NYC Bans Mention of Dinosaurs, Dancing, Birthdays On Student Tests 470
New submitter SchroedingersCat writes "New York educators banned references to 'dinosaurs,' 'birthdays,' 'Halloween' and dozens of other topics on city-issued tests. That is because they fear such topics 'could evoke unpleasant emotions in the students.' Dinosaurs, for example, call to mind evolution, which might upset fundamentalists; birthdays are not celebrated by Jehovah's Witnesses; and Halloween suggests paganism. Homes with swimming pools and home computers are also unmentionables — because of economic sensitivities. The city asks test companies to exclude 'creatures from outer space' as well — for unspecified reasons."
April fools (Score:5, Funny)
April 1st is a few days away still yet...
Nobody... (Score:5, Funny)
Nuts (Score:5, Funny)
You know something is wrong when real life seems like a South Park episode.
Re:April fools (Score:5, Funny)
That's what I was thinking, is this an Onion article that got out of control?
They live in New York. Isn't the slogan "Fuck you and piss on your corpse."?
Aren't they missing something? (Score:5, Funny)
Shouldn't they just ban the tests, since tests make many students feel uncomfortable?
Leaked question (Score:5, Funny)
Question: A man walks into his house and flips the switch to his 60-watt lightbulb for 8 hours. How many kWh does the lightbulb use?
Answer: None, because his electricity was disconnected several months ago due to the economic downturn.
A British Test (Score:5, Funny)
MATHS TEST FOR STATE SCHOOLS
Name:
Nickname:
Gang Name:
1. Simon has 0.5 kilos of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Matt for 300 quid and 90 grams to Ollie
for 90 quid, what is the street value of the rest of his hold?
2. Damon pimps 3 bitches. If the price is GBP40 a ride, how many jobs per day must each bitch
perform to support Damon's GBP500 a day coke habit?
3. Crackster wants to cut the kilo of cocaine he bought for 7,000 quid to make a 20% profit. How
many grams of Strychnine will he need?
4. Trev got 6 years for murder. He also got GBP350,000 for the hit. If his common law wife
spends GBP33,100 per month, how much money will be left when he gets out?
Extra Credit Bonus: How much more time will Trev get for killing the slapper that spent his
money?
5. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square metres and the average letter is 1 square metre,
how many letters can be sprayed with eight fluid ounce cans of spray paint with 20% extra paint
free ?
6. Liam steals Jordan's skateboard. As Liam skates away at a speed of 35mph, Jordan loads his
brother's Armalite. If it takes Jordan 20 seconds to load the gun, how far will Liam have travelled
when he gets whacked?
MATHS TEST FOR PRIVATE SCHOOLS
Name:
(If longer please continue on a separate sheet)
School:
Daddy's/Mummy's Company:
1. Harry smashes up the old man's car, causing x amount of damage and killing 3 people. The old
man asks his local Chief Constable to intervene in the court system, then forges his insurance claim
and receives a payment of y. The difference between x and y is three times the life insurance
settlement for the three dead people. What kind of car is Harry driving now?
2. Fiona's personal shopper decides to substitute generic and own-brand products for the designer
goods favoured by her employer. In the course of a month she saves the price of a return ticket to
Fiji and Fiona doesn't even notice the difference. Is she thick or what?
3. Tristram fancies the arse off a certain number of debutants, but he only has enough Rohypnol left
to render 33.3% unconscious. If he has 14 tablets of Rohypnol, how is he ever going to shag the
other two thirds?
4. If Verity throws up 4 times a day for a week she can fit into a size 8 Versace. If she only throws
up 3 times a day for two weeks, she has to make do with a size 10 Dolce & Gabbana. How much
does liposuction cost?
5. Henry is unsure about his sexuality. Three days a week he fancies women. On the other days he
fancies men, ducks and vacuum cleaners. However he only has access to the Hoover every third
week. When will he stand for parliament?
Re:Barney is fucked! (Score:5, Funny)
I think it's slang for a thought locked inside a necklace.
Re:A British Test (Score:5, Funny)
Brillo! But, it's LSD that you cut down with strych, mate! Coke is don ewith laxitive powder.
Years ago .. (Score:5, Funny)
I knew a woman who worked as a kindergarten teacher. She had a bunch of Jehovah's Witnesses kids in her class. When any of those JW kids annoyed her past her tolerance limit (which if you are a Kindergarten teacher must be pretty high to start with) she would send home a note to the parent mentioning that they would be celebrating another kids birthday that week. When the JW parents saw such notes they would yank their kids from school for that day - thus instant relief! The kicker was that the parents never worked out that they celebrated more birthdays during the year than there were kids in the class.
.. on Christmas day .. with kids in tow. Talk about cruel to the kids.
And to dick with the parents some more she used to make sure all the kids knew how to sing "Happy Birthday".
On the flip side I once had some JW come to the door soliciting their beliefs
Re:April fools (Score:4, Funny)
Sorry, no can do... the earth is only 6,000 years old, in fact the universe is only 6,000 years old and all them fossils were the result of the great flood! God has an incredible sense of humor... he created a brand new universe that was already 14 billion years old, just to test our faith. Who do you believe, your eyes or God?
Re:Why JWs don't celebrate birthdays (Score:5, Funny)
My birthday's coming up on Sunday, April 1st. I celebrate it, even though I can't tell you how many times I was subjected to intricate pranks. The worst one? When I was around 9 or 10, my mom came into my room to wake me up and said, "Hey... it snowed a ton last night, and they canceled school," only to leap outta bed, look out my window and see nothing but sunshine and green grass. The scarring. Oh, the scarring... I may as WELL have been executed. Woe is me!
Re:Aren't they missing something? (Score:5, Funny)
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
Re:I also propose to ban (Score:5, Funny)
2) Assert that it "comes with liberalism."
3) Raaage...raaaaaaaaage on the internet.
4) Pretend that's what Jesus would have done.
Re:April fools (Score:5, Funny)
Re:A British Test (Score:5, Funny)
Congrats, you pass! A+
Re:April fools (Score:5, Funny)
It's been a long time since I studied this in detail back in school, but I'm pretty sure that Maggie Simpson and Mickey Mouse are "fiction".
Kind of like the story of creation.
Re:April fools (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Yea, this helps, all right. (Score:5, Funny)
This makes perfect sense to me, you see this Dinosaur from outer-space decided to have a pool party for his birthday but no one came. He didn't relize that it was Halloween and all his friends where out trick or treating. Well he was so upset he made a map of his school in and practiced his assault using doom3. Latter that week he followed his plan a put peanuts all over the school and all the students died of allergic reactions. Of course that evil Dinosaur was a Fox news watching Muslim member of the the tea-party. It did happen but the media covered it all up a friend of mine was there and told me. You see real problem was that he was sensitive to EM radiation and the wifi drove him crazy. I blame it on his getting vaccinated as a child Dinosaur from outer space.
Re:April fools (Score:5, Funny)
I'm more upset that my religion which bans mention of the words "new", "york" and "city" hasn't been considered.
Damn those insensitive clods who I'm unable to refer to.
Re:Barney is fucked! (Score:5, Funny)
Stupid dancing birthday dinosaur.
I say it's worth it then.
Re:Nuts (Score:5, Funny)
Re:April fools (Score:5, Funny)
That's just a test. God values faith very highly, far above living morally (which is impossible). Making scientific evidence which contradicts His word is just a way to solidify our faith.
The righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe.
- Romans 3:21
All who rely on observing the law are under a curse, for it is written: "Cursed is everyone who does not continue to do everything written in the Book of the Law." Clearly no one is justified before God by the law, because, "The righteous will live by faith."
Before this faith came, we were held prisoners by the law, locked up until faith should be revealed. So the law was put in charge to lead us to Christ that we might be justified by faith. Now that faith has come, we are no longer under the supervision of the law.
- Galatians 3:10-11, 23-25
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.
- James 1:2-3
The science is wrong. It's just a test. No matter what people say I will keep my faith. God told me to expect this in advance:
Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man.
- Luke 6:22
Now go away. I've got other things to think about:
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
- Philippians 4:6-8
...like pure, lovely, honest gay butt sex between men who love each other.