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Greatest Beams In Movie History 235

Posted by Zonk from the pew-pew-kaboom dept.
_Laban_ writes "Vue Weekly has summarized the greatest beams in movie history. From the article: 'They slice us, they disintegrate us, they roast us alive, they level our greatest monuments and pinpoint our deepest fears.'"
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Greatest Beams In Movie History More

Greatest Beams In Movie History

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  • you ARE the weakest link. Goodbye! (Score:5, Funny)

    by Capt'n Hector ( 650760 ) on Saturday June 25, 2005 @03:54AM (#12908008)
    Zzzzzzap!

  • Greatest Beams... (Score:4, Funny)

    by Psykus ( 827143 ) on Saturday June 25, 2005 @03:58AM (#12908016)
    Slow news day?

  • Obligatory... (Score:5, Funny)

    by Sampizcat ( 669770 ) on Saturday June 25, 2005 @04:01AM (#12908028)
    ...Jim Beam?

    Yeah, I'll be quiet now...

    Sampizcat

  • What about Logan's Run? (Score:3, Interesting)

    by bcg ( 322392 ) on Saturday June 25, 2005 @04:04AM (#12908029)
    Logan's Run [imdb.com] has one of the first (if not the first) use of the laser special effects that went on to be used in Star Wars. Other bonuses include Michael York's terrible acting and Jenny Agutter with a minimum of clothing. Apparently a remake [imdb.com] is in the works...

    • Re:What about Logan's Run? (Score:4, Interesting)

      by Anonymous Coward on Saturday June 25, 2005 @04:55AM (#12908127)
      So completely off topic it hurts, but when I was a teenager sometime I saw Logan's Run, and wondered if it would be mentioned to me on the day I turned 30. That thought stayed with me any time I heard of logan's run, or thought of my 30th birthday.

      Turns out you are the person who mentioned Logan's run first, today, the day that is my 30th birthday.

      So how's it feel to be part of a prophecy fulfilment? :)
    • I thought Peter Ustinov's turn as the crazy old man was perhaps the greatest highlight of that movie. The guy knew what a complete piece of tosh the script was ('twas a shame, the ideas were moderately interesting) and treated it with the seriousness it deserved. Different but similar (if you know what I mean) to Michael Ironside in Starship Troopers...
    • Maybe they'll actually go with the story presented in the book this time? I found the book *so* much more interesting than the movie, and there's a lot more gratuitous sex in the book, so right there it gets the thumbs-up from me.
    • "has one of the first (if not the first) use of the laser special effects"

      You didnt even mention where they were used. There was the face-altering scene, of course, but IIRC lasers were also used to create the holograms during the interrogation scene. The commentary says that the holograms were really cool and freaky in real life, but were flat and uninteresting once on film. Pity.

  • E.E. Doc Smith (Score:3, Interesting)

    by Aussie ( 10167 ) on Saturday June 25, 2005 @04:04AM (#12908030) Journal
    Probably had more beams in his stories than all of Hollywood put together.
    Ah, Space opera. Link [utexas.edu] for the unenlightened.
    • Glad to see EE Doc Smith mentioned - restores my faith in /.

      From what I can tell (haven't seen it) the Japanese movie is basically a Star Wars clone with names lifted from Galactic Patrol.

      The Buck Rogers newspaper strips deserve a mention, as does Alex Raymond's Flash Gordon. Not cinematically, however.
      • Good to see there are still some EE Doc Smith fans around.

        I tend to think of Star Wars as a Lensman/Galactic Patrol ripoff, There are so many similarities it can't be a coincidence.
        There was a rumour that GL tried to buy the rights to the Lensman series before he made SW.
        • http://www.straightdope.com/mailbag/mstarwar.html [straightdope.com]

          Here it is, straight from Lucas' first Hollywood boss and fellow USC graduate, Francis Ford Coppola: "George wanted to do Flash Gordon ... he met with the people who owned it, and they didn't take him at all seriously. So he took the Flash Gordon trailers -- the diagonal titles that talk about the universe at that point [he means the opening story synopsis that seems to recede from the viewer as it scrolls up] -- and sort of combined it with a Stanley Kubr
        • ...

          Good to see there are still some EE Doc Smith fans around.

          ...there are more than you think. We [vk-agency.com] helped get Skylark and company back into print. Go to Amazon [amazon.com] and enter "skylark of space" into the search box. Publisher is the University of Nebraska Press, these are oversized paperbacks with fabulous cover art.

    • I remember marvelling at the fact that each of the beams had a particular name - a QX9 ray would do something different than a ZZ4 ray, to use two made-up examples.

      Damn, I have one 20-page paper to write and I'm done for the semester. I think after that it's time to pick up some of the Lensman books and get back into the Galactic Patrol again.

      Thanks for the link, BTW.
  • Not a movie (unfortunately), but the Shadow slice-n-dice beam has got to be up there in terms of efficient chopping ability.

    • Re:Shadow beam (Score:4, Interesting)

      by Detritus ( 11846 ) on Saturday June 25, 2005 @04:41AM (#12908100) Homepage
      My favorite was the beam in the corridor outside the Red Queen's chamber in Resident Evil [imdb.com]. You think the trespassers have a chance, then it switches into checkerboard mode.
      • Definately agreed. At first it was your typical holywood laser system (Easy to avoid, too stupid to use in practice), then when it split like that the movie gained a ton of points. Sure beats the simple framework with huge gaps that every other movie seems to use.
      • Why the hell did it bother with the varying laser patterns (that the trespassers nimbly avoided), only to switch to the checkerboard deathlaser? Why not just do the checkerboard first and get it over with? yeah, I know... it takes away the suspense, but I always thought that bit was kinda funny.

  • Sharks! (Score:4, Funny)

    by eyeball ( 17206 ) on Saturday June 25, 2005 @04:21AM (#12908060) Journal
    What? No sharks with frickin laser beams?

  • Sunbeam (Score:5, Funny)

    by Alioth ( 221270 ) <no@spam> on Saturday June 25, 2005 @04:23AM (#12908064) Journal
    The most fearful one is the sunbeam. It makes people turn browner. It's why I hide in my mom's basement under the cool glow of flourescent tubes and LCD monitors all day long, to avoid the terrible sun beams...

  • The laser from Real Genius (Score:4, Insightful)

    by b00m3rang ( 682108 ) * on Saturday June 25, 2005 @04:24AM (#12908067)
    Not only can it vaporize druglords and pop corn, but it can point the way to a campus party. Now /that's/ utility!

    • See the problem is that all of the witnesses to the lasers in Real Genious are either too busy partying or eating popcorn whereas the Death Star gunners have nothing to do until they get to Yavin but brag about their "laser", the germs destroyed the Martians in War of the Worlds and so left survivors to tell the tale, the ID4 lasers didn't finish the job and eliminate all of the witnesses like they were supposed to, and the Star Trek phasers/lasers...didn't do much. While even the crotch laser is pretty go

    • Absolutely! This is the first movie I thought of. Fifth Element? Independence Day!? Give me a break. Neither of those movies can hammer a six inch spike through a board with... um, nevermind.
    • Don't you mean vaporize the water inside the pop corn?

  • yes, but ... (Score:4, Funny)

    by ccozan ( 754085 ) on Saturday June 25, 2005 @04:33AM (#12908081) Homepage
    Could this open some eyes and increase interest in alternative (Linux, Mac) offerings?

  • To infinity, and beyond! (Score:5, Funny)

    by Mister Impressive ( 875697 ) on Saturday June 25, 2005 @04:36AM (#12908087)
    Why isn't Buzz Lightyear's blinking red LED (with SOUND!) on the list?

  • Descent Freespace 2 (Score:5, Interesting)

    by Travoltus ( 110240 ) on Saturday June 25, 2005 @04:47AM (#12908111) Journal
    How about video games?

    The Freespace 2 slicer beams were the coolest sounding beams I've ever seen.

  • Dalek Beam (Score:5, Insightful)

    by aug24 ( 38229 ) on Saturday June 25, 2005 @04:57AM (#12908129) Homepage
    Dalek scary 'turns the whole world negative' for the over 25s and 'turns people into x-rays' for the current kiddy-winks. Plus it's the only beam with a catch-phrase...

    Justin.

    • Dalek scary 'turns the whole world negative' for the over 25s and 'turns people into x-rays' for the current kiddy-winks.

      What about "white wee-wee! Exsperminate!"

      Or isn't that canon? *cough*
    • the only beam with a catch-phrase...

      Kirk and Scotty disaprove!

    • Dalek scary 'turns the whole world negative' for the over 25s and 'turns people into x-rays' for the current kiddy-winks.

      The 2005 Dalek beams manage to do both - turn people into X-rays while the rest of the world briefly turns negative.

      There's continuity for you.

  • Oh yeah, so the Mako Gun from Final Fantasy VII just didn't cut it? I'm insulted.

  • MO: sex ray (Score:4, Funny)

    by elgatozorbas ( 783538 ) on Saturday June 25, 2005 @05:08AM (#12908145)
    I kid you not. Flesh Gordon [imdb.com] featured the sex ray from the planet Porno. I have to admit i saw that movie and, well, it sucks.
    • The movie is SO bad .. but it does have the cooolest monster I've seen in movie.
      • The movie is SO bad .. but it does have the cooolest monster I've seen in movie.

        The movie is so bad it's brilliant... the leading lady, Cindy Hopkins, loses her clothing in almost every scene... but I'm sure Mel Brooks got the idea for "Robin Hood, Men In Tights" from seeing Prince Precious and his merry band of outlaws

    • from Orgazmo [imdb.com]...

      One of the most disturbingly funny movies ever made.

      Ranks right on up there with the Rocky Horror Picture Show for sheer... ummmm.... merry perversion?

    • All I can remember was the bit where they were being attacked by the sex ray, and the line went something like:

      Hero: "We need to go down to the surface!"

      Girl: "Oh yeah, go down..."

      Made me laugh at the time.

  • Care Bears (Score:2, Interesting)

    by Martin G. 1984 ( 770524 )
    What about those Care Bear Beams?

    • Re:Care Bears (Score:5, Funny)

      by aamcf ( 651492 ) on Saturday June 25, 2005 @06:29AM (#12908296) Homepage
      I have a theory about the Care Bear Beams: every time they used them, the Care Bears lost a little bit of intelligence, but it felt really good to use them.

      At the start, they rerely used them. It was like the Care Bear Stare was some terrible weapon. As time progressed they used them more and more. So the first time they used them it was "We can't do that! Don't you know what it will do to us?" but the more they used them the less intelligent they got, but they enjoyed it. Now they are all locked in a room somewhere, drooling like idiots, using the stare every few seconds because it feels so good.

  • I've seen things you people wouldn't believe (Score:5, Informative)

    by Beautyon ( 214567 ) on Saturday June 25, 2005 @05:11AM (#12908152) Homepage
    "Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain."

  • More bitching (Score:2, Insightful)

    by ocelotbob ( 173602 )
    C'mon, people, how can you forget Cyclops from the X-men and his eye beams. And of course, there what disaster film wouldn't be complete with the similarly named, but completely different I-Beams collapsing at just the right time for dramatic purposes?

  • What about beams in games? (Score:5, Insightful)

    by CoolGopher ( 142933 ) on Saturday June 25, 2005 @05:17AM (#12908164)
    Okay, so that's a fair bunch of beams from movies, but what about from computer games?

    I think I'll have to say that my personal favourite would have to be the beam weapons from FreeSpace II.

    It was something grand with piloting your little fighter craft in a dense nebula and all of a sudden have a massive beam cut through just beside you, and then seeing a cruiser come out of the mist just as it's preparing to fire again... The knowing that if you'd been just slightly further in that direction you wouldn't even have had time to blink before you were reduced to space dust... That game had really nice atmosphere (pardon the pun)!
    • Yeah. That was a great game. The beams looked good, and sounded good with that long charging sound... Trying to kill that beam cannon before it tears your own fleet in half was a cool moment...

      And when you have beams on your side, like a group of Mojinirs... Hehehehehe...

  • Hellraiser? (Score:2, Insightful)

    by EqualHate ( 713838 )
    and the Dark Beams that came from the strage rotating evil lighthouse in the middle of hell? I think those were pretty noteworthy. although on a relative level of importance/interest this thread sucks

  • Hitchhiker's Guide (Score:4, Funny)

    by gwernol ( 167574 ) on Saturday June 25, 2005 @05:27AM (#12908182)
    There is a scene early in the HHGTTG movie where Arthur Dent is enjoying a nice cup of tea; he leans back to contemplate the immenent destruction of his house and the camera tilts upwards to show a simply lovely faux-Elizabethen wooden beam on the ceiling. I'd say it was early B&Q, probably from their "homely cottage" period. Magnificent: ripe, woody and with that nice fake crackulature effect. Sadly this scene was cut from the theatrical release, but we can hope its restored in the DVD with full commentary from cast members and local archeologists.
  • I was sure this was going to be an idiotic howstuffworks.com [slashdot.org] BS article.

    Instead it is refreshing film trivia.

  • Blade Runner (Score:5, Insightful)

    by gwernol ( 167574 ) on Saturday June 25, 2005 @05:37AM (#12908202)
    "I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tanhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time like tears in rain. Time to die."
    - Roy Batty, Blade Runner

    Great speech to go out on. Most spectacular beams in movies and they're not even shown. Sometimes what you don't see is the most compelling of all.
  • Okay, technically not a movie, but B5 had some really nice effects for a low-budget TV show.

    I loved how the human's PPG (Phased Plasma Gun) pistols on the show would make the air distort around the shots creating a lens effect, presumably from the heat. This was most noticable in the earlier seasons, the effect became less in later seasons, probobly because of the rendering time required.

    Also, the Shadow vessel's beam absolutely *looked* evil, just as much the ships themselves. The beam is a purplish, sic
    • JMS and Ron Thornton designed the ships, and they were cool. The Vorlons had a cool beam weapon too. The Drakh ships had a formation they could fly in to combine several beams through a focusing ship. The human and Minbari ships also had impressive beams.

    • Re:Babylon 5! (Score:3, Insightful)

      by Yazeran ( 313637 )
      Not to mention the Vorlon super-beam on their planetkillers in season 4. They had the same destructive power as the dreaded death star beam in StarWars although they had a much more sinister firing sequence where you could see that the entire Vorlon ship was basically just one big gun as the ship started gathering energy at the back and then energy proceeded along the perimeter of the ship untill it reached the front with the actual gun-mount.

      Yours Yazeran

      Plan: To go to Mars one day with a hammer.

      • Re:Babylon 5! (Score:3, Interesting)

        by KillerBob ( 217953 )
        The Shadow planetkillers were downright sinister....

        To be honest, though, I liked the pulse guns that you saw on the "lesser" ships. The B5 defense system, starfuries, Drazi ships, and even some of the human battlecruisers. For some reason, when I think of energy-based weapons, a rapid pulse energy-based weapon seems more realistic.

        A lot of modern cutting lasers are femtolasers. The laser beam actually hitting the target has better cutting/penetrating power than continuous contact, so you solve that probl
    • The Dimensional Fortress's main gun was a beam to behold. At full power, the beam's diameter was a quater of a mile, with a range out to at least lunar orbit (couple hundred thousand miles) and it disintigrated everything it touched.

    • Re:Babylon 5! (Score:3, Informative)

      by DickBreath ( 207180 )
      I actually preferred the purple "slicer" beam from the Shadow vessles. Pretty cool how they would fire the beam, it didn't first touch its target, but then sliced through the target, until it emerged from the other side of the target, once again firing into empty space. In one of the episodes, about midway through the saga, a shadow vessle slices an entire Narn battle cruiser in half. (This is when main Narn force is diverted to a battle that they believe will give them victory, but are ambushed by Shad
  • What about that sort of "evil lighthouse" that cast a beam of utter darkness that swept across the plains? That was a most vile and evil beam of some considerable note. Anyone with me?


    blakespot

  • Spaceballs Quote... (Score:3, Funny)

    by Fyz ( 581804 ) on Saturday June 25, 2005 @06:32AM (#12908301)
    President Skroob: "I'll be down immediately."

    Cmdr. Zircon: "Shall I have Snotty beam you down?

    President Skroob: "I don't know about that beaming stuff. Is it safe?"

    Cmdr. Zircon: "Oh, yes. Snotty beamed me twice last night. It was wonderful."

    President Skroob: "Alright, I'll take a shot at it. What the Hell, it works on Star Trek."

  • Forbidden Planet. (Score:3, Insightful)

    by Velox_SwiftFox ( 57902 ) on Saturday June 25, 2005 @07:19AM (#12908398)
    "Do you understand the mechanism?" "Yes, Doctor Morbius, a simple blaster".

    The big point defense beams that outlined the Monster From the Doc's Id.

    Hey, even the force-field fence that initially revealed it...

  • Intelligence reports that the Deathstar beam required 8000 Sol-years of energy to make Alderaan light and flakey. Those agency types don't understand physics. You can't pack that much energy into a beam, not even a beam that interacts with vacua states and causes empty space to radiate in visible light. I suspect it was a GASER beam: gravitino anomaly by special effects rework. IMHO the beam tributaries give this away.
  • They completely forgot the popcorn popping (and tree/billboard destroying) laser from Real Genius! :)

    Kent, have you been touching yourself?
    Yes, I mean NO!
  • Personally, I think the Independence Day beam was probably the most impressive in terms of the special effects of the explosion. Especially on the tall buildings, exploding several floors at at time as the beam penetrates down the building. Those were just amazing special effects.

    Sure, the Death Star beam blows up a planet, and it was definitely an impressive beam, especially those shots inside the Death Star with the guys standing next to the beams.

    I don't know. Maybe a tie for me. I definitely think the
  • The rail or e/m gun (whatever it was called) in the Schwarzenegger flick Eraser used electromagnetism beams/rays to accelerate projectiles at incredible speed. Check out http://www.powerlabs.org/emguns.htm [powerlabs.org]
    • But railguns aren't beam weapons, they are projectile weapons. It's just that the projectile is travelling at a respectable fraction of c...

      The projectiles aren't propelled by beams, they are propelled by magnets.

  • Hello...tractor (Score:4, Interesting)

    by mr_z_beeblebrox ( 591077 ) on Saturday June 25, 2005 @09:00AM (#12908706) Journal
    The tractor beam was not even mentioned. Another failure in this, well maybe not a failure since it was never seen in action....The shark head mounted frickin laser beams. Those are a couple of my favorite beams.

  • "It's coming back!" (Score:3, Insightful)

    by Bigthecat ( 678093 ) on Saturday June 25, 2005 @10:02AM (#12909002)
    Come on, I know the first Resident Evil movie wasn't all that good on the whole, but the laser sequence when the soldiers were in the passage to the Red Queen's chamber was the best part! Who could forget the memorable quotes that were uttered there, such as "It's coming back!" and "You're going into shock.. Stay with me.. Stay awake!!"? Or where the team leader is sliced into tiny pieces by the laser when he would have survived if he'd just taken a step back. A classic movie? No, but a great laser sequence, you betcha!
    • The team leader getting diced was actually one of my favourite scenes from that otherwise mostly dreadful movie. Here he is, trapped in a room, helpless, faced by an inescapable net of killer lasers approaching him... and he takes it like a man. Doesn't run, doesn't cower against the far wall... says to himself "Well, I'm dead regardless, I might as well stand here with courage and die on my feet."

      Of course, bad luck for him that the heroine managed to disable the lasers just a few feet past where he was s
  • Now those were funny movies. No series is complete without a giant death beam somewhere.
  • now beam down my pants!

    I grew up with the transporter on the original series being the 'beam'.

    It was the shit. With it, you could instantaneously deploy up to seven redshits on the planet's surface from orbit. You could span parallel universes is you happened to try to use it during an ion storm.

    The best use of course being to transport all the fuzzy vermin infesting your ship over to the enemy's ship. I bet they hated that.
  • One of the biggest "holy crap" moments I've ever had in a movie is the end of Nausicaa where the God Soldier fires its beam at the approaching herd of Ohmu and it is like a line of nuclear explosions on the horizon.
  • Macross Cannon.
  • That would be Bad.

  • Slashdot MadLib (Score:5, Funny)

    by hacksoncode ( 239847 ) on Saturday June 25, 2005 @01:50PM (#12909961)
    I can't believe they forgot about the [adjective] beam from [movie title]. It was so awesome when it [past tense verb] the [noun]!

    Anyone that thinks that the [adjective] beam from [TV series] was superior clearly has [disgusting substance] for brains.

    The [adjective] coolness of my choice is [superlative].

    But I suppose the [adjective] beam from [book title] was really the winner. If they'd only made that into a [visual medium], it would *so* beat all the other choices.

    Argue with that.

  • At the end of Robotech, 3rd generation I think, there is a big beam, it wipes out half enemy ships in seconds.
    At the end of Final Fantasy there was also a big beam or not?

  • Though I thought of a few extras:

    the planet killing beam that The Lexx has - and it looks cool too. And most males cannot forget the beam that alters Zev Bellringer.

    The Wave Motion Gun from Star Blazers.

    The Bat Signal.

    I see your schwartz is as big as mine. Well not really a beam, but good none-the-less.

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