'Everything We Were Taught About Success Is Wrong' (theguardian.com) 94
Megan Hellerer, a career coach and founder of Coaching for Underfulfilled Overachievers, offers an alternative to the relentless "hustle culture" and "destinational living" mindsets, which often emphasize long-term goals at the expense of present happiness. "There's another way and I call it directional living," writes Hellerer. "Here's the catch: I can't find fulfilment for you. The good news is that it's all up to you..." An anonymous Slashdot reader shares an excerpt from the report published by The Guardian: Directional living is like the scientific method but for life. You begin with a hypothesis -- your best guess as to the direction of a loose "something bigger". You conduct tests and collect data through your experiences, refining your life hypothesis as you go.
If you have a hypothesis that involves living on the beach, you may test that by renting a house on the coast for one month and collecting data on how right, or not, that is for you. The goal is not to permanently relocate but to find out whether you want to continue exploring that path. Success is in finding what's true, not in proving your original theory correct.
I've found this idea speaks uniquely to UFOAs at this moment in time. [UFOA is a term Hellerer came up with that stands for "underfulfilled overachiever." This describes a constant striver who is living a great-on-paper life, yet feels disconnected from their work, life and self.] The closest thing I have to a personal motto is a quotation that's widely attributed to Carl Jung but that, as it turns out, he never actually said at all. "The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are." My greatest hope for you is that you get to live this privilege fully.
If you have a hypothesis that involves living on the beach, you may test that by renting a house on the coast for one month and collecting data on how right, or not, that is for you. The goal is not to permanently relocate but to find out whether you want to continue exploring that path. Success is in finding what's true, not in proving your original theory correct.
I've found this idea speaks uniquely to UFOAs at this moment in time. [UFOA is a term Hellerer came up with that stands for "underfulfilled overachiever." This describes a constant striver who is living a great-on-paper life, yet feels disconnected from their work, life and self.] The closest thing I have to a personal motto is a quotation that's widely attributed to Carl Jung but that, as it turns out, he never actually said at all. "The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are." My greatest hope for you is that you get to live this privilege fully.
[UFOA is a term Hellerer came up with (Score:3)
A rather unfortunate acronym that suggests Unidentified Flying Object Aliens
The purpose of life is a life of purpose. (Score:5, Insightful)
In other words. A lot of fancy words in the article to say essentially this.
Your purpose in life may be to have fun. To help other people. To be rich. To serve a god. To hurt other people. To study the world. To raise a family. To have new experience. To smoke weed. To coast along aimlessly, which is itself a purpose. None of these are mutually exclusive.
The purpose of life is a life of purpose. A tautology? Perhaps. But also true.
Re:The purpose of life is a life of purpose. (Score:5, Funny)
I like this one better: "Hard work might pay off eventually, but procrastination always pays off immediately."
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:-D
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Re:The purpose of life is a life of purpose. (Score:5, Funny)
Right now I think the purpose of my life is to act as a warning to others.
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Hey...the world needs its "negative examples" too you know....
Welcome to the Club!!
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"What is your one purpose in life?"
"To explode, of course."
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Having purpose is only one part of the equation.
I never saw the OP's definition of success. They seem blind that :
* Success has been hijacked to mean "ONLY financially well off", and
* Success is 7 dimensional.
That is:
* Field / Career
* Family
* Friends
* Fun
* Fitness
* Finance
* Faith
If any ONE of these is lacking the person will feel unfulfilled because they ARE unfulfilled.
i.e. If one can be financially rich you can still be emotionally bankrupt, physically unfit, selfish, a narcissist, etc.
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If it's a tautology, it is true by definition.
"Career coach" (Score:5, Insightful)
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Like prostitute or bull semen collector.
Not quite (Score:4, Informative)
If a career coach had any good advice, they'd have a better job than being a career coach.
Not quite accurate. Lots of people make a fantastic living from being a life coach, including Brian Tracy and Tony Robbins.
Several points about being a success:
1) Your brain is a goal setting mechanism. Having specific goals will cause you to work towards those goals.
For example, you can say "I want to be rich" and your brain doesn't know what to make of that. Saying "I want to retire at 50 with two million dollars in the bank" is a specific, achievable goal that has measurable progress and your brain will jump on that and make it happen.
2) To be a success, look at what successful people do and then emulate them.
Brian Tracy did a lot of research on what makes successful people a success, using interviews (with successful people), combing the scientific literature, and trying things out.
One thing Brian Tracy points out is that the winning horse doesn't run twice as fast, it only needs to run 1% faster than the next runner up. Making learning a lifetime hobby is one way to get that extra 1%. If something comes up at work and you can answer a question immediately because of your lifetime study, that alone could give you the promotion over your co workers. Just listening to audio books during your commute is often enough to put you ahead of your co workers.
Look at your life in a logical, rational way and look for ways to make it better, and make that a lifelong habit as well.
Of the two people mentioned (Brian Tracy, Tony Robbins), Tony has an emotional style while Brian has an intellectual style. Get some tapes and try one, and if you don't like the style try the other. There's a lot of useful information in their courses.
Re:Not quite (Score:5, Insightful)
There is no point in being 1% better at something, if you don't draw fulfillment out of it. There is no point in retiring at age 50, when you don't know what to do afterwards. And there is always the problem that unforseeable events might throw you back on your goals. Your goal was to have the largest collection of neo-classical furniture between Santa Monica and Malibu? You might still have it from a mathematical point of view, because right now, no one has a larger collection there.
Just a few days ago, we had an article about how "impact hunting" has lead to a growing credibility crisis in Science. I see the same problem with Brian Tracy's approach. If you reduce the complexity of your biography to a single number, you don't lead your life anymore, you just become a slave to a single number, getting you into a credibility crisis for your life.
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Right, and worse yet, the message is to get only the 1% needed to be a raging success, not to be as good as you can be. And to top it off, get that "1%" by paying these assholes to tell you the secret.
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Are there really people out there that have this problem?!?!?
Geez...if I had the means to retire immediately....I'd be out the door so fast I'd leave skid marks...
There's tons of things I'd rather be doing than working...
Surely there isn't even a statistically meaningful number of people out there that no other thoughts in life than "work"...
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As surprising as it may seem, depression is very common after retirement. One source. [53.com]
When you are working it is easy to wish for a life of ease, and to believe that it will suit you. But as it turns out, normal human psychology isn't oriented this way. Adults have a limited tolerance for hedonism. After a while you not only get bored, but unexpected feelings of self-contempt start bubbling up from your unconscious mind. And it spirals downward from there.
The key advantage of retirement is not "I never
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"Making learning a lifetime hobby is one way to get that extra 1%. "
After you've done everything needed to get to parity. This is a complete crock of shit. Winning isn't easy because, by definition, everyone cannot win yet everyone wants to. Competion is more than about some vapid advice.
And a hobby is something you do in your spare time. You'll never become a winner in your spare time.
"If something comes up at work and you can answer a question immediately because of your lifetime study, that alone cou
Everyone can win that wants to (Score:1)
by definition, everyone cannot win yet everyone wants to.
The funny thing is, everyone can win.
The reason it is possible is because not everyone that wants to, tries.
In a game everyone cannot win because there is a defined winner and loser.
But life is not a game. Nothing is externally defined. So everyone can in fact technically win.
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and he is allowed start to ahead of the rest of us,
and he is on trailer being pulled with a racing car,
and the line judges are his friends,
and we are not allowed to run to fast, because of some rules only applying to horses that do not ride trailers.
The other horses father also owns the TV station showing the race and has banned journalists that asked why the game seems unfair.
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These are both grifters. Most people are susceptible to hypnotism/NLP. I've experienced it many times, knowing that I was going to be programmed by a charismatic speaker into thinking I had just missed some profound insight that they were going to gift to me. They're very good psychological manipulators. Tony is a giant, has huge hands and is super-handsome. Successful but unfulfilled women in their 30's-40's line up in droves to see him, walk over burning coals, collapse crying in his arms, etc. He's the p
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If a career coach had any good advice, they'd have a better job than being a career coach.
At least it wasn’t another psychic declaring bankruptcy. The amazing all-blowing, all-bullshitting brown eye sees all.
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That depends. What does a "career coach" pay?
"Hustle culture" is the 2025 equivalent (Score:1)
It's something we tell the kiddies so they don't get upset about how well and truly ****ed they are.
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I remember the MCSE boot camps.
"Must Consult Someone Experienced"
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something like this [www.zeff.us]
When the PFY asks the same question two months later... Some of that (shadow) life fulfillment can be had with a snarky cheapshot.
The guru simply replies to the earlier 'enlightening' email with "see below". (or "see above", depending on the sender's degree of enlightenment)
hypothesis living eh? (Score:5, Insightful)
What if the hypothesis is getting married, and / or having kids, or joining the military? There are a lot of life choices where one can't just "gather evidence" and if things aren't working out hit the reset button.
I wonder, for those who have found the most fulfillment, how much does commitment play into that.
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Even just renting somewhere desirable for a month or two is beyond many people.
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Even just renting somewhere desirable for a month or two is beyond many people.
If your goal is to live on the beach but you can't afford to do it for a month that is still useful data on your hypothetical goal.
Re:hypothesis living eh? (Score:4, Insightful)
This is actually advice for the 1% that, despite having money and "success" aplenty, are still unsatisfied with their lives. My advice would me much simpler: Restrict "work" and "success" as much as reasonably possible and go live with the rest of your time.
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I wonder how many doctors finish medical school and internship and discover that they don't like being a doctor
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Best doctor I ever worked with had no intention of ever becoming a doctor.
He was simply there to escape the draft.
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Throw your spouse and kids in the trash if they don't suit you. Life is a series of experiments with no meaning or commitment, don't you know?
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What if the hypothesis is getting married, and / or having kids, or joining the military? There are a lot of life choices where one can't just "gather evidence" and if things aren't working out hit the reset button.
I wonder, for those who have found the most fulfillment, how much does commitment play into that.
Yep. You don't "try marriage" for a month, say. Whatever you are trying in that case, it ain't marriage.
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It would be interesting to test if the lifestyle of a playboy multimillionaire is the right one for me, but I just can't seem to get an opportunity to try it out.
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Getting married: try dating and/or moving in together before marriage.
Having kids: babysit, look after nieces/nefews, volunteer to be a school chaperone.
Military career: Try out the reserves or volunteer for cadet activities.
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"Everything you know about xyz is wrong!!" (Score:2)
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I was taught "success isn't everything". Was that wrong?
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Indeed. I also have this one: Power corrupts. I think that one is still valid as well.
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Define "success".
I would say "career isn't everything". You can be poor and successful in life, depending on your priorities.
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If everything is just fine, then you won't need my new fangled googaw that you never knew you needed.
Take that, you anti capitalist!
It's just not the American way.
Just a reminder... (Score:1)
Being a hippie never goes out of style.
Just another ad on slashdot. (Score:2)
Chasing after wind (Score:5, Insightful)
Solomon said it more than 3,000 years ago.
I denied myself nothing my eyes desired;
I refused my heart no pleasure.
My heart took delight in all my labor,
and this was the reward for all my toil.
Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done
and what I had toiled to achieve,
everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind;
nothing was gained under the sun.
There's a whole lot of wind-chasing going on in modern society.
Re:Chasing after wind (Score:4, Interesting)
Solomon said it...
When I was in the fifth grade I tho8ught I wanted to be an astronaut, space adventures and the like. I then found out how hard they trained and how long it took, if ever. I decided a more low key plan was in order, aim low to achieve your goals and avoid disappointment. Doing what I want and not bothering to get ahead, whatever that is has worked ok. Most failures or detours were beyond my control.
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Good take.
The thing with "chasing your dreams" is to first make sure that a) you actually have a reasonable chance to catch them and b) you know what to do with them if you do (e.g. the dog-chases-cars problem).
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There's a whole lot of wind-chasing going on in modern society.
There is. Many / most people are just trying to do what is expected from them (or what they think is expected from them) and never stop to actually think about what they want to do or what they would consider meaningful. And when they turn 40 or so, they discover that their lives are dreary and bland. That is one reason why I will never do bullshit jobs, no matter how much money is being offered.
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Solomon said it more than 3,000 years ago.
I denied myself nothing my eyes desired; I refused my heart no pleasure. My heart took delight in all my labor, and this was the reward for all my toil. Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun.
There's a whole lot of wind-chasing going on in modern society.
"All we are is dust in the wind, dude." -- Ted "Theodore" Logan
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The wise person has his eyes in his head, but the fool walks in darkness. And yet I perceived that the same event happens to all of them.
15 Then I said in my heart, “What happens to the fool will happen to me also. Why then have I been so very wise?” And I said in my heart that this also is va
Balance (Score:3)
On one hand, some people sacrifice the present in search of that future utopia.
On the other hand, some people give no thought for the future, focusing only on the pleasures of today.
Both extremes lead to a pitiful, unhappy life. Balance is required. We need to make goals and plan for the future, but we also need to be present in the moment and enjoy the journey.
Whether on Israel or how to live life... (Score:1)
Whether on Israel or how to live life, The Guardian is full of shit.
Quiet Desperation (Score:2)
Not certain which I resent more- the notion placed in my head that I should achieve great things (especially things which I know nothing about) or the lack of opportunity to do great things, especially as the body breaks down shortly after gaining the resources (presently).
Compound that with influencer culture and oh my...
It's such a strange thing the situations our social games place us in.
Success is inching us further towards eternity and redemption. It's such a mediocre vision we have substituted it with
Marvellous scam (Score:3, Insightful)
a career coach and founder of Coaching for Underfulfilled Overachievers
[UFOA is a term Hellerer came up with that stands for "underfulfilled overachiever."
So... if I follow this correctly, and I believe I am, she is offering a solution to a problem she manufactured out of thin air.
Can't believe this needs to be stated but... SCAM
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Well, it worked for her... she's getting publicity she didn't have to pay for!
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It's a very well known, long standing issue
Counterpoint - BS
which she's observing and offering one solution for.
Counterpoint - desperately hunting suckers to buy into said BS
This problem has been the subject of countless books, movies, and research over the years
Counterpoint - BS
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It's a very well known, long standing issue which she's observing and offering one solution for.
@c_tot
Would you say it's reasonable for some to believe that OA=$$ therefore OA=F ? In this case I think it would be hard to accept that OA=UF while OA=$$.
So by bleeding's suggestion, let us factor in the Bachelor of Science (BS) to this equation. (not to be confused with BA)
Suppose the subject's expensive BS is beyond a job's minimum requirements. Then it can be assumed that the expensive BS=OA, however the job still pays so BS=$$. Either way it's going to be a dissapointment so BS=UF.
Thus, OA=UF is t
Re: This doesn't worry me (Score:2)
Switching and testing lifestyles is a thing. (Score:2)
That's what this lady is saying. That's not really news. I'd say Tim Ferris and the digital nomads are the thought leaders of this contemporary biographical premise. And I would agree, especially in a time of abundance and abundant options. This is one of the reasons contemporary minimalism is so enticing. It makes people more flexible.
Point in case: Now that my daughter is an adult and living on the other side of the world, I'm getting ready to break camp, travel and explore the world myself. That's also a
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"I'd say Tim Ferris and the digital nomads are the thought leaders of this contemporary biographical premise."
Thought leaders, LOL.
"That's also an upside of having children comparatively early in life"
That very notion invalidates the premise immediately. Ask a thought leader.
Errm, ... wutt?! (Score:2)
"That's also an upside of having children comparatively early in life"
That very notion invalidates the premise immediately.
Errrm, ... no?
Being a healthy 43 years old and having the kids out of the house is a wonderful if not nigh perfect way of ensuring maximum flexibility in lifestyle design. That, btw., goes for both men and women.
It's a bit of a sad thing that so called "Feminists" haven't caught on to this but rather push out having children later and later in life, often times (way) past their optimal
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Now that women are more educated than men, the pressure is on them to contribute to the cost of living and making a family. That means getting promotions and saving money, which leaves less time for pregnancy. Plus, there's the problem that pregnancy and child-care is still an unpaid job. Of course, women who are now responsible for themselves, prioritize financial security. With wage stagnation returning, that will soon consume so much time, there is no time for pregnancy and child-care.
True, no-one cl
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no-one claims a middle-aged woman is having too much sex and needs to "settle-down".
Congratulations on mostly avoiding evangelicals. I envy that.
Near where I live we have signs directing you from the offramp to the various different types of churches. And this is in California.
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Well, one thing to consider:
Men age like wine....
Women age like milk...
Sad, but largely true....and we're seeing the effects of this on so many women today in western society, where they are told to have fun in their 20's...roll up the body count, get a job, the career means everything....
And once they hit their mid 30's-early 40's....sure, they may be successful and have money....but they're having a VERY hard ti
pure grift (Score:4, Insightful)
"Directional living is like the scientific method but for life."
And unlike for science, you cannot possibly apply the methodology in a way that would be helpful before life would pass you by.
"...you may test that by renting a house on the coast for one month and collecting data on how right, or not, that is for you..."
And there's a perfect example. You couldn't possibly rent a house on the coast for one month, you couldn't possibly fully move into it in a month, and you couldn't possibly learn if the lifestyle was an improvement in that period of time. Plus, you couldn't know if the opportunity cost was worth it because the forcing function overwhelms the stead state over such a short period of time. A year maybe, a month? Bullshit. Now apply the methodology to every possible way of life and the problem becomes abundantly clear, this approach is not remotely helpful. You have to find your way subjectively, not through repeated measurement.
Plus, we all know that a waterfront lifestyle requires wealth, and what if that month doesn't have a hurricane, or do you rent a second home in downtown Manhattan and a private jet for a month to shuttle between them? You never know until you do the experiment right? Perhaps pick up a gay lover, too, how do you know if you don't try?
"I've found this idea speaks uniquely to UFOAs at this moment in time. "
No you don't. You don't find anything because you don't do anything but talk. What you mean is that is who you are targeting with your grift.
"The closest thing I have to a personal motto is a quotation that's widely attributed to Carl Jung but that, as it turns out, he never actually said at all. "
WORST name drop of all time. A real sophisticate this one is.
Here's the advice, "try new things". That's all that's here except for the grift.
Spent my life doing two things (Score:3)
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Not quite. You're heading down the path of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, and there are some things that override even reproductive behavior - like surviving long enough to be interested in reproductive behavior.
So breathing (which you usually don't need to worry about, but it does come up once in a while), water, food, personal safety - these things all trump sex, though their order of importance shuffles a bit depending on your current state.
Where it gets interesting is AFTER reproduction. Though a lot of
Re: Spent my life doing two things (Score:2)
Re: Spent my life doing two things (Score:2)
Depends (Score:1)
If you have a hypothesis that involves living on the beach, you may test that by renting a house on the coast for one month and collecting data on how right, or not, that is for you.
Depends on when you do your trial though ... this January on a CA beach might not yield the same data as a different month.
I did this (Score:2)
And I ended up tearing it all down, or having it crumble. Left the job, lost the girl, gave up the apartment
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I contend that mid-life crisis isn't so much "Life sucks and I don't have enough", as "the rat-race is wrong". Emotional depression from that existential crisis allows one to ask "what is this lifestyle worth?" Recognizing the rut is half the problem, the other half is making large changes in one's lifestyle.
New book (Score:2)
Purpose is the key to fulfillment (Score:2)
My words on the topic.
https://anapproachtolife.com/t... [anapproachtolife.com]
Ugh (Score:1)
Yeah, no. The system is not broken, they are.
When raised in a culture that tells little children they are the center of the universe and all else orbits them, that if they "find their passion" and nothing can stop them, and instills high self esteem with no ac
A bit confused... (Score:2)
I'm not sure if this is about success, or really about happiness.
Because the two can be vastly different.
directional living (Score:2)
Directional living. In other words, more new age bullshit.