot on the heels of their successful iPhone app and drive-through confessional, the BBC News reports that the Vatican Voltron Vulture Decepticons has announced plans to digitize their pornography collection and make it available online to tithing paying horny hungry subscribers. Given what the church has planned for the project's by-products offspring profits moneez , here's hoping they learn lessons from the the New York Times paywall loopholes. Is anyone in on the Indulgentia beta?"

Vulcan To Digitize Prohibited Archives ...

[tomhudson]

There's so much free pr0n on teh Innert00bs that the Vatican's stash won't be any big deal. Most slashdotters probably have copies already.

The Vulcan prohibited archives, on the other hand ... that could start a whole new TV series - ST:TPA (Star Trek: The Prohibited Archives).

And the cast wouldn't have to worry about one of the leads ... speaking ... every ... word ... like ... its ... a ... separate ... sentence!

It could rank right up there with Spaceballs II - The Search for More Money.

April Fools

[James McGuigan]

Nice try though!

Re:

[hobo sapiens]

OMG PONIES!

Ok, I am leaving the interwebs now. See ya tomorrow.

Re:

[the_womble]

There is an interesting point though. The Vatican does own some porn.

1) They cannot destroy it because its historically valuable.
2) They cannot sell it because it would not exactly be appropriate to profit from selling porn.

Obviously serious scholars need access, which needs to be free (no taking money from porn), so the best solution would be to digitise it and release it for others to redistribute.

Re:

[v1]

but If they're only making it available to paying customers, isn't that selling it?

Re:

[Samantha Wright]

Nah, that's selling access to it. It's sort of like "If you pay me $50/hour, I'll let you enter this room at my super-sleazy motel. Also, while in this room, feel free to take advantage of the complimentary prostitute."

Re:

[Samantha Wright]

complimentary

1. Expressing a compliment; praising or approving
   • Jennie was very complimentary about Kathy's riding
   • complimentary remarks
2. Given or supplied free of charge
   • a complimentary bottle of wine

Vatican pornography

[wombatmobile]

I heard they have fantastic statues by old masters of girls with fingers in each other.

It makes sense. Before TV and the printing press, the only way to create pornography was through artisans.

Formerly Clever. Now Just F*ckin' Tedious

[RobotRunAmok]

I've been here long enough to remember when there were a few clever bits thrown in amongst the snark here on April 1.

But this... this... vatican porn... WTF? Tasteless AND Tedious, nice job. And a new low.

Taco, you guys make enough money on this site now, howzaboutmaybe you consider hiring some professional comedy writers once a year to script this site on April 1. Consider it a little give-back.

As it stands now, you're just driving readers away in hordes...

Re:

[danguyf]

Yeah, this one is really offensive.

Re:

[oldmac31310]

Why?

Re:

[FatLittleMonkey]

They're catholic. It's only funny when it's someone else's religion.

Re:

[oldmac31310]

Well...I was brought up Catholic (not any more!) and would see that as all the more reason to find it funny. The problem is, it's not really funny. Maybe that is why it is really offensive. I am offended by lame humour!

Re:

[danguyf]

Yeah. It's lame and a total cheap shot.

Re:

[oldmac31310]

Hey, I have no problem with a humourous shot at the Vatican, or indeed the seat of any organized religion but when it's not funny...well, best not bother with it. Let's have some funny jokes. But thankfully April 1 is almost at an end and comedic efforts will now be resumed by people who are (supposed to be) better at it - and not on /. We can all breathe a sigh of relief and a good lungful of computer fan exhaust!

Re:

[YA_Python_dev]

Yeah, they almost got me on this one.

Re:

[Marxist Hacker 42]

The sad part is, I was just watching a history channel documentary two days ago that claimed the same thing.

Re:

[FatLittleMonkey]

websites link is real for those who think the whole thing is fake. Sorry pretty sure this isn't an april fools joke

FTFA:"Funding for the collection's digitisation has been procured via an executive order from Italian PM Silvio Berlusconi, who has expressed a strong interest in "protecting our priceless cultural heritage." [...] acount maintenance will be run by adult entertainment magnate Larry Flint."

Sure, skippy. You keep Believing.

Why today?

[skids]

Why did I have to get mod points today? Useless.

Re:Why today?

[rogueippacket]

+5 Insightful? Methinks you weren't the only one... =)

Re:

[hellkyng]

I vomited my mod points gratuitously all over the place, mmm april fools I feel your pain.

Re:

[webmistressrachel]

It's worse than that for me. Mine EXPIRE today, and I have 5 of them to waste on this crapflood they call "April Fool's". Oh well, woe is me. Mod me down...

Re:

[skids]

Maybe the editors will post a thread on karma-deficiency-disorder, so we can spread the love to the truly pathetic.

Re:

[Nick Ives]

Has anyone noticed that mod points seem to come around more frequently lately? I had a run a couple of weeks ago where I received three batches of points in a week!

Re:

[MobileTatsu-NJG]

Why did I have to get mod points today? Useless.

You know they last for more than one day, right?

April Fools!!!

[rootrot]

Seems reasonably funny...

Re:

[account_deleted]

Comment removed based on user account deletion

Re:

[MyLongNickName]

You should try this new website called /.

Re:

[_Sprocket_]

I just loaded the page for my morning coffee crawl and realized the date. Like previous years, I'm going to ignore the fact that /. exists until the date rolls over. The joke is stale.

On the flip side, there HAS been interesting April Fools pranks. This micro-editing has some appeal (I can't say why), OMG Ponies, and the time they coordinated with a slew of other geek culture sites to imply that there was some big, bad IP lawyering hitting everyone stand out. But in.... what.... 10 or so years of Apr

Re:

[nschubach]

It's one day to have fun. Relax.

Re:

[_Sprocket_]

It's one day to have fun. Relax.

Which is fine if it's fun. It's not.

Point taken - I probably sound like a killjoy (which I take with a personal sense of irony). This is a day for /. to essentially shut down and I'll treat it as such (with the occasional check to see if this particular thread has garnered any interesting discussion :P).

Re:

[account_deleted]

Comment removed based on user account deletion

Re:

[account_deleted]

Comment removed based on user account deletion

Re:

[account_deleted]

Comment removed based on user account deletion

What happened to OMG Ponies!

[viking099]

That would have been perfect this year, with the new MLP show. Oh, well.

Re:

[Conspiracy_Of_Doves]

Have you seen the clips from that show arrange to the audio track from the Dark Knight trailer?

Oh please!

[Opportunist]

Won't someone PLEASE think of the child... erh...

better not.

Re:

[xMrFishx]

In Catholic Vatican, God thinks about children.

Re:

[Opportunist]

Effin' pedo!

I knew there was something fishy when I read Matt 19:14 and Luke 18:16.

Re:

[outsider007]

It's not a sin to be victimized by a pedophile. He's talking about leading children away from their faith. Which seems odd today because nobody would ever dare tell a kid that there's no God or Jesus. But back then I guess it was a real issue.

Re:

[Opportunist]

Hey! The bible thumpers get to pick and choose their quotes from the book and ignore what doesn't further their agenda, so I get to do it, too!

A fool? Not even close

[Things_falling_apart]

April Fools Day is supposed to be able to trick "fools". This would not fool even the most extreme unthinking Pat Robertson types out there.

Re:

[Opportunist]

What for? If I wanted to see dead flesh dangling, I could get plenty thereof in the average crucifixion painting.

Out of ideas

[proslack]

What will Dan Brown write about now?

Re:

[guspasho]

The Vatican's secrets have been intercepted by Wikileaks!

It's not actually the BBC

[siliconbits]

Just check the URL I s'ppose... Hope there's no link to Malware in there

Re:

[Xugumad]

This is what got to me. The BBC normally do a rather good joke for April Fool's, but apparently that wasn't enough, now we need fake articles from websites faking being other websites...

I'll keep on asking

[ginbot462]

CmdrTaco let the users submit there own MadLibs .. er stories! We won't inject badly behaving scripts! Please, I'll do my homework and go to bed early.

April Foolter

[blowdog]

Someone smart, not me I'm an idiot, needs to create a browser plugin that makes April Fool story's disappear

Re:

[xMrFishx]

Come back tomorrow and I'll have one for you that will work for years between 2010 and 2012. Unfortunately you'll need to upgrade for next years. I'll probably have it out by the second, or maybe the third of the month.

Re:

[blowdog]

great, thanks. hang on, I'll find my credit card and enter the details here.

Come on

[RavenousBlack]

This one's not even believable in the least bit. If you're going to do April Fools at least make me wonder if it's true or not.

See you tomorrow

[cultiv8]

Almost forgot, I don't read /. on April 1st.

When will this day end?

[DigiTechGuy]

Insanity! The internet is useless, I'm giving up on slacking off and resorting to actually working.

Accomplishments?

[vijayiyer]

I wonder how many people will post today just for the Accomplishment

Re:

[Code Master]

That's a good idea!

Re:

[karnal]

Accomplishment? OH NO!

Re:

[gnarfel]

[normal slashdot post, for achievement.]

Re:

[DarkOx]

I got one for using all my mod points today!

Re:

[Permutation Citizen]

Sure

Re:

[wholesaleidea]

HO HO~~~~~ [wikidot.com]

Re:

[Qzukk]

Everyone who didn't get the achievement last time?

Re:

[acsinc]

such as myself

Re:

[chargersfan420]

And me too.

Re:

[existone]

And me three.

Re:

[Limburgher]

Not sure. :)

Re:

[digitac]

do they still exist? I thought that was last year's gag.

Re:

[pens]

Yeah, I wonder that too

Re:

[kevinNCSU]

Almost forgot about that.

Re:

[Rasit]

Thanks, I almost forgot about that.

Re:

[rwa2]

What a foolish accomplishment. /This is not an accomplishment. Nope.

Re:

[jcoy42]

I suppose I may as well.

Re:

[slaxative]

A lot.

Re:

[Carnildo]

I love spam.

Srsly?

[Kwpolska]

I'd like the original version to be real.

Re:

[MysteriousPreacher]

Yeah, I thought it was pretty cool also.

A report for the Vatican

[zildgulf]

Let's get the "man on the street" report at the Vatican about this shocking news:

A passer-by said this about Dan Brown, "Poor Dan is in a droop!" about this story
Another passer-by said about the Pope's fan boys about this news, "Won't lovers revolt now?"
I heard the Pope's cook said to the doctor, "Doc, note I dissent: a fast never prevents a fatness. I diet on cod.
The husband of Rowena, the Pope's fashion manager, said "A new order began, a more Roman age bred Rowena."
A Swiss Guard exclaimed "Draw, O

Releasing pornography?

[plopez]

I guess they didn't look too close at some of the sculptures and painting the Vatican commissioned over the years.

Apple breasted Madonnas, naked cherubs, etc.

I guess the difference between pr0n and art is a few hundred years.

Re:

[plopez]

I meant to say "ample", but apple breasted works well too. Seeing how I am writing this on an Apple machine, it may have been some sort of Freudian slip.....

*shudders*

Freudian Slip . . .

[KenSeymour]

is when you mean one thing and you say your mother.

Re:

[KingAlanI]

However, that which is sexually related can sometimes be used with class and artistic merit, sometimes not.

BTW, I read 'apple' as a description of the female figures' size/shape.

Re:

[plopez]

yeah, i tried to use "apple" as in apple sized breasts. But who am I kidding? I'm an apple fanboi.

Re:

[KingAlanI]

that describes quite the level of fanboyism - as powerful as sex. :P

http://kotaku.com/#!5384643/i-kept-playing--the-costs-of-my-gaming-addiction [kotaku.com] refers to a sadly extreme example of this.

P.S.
What do you think of "However, that which is sexually related can sometimes be used with class and artistic merit, sometimes not.", by the way?

Timing?

[adavies42]

The timestamp on TFA is March 31. Screwy CMS?

Lol, Internets

[MacGyver2210]

I love it. It's like a Vatican Fool's Day Mad Lib!

Nuclear is safe

[coldsalmon]

Ignore TFA -- the radiation levels around the Fukushima plant are nowhere near Chernobyl levels. This is now an effective rebuttal to any slashdot post or comment.

In medieval Rome, the pope proscribes you!

[cohomology]

my apology for propagating a silly meme

Fuzzum's law

[Fuzzums]

Godwin's law applies, unless it's April 1st.
Then people will state the obvious, thereby losing the discussion, way before Godwin's law can be applied.

Are any of the articles real today?

[kyrio]

Does nothing happen in the news on the first of April?

Heh

[Tolkien]

If this archive really existed it would be the one place that would definitively debunk Christianity as whole and in all its forms. Then of course, millions of people would voluntarily ignore anything that comes of it and life would go on unchanged, with people just as ignorant as before.

Achievements

[YA_Python_dev]

I've read somewhere that commenting on an April's fool story gives an achievement.

Re:

[DeVilla]

Citation please? Well, ok. So did I, just a second ago, here [slashdot.org]