Review of T3: Rise of the Machines 731
Let me first draw your attention to CNN's review. The CNN reviewer tells you this "darker and slicker" sequel is "worth the wait," gives you the long-form plot setup, shows you the sexy look of the "babe-a-licious" babe, and promises you "emotional weight" with "wit" and a "stunning and thought-provoking" climax. What he doesn't mention is that CNN and the movie's producer/distributor are both owned by AOL Time Warner.
It's been ten years since I watched the first Terminator and maybe I'm remembering it better than it was. But it had an emotional depth, a heart that neither of its sequels matched. T3 is slicker, yes, but darker!? It's light fluff. The nightmare of nuclear destruction in the original was rendered without CG effects, but I'll remember the skeleton clutching the chain-link fence long after I've forgotten this week's pixel-perfect explosions. And the "storm is coming" ending of the original was genuinely thought-provoking, with a chilling resolve that just embarrasses this week's Hollywood ending. Claire Danes is no Linda Hamilton.
The effects are what you'd expect from a modern zillion-dollar action movie, but not groundbreaking the way that T2's were at the time.
I found nothing about it witty. I chuckled through the chase scenes -- it's mostly chase scenes -- because they were so over-the-top and the plot holes were so glaring. Apart from that, there was only one funny line. (I assume everyone else is as bored as I am with the "dry cool wit like that" dialogue.)
Best unintentionally funny line: "I've got enough C-4 to blow up ten supercomputers!"
Best unintentionally funny visual: tie between fumble for the car keys, and offscreen killing sprays blood across photo.
Dumbest joke: gratuitous mocking of effeminate guy.
Best absurd effect: missile blows apart the wall in a small office ten feet from our heroes, they avoid injury by diving to floor. Duck and cover!
Best plot hole: Terminatrix's chronic failure to remember that she can run fast.
Heavy on the exposition, light on brains and heart, forgettable. See it if you really jones for big trucks smashing stuff. If you just have to see a movie, see "28 Days Later" instead. Rated R, not recommended for anyone whose mental age matches their valid ID.
28 Days Later? (Score:1, Funny)
That movie could have been named "One Dumb Move After the Next"
The only reason for calling it 28 Days Later is because it had more blood and rage than a menstruating lesbian convention.
Re:Ruined (Score:5, Funny)
sounds crap (Score:5, Funny)
Be very careful what you wish for kids, it may come true.
Never happened! (Score:1, Funny)
My favorite lines from the movie (Score:5, Funny)
Arnold: Up and atom.
Director: Up and at them.
Arnold: Up and Adam.
Director: Up and at them.
Arnold: Up and atom.
Whatever happened to Jon Katz? (Score:5, Funny)
Got to see it! (Score:4, Funny)
It has Arnold.
It has explosions.
It has Arnold.
It has violence.
It has Arnold.
It doesn't have Jar Jar.
It has Arnold.
George Lucas never touched it.
It has Arnold.
Exposition (Score:1, Funny)
ITYM "heavy on the exposition of brains"
Terminate California: Vote Arnold! (Score:3, Funny)
"T4: The Rise of the Political Machine"
Re:Terminate California: Vote Arnold! (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Seen it (Score:1, Funny)
Arnold: LEFT 30, FORWARD 10
Clare: Picasso! Picasso! Picasso! Picasso! Picasso! Picasso! Picasso! Picasso! Picasso! Picasso!
Re:The Timing of T3 (Score:3, Funny)
Bedtime for Bonzo was so much better than this Terminator stuff.
Re:Terminate California: Vote Arnold! (Score:2, Funny)
Ducking paparazzi--"you think I'm the real governor, but I'm not. He's over there. Ha ha ha ha." The hologram disappears as he ducks into the limo (Total Recall)
Budgetting--"Deficit?! It's not a deficit!" (Kindergarden Cop)
Wildlife protections--"Hasta la vista, duckies!" (T2)
Political fundraisers--"Feinstein, my name is Freeze! Remember it well because it is the chilling sound of your doom!" (Batman 3)
And lastly, to the Legislature, when he declares himself King of California, "Consider this a divorce." (Total Recall)
Re:A correction: The Hand Remains (Score:5, Funny)
Not having an offsite backup is what defines a company as being on the bleeding edge...
Cheers,
Ian
Re:A correction: The Hand Remains (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Terminate California: Vote Arnold! (Score:3, Funny)
some sequel ideas (Score:5, Funny)
T5: The Terminator & Robin
T6: The Terminator vs. Mothra
T7: The Attack of the Clone Robots
T8: Abbott & Costello & The Terminator Go To Mars
T9: Terminator Resurrection
T10: Star Trek: Nemesis
T11: The Terminator Has A Fistfull of Dollars
T12: The Terminator Goes To The Grand Canyon With The Brady Bunch
Eh? (Score:2, Funny)
More like Rise of the Robots.
Here's hoping no-one's forgotten the above abomination of gaming... =)
Re:Whatever happened to Jon Katz? (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Got to see it! (Score:2, Funny)
Ehhh, hhhmm, heh, heh, hmm, hihhhm.
It's got naked people. hgmmghhh, heheh, hmm.
Re:It was T2 (Score:5, Funny)
That's perfectly rational IMHO. Defenseless geeks are much easier to assassinate than geeks who can fight back
Best Unintentional Joke (Score:1, Funny)
I am paraphrasing, but it is a pretty accurate quote:
"Skynet is connected and now controlling the worlds neworks. IT IS PUSHING DATA THROUGH AT 60 TERAFLOPS A SECOND."
I laughed out loud so hard when they said that that people thought I was having a coniption.
Come on, what can top that?
-ddw
Re:Terminatrix was surpisingly cool (Score:5, Funny)
Mark it down: this is the first time I've ever heard anyone use "like AI in some ways" as a reason to go see a movie.
Re:It was T2 (Score:5, Funny)
Too bad no one had a permonition in 1970 to go assassinate a certain geek that was about to ruin the tech industry.
Re:Terminate California: Vote Arnold! (Score:3, Funny)
Who are your constituents, and what do they do? (K Cop)
Remember the scene from T2 when John Connor tells him you just can't go around killing people, and he keeps saying "Why?" in that dead Terminator voice? If he did that in any political debate, there would be no stopping him.
Re:some sequel ideas (Score:3, Funny)
I can't see how that can go wrong. No matter what happens, you'll be happy at the end.
Re:Terminatrix was surpisingly cool (Score:1, Funny)
So this is the reason sci-fi porn doesn't work.
The one part that drove me nuts... (Score:5, Funny)
When the 'internet' was becoming self-aware I just sat there and shook my head and thought, no way in hell would this ever happen with Microsoft products running on 80% of the machines out there... but then I remembered Clippit.
We don't need to worry about Skynet or whatever, we just need to obliterate that fucking paper clip and we'll save the world.
Re:It was T2 (Score:5, Funny)
Re:There is no continuity needed. (Score:5, Funny)
If the Internet is Skynet then I guess that explains why it only sends naked Terminators back in time. Most of what it knows about humans involve being naked.
length? (Score:2, Funny)
Re:It's not like nudity can make it WORSE... (Score:5, Funny)
-Alex
The Terminatrix.... (Score:1, Funny)
(sorry!)
There's almost ALWAYS a way to make a sequel. (Score:5, Funny)
I think you need to watch "Escape from the Planet of the Apes."
T4 could easily take place in an undestroyed world, but I suppose they'd have to send Arnie back to the mid-60's and have him start killing everyone even remotely connected with the development of the Internet. Or.. wait!
[EVENING. The TERMINATOR walks up to a LANKY KID in Harvard Square, in 1975]
TERMINATOR: "Are you William Gates the Third?"
LANKY KID [nervous]: "Uh... yes. Who are you?"
[The TERMINATOR thrusts his right arm out quickly. TERMINATOR'S hand enters LANKY KID'S chest and emerges a second later holding LANKY KID'S heart. LANKY KID drops to the ground, dead.]
[Cut to BEDROOM in FINLAND. Camera pans to SLEEPING BOY (AGE 6) who, apparently dreaming, smiles and giggles in his sleep. Camera pans to DESK, where we see SCHOOLWORK with the name "LINUS" written on it in crayon. It appears to be a DRAWING of a PENGUIN.]
Re:some sequel ideas (Score:5, Funny)
Re:A correction: The Hand Remains (Score:3, Funny)
-Alex
Re:What OS is the T3 running (Score:2, Funny)
Re:The Internet without infrastructure? (Score:2, Funny)
But you just have to run Windows Update. Oh yeah, and don't forget to defrag.
Re:Hopes it worth it.. (Score:2, Funny)
"Former WWF wrestler Chyna was originally slated to play the Terminatrix"
Thank you cast directors! I would NOT want to see her naked rear when she first arrives in the past (the movie's present).
Re:Ruined (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Ruined (Score:5, Funny)
This was the source of quite a bit of humor last time I watched the movie; a bunch of us were just back in from the bars, and we popped the movie in. Normally, everyone would pass out within the first half hour of the movie at 3am, but we were all laughing so much when one of the girls pointed out the T-1000's penis that we watched the whole thing.
Great movie though, of course.
Re:I just saw it last night.... (Score:3, Funny)
Biggest dissapointment of the movie... (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Terminatrix was surpisingly cool (Score:2, Funny)
Just kidding!
Re:Hopes it worth it.. (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Ruined (Score:5, Funny)
but... (Score:2, Funny)
Robots? (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Got to see it! (Score:4, Funny)
Like a robot from the future? Your point being?
"Attack of the Clones" was EXCELLENT
Heh. There goes any credibilty. The only enjoyable part of that movie was Yoda fighting, but if you watch it a second time (Yoda only, the rest of the movie I couldn't bare) you'll realize that it sucked too. Just not as much.
On the other hand (Score:5, Funny)
On the other hand, that fucking paperclip seems to do whatever the fuck it wants.
Microsoft becomes self aware 1st September 2003!! (Score:3, Funny)
The Microsoft collective will become Self-Aware on the 1st of September 2003......
Well, what about Ventura? (Score:3, Funny)
It would certainly make for an interesting match -- at the WWF Arena, the Gubernatorial Smackdown: Arnie vs. Jesse! Minnesota battles California for supremacy!
The winner would get to be governor of both states and take all the women of the losing state as a private harem. OTOH if Jesse were to lose, well, Minnesota has ICBMs.
Hey, they were even in Predator [imdb.com] together...though Ventura *definitely* had the cooler weapon. ;-)
Cheers,
Ethelred
PS: Sorry, my geek imagination went a little wild there...I have myself better under control now. Really!
Re:There's almost ALWAYS a way to make a sequel. (Score:3, Funny)