When I need a robust business solution, I prefer it ...
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What the fuck is this shit? (Score:4, Insightful)
Re:What the fuck is this shit? (Score:5, Interesting)
If that's serious question ....
This poll is making fun of marketing "terms" and buzzwords - and for good reason.
Businesses like to make their products seem more unique than they are, to make them seem to add more value than they do and to make it sound more important than it is; hence the buzzwords and nonsensical phrases. These buzzwords are also there to obfuscate exactly WTF you are looking at and make it more difficult to comparison shop between "solutions" or as I like to call it: overpriced software. They can't call it an accounting and inventory package. No, it's got to be an enterprise resource planning software or some such thing. Can't call is a sales program - go to call it "Customer Relationship Management" package. I think I start my software company and call my "solution" CYUTA (Cute-Ah) - Charge You Up The Ass.
One of my all time pet peeves is the term "price point" - they can't just say "the price"; no it has sound like some sort of scientific data point. And unfortunately, I'm hearing regular folks using that "term" in everyday conversation now.
Don't get me started on "preexisting" - talk about a stupid made up work that has become a real word. That word was invented by someone in the medical insurance industry - I guess they couldn't say, "We will not cover illnesses that existed before this policy was purchased" or what have you.
Re:What the fuck is this shit? (Score:4, Informative)
Not sure what the problem is with this really. Use of the term "price point" implies a relation between a certain level of features/benefits and the cost to the purchaser. It also tends to imply that there will be a cluster of competing products or services that offer similar features and are at around the same price - a price point.
The reason for this is that it's cost prohibitive for manufacturers to produce and market a near infinite number of items with various combinations of features to satisfy everyone, and so they choose a set number of products to manufacture, each targeting a specific demographic or price point, with features to match. Their competitors do much the same thing, and what results is a set of discrete price points at which you can buy a given item with an associated set of features, with not much in between.
e.g. Customer: "Hey, can't I buy a DSLR for $Y that has $A feature I want?"
Store Sales Guy: "Sorry, they don't manufacture them at that price point. You either have the entry level types for $X and the cheaper prosumer types at this price point up here at $Z. If you want that feature you'll have to fork out a lot more."
Re:What the fuck is this shit? (Score:5, Insightful)
e.g. Customer: "Hey, can't I buy a DSLR for $Y that has $A feature I want?"
Store Sales Guy: "Sorry, they don't manufacture them at that price. You either have the entry level types for $X and the cheaper prosumer types at this price point up here at $Z. If you want that feature you'll have to fork out a lot more."
FTFY
George Carlin would have a great time with this! (Score:2, Funny)
It also tends to imply that there will be a cluster of competing products or services that offer similar features and are at around the same price - a price point.
price == price point.
One word all of a sudden turns into two. Means the same thing but somehow, two words sound more important and meaningful than one.
Oh I wish, I wish, I could get George Carlin's ghost here to finish this post!
Re:George Carlin would have a great time with this (Score:5, Funny)
Oh I wish, I wish, I could get George Carlin's ghost here to finish this post!
I arranged a seance to get Carlin's opinion and his response was...
"Aaaaawaaaaaargh! Aaaaargh! Make it stop! Make it stop!
....Oh, you have stopped?.... Only long enough to let me get my message out to all the fag-enablers of America? Okay then....
I have only one thing to say... Fred Phelps was right. I *am* in hell and forever writhing and screaming in exquisite pain- and I wish I'd listened to the Word of God when I was alive. If you don't want an eternity of being sodomised by red hot pokers where the sun don't shine then.... repent, all you people, repent while you still can. And join the Westboro Baptist Church."
"Oh no, not the poker again..... aaaaaawwwwwaraaaaaargh!"
Thank you Mister Carlin. Thanks also to Joe Bigot of the Westboro Baptist Church for his generous assistance in carrying out this seance.
Re: (Score:3)
price != price point. "price" is the specific dollar (or currency of your choice) amount attached to a single product. "price point" is a small range of prices attached to a category of product, generally used to classify product ranges.
That said, buzz words often do have real meanings and appropriate times to use them. For example, a properly run organization does experience synergy, in that a group of employees when properly managed and empowered by the organization will be more effective together than if
Re:George Carlin would have a great time with this (Score:4, Insightful)
Wait, so "price" means a single value, that is, a point on the number line of prices? And "price point" means a range of values, that is, a segment of the number line, that is, not a point?
I agree with your analysis, but the terminology is hilarious.
Re:George Carlin would have a great time with this (Score:5, Funny)
think of "price point" as a large 'point' ... but just don't point it out... it's sensitive.. and big boned...
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In business it makes a lot of sense to have the vocabulary to distinguish between the continuous price on for example a demand curve [wikipedia.org] and the discrete price points you offer products at, in fact it's a very important part of positioning your models against the competition's but to the consumer it's completely redundant since they're only offered discrete prices. Everywhere you would use price point you could use price with zero chance of confusion. And if you're using price to mean an exact price and a price
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A "solution" is what you get when you take a more or less efficient method of achieving some business goal and then dissolve it into an intractable mess of meaningless buzzwords and ISO 9000 bloat.
Re:What the fuck is this shit? (Score:4, Informative)
Don't get me started on "preexisting"
According to Merriam-Webster it's first known use is 1585: http://mw1.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/preexisting [merriam-webster.com]
So it has been around for a while unlike most buzzwords.
Re: (Score:2)
One of my all time pet peeves is the term "price point" - they can't just say "the price"; no it has sound like some sort of scientific data point.
It is a data point. If you take a demand equation and a supply equation and solve for the point where they intersect, that's your optimum "price point".
Re: (Score:3)
The price of the software
max(([Cost to keep the company running]/Customers)*1.2, [what the market will tolerate])
Making software isn't cheap. ((([Programmers Salary]*1.4)*[Number of programmers]+([Managers Salary]*1.4)*([Number of programmers]/6))+[Rent]+[Utilities])*[Length of time to develop]+([10% of Final Product price to sales commission]*[units sold])+([Support Personal]*[Units sold]/20)
And if you sell it to a Business then that means you are probably selling less copies, then with the general masses,
Value Added Touch Point (Score:5, Funny)
A marketing company doing some work for us called our web site a 'Value Added Touch Point'!
I was telling my wife about the 'marketing land meeting' while we were driving when I needed to connect my ipad to her iphones Personal Hot Spot.
We both looked at each other and burst out laughing thinking her personal hot spot would be a great value added touch point!
Re: (Score:3, Informative)
It didn't need the long explanation to make sense. He just decided to be polite instead of calling you stupid.
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The brain-o-mat called. Your logic will be ready at Tuesday o'clock.
Re:What the fuck is this shit? (Score:5, Informative)
Reminds me of the Ronald RayGun years, and the "word" proactive. It seems to have been made up by someone who didn't know the difference between "act(ion)" and "react(ion)".
But there's a difference between active and proactive. Someone who's active does a lot of stuff. If you're reactive you do stuff in response to issues that come up. Someone proactive does stuff anticipating issues that may otherwise come up. That's a useful distinction to be able to draw...
Re:What the fuck is this shit? (Score:5, Funny)
Why make fun of buzzwords when you have this? http://cbsg.sourceforge.net/cgi-bin/live [sourceforge.net]
Re: (Score:2)
Undubitably.
Re:What the fuck is this shit? (Score:4, Funny)
I think that's the point.
...laura
Re:What the fuck is this shit? (Score:5, Insightful)
It's *obviously* a joke by The Editors on themselves.
People have been complaining LOUDLY AND REPEATEDLY about /. becoming too "business"-y, too commercialized, too mainstream. See the whine-fest about /. TV, or SlashBI, or all the polls that seem to be nothing more than advertising research.
The people running the show are trying to show that they've noticed, by making a poll that is a) the embodiment of what the haters are hating, and b) makes absolutely no sense. Seriously, "cloudify"?
Unfortunately, Poe's Law applies here as well - you cannot make a satire of something so stupid that no one can mistake it for sincerity.
Re:What the fuck is this shit? (Score:5, Insightful)
Indeed.
There's so much of this crap infecting Slashdot now, that I'm unsure of what's satire and what's suit-wearing douchebaggery.
Re:What the fuck is this shit? (Score:5, Informative)
Haters gonna hate (Score:5, Interesting)
In the real world, people with complaints are the most likely to step up and scream.
I've never seen a poster firing off an all caps scream of "I LOVE WHAT YOU'RE DOING! KEEP IT UP!"
I, too, mourn the days when Slashdot was all about technology and hardware. But you know what? My last several jobs haven't been about the technology and hardware, either.
For the most part, bread and butter business programming has been pretty much stable for the past decade or so. We get bigger faster hardware, we glue on web interfaces, but the core business systems don't really change all that much.
The same is true of most commercial products. "Updates" are released that implement the latest and greatest UI metaphors from the desktop world, web services shift from static HTML to AJAX enabled "HTML5" interfaces, but the core logic and business needs are the same.
It's been over 7 years since I worked on a project that was developing something completely new. The heyday of creativity and bit-twiddling are gone. Programming has gone mainstream, and it's all about integration, customization, and configuration of canned packages or enhancing existing custom applications nowadays. There just aren't a heck of a lot of new requirements from the business world.
So in a market where the majority of canned package requirements have been met for a decade, the vendors and project managers are left to compete on buzzwords, because there really is nothing to differentiate their products other than brand name and cross-product affiliations, much like the mid-size car market.
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Oh, so true. It was sent by the new copy and poll editor that Slashdot just picked up from Car Talk, Morden A. Groener. Unfortunately, his health insurance hasn't kicked in yet, so he's been off of his meds. I'm sure he'll get his game on eventually.
Re: (Score:3)
Re: (Score:3)
> The people running the show are trying to show that they've noticed
They can show us they've noticed by turning off the shit that no one wants.
> you cannot make a satire of something so stupid that no one can mistake it for sincerity
It's a risk you take when what you're satirizing is already stupid beyond imagining. "Is this a joke, or did corporate-speak just get even dumber?!?"
Re:What the fuck is this shit? (Score:4, Insightful)
I would say in this case that it's satirizing something so stupid sincerity is indistinguishable from satire. I've read marketing materials that read pretty much like this.
Re:What the fuck is this shit? (Score:5, Interesting)
It's *obviously* a joke by The Editors on themselves.
I think it actually falls into the category my mom used to describe as "just like a joke, except not funny."
It's possible it could have been made funny, though, by making some of the terms link to appropriate places. For example:
Re: (Score:2)
It's *obviously* a joke by The Editors on themselves.
People have been complaining LOUDLY AND REPEATEDLY about /. becoming too "business"-y, too commercialized, too mainstream. See the whine-fest about /. TV, or SlashBI, or all the polls that seem to be nothing more than advertising research.
The people running the show are trying to show that they've noticed, by making a poll that is a) the embodiment of what the haters are hating, and b) makes absolutely no sense. Seriously, "cloudify"?
Unfortunately, Poe's Law applies here as well - you cannot make a satire of something so stupid that no one can mistake it for sincerity.
So...
Are you still interested in Dynacorps new range of dynamic honed fishtank filters? Please view our marketing material so we can justify the marketing budget needed to bombard you with more. Along with our excellent range of fishtank filters, Dynacorp offers a new range of cloud-centric streak free tank glass.
Sincerely,
A Hoel,
Senior Slashdot Marketing Manager.
Dynacorp
Re: (Score:2)
I take it you haven't actually taken a good look at SlashBI? Or does it merely contain non-sense that you are trained to not question but cloudify triggers you because you haven't been exposed enough yet?
Re:What the fuck is this shit? (Score:5, Informative)
have rich, multihomed interconnectedness.
Has a network port.
cloudify relevant engagement opportunities.
Is a web page
fully support my enterprise's monetization model.
Will make us more profitable
exemplify tomorrow's best technology, today.
Is a prototype that we hope will work.
empower my organization's biggest asset: people.
Gives people one more method to communicate with each other.
feature an excellent selection of marketing swag.
I'm being bribed to buy this product with someone else's money. WHERE'S MY IPAD!!!
Too long have I been listening to marketing presentations. sigh.
Re: (Score:2)
Fair enough. I'll pay that. One of them may be virtual though.
Re: (Score:2)
(Checked comments before polling, just to be sure): it's satire, as indicated by others, but in bad taste. Mostly because /. has a lot of IT visitors who have to deal with these kinds of justifications on a daily basis.
Re:What the fuck is this shit? (Score:5, Funny)
1) ?
2) ?
3) ?
4) ?
5) ?
6) ?
So I offer a solution: run it through the xkcd rng, and select that number.
If I'm not mistaken, "exemplify tomorrow's best technology, today." is the appropriate answer. Sadly, I have no idea what that means. Call the marketing department, or better yet, don't.
Re:What the fuck is this shit? (Score:5, Funny)
1) ???
2) ???
3) ???
4) ???
5) ???
6) ???
7) Profit!
Re:What the fuck is this shit? (Score:5, Funny)
I think it's an attempt to kill readers less resistant to buzzword overload.
On a related note, never pick the complex solution. Those tend to have significant imaginary part.
Re:What the fuck is this shit? (Score:5, Funny)
"Synergize our cloudification efforts with our web 3.0 design goals and monetize the white space while capitalizing on the resources ability to execute our vision with excellence in virtualization and power our CEO's stock options in internet time."
Re: (Score:2)
Sounds like someone who hasn't engaged in the cloud.
Re: (Score:3)
When a joke goes over my head I prefer that...
[ ] It makes a "whooosh" sound
[ ] other people in the room pause and move on
[ ] the guy next to me whispers the explanation in my ear
[ ] cowboy neal writes me a letter of explanation.
I don't always need a robust business solution (Score:5, Funny)
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Re:I don't always need a robust business solution (Score:4, Funny)
Had a few too many "robust business solutions"?
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I remember the good ol' days of the three-robust-business-solution lunch!
I remember the good ol' days of robust-business-solutions:30 every Friday afternoon at the office.
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Re: (Score:2)
I don't always need a robust business solution but when I do, it means I just have to make sure the girls know how to ID a Secret Service agent and then only work for cash in advance.
Cheers,
Dave
April 1 was a long time ago (Score:4, Insightful)
Re:April 1 was a long time ago (Score:5, Funny)
sub-par
I assume that by this you mean that Slashdot has adopted a business strategy that employs a new paridigm such that going forward the core competency Vis-Ã-vis the user-facing empowerment and data aggregation solution is convergent with a scenario that is inconsistent with user expectations.
Re:April 1 was a long time ago (Score:5, Interesting)
Are you joking? This is the best poll in recent memory! "Cloudify relevant engagement opportunities"... it's brilliant parody of what /. has been complaining about.
Re: (Score:2)
Seriously, I've been reading Slashdot for a little while, and the latest run of posters have been mind-twistingly sub-par.
FTFY
FTFY both.
Re: (Score:2)
At first I thought it might be Cthulhu [thelovecraftsman.com], but it seems indeed to be Zoidberg [knowyourmeme.com]. Nowhere but ASCII art would the two be confused.
I prefer it not come from Slashdot (Score:2, Insightful)
Re: (Score:2)
Re:I prefer it not come from Slashdot (Score:5, Insightful)
Okay, losing the mod points allready duely apporinted to whine about the stupidity of all of you who don't get the joke. What the hell slashdot readers, I thought you were smarter than that!
Its not the articles that are worse, nor the polls, its the dumb as rock readers.
Re:I prefer it not come from Slashdot (Score:5, Insightful)
In all fairness, it's hard to tell. That "slashdot pulse" stuff has been posting questions of this quality for quite some time. Add in the slashtv and slashbi crap, and it's actually plausible that they are trying to leak more of this crap into the mix.
It's a sad state of affairs when something so blatantly stupid is close enough to the day to day stuff that it becomes hard to recognize it as a joke. Even a few years ago my first reaction to this post would have been to laugh. My first reaction today was "oh great, and so it continues". Stuff has gotten so bad that this only stands out as slightly more extreme than normal.. and that's really bad.
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Re:I prefer it not come from Slashdot (Score:5, Insightful)
Lots of broken sarcasm meters here apparently.....
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I fully expected the "Vote" button to link me to a whitepaper on measuring ROI on webscale bundles. It would've been funnier if I hadn't seen more enterprise-y polls in full earnestness elsewhere on the web recently.
Re: (Score:2)
Whoosh!
I'm sick of the creeping bullshit such as SlashBI etc. too -- I even moaned about it in the announcing post -- but seriously, guy, learn to take a fucking joke.
When I need a robust business solution, I prefer i (Score:3)
... not ask me to complete a market research survey.
Re: (Score:2)
... not ask me to complete a market research survey.
Wanted,
People who cant tell the difference between market research and an organ harvesting operation (healthy type-O adults only).
The comments here mystify me (Score:5, Insightful)
Re:The comments here mystify me (Score:5, Insightful)
A few years ago it would have been obvious. With the trend over the last little bit (slashdot pulse, sponsored "ask slashdot", slashbi, etc..) this only stands out as slightly more extreme. It's a sad state of affairs that this didn't immediately provoke a "lol, suits are idiots". I can't be the only person who read it twice and had to decide whether it was a joke or yet another stumble down the slope. Hopefully the editors will read something into that.
Re: (Score:2)
Re: (Score:2)
Re: (Score:2)
Re:The comments here mystify me (Score:5, Insightful)
You know how people read the summary, but not the article? (Or the headline and not the summary)...?
Abstract that concept and extend it to "Poll Question / Choices", and you'll have your answer.
Missing CowboyNeal Option (Score:2)
when CowboyNeal takes my cash, but leaves my wife and dignity alone.
Re: (Score:2)
Re:Missing CowboyNeal Option (Score:5, Insightful)
The CowboyNeal options were a part of Slashdot culture. Like the insensitive clod, Portman's hot grits, and the GNAA. I miss those.
OK, you got me. (Score:5, Insightful)
Is this a joke poll, or a serious BI thing?
Re:OK, you got me. (Score:5, Funny)
They are testing the waters. If there is a big outcry against this poll they will back away and claim it was a joke.
Who let the CEO .... (Score:2)
Cloudify? (Score:2)
I feel so dirty. (Score:2)
The amusing thing here... (Score:3, Insightful)
The amusing thing with this poll is that it indicates one of two things:
(1) Slashdotters are SEVERLY lacking in the ability to determine satire/sarcasm from legitimate description. Maybe Sheldon Cooper isn't so far removed from the geek stereotype after all.
OR
(2) Slashdotters have seen the quality and focus of Slashdot degrade and warp so much over the years that these poll choices might be seen as a serious attempt at a poll.
Of course it's satire. Not a very good one though.
I'm retired (Score:2)
"rich, multihorned..." (Score:2)
#5 needs a slight reworking: (Score:2)
"empower my organization's biggest asset: people"?
The best way to do that?
"unemploy my organization's biggest asshats: about 2% of the people."
This poll just makes me want to hit someone. (Score:3)
Any volunteers?
Re: (Score:2)
Missing Options: (Score:2)
Have the shiniest Airline Magazine articles.
Missing Option... (Score:2)
Missing Option... (Score:2)
x) Work with browsers other than IE5.
For fsck's sake, most business programmers act like they've never been exposed to anything that didn't have "microsoft approved" on it.
The Most Interesting Solution in the World (Score:2)
I don't always prefer a robust business solution.
But when I do, I prefer it without bullshit.
Re: (Score:2)
Then you can't claim it is at least one of robust, business or a solution.
Does voting on this poll ... (Score:2)
a) ... mean that most /. users understand marketing speak?
b) ... show that /. users don't realize they can read the comments without voting?
or c) ... show that /. users have an irresistible urge to click on radio buttons?
Re: (Score:2)
Why not all of them? But the urge is not to click radio buttons, it is to click the buttons and use it to change a counter. There is a lot of difference between those.
By the way, do you hear those buzzwords and actualy not understand them? How could one notice when they are devoid of content if one doesn't understand them?
Marketing swag (Score:2)
If marketing swag means hookers and coke. Hold the coke, please.
Solution, eh? (Score:2)
Thank you for indulging my rant.
Your broken sarcasm detectors (Score:2)
Let me show you them
Im having flashbacks (Score:4, Funny)
Where's my Cowboy Neal option? (Score:2)
Re:1% (Score:4, Funny)
Statistical outlier.
Re: (Score:2)
Re: (Score:2)
You forgot "a maze of twisty passages all different."