The Next Keurig Will Make Your Coffee With a Dash of "DRM"

FuzzNugget writes "Apparently seeking to lock competitors out of the burgeoning single-serve coffee market, Green Mountain Coffee Roasters, maker of the popular Keurig coffee machines, will make their new machines work with licensed pods only. GMCR's CEO confirmed this in a statement: 'The much-anticipated ‘Keurig 2.0’ single-cup brewing system with ‘interactive readability’ (that doesn’t work with unlicensed/copycat pods) will offer such “game-changing functionality” that consumers - and unlicensed players - will want to switch.'"

Horrible coffee

[Tough Love]

Coffee from pods is an affront dignity anyway. Get a proper espresso machine, or use a press.

Keuring coffee? No thanks.

[Anonymous Coward]

I only drink certified genuine OEM HP inkjet printer ink. It's much cheaper than Keuring.

Not my cup of tea

[sideslash]

Reminds me of when Microsoft attempted to make their own (proprietary, locked in) java.

Re:Really?

[alphatel]

How much "game-changing functionality" can you really work into a fucking coffee machine?

It turns into a coffee fucking machine. See how I did that?

Re:Horrible coffee

[jonwil]

Unless you personally witnessed the beans being ground, its not proper coffee :)

Re:Why?

[Anonymous Coward]

Somehow I just don't trust drinking my coffee that we brewed out of a Lexmark ink cartridge.

close the pod bay door, HAL

[Thud457]

Sorry Dave, I can't let you brew that.

I'd damn sure reprogram his memory banks with an very large axe for that kind of insubordination.

Re:Horrible coffee

[qazxswedc]

Unless you bought the beans green and roasted them yourself, it's not proper coffee :D

Re:Anti competitive

[climb_no_fear]

That coffee is so bad, that it isn't legal in Europe anyway.

Re:Horrible coffee

[Ambvai]

Unless you hate the beans yourself and picked them out of the toilet before roasting them...

Well. You might also have to be a civet.

Re:Horrible coffee

[hey!]

It follows that blind people have never tasted proper coffee.

Re:Really?

[jd2112]

How much "game-changing functionality" can you really work into a fucking coffee machine?

It turns into a coffee fucking machine. See how I did that?

So that's where the cream comes from...

Re:Horrible coffee

[fahrbot-bot]

Coffee from pods is an affront dignity anyway. Get a proper espresso machine, or use a press.

Besides, Dolphins and Orcas are horrible Baristas. Wait, what kind of "pods" are we talking about?

Re:Horrible coffee

[ebh]

You forgot all the steps it took to evolve the civets.

Re:Why?

[hawguy]

So, fun fact. I've recently come to terms with an ugly fact : I have a legitimate physical addiction to caffeine. If I go a full day without, I get headaches by the end of the day.

Hardly the worst withdrawal symptoms ever, and defeated by some motrin and water ... but still, a bit upsetting. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to indulge my habit

For this reason, I included caffeine tablets in my 72-hour earthquake survival kit. I don't want to be fighting caffeine withdrawl at the same time I'm searching for shelter. I don't trust Starbucks to have emergency power and water plus enough beans in-stock to feed my addition in case of disaster.

Re:Horrible coffee

[Jarik C-Bol]

If you scrounge around Google for say, 17 seconds, and maybe use the worlds 'Insulated', 'French' and 'Press', preferably in that order, you will find, I kid you not; a veritable cornucopia of products that will satisfy your demands.

Re:Why?

[serviscope_minor]

Your forgetting the grinding of the fresh beans to put in that press.

I outsource the grinding of my coffee. I like to think it's brocken up into small pieces by an army of underpaid 3rd world seratshop labourers equipped with tiny mallettes. However, the blurb on the back of the many packets of ready-ground coffee do not confirm or deny this.

Re:Why?

[jxander]

Plus, I can tell everyone in the office that I'm going for a Brazilian.

Re:Why?

[Greyfox]

Telling me I can't have my coffee in the morning is more of a fire hazard. I'll let you figure out why.

Re:Attention, MODS!

[Chysn]

> It is spelled *expresso* not *espresso*. I am from Italy. I would know.

The letter X isn't used in Italian. Seems like the kind of thing you would know.

Re:Why?

[hawguy]

you must have a tiny-ass mug then. I Have a Cuisinart maker that grinds, and has a 4 cup setting, which perfectly fills my travel mug.

that is by biggest complaint about the Keurig - to fill a decent size mug, you need 2 cups on the large setting. at that point you get into the Buy at coffee shop kinda price per cup.

I think you meant to reply to the grandparent poster. I don't have a tiny-ass mug [geekalerts.com], I have a tiny ass-mug [randommization.com].

Re:Why?

[Bob the Super Hamste]

The way to avoid getting busted for having a coffee maker in your office is to put the coffee maker in an old computer case and run the plug out the back. One of my foreign coworkers has this setup in the server room he works in and in the 6 years I have known him no one in management or facilities maintenance has found it and no one else in the office will turn him in as they have started doing the same thing.