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LucasArts Embargoes "Clone Wars" Reviews 603

An anonymous reader writes "George Lucas CGI 'Clone Wars' movie has premiered to reviews ranging from MSNBC's 'Ugly animation and an uninspired storyline drag down the film' to AintItCool's 'I hated the film. HATED IT. REALLY HATED IT.' Critics have noted the animation style, music and slapstick humor had more than a passing similarity to Pixar's Toy Story, and wondered if the introduction of new action figures (sorry, characters) like Baby Jabba Hutt and Jabba the Hutt's Gay Uncle may have taken the franchise a bridge too far. Lucas responding by enforcing an embargo, forcing the reviews to be taken down. While sites like AintItCool.com responded, by then it was just a little too late. Still, the CGI eye candy will make it popular with kids. If the 'Clone Wars' movie can't save the galaxy, can it at least save the franchise?"
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LucasArts Embargoes "Clone Wars" Reviews

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  • George Lucas (Score:4, Insightful)

    by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday August 13, 2008 @08:43AM (#24581191)

    Can suck my dick.

  • by k_187 ( 61692 ) on Wednesday August 13, 2008 @08:44AM (#24581195) Journal
    I think the franchise was lost among the faithful a long time ago. Somewhere between Mesaa and Jar-Jar Binks.
    • by ShieldVV0lf ( 1343419 ) on Wednesday August 13, 2008 @08:47AM (#24581237)
      I was QUITE surprised at the scheming behind the scenes when I read this article [businessweek.com] some time back. They *know* what they have and aren't holding back. It is interesting just how little they try to hide it and how no one really cares how much they are milking the franchise.

      Some odd FORCE really drives the market. I have a collection with items dating as recent as 1981, valued between $5000 and $7500. The original prices for the items summed to no more than $670!
      • by radish ( 98371 ) on Wednesday August 13, 2008 @10:27AM (#24582977) Homepage

        Some odd FORCE really drives the market. I have a collection with items dating as recent as 1981, valued between $5000 and $7500. The original prices for the items summed to no more than $670!

        Should have bought stock. Had you put that same $670 in a DJIA tracker back in '81 you'd have $8262 right now. Had you had amazing foresight and put it in Apple stock, you'd have almost $41,000!

      • by DesScorp ( 410532 ) <DesScorp@noSpAM.Gmail.com> on Wednesday August 13, 2008 @10:46AM (#24583335) Homepage Journal

        I know exactly what's driving Lucas on this. Cash. Period. Whatever motivations he may have once had for this story and this franchise, his sole concern now seems to be the bank account.

        Supposedly the new movie was supposed to be televised first and then straight to DVD, and during preparation of the movie Lucas' people said he lit up and said something like "This is so good it needs to be in theaters!".

        I think it was more like "Hey, I think we can squeeze another 90 to 100 million out of the suckers if we put this in theaters".

        • by prisoner-of-enigma ( 535770 ) on Wednesday August 13, 2008 @03:11PM (#24588223) Homepage

          I know exactly what's driving Lucas on this. Cash. Period. Whatever motivations he may have once had for this story and this franchise, his sole concern now seems to be the bank account.

          I disagree. According to Forbes [forbes.com], George's personal fortune is immense. He's worth $3.5 billion, making him #61 on the list of the 400 Richest people in America. He could buy a new Ferrari every day for the rest of his life and still have billions left over. Ditto for yachts, mansions, and jets. What possible motivation would he have to try and amass more wealth? As Bill Gates once said, at some point, no matter how much you're able to pay for a hamburger, does it taste any better?

          What's driving Lucas here is that he thinks his films are the highest art in the land. He truly thinks he can write good dialogue (he can't), touching love scenes (dear God, no), and witty humor (for a three-year-old, maybe). He puts out this execrable dreck because, in his mind, it's all the other films that are execrable dreck. His wealth allows him to live in his own world, and I'm quite sure all those around him -- who are dependent upon him for a paycheck -- nod respectfully and praise his work as that of a master even when they'd probably rather wipe their asses with it.

          No, it's not greed that drives Lucas to destroy our cherished childhood memories of one of the most seminal films ever made. It's his pride. He simply refuses to believe he's as awful of a filmmaker as he really is, and stuff like Clone Wars is the result.

        • by Rakarra ( 112805 ) on Wednesday August 13, 2008 @03:51PM (#24588931)

          Supposedly the new movie was supposed to be televised first and then straight to DVD, and during preparation of the movie Lucas' people said he lit up and said something like "This is so good it needs to be in theaters!".

          I don't know that Lucas is "only" in it for the money. The above is exactly what happened with Toy Story 2, yet the difference was that Lucas thought he had a good movie.. but he didn't. The more I look at his newer stuff, the more it's apparent that he simply doesn't have judgment with regards to the quality of his work. He has no one who can tell him "no, this sucks" anymore, and when you surround yourself with yes-men and that's all you ever hear, you begin to believe your own bullshit. While greed may be a big factor, I think a big part of it is just how out of touch Lucas is. He doesn't have the pure, forceful vision, and has no moderating influences.

    • by kannibal_klown ( 531544 ) on Wednesday August 13, 2008 @08:47AM (#24581239)

      Eh, the books are still alright. I finished the "Legacy of the Force" series a month-or-so ago and enjoyed it though I was expecting more of a finale.

      As far as video games go, some of the recent games were decent as well. The Jedi Knight series was great and the previews for their upcoming 3rd person game sound positive. Then again I haven't played Battlegrounds or SWG. Personally I want an updated "Tie Fighter" game, that was probably their best sim.

      • by rudeboy1 ( 516023 ) on Wednesday August 13, 2008 @09:13AM (#24581585)

        I second that motion. TIE Fighter was definitely one of the best games of all time. LucasArts really had a streak going there for a while where everything they touched turned to gold. TIE Fighter, Full Throttle, Monkey Island, Dark Forces... I remember Star Wars Rebellion moved me into a completely new genre of vidja games. Recently, I played the first Galactic Battlegrounds, and as soon as I got over the spiffy graphics, I realized the company doesn't have the same outstanding sparkle it used to.

        • by MagdJTK ( 1275470 ) on Wednesday August 13, 2008 @10:01AM (#24582411)
          Don't forget Grim Fandango, possibly the most overlooked videogame gem ever.
      • by tepples ( 727027 ) <tepples.gmail@com> on Wednesday August 13, 2008 @10:01AM (#24582417) Homepage Journal

        Personally I want an updated "Tie Fighter" game, that was probably their best sim.

        But do you really want TIE Fighter II, TIE Fighter II' Champion Edition, TIE Fighter II Turbo: Hyper Fighting, Super TIE Fighter II: The New Challengers, Super TIE Fighter II Turbo, and Super TIE Fighter II Turbo HD Remix?

      • by TheRaven64 ( 641858 ) on Wednesday August 13, 2008 @10:28AM (#24582993) Journal
        After watching Episode III, I re-read the Timothy Zahn series. It really made me realise quite how bad Lucas' versions were. Zahn brings far more depth and texture to the universe in a single one of his books than Lucas did in all six films.
        • by Sethus ( 609631 ) on Wednesday August 13, 2008 @01:41PM (#24586593)
          What really irked me was how Lucas and Lucasarts 'approved' all these expanded universe books and gave them their seal of approval. Then they turn around and just destroyed the whole expanded universe in the prequals and claimed the expanded universe was untrue. I know that makes me sound fanboy, (and I am) but I just have a harder time accepting the Prequals and Canon than the Expanded Universe.

          I know that's pretty backwards, but those stories had so much more depth and better characters to them. I even went back to re-read the Timothy Zahn series just this year, and came to the same conclusion as you.
          • by Fallingcow ( 213461 ) on Wednesday August 13, 2008 @03:02PM (#24588095) Homepage

            The worst part is that their own, official stories in the new movies fit less well with the universe created in the original trilogy than much of the Expanded Universe stuff does. Midiclorians? WTF? The stormtroopers are all clones of Boba Fett's dad? It's like really, really bad fan fiction.

            I could name a half-dozen prolific SW writers who could have scripts for the prequels that would have been better than Lucas' in every way. Zahn, Stackpole, and even the much-maligned Kevin J. Anderson would have been good choices, for instance. All three have shown a talent for keeping the "feel" of the original trilogy in new works, and KJA even managed it with stories set way, way back in the past (the great Tales of the Jedi comics)

            Even the ships they came up with for the new trilogy felt wrong, while the expanded universe people have created TONS of new ships, and only rarely have they had that problem. Some of them were even supposed to have been from the Clone Wars time period, and could have been "borrowed" by Lucas for the new movies (Victory-class Star Destroyers, Z-95 Headhunters, etc.)

    • by Chelloveck ( 14643 ) on Wednesday August 13, 2008 @08:50AM (#24581289) Homepage

      You young whippersnappers! Back in my day, all we had to hate were the Ewoks! And we liked it that way!

    • by Lilith's Heart-shape ( 1224784 ) on Wednesday August 13, 2008 @08:59AM (#24581425) Homepage
      As far as I'm concerned, it was lost when Lucas decided to have Greedo shoot first over a decade after the movie finished its theatrical run. It's a bit late now, George.
      • by noewun ( 591275 ) on Wednesday August 13, 2008 @09:32AM (#24581849) Journal
        Me, too. This was the point at which I realized Lucas was making a product, not a film.
      • by Lord Apathy ( 584315 ) on Wednesday August 13, 2008 @11:08AM (#24583703)

        I have to admit when Greedo shot first that bug didn't crawl up my ass anywhere near as far as adding the scream in Empire. When Greedo shot first that just made Han somewhat less a scoundrel but didn't completely change the meaning of that scene.

        Well not as much as the scream did. Right there Luke had two choices, turn to the dark side or die. With the scream it makes Luke look like the choice was taken from him and he slipped. He could have been thinking of joining Vader.

        With out the scream it re-enforces that Luke made a distinct decision to let go and die. and he never regretted that decision all the way down.

        Adding the scream changed the entire meaning of that scene.

    • by Joe the Lesser ( 533425 ) on Wednesday August 13, 2008 @09:05AM (#24581493) Homepage Journal

      No, I could have put up with Jar-Jar, but the midichlorians were the true knife in the back.

      However, the fanboy runs strong in this one, so I hope that one day there will be another good film or game for the universe, though for now I'm living in hiding on Tatootine.

      • Re: (Score:3, Funny)

        That was a typo. I am certainly aware that it is Tatooine.

      • by $RANDOMLUSER ( 804576 ) on Wednesday August 13, 2008 @09:26AM (#24581767)
        Yeah, the midichlorians really threw the spirituality/mythology themes under the bus. Oddly enough, I saw the last 2/3 of episode 1 Phantom Menace just last night - I hadn't seen it since the theater when it first came out. I remember walking out of the theater thinking "well, that wasn't too bad", but last night all I could see was Mannequin Skywalker mugging through "oops, I accidentally blew up the android control satellite" as R2D2 comically whistles and squeaks, Natalie Portman's ridiculous accent, the preposterous locale for the big lightsaber duel, etc. etc. etc. It's one thing to suspend disbelief, but that movie suspends believability.

        And then of course there's Jar Jar.
        • by Shakrai ( 717556 ) on Wednesday August 13, 2008 @09:53AM (#24582241) Journal

          It's one thing to suspend disbelief, but that movie suspends believability

          Yeah, cuz all the other Star Wars movies were much more believable ;)

          I mean, what kind of self-respecting galactic overlord would have a throne room without a deep reactor pit of death in it?

        • Re: (Score:3, Interesting)

          by gad_zuki! ( 70830 )

          >mannequin Skywalker mugging through "oops, I accidentally blew up the android control satellite" as R2D2 comically whistles and squeaks,

          He's no worse than Mark Hamil.

          > Natalie Portman's ridiculous accent,

          Oh please all the movies are full of ridiculous accents.

          > the preposterous locale for the big lightsaber duel

          But the Death Star with its magical earth-like gravity generator makes sense?

          Look, the original three had a lot of creative spark and energy in them, and a couple of good actors who stole t

          • by NFNNMIDATA ( 449069 ) on Wednesday August 13, 2008 @11:19AM (#24583899) Journal

            Look, the original three had a lot of creative spark and energy in them, and a couple of good actors who stole the show, but most of all you were like 5 years old when they came out. To kids today the new movies are just as good. At the end of the day I have to agree with Lucas and say that these are really kids movies and we are simply nostalgic for them.

            That argument is nonsensical. Everyone who saw Star Wars in 1977 was not 5 years old at the time. It got fairly damn good reviews. It was nominated for Best Picture, Best Director, Best Screenplay, Best Supporting Actor, and a ton of stuff in the technical area. Star Wars was considered Good. What kids today think about the latest boatload of tripe is not relevant.

        • by bar-agent ( 698856 ) on Wednesday August 13, 2008 @03:03PM (#24588109)

          Yeah, the midichlorians really threw the spirituality/mythology themes under the bus.

          I kind of figured that midichlorians were an indicator of Force ability. Like how a magnetic field attracts iron particles, Force ability attracts midichlorians. But the Force can't be scanned, while midichlorians can.

      • Re: (Score:3, Funny)

        by clem ( 5683 )

        No, I could have put up with Jar-Jar, but the midichlorians were the true knife in the back.

        You're just bitter because your blood tested low for midichlorians. The truth hurts -- you'll never be a Jedi.

    • by oliderid ( 710055 ) on Wednesday August 13, 2008 @09:14AM (#24581597) Journal

      Well, I was 8 when I first watched A New hope. I loved it. I watched it again few months ago...And Frankly I found the scenario a bit too simple. But my nephew simply loved it...So the real show for me was watching him :-).

      Don't you feel that we are simply getting older and the star wars franchise isn't for us anymore? Kids seem to enjoy it as much as we did (IMHO).

      As a 30's, I prefer is Battlestar Galactica II. I prefer six over the princess anyday ;-)

    • by jellomizer ( 103300 ) on Wednesday August 13, 2008 @09:18AM (#24581655)

      I think they really missed the Han Solo type of character in the new stuff. Han Solo showed you can be kickass without the force. The new movies relegated everyone without the force to cannon fodder. While watching force power fights are fun they don't really make good story as they have a lot of power. But there isn't really anyone to relate to. the Jedi were too goody goody. The sith were mostly just evil. (Duko had a chance as a good vilan but they just gave him one movie (Which was horible) and killed in 5 minutes in the next) Han Solo was the good guy but had a dark side which made him more human and recognizable. The new movies didn't have that. They kinda tried with Jar Jar but he was too stupid and attempt to be a comic role (which R2D2 and C3PO took as well) we needed a serious character who was a normal guy who kicked ass.

      • by jollyreaper ( 513215 ) on Wednesday August 13, 2008 @09:46AM (#24582101)

        I think they really missed the Han Solo type of character in the new stuff. Han Solo showed you can be kickass without the force. The new movies relegated everyone without the force to cannon fodder. While watching force power fights are fun they don't really make good story as they have a lot of power.

        And now they have a Force Unleashed game coming out where they amp up the Force powers until it's like frickin' Dragonball Z. All that's missing is Vegeta screaming "HIS POWER LEVELS ARE 9000??!!!" Crazy-stupid boosting of character powers for drama's sake, it's like their script was something 13-year old boys were furiously masturbating over. All that remains is for Anakin to scream out "I AM THE BEST JEDI EVER! AND THAT IS TRUE ULTIMATE POWER!"

    • by Rogerborg ( 306625 ) on Wednesday August 13, 2008 @12:51PM (#24585669) Homepage

      I think the franchise was lost among the faithful a long time ago. Somewhere between Mesaa and Jar-Jar Binks.

      Uh, OK, if you like. I take it that you've never seen the 1978 Star Wars Holiday Special [wikipedia.org]?

      Seriously, it's real. It's not an urban legend. Phantom Menace? Jedi Bratz? Nothing on Leia singing. Nothing on Itchy and Lumpy. That thing will eat your soul, then crap it back out on your face.

  • by damburger ( 981828 ) on Wednesday August 13, 2008 @08:50AM (#24581291)
    They produced a crappy film once again. Now they are trying to sculpt the reaction to it on the Internet. Do they not realise it is futile? For a mainstream film, it *might* make a dent on the number of people who stay away - but for a very nerdy sci-fi franchise its practically suicide. I haven't even read any reviews yet but I am already drawing the conclusion its a dire film based on the fact they are attempting a cover up. The disconnect between the reality of online culture and the actions of people trying to sell things to the Internet using public seems to be growing, not shrinking as you would expect it to do with more young people entering the workforce with direct experience of the culture.
    • Re: (Score:3, Interesting)

      by vidarh ( 309115 )
      I made the conclusion that it was shit the moment I saw the first trailers. The animation just annoys me - no story line could have saved it for me with that animation style. I'm pretty, shall we say, "flexible" about the quality I'll tolerate and still go see a movie, but this is just too far. MAYBE I'll watch it when it shows up on one of the movie channels I subscribe to, but I'm not sure I can be bothered even with that.
      • Re: (Score:3, Funny)

        by krazytekn0 ( 1069802 )
        The first trailer I saw it reminded me of those barbie movies they market to 7-10 year old girls. "ooooh look it's the Jedi of Clones forest!!"
    • Re: (Score:3, Funny)

      by ayjay29 ( 144994 )

      >>Now they are trying to sculpt the reaction to it on the Internet. Do they not realise it is futile?

      Well it's one sure way to prevent people downloading it from BitTorrent.

      Worked for the "Star Wars Holiday Special" right?

  • Streisand (Score:5, Insightful)

    by Reality Master 201 ( 578873 ) on Wednesday August 13, 2008 @08:51AM (#24581303) Journal

    If Lucas really wants those bad reviews out there front and center, he's doing a bang up job of ensuring that.

  • Embargo? (Score:5, Funny)

    by Osurak ( 1013927 ) on Wednesday August 13, 2008 @08:53AM (#24581343)
    You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
  • by xanadu-xtroot.com ( 450073 ) <xanadu@nOSPaM.inorbit.com> on Wednesday August 13, 2008 @08:55AM (#24581369) Homepage Journal
    I think this one is indeed more for kids. I know my Son (9 years old) is near ape-shit about going and seeing this opening day. I'm a bit skeptical about it. It'll be nice to see another new Star Wars film, but at the cost of no real story / character development / etc., I don't know if I want this to taint my view of the Star Wars saga.

    I was only 5 or 6 the first time I saw A New Hope in the theater. Indeed, as many, I was blown away and it changed the way I pictured "space" and all that. That side comment to ObiWan from Luke of "You fought in the Clone Wars?!?" in "Ben's" hut was always a very interesting thing to me. "What were the Clone Wars?" "What are the Clones?" (it was never really said the Stormtroopers were all colones and certainly no hint of them being of Bobba's Dad). I wasn't until Ep2 that "The Clone Wars" was really brought into the story and it was very little more than a passing mention in that movie. Ep3 kind of touched a bit more on it, but not really. With this movie we're supposed to see more of the struggle of the Clone Wars. I say struggle because it more about the story behind the battle. The battle we've seen (well, bits and pieces), but we've seen it. We haven't seen the story of it.

    I hope it's not as bad as this reviews are making it out to be. Since 1977 I have had huge thoughts and dreams about these half-mentioned "Clone Wars". I hope this is it.

    But it is a "new" Lucas movie...
    • by nine-times ( 778537 ) <nine.times@gmail.com> on Wednesday August 13, 2008 @10:02AM (#24582445) Homepage

      I think this one is indeed more for kids.

      I've never understood why this is considered a viable excuse for being terrible. "Oh, this movie sucks, but it's ok. It's intended for kids."??

      Not to call you specifically out for this, but we wouldn't accept this excuse in other things. "Oh, it's ok that this baby food isn't nutritious at all. It's just for babies." That wouldn't really fly, would it? Or, "Our school system is terrible, but that's ok because it's just for kids."

      I understand that kids might be more easily fooled into thinking that a movie is going to be great than adults. I also understand that, as a parent, you can't be on constant guard and fighting every one of these battles. But in my opinion, the fact that it's for kids means that it really should be *good*. And it's not as though it's an impossible feat to make a good movie that's kid-appropriate. Pixar, for example, has been doing it for years.

      Most of the reason I'm making a point of saying this is that Lucas seems to be making horrible and stupid movies on the idea that it's appropriate to make dumb, meaningless, brain-dead movies because morons and kids will really enjoy the cheap humor. Part of the reason Ep 1 was so awful was because it was "for the kids", but if I had kids, I wouldn't particularly want them to be watching that sort of crap. I'd almost rather that kids were watching good movies that had a little sex and violence than shitty movies with absolutely no value. A lot of times, the adult themes go over the kids' heads anyway, and there's not much harm done. But if you expose them to movies with any kind of value, then some of that value might sink in.

  • So sad (Score:3, Interesting)

    by Tsoat ( 1221796 ) on Wednesday August 13, 2008 @08:56AM (#24581383)
    I really enjoy the original star wars so naturally I was so excited when phantom menace came out I admit that I liked it almost as much as the originals then with the second one I watched it multiple times but only because I had a crush on Natalie Portman at the time. When the third one came out I waited in line for it however after watching it I had a realization about these prequels they were missing something, and that something was heart, when George Lucas mad the original Star Wars he was a nobody so of course he had to make the story epic, so epic that it was a saga. With the prequels he didn't need to so he soldout, hardcore he has betrayed the fans and all he cares about is the money which of course he will get because well there are still raving fans who would buy crap if it had the star wars logo on it and little kids. Bottom line is George Lucas is a sellout
    • by SmallFurryCreature ( 593017 ) on Wednesday August 13, 2008 @09:18AM (#24581657) Journal

      Lets not forget that episodes 1-3 were not exactly cheap to produce. If Lucas had sold out, he would have had the movies made in hong-kong on a shoe-string budget and then raked in the cash based on the brand alone. THAT is selling out.

      What he did instead is forget what made the original movies such a success, not just with kids but with adults as well (it was my mom that introduced me to Star Wars and she was an adult mother when it was released) and instead attempted to make the movie appeal to kids without understand what kids want.

      Basically, he ignored his matured fanbase and tried to appeal to a new demographic that just didn't exist.

      Lets face it, kids today got better entertainment then 3 films that are nothing but a punch and judy show (KIDS: look out punch BEHIND you PUNCH: where KIDS: BEHIND YOU), the jedis never being able to spot the baddie until it is way to late.

      It might have worked as high fantasy with a doomed ending with just a tiny bit of hope remaining but that doesn't work in a kiddy movie.

      I like the ending of episode three were you see the would be rebels dispersing, but everything before was just... Well not bad exactly, just that the actors could not act, Lucas can't write or direct and just who was the story aimed at anyway?

      The most obvious failure? Nobody quotes the new star wars to honor it. "These are not the droids you are looking for" "I am your father" "I find your lack of faith disturbing" "It is a trap".

      Where are the episode 1-3 quotes?

      George Lucas one had luck producing a movie, it is known by fans that this was not his own creation, his wife for instance seems to have played a large role. Other directors did ESB. He should go back to producing but frankly, his most crowning achievement, getting Star Wars made in the 70's is no longer anything complex with the fortune he has know and the standard high special effects movie we got know. People forgot just how ground breaking A New Hope was from a producers job. That is gone now. Lucas has nothing to do but sign the checks and so he gets involved with other things that were previously left to others.

      Lucas did not make A New Hope, he produced it. He did make episode 1-3. That's the problem.

  • well, i'm afraid (Score:3, Insightful)

    by Jarik C-Bol ( 894741 ) on Wednesday August 13, 2008 @08:57AM (#24581393)
    that star wars may have more or less jumped the mynock... the thing that really aggravates me about Lucas with star wars, is he allowed hundreds of "official" works of fiction to be written, wherein, the authors who wrote them worked very hard to follow and/or stay true to the original movies. These books really flushed out the story and universe, and then Lucas comes along with his prequels, and basically says "screw you all" and ignores all the history and back story that was created on his behalf.
  • What? (Score:5, Funny)

    by Blice ( 1208832 ) <Lifes@Alrig.ht> on Wednesday August 13, 2008 @08:58AM (#24581407)
    You say that Star Wars shouldn't be made into a cartoon for children? And you also say jar-jar binks was a bad idea for the series?

    That doesn't make any sense. Okay look, this is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk. But Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now think about it; that does not make sense!

    Why would a Wookiee, an eight-foot tall Wookiee, want to live on Endor, with a bunch of two-foot tall Ewoks? That does not make sense! But more important, you have to ask yourself: What does this have to do with this review? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this review! It does not make sense! Look at me. I'm a slashdotter defending a major mistake in starwars history, and I'm talkin' about Chewbacca! Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense! None of this makes sense! And so you have to remember, when you're sitting there in the move theater reviewing this movie, does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed review, it does not make sense! If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit!
    • Re: (Score:3, Funny)

      by PeeAitchPee ( 712652 )

      Why would a Wookiee, an eight-foot tall Wookiee, want to live on Endor, with a bunch of two-foot tall Ewoks?

      I dunno, cheap yet plentiful food source?

  • by denzacar ( 181829 ) on Wednesday August 13, 2008 @09:12AM (#24581577) Journal

    ...There were Clone Wars. [imdb.com] Animated.
    Directed by Genndy Tartakovsky of the Dexter's Laboratory and Samurai Jack fame.

    And they were decently animated and had some good stories.
    The Lucas empire even dropped a more than a decent part of the prequel trilogy's story into those episodes.
    If you look at the duration of all three seasons you come up with about two films of about an hour+, or one of two hours+.
    Hell... General Grievous is one big WTF if you don't at least take a glance at the animated series.

    But I guess that was not good enough.
    Or translated from Lucaspeek - It was not a bunch of lifeless 3D rendered puppets, reimagined once again.

    What is the matter with Lucas?
    Is he really trying to degrade the franchise beyond the "meh" level?
    The entire Star Wars universe is slowly being turned into a "you know... that saga nobody really cares about any more, but once it was the best saga evah".

    For fucks sake, lay it off for a while.
    It is becoming embarrassing to say you actually enjoyed any of it. Ever.
    Like it is American Pie or some other endlessly sequelled gag-humor movie.

    • by kungfugleek ( 1314949 ) on Wednesday August 13, 2008 @09:53AM (#24582223)

      General Grievous is one big WTF if you don't at least take a glance at the animated series.

      Actually, I thought all of the prequels are one big WTF whether or not I had watched the animated series.

      But then I read the Secret History of Star Wars and it all became clear -- Lucas never really liked Star Wars himself. At least, he never intended it to be the deep quasi-spiritual struggle of good and evil. He wanted a high adventure space-romp. It was Empire (which he didn't have much involvement with) that made things deeper and more spiritual. Compare Obi Wan's talk of the Force, "The Force is what gives a Jedi his powers." with Yoda's, "...for my ally is The Force, and a powerful ally it is." Obi-wan's line was written by Lucas and reveals is initial, shallow desire for the force to be a tool for magic tricks, Yoda's line, written by Brackett/Kasdan, shows where the franchise started to get deeper. It's the depth that really fascinated myself and I think a lot of us fans, but Lucas hated the idea and I think he still does.

      Lucas has been trying to lighten it up ever since then, and is quoted as saying that one of the main reasons he made the prequels at all was to "fund other projects."

      I think he doesn't care if he ruins it for us, as long as he can make money from it to fund the things he really cares about. It's sad but he has creator's rights over it so there's nothing you can do about it.

  • by Le Jimmeh ( 1086671 ) on Wednesday August 13, 2008 @09:16AM (#24581627)
    At least, according to AintItCool's [aintitcool.com] reply.
  • by Woundweavr ( 37873 ) on Wednesday August 13, 2008 @09:19AM (#24581671)

    The franchise was already lost. A new Star Wars movie is coming out to theaters and its not even close to being the #1 geek movie of the summer. Even if you took out the superhero movies and Star Trek, its still lagging behind. Ten years ago that would have been inconceivable as even re-releases were huge.

    You can't live off past glory forever.

  • by Jon Abbott ( 723 ) on Wednesday August 13, 2008 @09:22AM (#24581723) Homepage

    I've almost convinced myself George Lucas never made the first three Star Wars, and that it was somebody else. Look at the reviews for almost any of the other films he wrote (THX-1138, Willow, Captain EO, Star Wars I-III) and they are all rated at least an order of magnitude worse. The only other film I could find that was rated as highly was Raiders of the Lost Ark, and he shared the writing role with Philip Kaufman on that one.

  • by Fantastic Lad ( 198284 ) on Wednesday August 13, 2008 @09:31AM (#24581833)

    You've killed it.

    Star Wars is dead.

    Nobody is watching anymore.

    It's message has been buried.

    We're even laughing at it now.

    So really, REALLY, it is no longer a threat to you.

    With its political message about evil empires and its spiritual messages about personal power. Really. Nobody is listening to that anymore. You've muddied the waters hopelessly. You've achieved your objective.

    So please, please. Retract your mind-control claws from poor George's brain.

    Show some pity.


  • by AbRASiON ( 589899 ) * on Wednesday August 13, 2008 @09:33AM (#24581857) Journal

    I am not in any way a Star Wars nerd anymore, take note of that.

    I saw a link to the trailer on a website I frequent back in May this year, I didn't even know a SW animated movie was coming out and honestly didn't care.
    However, I'm open to try a movie of any kind, animated, puppets, I don't care if it's good - I like pixar movies, I once liked Star Wars, I even tried the final fantasy movie.

    When the link was posted, within minutes people mocked it and laughed, it's got nothing to do with being untrue to the Star Wars franchise, if anything that may make some hardcore Star Wars fans 'forgive it' - I just saw a trailer for an absoloutely laughable looking kids film, not what I'm interested in, when "Jabba's son has been kidnapped!" is a plot element they feel worthy enough to put in a movie, I figure it's not going places.
    http://www.shacknews.com/laryn.x?id=16928277#itemanchor_16928277 [shacknews.com]

    Here is something of note which I figure most of you will agree with and sadly hollywood will never read, nor understand.
    Ever since the 3 new movies, Star Wars has been forever tarnished, changing from a great story and universe I am interested in, to something I look at in my mind as simply a 'franchise' or a product.
    It's a fascinating transition and one I'm sure marketing people would love to know more about, maybe it's to do with my age or cynicism? Ultimately from my perspective the entire universe is now un-interesting to me, they've caused themselves a massive dis-service as I do not salivate at the thought of any Star Wars products, I don't even fondly remember the originals as I simply can't watch them in the same way.
    Yes they are still good but deep down I know that whole universe is diluted.
    I had the same feeling from the Matrix sequels, I have no interest even in the first film now.

    Just to clarify my stance, I was never ever a huge SW nerd, but I was I guess a light fan (I'm 30 btw) so I saw ROTJ in the cinema, too young for ANH and don't recall empire.
    I was never a major hardcore fan, I never purchased the toys or anything but I did like the universe, I did really love the movies and I would've purchased them on DVD for example.
    Even the changes to the old 3 movies, made it feel like a product (A New hope 1.01, buy it now!)

    Anyhow people go check out the new movie, word on the st is JABBAS SON HAS BEEN KIDNAPPED (oh noes!) :/

  • so sad (Score:4, Interesting)

    by jollyreaper ( 513215 ) on Wednesday August 13, 2008 @09:40AM (#24582005)

    I'm a total Star Wars nerd. Not quite a Star Wars dork -- that implies cosplaying at cons, themed weddings, and other acts of fan mortification. But I am a nerd. I grew up on these movies, I watched them over and over and know them inside and out. I would get excited every time I heard the 20th Century Fox fanfare and be disappointed when the movie wasn't Star Wars. I am 100% Lucas' prime demographic. I can obsess over the original trilogy like a Kevin Smith character, though I do differ with him on the matter of Hobbit badassery.

    But I digress.

    Lucas has managed to snuff my love affair with Star Wars. I saw Phantom Menace with great anticipation and came out inert. I torrented Clones and congratulated myself on saving the money. I only saw the last one in the theater because a gaggle of friends were going and I didn't want to be the wet blanket.

    I watched the trailer for this one. Crappy, soulless CGI. How does it differ from the nuTrilogy? I think the characters here looked slightly more lifelike here. There is not a twinge of anticipation, not even a twitch. I'll rewatch the originals (not the re-releases) but even my enjoyment of what came before has been harmed now by what has come after. George Lucas has beat this dead horse until it's nothing more than a thin, red paste. Scrape what's left into a hole and fucking bury it, man. It's done.

  • by Oktober Sunset ( 838224 ) <sdpage103@yahoo[ ].uk ['.co' in gap]> on Wednesday August 13, 2008 @09:46AM (#24582105)
    There is a combination of words I never thought I would see.
  • by snarfies ( 115214 ) on Wednesday August 13, 2008 @10:02AM (#24582435) Homepage

    The more you tighten your grip, LucasArts, the more reviewers will slip through your fingers.

  • I'll fix it (Score:5, Interesting)

    by kenp2002 ( 545495 ) on Wednesday August 13, 2008 @10:11AM (#24582625) Homepage Journal

    I can save it:

    I'll craft Star Wars into a 22 season television series about the slow decay of the Jedi and the friction between the Sith Council and the the current Sith Lord Sidious.

    Sidious on the outs with the Council is in a despirate position and a critical timing to regain control of the galaxy.

    Mean while the Jedi have descended into a religious in-fighting on differing theories of the nature of the Force.

    Qui Gon is leading the "Living Force" theory basing it in the Midchlorians. Yoda is leading the Universal Force theory (mirroring the differing views of physics, partical, quantum, string, etc..)

    The Galactic Sentate is steeping in corruption and dealing with technological stagnation and the political fall out of ivolving the Sith in ending the last of the Mandalorian strong holds. (The Sith this time function as more of a mafia-like organization.)

    We then slowly start moving through the movies starting with episode 1 but spend considerably more time focusing on the the infighting of the Jedi and the drama that comes about with admitting Annakin. (Seasons 1-3)

    Ok now we are at Movie #2's content where we really start breaking down Anakin psychologically. Obi Wan is the presumed to lead the Living Force movement but is more concerned with the Jedi's pure function, protecting the Republic. Sidious is playing a dangerous game violating several of the Sith's tenants and is running the risk of losing the Sith agent's loyalty. Amadala is dealing with a considerable age gap with Annakin and is dangerously close to plunging the Sentate into a political mess. (Seasons 4-5)

    Ok Third Movie content where the Jedi implode politically just in time to get slaughtered. We focus this season specifically on Annakin\Vader and the trouble the Emperor has gotten himself into. At the last moment the Emperor has grabbed victory and appeased the Sith Council for now... The Jedi are hunted and exterminated as Vader begins his reign.
    (Season 6)

    (Fast Forward 20 Years, yes we are aging the twins from original cannon)

    Vader is a tormented soul but suprisingly the Emperor and Vader are in trouble contantly dealing with the reality of ruling the universe. Brokering deals with the Hutt, defending the Empire for invaders, and the rebellion. We paint an unapologetic yet sympathetic view of the Empire internals. Vader's confidant turns out to be Bobba Fett and the Emperor has to deal with growing threats of rebellion, knowing full well that failure will turn the Sith against him in full.

    Mean while Luke and Leia's early life plays out in short clips while, once marginal characters (Ackabar, etc.) play out in how they become part of the rebellion.

    (Season 7-10)

    Ok Movie 4 content begins as a series of riots break out forcing the Emperor to implement the doctrine of fear as a despirate response to the growing rebellion. The clock has started and the only bargining chip he has is the Death Star.

    Obi Wan gets word of the open rebellion and senses the time is right. Fate delivers Luke to him.

    Mean while the Death Star plans are stolen and the story of their delivery to Leia unfolds.

    (Season 11-13)

    Ok Movie 5 Content remains straight forward from the movie but an additional focus of the Anti-Jedi propaganda starting to fall apart and the dangerous deals the Relbellion has to make to secure ships, supplies, etc.

    Vader figures out whole Luke is and discretely tried to protect his son while playing a deadly game of cat and mouse with the Emperor, thinking Luke and himself can overthrow the Emperor and "Fix this, make things right" in his own twisted way.

    Han begins to notice that Luke and Leia act a bit too much like one another, begins to see some similarities...

    (Season 14 - 16)

    Movie 6 now, with a slightly different take. We make the Ewoks just a tad more menacing and a little less cuddly and really focus now on Vader and the Emperor as advisaries. Luke and Leia playout but we add in the "cost of victory" for th

  • by SoundGuyNoise ( 864550 ) on Wednesday August 13, 2008 @10:25AM (#24582909) Homepage
    The reviews were temporarily pulled because it was part of the agreement that they wouldn't be published until the release date of the movie. According to the aintitcool.com retraction: [aintitcool.com]

    When I went to see THE CLONE WARS in Los Angeles, I was told there was an embargo on reviews until the day of release....The review is off the site until Friday.

  • bridges (Score:3, Funny)

    by Jodka ( 520060 ) on Wednesday August 13, 2008 @10:35AM (#24583145)

    "action figures.. like Baby Jabba Hutt and Jabba the Hutt's Gay Uncle may have taken the franchise a bridge too far."

    Yes, a bridge too far over a tank of sharks.

  • by jjm496 ( 1004054 ) on Wednesday August 13, 2008 @11:08AM (#24583713)
    When Lucas made the first 3 his people developed new cutting edge special effects, but because it was all so time consuming and difficult they had to be frugal in their use. The effects were there to support the elements of the story. The movies therefore had to bring their points across with real storylines and acting ability. Elements had to be left to the imagination.

    Now, since CGI effects are a dime a dozen, he can throw them in everywhere he wants. Now the storyline and characters are just supporting elements for all the "cool" visual effects. He doesn't want anyone to imagine anymore, he wants to spoon feed you everything the way he sees it.

    Maybe a braindead audience is easier to sell "made in taiwan" toys to?

"I'm not afraid of dying, I just don't want to be there when it happens." -- Woody Allen