Oil Leak Could Be Stopped With a Nuke 799
An anonymous reader writes "The oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico could be stopped with an underground nuclear blast, a Russian newspaper reports. Komsomoloskaya Pravda, the best-selling Russian daily, reports that in Soviet times such leaks were plugged with controlled nuclear blasts underground. The idea is simple, KP writes: 'The underground explosion moves the rock, presses on it, and, in essence, squeezes the well's channel.' It's so simple, in fact, that the Soviet Union used this method five times to deal with petrocalamities, and it only didn't work once."
Orbital nukes. (Score:5, Funny)
I don't think we have any orbital nukes. We would have to nuke it from orbit, as it's the only way to be sure.
Genius! (Score:5, Funny)
If Hollywood has taught us anything... (Score:5, Funny)
...it's that any and all natural disasters can be stopped by the liberal use of nuclear weapons.
What's the scariest part of this? (Score:5, Funny)
I'm trying to figure out which part of this story is the scariest.
... that someone has suggested setting off an underground nuke to close an oil well?
... finding out that the Soviets did this all the time?
... finding out that the USSR was so careless they had six "petrocalamities" worth trying this trick on?
... finding out that there's an actual word for an oil accident of this size?
Duct tape (Score:4, Funny)
More proof we are in a bizarro universe (Score:5, Funny)
Back in the late eighties, when the world was turned upside down by the fall of the iron curtain. my friends and I speculated that the fact that Reagan had survived assassination* had torn a hole in reality, thrusting us into a Bizarro Universe.
Now we have Russians suggesting something that only would make sense in a really bad TV movie or potboiler eco-disaster novel.
Like the man uptopic says, what could possibly go wrong?
We're there, man.
Stefan
* Schoolyard mythology: presidents elected in years ending in 0 always died in office.
Dude, seriously, basic proofreading (Score:5, Funny)
The Gulf of Mexican? Honestly? I mean come on...
Brilliant (Score:5, Funny)
As a pyromaniac extraordinaire I fully endorse this under one condition:
That a TON of high speed camera footage is available at no charge to me later. Outside of that I'm sold.
The Reason they used Nukes.... (Score:3, Funny)
Was if they had used Chuck Norris to punch the well dry it would have caused massive earthquakes all over the world making what was shown in the movie 2012 looks like a grabage truck passing by.
Re:Orbital nukes. (Score:1, Funny)
Hudson: I'm ready, man, check it out. I am the ultimate badass! State of the badass art! You do NOT wanna fuck with me. Check it out! Hey Ripley, don't worry. Me and my squad of ultimate badasses will protect you! Check it out! Independently targeting particle beam phalanx. Vwap! Fry half a city with this puppy. We got tactical smart missiles, phase-plasma pulse rifles, RPGs, we got sonic electronic ball breakers! We got nukes, we got knives, sharp sticks...
Apone: Knock it off, Hudson. All right, gear up.
Re:In Soviet Russia... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:From the same guys... (Score:1, Funny)
I got a jar I can't get open. Would you happen by chance to have a 20 KT warhead on hand?
Re:From the same guys... (Score:5, Funny)
What was their alternative?
Well, they were about to try the concrete dome aproach, but the germans refused to get under it. Aparently the cheese piece wasn't big enough or something.
Re:If Hollywood has taught us anything... (Score:5, Funny)
...it's that any and all natural disasters can be stopped by the liberal use of nuclear weapons.
And the most likely side effect to the use of nuclear weapons is that some geek gets laid.
Re:What's the scariest part of this? (Score:5, Funny)
I'm not in the habit of getting scared by words
I'm dyslexic you heartless bastard!
An Excuse (Score:5, Funny)
Re:What's the scariest part of this? (Score:1, Funny)
Sounds like a quote from "Broken Arrow".
Re:Dare I say it? (Score:3, Funny)
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Re:From the same guys... (Score:2, Funny)
Re:Genius! (Score:3, Funny)
Nuclear winter.
Just use more nukes to keep warm, DUUUHH!!!
Re:From the same guys... (Score:3, Funny)
Hey, if Pravda says it, it must be completely true!
Re:Dude, seriously, basic proofreading (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Duct tape (Score:3, Funny)
Duct tape and wd-40.
If it moves and its not supposed to, use the duct tape.
If its supposed to move and it doesn't, use the wd-40.
Re:More proof we are in a bizarro universe (Score:3, Funny)
* Schoolyard mythology: presidents elected in years ending in 0 always died in office.
George W. Bush didn't die in office. Does that mean we are or are not currently in Bizarro Universe?
He died, killed by a pretzel. He was a clone and they simply replaced him with another clone. No biggie.
Waves? Really? (Score:5, Funny)
That's what first comes to your mind when you hear about nuclear explosions on the bottom of the ocean? Waves?
What about wakin' the motherfuckin' Cthulhu man? YEAH!
I guess you feel really silly right about now.
Re:Genius! (Score:3, Funny)
That's called a bonus. Kinda of like Christmas in July. Well, except for the radiation poisoning.
Re:What's the scariest part of this? (Score:3, Funny)
+1 inciteful.
Re:From the same guys... (Score:3, Funny)
Misread that as "Russian Chinese [food]".
Had some Russian Thai food near Ocean City, MD, (Russians comprise most of the seasonal labor force there for some reason). Very confused and weak.
Re:This will get no play because it is nuclear.. (Score:2, Funny)
... Thus solving two problems! This is sounding better all the time!
Re:If Hollywood has taught us anything... (Score:2, Funny)
.....some geek gets laid.
Let me be the first to volunteer!
[cricket-cricket]
Re:What's the scariest part of this? (Score:3, Funny)
Actually finding out about this technique makes me wonder how humanity ever survived the Cold War.
Re:From the same guys... (Score:4, Funny)
The mistake was using cheese for bait. They should have used beer and brats.
Re:From the same guys... (Score:3, Funny)
What was their alternative?
Well, the Russian soldiers alternatives were -
Get shot for certain by your commanding officer if you didn't fight
Or, probably get shot by the Germans if you did.
That kind of motivation beats a draft any day!
Re:Genius! (Score:5, Funny)
the tab to open up my can of pudding broke off.
Time to break out the thermonuclear device...
Re:Genius! (Score:2, Funny)
What problems can't a nuclear explosion solve?
Erectile dysfunction?
Re:From the same guys... (Score:5, Funny)
Agh!
you know nothing of trapping a German..
Sauerbraten, a huge glass of Weizenbock, and a Kuchen.
Even Diter would be tempted....
Re:Dare I say it? (Score:1, Funny)
Yeaaaah, suuuuure... (Score:3, Funny)
We got lucky back then, let's keep pushing our luck.
Until he fukin' WAKES UP!
Re:This will get no play because it is nuclear.. (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Dare I say it? (Score:2, Funny)
Re:From the same guys... (Score:3, Funny)
Well, I guess Hitler thought that he had classic blunder #1 canceled out by #2. If I remember right, he thought that he had essentially gotten the Russians to go against a Sicilian (not directly, but they were allies) when death was on the line... Too bad Benito was northern Italian...
Re:From the same guys... (Score:1, Funny)
that would only capture wisconsinites
Bad Idea Jeans (Score:2, Funny)
For some reason reading this article made me think about the SNL commercial parody for Bad Idea Jeans.
http://www.hulu.com/watch/10310/saturday-night-live-bad-idea-jeans [hulu.com]
Re:Dare I say it? (Score:3, Funny)
I'd be more worried about the giant radioactive iguanas. Let's try to keep our priorities straight.
Sounds like a win win (Score:4, Funny)
Just line up the fish trawlers on one side of the Gulf and start scooping them off of the surface.
Fishing industry gets a bonanza and we seal a leak.
Oh, heck. Just drop a 48 tons of Creole seasoning in before the blast with a few hundred tons of corn and potatoes and we're done. We can just skip all the fisheries and just wait for dinner to come ashore.
But, I'll have to remember this next time we go fishing.
"No, sir mister warden. We weren't fishing with dynamite, we were just trying to plug an oil leak in the bottom of the pond"
Re:Genius! (Score:3, Funny)
the ring came off my pudding can...
Use my pen knife my good man!
Re:If Hollywood has taught us anything... (Score:5, Funny)
That's nothing. If Looney Tunes has taught me anything, plugging the pipe up with golf balls/shredded tires will cause the pipe to bulge... then the entire ground will bulge... then the entire area with explode covering everything with oil for miles around.
Re:From the same guys... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Have you learnt nothing?!?!?!?! (Score:3, Funny)
Re:Genius! (Score:4, Funny)
Yeah but if you have a nuclear weapon you don't need an erection to make the earth move.....
Re:Genius! (Score:3, Funny)
Were you sent here by the Devil!?
Re:This will get no play because it is nuclear.. (Score:3, Funny)
Wow. You dated Tank Girl -- I'm duly impressed. ;-)
Re:From the same guys... (Score:5, Funny)
Just to be sure... (Score:4, Funny)
"the Soviet Union used this method five times to deal with petrocalamities, and it only didn't work once."
I think the lesson that can be learned here is that you need to use 5 nukes all at the same time to guarantee success.
You know, just to be sure.
Re:From the same guys... (Score:3, Funny)
You see, Killbots have a preset kill limit. Knowing their weakness, I sent wave after wave of my own men at them, until they reached their limit and shut down. - Zapp Brannigan [wikipedia.org]
Re:Genius! (Score:3, Funny)
No, good sir, I'm on the level
Re:From the same guys... (Score:3, Funny)
... and Greece stopped them with only 300 men.
That's....just........brilliant.
Somebody better mod parent "informative" and send me a new coffee/keyboard combo.
Re:From the same guys... (Score:2, Funny)
That's what she said!
Re:What's the scariest part of this? (Score:1, Funny)
Re:What's the scariest part of this? (Score:3, Funny)
You insensitive cold.
Re:Waves? Really? (Score:3, Funny)