How to Fake A Hard Day at the Office 546
futileboy writes "There's a great article in the WSJ about how to use technology to avoid work, while giving the impression of working. At the bottom of the article is "A beginner's guide to making it look like you're working when you're not." "
A beginner's guide to masturbation (Score:5, Funny)
Re:A beginner's guide to masturbation (Score:5, Funny)
Re:A beginner's guide to masturbation (Score:5, Insightful)
And, gosh, am I tired of watching tail -f
Re:A beginner's guide to masturbation (Score:3, Funny)
Re:A beginner's guide to masturbation (Score:5, Funny)
That's the strangest masturbation method I've ever heard. It's probably tiring from the lack of boobies to stimulate.
Mistitled article, mostly (Score:5, Insightful)
They suggest having emails fired off automagically in the middle of the night, using a blackberry to send email from the car, using GoToMyPC (which I assume is a VNC-type thing), getting calls forwarded to your cell, or picking up email with Yahoo by phone "to make sure you're not missing anything urgent".
The fact that you are doing all this from your car, the massage parlor, the park, or the deck of a cruise ship is kinda irrelevant. You are still *doing* it: still checking email and phone calls. Still manipulating documents on your PC. Just not in the office.
I guess some companies aren't savvy enough to realize that employees -- particularly IT employees -- don't necessarily need to be at their desks to do your job.
True shirking would be not doing your work. Or having an Inflatible You to stick in your chair and fool the PHB.
Hrmm
Re:Mistitled article, mostly (Score:3, Funny)
I guess some companies aren't savvy enough to realize that employees -- particularly IT employees -- don't necessarily need to be at their desks to do your job.
It's not that. Rather, companies think that if they don't have you around to look at, they may as well have someone else in another timezone who charges $5/hr.
Re:A beginner's guide to masturbation (Score:3, Funny)
Personally, I never tire of that.
Re:A beginner's guide to masturbation (Score:5, Funny)
Nah, avoiding masturbation is way too easy. All it takes is Goatse Man [goatse.cx] and Tub Girl [tubgirl.com]. I guess they'd make a wonderful couple.
Re:A beginner's guide to masturbation (Score:3, Funny)
ObSimpsons: You killed my horny.
Re:A beginner's guide to masturbation (Score:5, Informative)
a[href*="goatse.cx/"]
{
text-decoration: line-through ! important;
color: brown ! important;
}
a[href*="tubgirl.com/"]
{
text-decoration: line-through ! important;
color: brown ! important;
}
Re:A beginner's guide to masturbation (Score:4, Funny)
Uh, no. I opened that link with my hands on the key shortcut to close the window, got a quick glimpse and closed it. I didn't take the time to notice any of the subtleties!
Pictures like that are like watching the sun, you have to take a quick glance and then look away or it can leave permanent damage!
Re:A beginner's guide to masturbation (Score:3, Insightful)
Re:A beginner's guide to masturbation (Score:3, Funny)
--------
sent from my BlackBerry
Re:A beginner's guide to masturbation (Score:5, Funny)
GoToMyPC is different than VNC (Score:3, Informative)
With VNC, you must have access to your machine. If it's behind a corporate firewall that doesn't allow inbound connections (i.e., virtually all firewalls unless you personally control them), VNC isn't going to work in this scenario.
GoToMyPC, though, utilizes a type of push technology. You run a 'client' on the PC you want to remote control. Said 'client' establishes a connection to the central servers at GoToMyPC.com via HTTP (since many corpora
easy (Score:3, Informative)
Re:easy (Score:5, Funny)
ghostzilla+slashdot (Score:3, Informative)
Then again, it might be easier to IM friends and browse
Faking? (Score:5, Funny)
a dream (Score:4, Insightful)
Imagine... (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Imagine... (Score:4, Funny)
PROFIT!
Re:a dream (Score:5, Insightful)
Windows 2000 and XP users find BSOD jokes stale. It's the Linux equivalent of jokes about over-reliance on the CLI. "Tee hee, if Linux were a car, you'd have to have to use the keyboard just to start it." "Hehe yeah! And if the car fails to start, it's probably because the caps lock is on! Snicker snicker, snort snort." If you rolled your eyes at that joke, then imagine how an informed Windows user responds to BSOD jokes. "That is soooo 1999."
Dilbert (Score:5, Funny)
-jfedor
Re:TPS Reports (Score:3, Funny)
How to fake a hard day at the office (Score:3, Funny)
Full text since it's a pay site (Score:5, Informative)
(Let's hope they consider it a free sample)
Shirk Ethic: How to Fake
A Hard Day at the Office
By JANE SPENCER
Staff Reporter of THE WALL STREET JOURNAL
David Wiskus gives new meaning to the term "working lunch." The Denver tech-support worker installed a program on his Handspring Visor hand-held that allowed him to manipulate the screen on his office computer from a booth at a local diner.
As he lingered for hours over burgers and fries, he could actually open windows and move documents around on his screen via the hand-held -- creating the impression to anyone who walked by that the diligent Mr. Wiskus had just stepped away from his desk.
It has never been easier to be a white-collar slacker. While the uninitiated are still grousing about how mobile technology has created a 24/7 work culture and sabotaged their private time, a savvier crowd has moved on to a more rewarding pursuit: using technology to make it look like you're working when you're not.
The tactic isn't new, but the tools have gotten a lot more powerful. Executives have long discreetly asked their secretaries to flip on the office light to make Friday absences less glaring; leaving a jacket on the back of your desk chair is also an old trick.
But the latest generation of office accessories, from cellphones to the RIM BlackBerry, have brought a new level of sophistication -- and a host of new strategies for manipulating perceptions of your diligence.
The new options allow people to do far more than send e-mails from the beach. Services like GoToMyPC.com -- similar to one Mr. Wiskus used on his hand-held -- let you operate your office computer by remote control. You can even move the cursor on your screen, opening documents and printing them on the shared office printer.
Other strategies involve using existing technology in new ways. E-mail timers, a standard feature in Microsoft Outlook, let you send e-mails hours after you have gone to bed -- a painless way to suggest to the boss that you are burning the midnight oil. (In Outlook, open up a message, go to "options," and fill in the "do not deliver before" option.)
Instant Message programs, a more-immediate form of e-mail now used by millions of employees, can also be reconfigured. Typically, if you haven't touched your computer in a while, the people you chat with online see an "idle" message next to your name. Diehard slackers can crack into the program settings to make themselves appear perpetually available.
Psychologists call these games "impression management," a field whose rules have been transformed now that so many people communicate through technology rather than a handshake and a conversation. In some ways, the e-mail that arrives at 11 p.m. is the modern sign of a dedicated worker.
But others see all this as yet another legitimate technology that has been hijacked by people with skewed ethics. "If you're out playing golf, and you look like you've spent four hours in the office.
Even some lower-tech tools, such as call forwarding, have grown more sophisticated, making it a snap to answer your desk phone from your daughter's soccer game or the pedicure chair. Phone company SBC Communications Inc. currently offers five different call-forwarding services, including a new one that lets you transfer your phone to different phone numbers throughout the day.
E-mails Read by Jenni
Services like Yahoo By Phone also let you pick up your e-mail from afar, even without a hand-held gadget. For $4.95 a month, a computerized voice named Jenni will read your messages aloud over the phone.
Wireless e-mail gadgets like the Palm Tungsten W and the BlackBerry can also be tinkered with to help cover the tracks of an office absence. E-mails sent from a BlackBerry, for example, automatically sign o
Hungry Man (Score:3, Funny)
This guy is probably XXL.
My wife introduced me to this (Score:5, Funny)
Buy a vibrator.
Re:My wife introduced me to this (Score:5, Funny)
--
m, k.
Re:My wife introduced me to this (Score:3, Informative)
Dress well, keep yourself well groomed in general, and don't act like an ass. Your appearance and demeanor are the first things that people will see, and even if they won't admit it, it makes a huge impression.
Go to places where there are lots of people. Be social. This has a lot to do with the first point, but it deserves its own. Simply interacting with people builds confidence (not to mention makes friends).
Actually ask people. Don't assume that she'll say no. Even if she does, that's
Virtual Office? (Score:5, Insightful)
It seems to me the way to go would to be use virtual offices where people can do REAL work from the coffee shop or from home without having to feel guilty that they aren't in a cubicle. Why is that concept so hard for many companies to understand and implement?
Re:Virtual Office? (Score:5, Interesting)
It really is. But sometimes (and I speak form personal experience) there's just either really nothing to do, or you really want to avoid doing something for whatever reason, or you just want to buy some time... depends on the situation.
Once or twice I've deliberately created "network problems" (Very small office, doesn't effect the productivity of anyone else) - typically with the printers or something... then spend a good hour or so "fixing" it, since it happens to require standing next to the server and occasionally fiddling with the keyboard. (Which is out of sight from my boss, whom normally I sit right in front of all day long).
Sometimes you just need to escape, and since I don't smoke, cigarette breaks aren't an option
=Smidge=
Why the concept is so hard to understand. (Score:5, Insightful)
If 50% of people working from home 50% of the time. (shouldn't be too hard in office land)
You've just reduced the traffic(and pollution) by 25%.
you get an extra 1hr in bed because you don't have to travel, so...
Your employees will be fresher when they are at work.
Working remotely from home is the next logical step in employees rights, calling an employee up at any time of the day or night because you know they can work remotely is the next step in corporate abuse.
cron, anyone? (Score:5, Insightful)
That said, please take the wireless approach - I work for a company that makes wireless doodads
Re:cron, anyone? (Score:4, Funny)
That's a lot of work (Score:5, Funny)
It seems like it would be a lot more exhausting trying to appear to work and worrying about getting caught - especially since a lot of the "avoidance" such as checking and responding to email and voicemail actually IS work - than it would be to just work at the office.
I guess some people just need to feel that they are getting away with something.
Re:That's a lot of work (Score:4, Funny)
And to me they act like it is some secret that you can turn the idle off in instant messengers. Oooo! Let's ::CRACK:: into AIM like a big time hacker!!! Oooo I'm soooo sneaky!
Come on, it's just a simple check box. If someone hasn't figured *that* out, then, well, I'll refrain from commenting...
Re:That's a lot of work (Score:5, Funny)
Re:That's a lot of work (Score:4, Interesting)
Between high school and college, I used to be a cook. I had one waitress who would bellyache for 15 minutes about doing something that would take 30 seconds. I came up with a song, lets see how much I can remember...
If you worked as hard as you bellyached,
you wouldn't have time to complain.
You wouldn't cuss and fuss,
or make a muss
causing trouble for the rest of us.
If you worked as hard as you bellyached
you wouldn't have time to complain.
Well, that was some of the song. Enough on that tangent. We can all fake work and make the fake work. That is until the deadline is due.
Become a consultant (Score:5, Funny)
Add a bunch of fancy titles to your name, including every known Microsoft cert you can get by using cram session, and maybe some of the new Linux certs as well--- and "consult".
Leave the real work for the grunts whom you are helping, and learn how to ask open ended questions to techs who don't express themselves like "normal" people do, so that they come up with their own answers. Don't forget, if you get into a bind, you can always check your resources and go ask on the internet, and just bring them back the emails/posting using the biggest words. More than likely this will cause a light bulb to go off above those tech's heads, and they will go code away for you. (While you consult with that cute secretary down the hall, of course!)
Not All That Funny (Score:5, Insightful)
Articles like this may seem cutesy, but the sad fact is that corporate leaders see this and assume all IT workers are/can or will do this. This furthers the mistrust some corporate types have of IT managers and workers.
Worse, it'll make it easy for corporate leaders to rationalize moving *YOUR* IT job to India. The article doesn't seem too funny now, does it.
Re:Not All That Funny (Score:5, Interesting)
Or it might motivate bosses to use more sophisticated methods of employee surveillance, like actually walking around and seeing who is in the office!
Someone modded this as a troll? - Get a clue! (Score:5, Interesting)
Maybe the person who modded Zentec as a troll is a high school or college kid laughing at how funny the story is, how clever you are, and how concerned all of us old fogies are about what's happening in IT.
But when real life jumps up and bites you in the ass, it's not so funny. I know a lot of people who are out of work right now and making very painful decisions about their future (i.e. - do I stay in IT or become a shoe salesman so I can keep up with mortgage payments).
Re:Someone modded this as a troll? - Get a clue! (Score:5, Funny)
Trust me. :-)
(Hint:- 9:10AM at workplace. I'm Indian. I'm browsing Slashdot.)
Re:Someone modded this as a troll? - Get a clue! (Score:4, Funny)
Or they are slacking off for far less money than IT professionals in other places.
Who Do You Think Plays With These Toys? (Score:4, Insightful)
Sure, your tech grunts can do clever things with remote controls, cron jobs, and the like, but it is upper corporate class who salivate over Blackberrys, get slick Centrino laptops, and as the article mentions, have secretaries who actually do the tedious, time-consuming work for them.
These same alpha types will always be contempuous of the mere technology worker, irregardless of how much of a mental slave he is willing to be. They do not like it when the servant classes weild any kind of power.
-------------------
Grrr (Score:5, Funny)
--
mcpsoaak
How I fool people into thinking I'm in the office. (Score:5, Funny)
Secret to Delayed Email (Score:4, Informative)
I liked to keep it on the odd minutes.
1 am is nothing, the 3 or 4 in the morning message have that feeling of really busting your ass.
I always liked Apple Remote Desktop for my control the machine from afar.
Hell I could sit at my Mac at home, remote in, turn on Virtual PC and admin the Novell Network.
Yet another paid advertisement. (Score:5, Insightful)
Like a flash of light (Score:3, Funny)
As long as you fake smart, who cares? (Score:5, Insightful)
As a programmer myself, I know that code often gets done in spurts, and that a break (especially a nap!) can improve productivity quite a bit.
The problem is there are some people who can do it, and some that cant. If you aren't the type that can do it, you really can't fake it. The people you work for and work with all know what needs to get done. They won't be fooled by late night emails. When the due date arrives and you arent done, they will know you weren't up to snuff.
Re:As long as you fake smart, who cares? (Score:5, Interesting)
In return I do the following:
- Do the work expected of me to the best of my ability.
- Keep the boss informed as to what I'm doing and how it's going.
- Give him honest feedback on him and my work.
I've given this mini-spiel at every interview I've had with whomever would be my immediate supervisor and I can get a good feel for what kind of company I'm interviewing at by their reaction.Re:As long as you fake smart, who cares? (Score:3, Insightful)
I think the key here is that YOU know that, but your BOSS may not, so by using these tricks, you can get your work done on time, take breaks (and naps) as needed, but trick your boss into thinking you've been working the whole time at the same slow plodding steady pace, because that's what bosses like.
Re:As long as you fake smart, who cares? (Score:3, Interesting)
The unfortunate thing is that sometimes when a company is large, employees can point fingers in circles when they need to explain why the work isn't getting done.
It is completely amazing where
Convincing people you do work (Score:5, Interesting)
Had this article come out about a year ago, I might have used some of these techniques just to prove to some people I was doing the work that I was legitimately doing.
On my present job, I am blessed with having a boss that allows me to set my own hours. I typically come in at the crack of dawn (6 AM), have lunch at my desk, and leave by 2:30PM. Combine this with needing only 5 hours of sleep a night and it gives me lots of free time (handy considering my wife and I have a new house with landscaping that is in awful shape, so I suppose "free time" is really a misnomer here :) ).
About a year ago, though, I had trouble with people from other groups thinking I wasn't working my 40 hours a week (which I was), and a whispering campaign started. My boss fortunately stood up for me, since she knows I work those hours, but I had to prove it to everyone else. So I got in the habit of answering all my email from the previous day the moment I got in at 6AM.
Finally one of the ones that I suspect complained about me tested me by coming in early and dropping in at my desk at 6:15 AM. Surprise, surprise, I was actually there like I said all along.
I haven't had any trouble since.
Late hours as opposed to early (Score:5, Informative)
This is especially a problem for programmer-types who need to get uninterrupted concentration, and can't do that in the daytime because they have cubicles rather than offices.
I tend to check my email before going to sleep, and one of my coworkers in Boston often gets started early in the morning - we've had email conversations at 2am on occasion.
Re:Late hours as opposed to early (Score:3, Interesting)
The fault lies NOT in the worker, or the worker's needs to set certain hours.
The fault lies in the management and the business process, for failing utterly to provide accurate metrics on productivity. This is a basic need of business that simply is not met in MOST environments I'm familliar with. So they attempt to measure worker productivity via inappropriate methods like: hours worked and MLOCs. (Millions of Lines Of Code).
But should engineering majors r
dupe!!! (Score:5, Funny)
Amateurs (Score:5, Funny)
Most have trancended to such an advanced state of slacking that they can appear/disappear at their desks at will. They can read e-mails via mind control, and need no lowly cheater devices. Mere mortals fear their omnipresence! Bwahahahaaahahaa!
I don't know why I know that.
Definition of Ironic (Score:5, Funny)
George Costanza had the right idea. (Score:3, Interesting)
As ridiculous as it sounds, it works.
Of course, George didn't seem to have that much success at work so YMMV on this nugget of advice.
Step one, write a web browser. (Score:5, Funny)
My favorite way to kill time (Score:5, Funny)
Step 1: You must have an office with a door, otherwise this won't work.
Step 2: Scatter some paper clips about the office, making sure to get some under your desk.
Step3: Close the door and lie down on the carpet. Place your feet firmly on the door and reach for a paperclip under your desk.
Step4: Sleep the day away.
If someone should try and opne your door, you will be jarred awake and you can say that you dropped some paper clips and were just reaching for them.
--
From my own personal experience, this works very well.
Re:My favorite way to kill time (Score:5, Funny)
Me: *groan*...oh, hi Bob, I was just picking up some paper clips!
Bob: Do you realize you have 3 of them stuck to your face?
What to say if you're caught sleeping at your desk (Score:4, Funny)
14. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to."
13. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper"
12. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"
11. "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!"
10. "I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance"
9. "Actually I'm doing a "Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan" (SLEEP) I learned it at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend.
8. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related stress."
7. "Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."
6. "The coffee machine is broken...."
5. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot."
4. "Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!"
3. "Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic!"
2. "I wasn't sleeping, I was trying to pick up contact lens without hands."
And the #1 Thing to Say If You Get Caught Sleeping at Your Desk is...
1. "Amen..."
Re:My favorite way to kill time (Score:4, Funny)
My secret (Score:3, Informative)
- If there are serious looking stuff on screen and you use the keyboard a lot, it looks like you're working.
- Your boss has probably no idea what you're doing with all the terminals windows. (Besides if you're like me they are using tiny characters that can only be read by the one sitting in front on the monitor)
So just use lynx to browse the web, (re)play the great classic infocom games, code fun little games and then do the gameplay tests, read ebooks. Just make sure that emacs is open with the current official coding project loaded and NOT always on the same page.
Easy, have fun!
faking it is stupid. (Score:4, Insightful)
"If you're a boss, and you send e-mails at all of hours of the night, the subtle message you're sending employees is, 'I'm working, why aren't you,' " says Anne Warfield, a career coach in Edina, Minn.
Poop. If I believe the email time was not caused by exchange choking all day on viruses, I conclude that the boss does not have his shit together. These days everyone is just hanging on to their job at companies and you are lucky if your company is at 60% capacity. The only reason to work late is make work, usually the kind that's laid down to make life hell before firing a bunch of people.
There is no substitute for real work and everyone knows the difference between it, slacking and make work.
I'm not recomending that everyone "wipe the counter" whenever they are underutilized, but cleaning the desk is not a bad idea. Everyone has some down time, and NYC desks are filthy. When that five minute's worth of work is done, there are plenty of things to do with yourself besides sit in a dinner for three hours. You might read trade publications, email your family, hit slashdot and do other normal things. Sitting in a dinner for three hours, that's like punishment.
The effects of people shirking. (Score:5, Insightful)
Ever had this happen to you?
* On a project deadline, they feel your timeline to build the servers can be cut down from a 2 weeks to day, to make the project on time?
* Engineering forces a product down your throat, best of the customer blah blah. And forget to include an admin interface? Places the server 150 miles away, and puts it in a DMZ so you cant remotely manage it.
* Vendor builds a unix box, on the oldest version of an os known to man, and wont run any standard tools, and the only monitoring is a log file with "ERROR" in it.
* Customer is down, on a new service that dropped form the sky into your lap... No support tools, no access, and your Manager is asking why you are taking so long. Dont even think of asking for documentation.
* Your manager learns a new technology buzzword, and all the sudden, you have 10x more paperwork, and nothing has changed.
* The software you run crashs all the time, causing outages. The vendor blames you, and points to internal documentation they wrote "last week".
* Vendor A blames Vendor B for not following the SPEC, but your service is down, and neither will help you get it back in service.
* You call Tech support in the middle of the night to find out your contract number isnt correct, doesnt matter you are the biggest customer and have super duper platnium support. Call back tomorrow.
* In all staff meeting, managlement tells the staff about new work methods, which happen to just only affect you.
* You ask a question to one manager, and 2 hours later, an All Employee email goes out about the same subject, that everyone should have already known!
* You accept a new project, no training, no tools, no documentation, and its now production. Then they fire the Project Manager, Engineer and consultants the day after.
* Marketing sells wizzbang new product, forgetting to see if its really possible.
I tell you, the reason Dilbert and BOFH are so popular, its almost like real life....
Weak.... WSJ hit a new low in journalism (Score:3, Interesting)
And don't think your hard working peers will let you get away with it either. Good luck with that slacking guy, I'll just take your job when your booted out thank you!
Do they have a version for school? (Score:3, Interesting)
Seriously, there's got to be a way to trick everyone into thinking that you are at school while your at home coding or whatever.
caught in the act (Score:5, Funny)
A couple minutes later the boss walks by my desk, drops his jaw in amazement and says, "Is that Rogue???" He was fairly impressed having not seen the game in years and asked for a copy of the source code.
Job Saver (Score:3, Interesting)
Not sure if anyone actually tried it at work though
right... (Score:3, Funny)
I thought this is aimed at people who use computers at work, not retards?
If this actually works... (Score:3, Interesting)
Re:If this actually works... (Score:4, Interesting)
This guy doesn't even bother faking it anymore! Rumoour has it that he is writing his own science fiction novel (no joke). I'm guessing the title will be 'Timesheets' (bad joke).
The Small Stuff (Score:3, Insightful)
Problem is, it is not that easy to satisfy such a boss. There's never just one simple rule you can obey and forget. There are always dozens of strange little policies that interf
I'm a Diehard Slacker.... (Score:5, Funny)
Sheesh, in MSN you can "crack" this setting by going into Options and unchecking the checkbox for 'My Status'
i.e. setting "Show me away when i'm inactive for 'x' minutes.
I wish 'cracking' other Microsoft products were this easy
A Good Admin Blocks This Stuff (Score:5, Informative)
Yeah. Okay. Most users barely know how to send regular e-mail.
BlackBerry
That's why bb mailboxes are separate from regular mailboxes.
GoToMyPc.Com
Aside from probably getting you fired, every good admin blocks crap like this at the firewall. The only out from your PC is through the proxy and firewall. The only way in leads to the DMZ.
Instant Messaging
Also blocked at the firewall. Get to work!
Yahoo By Phone
You can't forward your mail an SMTP address, only local accounts.
Call Forwarding
Not our phones.
George's Theory (Score:4, Funny)
A Little Trick... (Score:4, Interesting)
Rookies... (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Rookies... (Score:3, Informative)
God, the audio in that kicked arse at the time. Of course, the boss screen was a plain old spreadsheet.
Unfortunately, I was at school at the time, and we didn't use the macs for spreadsheets, so it was pretty useless.
My tricks (Score:5, Insightful)
2. When leaving early, use the stairs, or if in a taller building use the stairs to go to another floor to wait for the elevator. Nothing like getting caught by the boss at the elevator banks at 4:15.
3. If you can, ride your bike in to work every once in awhile. You'd be suprised how impressed people are by that shit. It gives the impression that you are dedicated and athletic - the boss will think that these qualities will transfer to your office work - coworkers will think you have a life outside of work, and be jealous, thus increasing your status in their eyes. Make sure to leave your bike helmet and gear prominently displayed in your cubicle to maximize the benefit.
4. Use dialup and remote control products to send emails on the weekend. The time of an email can be too easily overlooked - the date not so much. It's easy to log on for a few minutes on the weekend. Saves some Friday emails to respond to.
5. The time you leave work is much more important than the time your arrive. Nobody cares that the idiot that leaves at 3:30pm actually gets into work at 6am - the general perception will be that he's a slacker. Even if you get in at 10am, if the boss sees you hanging around at 5:45pm, you'll look dedicated.
6. Try not to carry a backpack or bag - on days when you don't need a coat this allows you to enter late without making it look like you just got there.
7. If you are planning to be late, call people and leave random unimportant voicemails early in the morning. When you see them at 10am they'll think you were there all along (note, some voicemail systems reveal the source of the call, so be careful).
8. Slacking in the middle of the day is much better than showing up late or leaving early. People are paying the most attention in the morning and at quitting time. Arriving early and leaving late will give the semblance of dedication, even if you are taking 2 hours lunches, and hour long trips to the bookstore in the afternoon.
9. Find a sleep hideout. Most places, especially larger corporate offices, have some nook or cranny where nobody goes in the afternoon. Maybe it's a corner of the caffeteria, or perhaps a storeroom somebody forgot to lock. These places are great for sleeping off a hangover, or just reading the newspaper when doing so at you desk would be too conspicuous.
10. When pushed for work, create documentation. Management loves documentation, and doesn't realize how little time it takes to create. A well formatted ten page document with a table of contents and some nice graphics might take a day to create, but the boss can easily be convinced you've been working on it for many days. Frequently submit 'drafts' to the boss (which he will never read) - this will make the boss feel guilty for holding you up, and give you an excuse to take more time.
Re:My tricks (Score:3, Interesting)
== snip
I do this every single
Comment removed (Score:5, Insightful)
The Corporate world isn't stupid... (Score:4, Interesting)
The slackers out there that are hiding behind their bash scripts, are sure to be disovered and their jobs are sure to get passed along shortly thereafter.
I'm not quite sure what the Win/MCSE crowd is going to do though. I highly doubt that Win/MCSE certification/experience are going to be in high demand anytime soon...
Especially with *nix/*BSD kicking in the door like it apparently has been.
This article was actually 'ghost written' ... (Score:5, Funny)
From the article... (Score:3)
Most places, this will get you fired as soon as confidential/company proprietary info gets forwarded outside the firewall and you get caught.
How about "Working" (Score:3, Insightful)
Yes sometimes you need a break every couple hours so I tell my boss. A good one will know that it will increase productivity. I am not a workaholic but I love the satisfaction when I am done.
Its great to kill time and I do not feel uncomfortable doing it obviously. After all someone is paying you? How does it feel that someone is handing you money while you do nothing?
If you were at a Mcdonalds and ordered a BigMac, would you be happy seeing the staff just sit there after you paid the cashier? Same is true from a company owner or manager standpoint.
I have no respect for people who do this. Especially in this economy like another poster mentioned "gives an incentive to kick your job to India". American workers are more productive if they have more experience but if they do not apply themselves what is the point? Would not Indians will provide a better value then?
Its also not fair that I am unemployed, applying to subway and starbucks, and live at home with my parents in total missery, while those reading this make 65k a year and piss off on the job. I would work for 20k right now doing help desk type stuff.
Hmm, come to think of it, if any Las Vegas employers need help and are having trouble with slacking employee's feel free to respond.
It all starts with management (Score:5, Insightful)
What I've learned is that you'll never convert members of the latter group into members of the former. Very rarely does a slacker suddenly find inspiration and become a hard worker. I'm sure this isn't news to whoever might be reading this.
But why do we (as members of the hard working croud) care? Assuming a strong ethical standard exists in your management chain, slackers will either be terminated or reassigned to meaningless tasks while you enevitably rise up to the next level of the food chain. So what good does it do you (other than personal frustration over seeing a coworker shirk while you work your tail off) to try to convert those that don't want to be converted? Come on, give up!
On the other hand, hard workers can easily by exploited if the management chain is also a collection of slackers. In this situation they will either be slow to recognize your talent and hard work, or what's worse they'll recognize and exploit it (that's when you get pigeon holed into a task you don't necessarily enjoy or feel passionate about, but are responsible enough to take up the reigns because "it has to be done by someone"). When this happens, *you* (the reader) become the sucker in the situation, and need to find a new job.
Don't let yourself be taken advantage of as a hard worker when all around you are putting their AIM clients on "Always Active" - find a new job. Until you do that you will never be happy.
Hope this helps someone...
Re:my favorite (Score:3, Interesting)
Re:my favorite (Score:3, Informative)
Re:Spinning your wheels (Score:5, Insightful)
Re:GoToMyPC.com? Aaargh! (Score:5, Informative)
For more information, CNet has a review [cnet.com]. Please read it.
Re:GoToMyPC.com? Aaargh! (Score:5, Informative)
Great, I can replicate their service for 1/10th the cost, and could set it up in five minutes flat. Don't even have to memorize an IP address. Not to mention that with the IP redirection, you could also set up an FTP so you could get your files locally.
Hell, I don't see why anyone should ever need to use such a service. With ICQ2Go, Webmail service, and MSN I can log in to all my communications systems at any net cafe or handheld. I can keep in touch just fine - I only VNC to my machine to use the compiler.
Re:GoToMyPC.com? Aaargh! (Score:3, Insightful)