Celebrity Casting For LOTR 338
Heaven help me, it got my head spinning. As a former denizen of that era, my own offerings would have to be:
Momma Cass as Shelob.
Teddy Kennedy as Faramir (before he ate enough to qualify as Shelob.)
Mick Jagger as Legolas (with a twist)
Frank Zappa as Gimli
William Shatner as Boromir
J. Edgar Hoover as Bilbo
As Merry and Pippin?..... The SmothersBrothers or Sonny&Cher
Jerry Garcia as the King of the Dead
Tiny Tim as Galadriel
Timothy Leary as Tom Bombadil (Though George Carlin could pull it off)
Wormtongue played by Attorney Gen. John Mitchell
Eric Idle as Eowyn the warrior-maid of Rohan (though Michael Palin is tempting)
James Brown as King of the Ents (singing "Ow! It's a man's world..." and "I knew that I wood.")
Meat Loaf as the Balrog (played with Marlowean angst, and once Moria with feeling.)
The undead Ring Wraiths must be led by Kieth Richards,... ...plus (at full Valkyrie volume) Martha Mitchell, Joni Mitchell, Nancy Reagan, Nancy Sinatra, Joan Baez, Joan Rivers, Donna Summers, Don Ameche and that Dy-no-mite guy.
Orcs: Mister T and... oh, let him play em all. And I pity the fool who resists.
Lorne Greene as Denethor the Steward of Gondor... (Richard Nixon turned down the part)
Werner Von Braun as Saruman (Sorry Jim M., but instead you can play Aragorn, son of Araplane)
My favorite:
L.Ron Hubbard as (who else?) the mysterious and secretive cult leader Elrond! (Which imitates? Life or fiction?)
... and Jerry Mathers as The Beaver...
Of course Leonard Nimoy would both direct and sing background, with a suitably elf-spockish cameo.
Gotta find a role for Goldie Hawn.
And Raquel, please, in that cave outfit, pretty please. Luan-n-n-na.
Ah, what days those were....
David Brin
(Scientist/author David Brin's novels, including Earth and The Postman (filmed in 1998), are translated in 20 languages. His non fiction book -- The Transparent Society - won the Freedom of Speech Award of the American Library Association. THE LIFE EATERS - a recent graphic novel - explores a chilling alternative outcome of World War II. His more serious ruminations about JRR Tolkien can be found at his site
Hmm... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Hmm... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Hmm... (Score:2, Funny)
Somehow, I always imagined Mount Doom as being a little less depressing...
Re:Hmm... (Score:2)
huh?! (Score:5, Funny)
Re:huh?! (Score:5, Funny)
Re:huh?! (Score:5, Insightful)
I'd love to know how many of the 14 year olds around here even know who most of those people are...
Luckily there's Google.
Re:huh?! (Score:2)
But I second the cave-girl Racquel as Luan-n-n-a. Or the new improved Goldie Hawn (rent The Banger Sisters).
Re:huh?! (Score:3, Funny)
Re:huh?! (Score:2, Funny)
Of course not! Nothing accidental about it...
Re:huh?! (Score:5, Insightful)
This is fucking terrible.
Re:huh?! (Score:2)
You're not that new here... (Score:3, Insightful)
Could've Been Worse (Score:5, Funny)
"Stop The Presses!! Hold The Front Page!! Cringely has blogged an opinion as to whether bell-bottoms should come back in fashion!!"
Two words (Score:2, Insightful)
Jon Katz
How about... (Score:2, Funny)
What? I set my expectations too low?
feel free to add your own ideas to the comments (Score:5, Funny)
FP BAY-BEE
It's Finally Happened (Score:4, Funny)
Submit something interesting you lazy sods!!
Me? I'm... I'm
um... (Score:5, Insightful)
Re:um... (Score:5, Interesting)
But I guess that just marks the point of no return for the
I wonder if David Brin even intended for this email to be made public - it's just not very good. I've certainly sent some emails in the past that, in hindsight, weren't really all that funny - it's just good for me that 1) I'm not famous, and 2) I never sent them to Hemos.
Re:um... (Score:5, Informative)
"Good bye, Rich. Good riddance, Slashdot. [slashdot.org]"
Re:um... (Score:2)
(tom's comment anyway)
Re:um... (Score:3, Interesting)
Never?
Then why was he still posting [slashdot.org] after that incident?
MartRe:um... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:um... (Score:2)
My idea (Score:5, Insightful)
My idea is that Slashdot editors should have to submit their own stories anonymously, and let them be reviewed and approved/denied by the other editors.
-Todd
/.'s vie for 'private' LOTR production casting (Score:2)
Re:/.'s vie for 'private' LOTR production casting (Score:3, Insightful)
Re:/.'s vie for 'private' LOTR production casting (Score:3, Insightful)
Then Billy Preston would have been (Score:5, Funny)
And Yoko Ono as Arwen
Re:Then Billy Preston would have been (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Yoko as Arwen would imply (Score:2)
My point, which I should have explained better, was that I _really_ did not like Arwen's character in the movie. Ms. Plastic Ono would have been as effective as Liv Tyler in my mind. I understant that Arwen was part of the story since she is the ultimate motivation for Aragorn's quest. But why Liv? Why such a subservient, meek, and whiny character?
No doubt, somebody convinced John that the
I think I speak for most when I say (Score:5, Insightful)
wow (Score:2, Insightful)
Huh? (Score:5, Insightful)
B) Given the unfamiliarity of most posters here with 1980's cultural references (in fact, frequently with 1990's coultural references), I hardly think references to John Mitchell are going to go over well.
C) Naturally, no insufferable boomer nostalgia about the Most Important Time Ever would be complete without rampant errors, here in the relatively benign form of misspelling half the names...
80's? (Score:4, Interesting)
J. Edgar Hoover, on the other hand, qualifys as a 20th century reference: he was there in the same spot from the end of First World War to the end of Hippie movement.
Re:80's? (Score:2)
Zappa died in '93. His first album (FZ and the Mothers of Invention?) was put out in the mid sixties. Zappa's creative/popular height was in the 60's and 70's.
It's like the Beach Boys. Yes, they released music in the 90's but that doesn't change the fact that they are a 60's band.
Re:80's? (Score:2)
As for Zappa, someone else answered that - he had some great albuns after the 70's, but he was always viewed as a 60's man.
As for "Hippie movement', you are right, I should have said "almost the end of the Vietnam War" or something like that when refering to Hoover.
Re:Huh? (Score:3, Interesting)
Couldn't agree more, particularly considering the aptness of the more modern equivalent:
Wormtongue = John Ashcroft
GNU/LOTR (Score:5, Funny)
Re:GNU/LOTR (Score:2)
Stallman as Saruman: "One Freedom to rule them all."
More appropriately, that would be Bill Gates as Sauron: "One OS to rule them all."
File under dead websites? (Score:5, Insightful)
There's slow news days where we end up with pretty random stuff over real news, which is ok. But what happened here? "Hmm.. not enough submissions to reject.. I know. I'll paste a lame random email to the front page. woo!"
I vote for a trade in program: Accumulate sufficient mod points, and form a moderation lynch mob. Combine your points and moderate the whole story into oblivion?
yeesh.
Re:File under dead websites? (Score:2, Insightful)
Autmodded up? (Score:5, Insightful)
Re:Autmodded up? (Score:2)
If Mr. T as an army of Orcs is racist then "Macho Man" Randy Savage would work, too.
This is all pretty funny but... (Score:2)
Re:This is all pretty funny but... (Score:2)
OTOH, perhaps you aren't an elf!
It's like complaining that there's a lot of CGI in Sci Fi movies!
Crap (Score:3, Insightful)
LOTR as film noir? (Score:2, Funny)
Re:LOTR as film noir? (Score:2)
i wish i had the url, but it was bascially old film clips with new dialouge over it, Bogart was Frodo, Peter Lorre was Gollum, Sydney Greenstreet as Gandalf (a clip of him in a grey business suit in the beginning, later scenes in white)
anyone have the url?
Found it! (Score:5, Informative)
http://flyingmoose.org/tolksarc/movie.htm [flyingmoose.org]
Re:LOTR as film noir? (Score:2)
i wish i had the url, but it was bascially old film clips with new dialouge over it, Bogart was Frodo, Peter Lorre was Gollum, Sydney Greenstreet as Gandalf (a clip of him in a grey business suit in the beginning, later scenes in white)
anyone have the url?
Try this [flyingmoose.org].
Uhhh... The cast WAS made of celebrities (Score:5, Funny)
Last I checked, most of the existing cast qualified as 'Celebrity' status...
First time I've seen retarded spam emails propegated through
Safe, calm, noncontroversial nominations (Score:4, Funny)
Condi Rice - Wormtongue (obvious choice)
Bush - Sauroman (trees being chopped down and burned in background to make weapons for preemptive war of global domination)
Cheny - Sauron (the evil power behind it all)
Wolfowitz - Gollum (My precious, I must have my precious Iraq)
Unfortunately, no one is available to cast for any of the heroes
Re:Safe, calm, noncontroversial nominations (Score:5, Interesting)
Re:Safe, calm, noncontroversial nominations (Score:2, Interesting)
Re:Safe, calm, noncontroversial nominations (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Safe, calm, noncontroversial nominations (Score:2)
I just feel sorry for the poor bastards cast as Faramir and his co-suicide-charge victims, out there right now...
Grab.
Goldie Hawn (Score:2)
Monty Python Called (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Monty Python Called (Score:2)
Why do mod points have to stop at five?
Amen.
Whoa, is it April 1 already? (Score:2)
The geek version (like Tolkien isn't geeky enough) (Score:2)
Somebody's getting sued (Score:5, Funny)
L.Ron Hubbard as (who else?) the mysterious and secretive cult leader Elrond! (Which imitates? Life or fiction?)
Say anything even remotely negative about scientology and you will be paying legal fees for the rest of your life.
Re:Somebody's getting sued (Score:2)
Scientology sues people too much.
OK, let's see what they do with that one.
Teddy Kennedy as Faramir (Score:2)
LOTR, the Trek edition (Score:2)
Jonathan Frakes as Aragorn
Brent Spiner as Saruman
LeVar Burton as Boromir (Gondor IS Ethiopia, after all)
Wil Wheaton as Frodo
Colm Meaney as Sam
Cirroc Lofton as Merry
Aron Eisenberg as Pippen
Michael Dorn as Gimli
Connor Trinneer as Legolas
Terry Farrell as Arwen
Gates McFadden as Eowyn
Jeri Ryan as Galadriel
Ethan Phillips as Grima
Avery Brooks as Sauron (voice)
*sobs* (Score:2, Insightful)
News for Nerds. (Score:5, Insightful)
Golem, sans CGI (Score:2)
This proves something (Score:2)
I can't believe... (Score:2)
what a waste of disk space.
Huh (Score:2)
Well... I might as well add to the suckfest:
Gandalf: James Gandolfini
Aragorn: Governor Schwarzenegger
Saruman: Micahel J. Nelson
Boromir: JFK Jr's corpse
Frodo: "Dib" from Invader Zim
Sam: Introducing Puddles, the wonder Chow-Chow
Merry: Mary Kate Olsen
Pippen: Ashley Olsen
Gimli: Star Jones
Legolas: Clint Howard
Arwen: CGI character with enhanced breast physics
Galadriel: David Bowie
Sauron: character edited out and replaced by street smart, but wise beyon
The Postman? (Score:2)
The Postman: Dustworld.
Need to encase this one in Lucite (Score:5, Funny)
I suggest the government form a multi-billion dollar bi-partisan panel on how this article could have been prevented.
This article is so bad that Auntie Entity could run Barter Town off of it.
If this article were an 80's band, it would have been a collaboration band between Poison, Warrant and Bon Jovi.
This article is Ewoks, Jar-Jar, Kes, and Haley Joel Osment getting stabbed at the end all rolled together.
Okay, that's about all I've got.
And.. (Score:5, Funny)
Agent Smith as Elrond.
Oh... wait...
wow.... (Score:2)
Slashdot is now the... (Score:2)
"The Postman" Vs "People I Know" (Score:2)
I'll point out just a couple of figures for ya'll when considering the cinematic qualifications of people associated with "The Postman":
"The Postman" opened in over 2,000 theaters and got a per screen revenue of $2400. "People I Know", a film executive produced by Robert Redford, opened in 5 theaters an
-1, Dump It! (Score:2)
For Sale (Score:2)
Respond below with offers.
After this article, it's clear I won't be needing it any longer.
And the part of Gollum goes to ... (Score:2)
"My precioussss
What I really want to see... (Score:2)
wtf? (Score:3, Insightful)
I know the subtitle is "news for nerds" but this is stretching it.
What's next? The 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon getting posted every time it can be linked to LOTR or some other nerdfest?
I was just talking about this recently - (Score:3, Funny)
That's right - everybody! The Council of Elrond would be hilarious.
Re:that Dy-no-mite guy (Score:2)
Re:Inspired/stolen from another ./ post (Score:2)
I think you might have these two the wrong way round. RMS strikes me as more the 'I wanna be King!' type, while Linus is a wizard - immensely powerful, but more as an enabler of others than in his own right.
Re:Inspired/stolen from another ./ post (Score:2)
Don't forget Darl McBride as the Mouth of Sauron!
Oh, he'd be an orafice, alright. I just don't think it would be the mouth.
Re:Very appropriate cast (Score:5, Insightful)
I have no idea what this drivel is doing on Slashdot and feel the editors should be ashamed of themselves for including it. I certainly feel ashamed for RESPONDING to it.
Re:Very appropriate cast (Score:4, Interesting)
I certainly feel ashamed for RESPONDING to it.
Don't feel ashamed--how are they going to know not to post lame pap unless the community provides feedback?
Do meta-moderate, though. There's some very unfair modding going on in these comments (along with some very good modding.)
Re:Obviously... (Score:2)
Re:The Postman (filmed in 1998) (Score:3, Interesting)
I noticed something one day: lack of sex in Sci-Fi. This makes no sense since (1) most sci-fi viewers are guys and (2) they are generally sexually starved geeks.
While I concur with your reasoning, there might be a third possibility. Many authors work to create characters set apart from the rest of humanity - often superior in many ways. Maybe sex is impossible [rawbw.com] for many sci-fi protagonists?
Re:Generational Gap (Score:2, Troll)
WTF? Whois Eric Idle?
This has nothing to do with age, this is ignorance, pure and simple.
Eric Idle is Harry the Haggler [imdb.com], Sir Robin the Not-Quite-So-Brave-as-Sir Launcelot [imdb.com], and many more. He even met Adolf Hitler [ibras.dk].
Re:Generational Gap (Score:2, Funny)
Re:It Fits (Score:4, Interesting)
Re:Um, I don't know if you've noticed Hemos... (Score:3, Insightful)
Starting Score:
1 point
Moderation
-1
Total Score:
0
Amazing how a karma bonus mysteriously vanishes when you criticize a /. editor. Sorry Hemos, but this story is pure crap.
Re:Um, I don't know if you've noticed Hemos... (Score:2)
Story's still awful though.
Re:WU TANG (Score:3, Interesting)
Snort, cough! Gah! I'm saving up for a new computer just so I can do a phantom edit on this sucka'. Denethor was hardly a warrior with his spirit broken inside, just a slob. Theoden was never shown attaining his glory, and Aragorn had more issues than Woody Allen. What a fucking whine-fest it was. There will be some changes. Oh, yes, changes...
Spitting image of Bilbo when naked... (Score:2)
I like it too (Score:2)