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Review: The Rock as a Hard Place 246

Posted by JonKatz from the slugging-it-out-with-the-Scorpion-King dept.
Sorry, but I really love this trash, even as I grasp why more of the world hates us every day. The Scorpion King is as American a film as anything the Duke might have made, an astonishing mish-mash of digital effects, hip-hop, kung fu, Mighty Mouse,Indiana Jones, the Mummy (and his Return -- from which the idea for this enthusiastically stupid movie was spawned), and the World Wrestling Federation, to whom the film owes its star and its theatrical notions of head-butting machismo. If they ever give an Oscar for lacerations, grunts and thumps, this one is a runaway favorite. Or as the Rock says about 100 hundred times in the movie, "Live Free, Die Well." If you need escapist entertainment from your hyper teched-up lives, this is the movie for you. If the Rock can survive tyrants, thieves, traitors, arrows, impalement, knives, spears, swords, sandstorms, fire, poison, snakes and killer ants, you can get through a boring day at work.

It seems oxymoronic to bother with plot lines in a movie like this. The Rock plays an Akkadian assassin named Mathayus who takes 20 blood rubies to go kill the sorceress (Kelly Hu) who advises the barbarian warlord Memnon (Steven Brand) on battle strategy and is thus revered by his vicious marauding armies. Boy, is this Memnon a mean leader. He butchers women and kids, destroys civilizations and plays headgames with his sorceress. Digital effects have conjured up many strands of marauding armies, but all of them look the same, like ants in battle-armor racing across a barren plain with angry clouds swirling overhead.

It's hard to imagine any human, even the Rock, taking the drubbing he takes in this movie. The Duke was a wuss in comparison. He's buried in sandstorms, tossed off of parapets, run over by wagons,and stabbed, sliced, shot (by arrows) and gored countless times. On top of all that, he has to watch helplessly while Memnon butchers his brother. The Sorceress, on the other hand, turns out to be a babe who strolls around in thongs, does kung fu, and relates instantly to the Rock's sophisticated style of combat and international diplomacy. The Sorceress makes it clear that she loses her powers if she ever has sex. You'll never guess what happens.

The hip-hop background in a movie allegedly set in ancient Babylon is pretty neat. And in one of the oddest roles of his or any actor's career, Michael Clarke Duncan (The Green Mile) plays another lummox, the Nubian King/Warrior Balthazar. He's almost as big as Rock, and the early confrontation between the two conjures up those great dinosaur battles in Jurassic Park. This role gives Clarke, who is way too good an actor for this, the chance to wear dreads and spout all sorts of racial jokes at the Rock, whose face seems locked either amusement or anger throughout the entire 88 minute movie.

The digital effects are cheesy, almost throwaways, and the film's makers have no illusions about the Rock's acting skills, so he starts fighting almost from the opening shot and keeps on fighting to the end. I have to say I had fun watching this silliness. It's such an American fusion of different cultural styles, and it's so undemanding a movie, that you leave the theater smiling and relaxed. And the kids who thronged the theater where I saw it loved it, whooping and laughing throughout. The humorless censors loose in the land don't need to worry about the sensitivities of the American adolescent. They can take a movie like this, and see just how silly and cartoonish it is.
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Review: The Rock as a Hard Place

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  • movies and Jon Katz (Score:3, Funny)

    by 56ker ( 566853 ) on Sunday April 21, 2002 @11:34AM (#3383108) Homepage Journal
    Reading this review makes me think of "If you don't want to see it you don't have to go" - then I realised that applied to a Jon Katz review too!
  • Here, I'll fix it from my post down.

  • I need a lesson in social studies... (Score:5, Funny)

    by Da Masta ( 238687 ) <.dmu_net. .at. .hotmail.com.> on Sunday April 21, 2002 @11:39AM (#3383127)
    The Rock plays an Acadian assassin

    Correct me if I'm wrong but Acadian would be like french-canadians in the maritimes, right? Unless the Rock does dress up like Anne of Green Gables and shouts "mange de la merde" as insults, this is not the same ethnic background as the Rock's character. So is the a typical JonKatz f*ckup, or is there some other race with the same name? Some background info on them would be nice too...

    • Re:I need a lesson in social studies... (Score:5, Informative)

      by Accipiter ( 8228 ) on Sunday April 21, 2002 @11:48AM (#3383157)
      It's actually Akkadian.

      So yes, it's the typical Jon Katz fuck-up.
      • Da Masta sayeth:

        The Rock plays an Acadian assassin

        Correct me if I'm wrong but Acadian would be like french-canadians in the maritimes, right? Unless the Rock does dress up like Anne of Green Gables and shouts "mange de la merde" as insults, this is not the same ethnic background as the Rock's character. So is the a typical JonKatz f*ckup, or is there some other race with the same name? Some background info on them would be nice too...


        Accipiter sayeth:

        It's actually Akkadian.

        So yes, it's the typical Jon Katz fuck-up.


        Jon Katz actually saideth:

        It seems oxymoronic to bother with plot lines in a movie like this. The Rock plays an Akkadian assassin named Mathayus


        Well, apparently Da Masta and Accipiter, it is actually you who seem to be the fuck-ups. What is this we-hate-Katz thing? What is this, Aint-It-Cool-News? Does he offend your political sensibilities or something?

        Ad hominem, it ain't just for Clinton anymore!

        • Re:I need a lesson in social studies... (Score:5, Informative)

          by IanA ( 260196 ) on Sunday April 21, 2002 @01:53PM (#3383618)
          it was spelled wrong originally; Katz changed it after realizing his mistake
        • Jon Katz actually saideth:


          It seems oxymoronic to bother with plot lines in a movie like this. The Rock plays an Akkadian assassin named Mathayus

          Well, apparently Da Masta and Accipiter, it is actually you who seem to be the fuck-ups. What is this we-hate-Katz thing? What is this, Aint-It-Cool-News? Does he offend your political sensibilities or something?


          Gee you think I wouldn't notice if he had spelt it properly the first time?

          He changed the spelling in the article after I posted it in order to make me look like the fool! That JonKatz fella sure is smarter than the average /. editor.
        • Well, apparently Da Masta and Accipiter, it is actually you who seem to be the fuck-ups.

          Hi Jon. Nice to see you finally got a Slashdot ID other than JonKatz.

          In any case, it was originally spelled incorrectly as "Acadian". I also noticed that Katz took the liberty of correcting "rupees" to "blood rubies" as well, based on another comment submitted.

          You have to love writing an article, then changing it when comment-submitters point out flaws and inaccuracies. It seems the Slashdot readership now has the job of "Editor", and fuckwits like Katz can post anything with an "eh-I'll-fix-it-later" attitude.

          Why isn't Slashdot getting my money? There's nothing worth paying for.
    • OK...now we know what to smell for; the Rock is cookin' crawfish etouffé!
    • >Correct me if i'm wrong...

      Alrighty.

      As someone else pointed out, Anne is not Acadian. Decided not - PEI is decidedly absentee-landlord English, different even from the English which booted out the Acadians after some 40 years' warning to clarify their allegiance. (You doubt it was different English? Why? the Acadians and the Habitants (Quebec) are quite distinct.) The expulsion moved them to southern New England (IIRC). Then they voluntarily resettled themselves in the still-French Louisiana territory (hence the Cajuns, I garontea - ie, not all Acadian is maritime Canadian). Many brought themselves back to NS and NB, took the oath of British allegiance, and that's where today's (maritime) Acadians come from.

      Finally, to that ambulance-chaser kicking up jack for an apology from the British Crown...
      Govs Lawrence and Shirley cooked it up and carried it out on theire own. The Crown didn't know about it until it was done. They had nothing to go with it beyond placing in the Govs' hands the general authority to do it. So if you want an apology, buddy, you want it from NS and MA. :p

  • What was Katz expecting? (Score:3, Interesting)

    by Ryn ( 9728 ) on Sunday April 21, 2002 @11:40AM (#3383129)
    Was he expecting a well-written script, historically accurate, with dull brainteasers that would appeal to some british aristocrate?
    I had fun watching the movie. It was a good ass-kicker. Light plot, lots of nice action. However, the director was under influence of G. Lucas, because Jar Jar Binks has made his other appearance in the movie, this time played by a stupid human.
  • Meanwhile, Jon Katz can't seem to figure out how to close an <i> tag... making his summary, and all of Slashdot, even more skewed than normal!

  • i formatting (Score:4, Funny)

    by Ronin441 ( 89631 ) on Sunday April 21, 2002 @11:46AM (#3383149) Homepage
    >i>

    And if you screwed up your formatting, well, you should have hit Preview...
  • Unfortunely the reviewer has very low standards on movies and must be easily amused by drivel. It had very few good moments, but nothing that would make me buy the DVD or watch it again. It was better then I expected, but not much.

    This movie was SO lame that I had to fight not fall a sleep. It shows that hollywood should be burned to the ground and salted to prevent them from making more movies. I use to be a monthly movie goer, but if I get to the movies in a six month period is now rare. Spiderman and Lord of the Rings are about the best possible movies I see in the near future....

    I am sick of remakes and reusing much cooler scenes from other movies in an attempt to make a new movie better. They need to break the standard Script mold and allow original ideas to try, since I am getting very sick of them.
    • Well, there is always The First Church of the Easily Amused [vnet.net], another one of those internet religions with a virtual membership. (with many dead links)
    • This reviewer's standards have little to do with the reviews he writes. JonKatz is the ultimate troll, and knows a shit movie, when he sees one. His response to the closest thing you can find in the theater to http://goatse.cx, is to try and make us all go see it.

      You name the issue, JonKatz is going to try to flame us about it. I used to get annoyed with him, now I just laugh at everyone else who falls for his crap.

  • and it was pretty bad. i almost agree totally with katz. except that it was 20 rubies, not rupies. i think.

    anyway, it's obivious that they kept the rock's lines down to 6 words or less for a reason. he's not the best actor in the world.


    the thing that bothered me the most is that it was nothing like the story that was portrayed in the mummy returns. the rock, instead of almost dying in the desert and being saved by anubis, was shot with a poisoned arrow and almost died from that. the sorceress saved him. also, there wasn't an army of the undead anywhere to be seen.

    that's enough spoilers i guess, but be warned... if you go see this, don't expect anything like the story you heard in the mummy returns.

    • the thing that bothered me the most is that it was nothing like the story that was portrayed in the mummy returns. the rock, instead of almost dying in the desert and being saved by anubis, was shot with a poisoned arrow and almost died from that. the sorceress saved him. also, there wasn't an army of the undead anywhere to be seen


      I was under the impression that the events in the begining of The Mummy Returns took place well after the events in this movie. It looks to me as though they are setting up for a series. It will also probably be a tragidy in the greek sense. ( good guy trying hard has success but eventually falls hard due to combo of basic character flaws and gods plotting against him.)

  • ugh... (Score:1, Redundant)

    by AnimeFreak ( 223792 )
    Mr. Katz, did you forget to close your <I> tag?

    I don't exactly like reading Slashdot on a slanted point-of-view.
  • Is where the two guys in a swordfight break each others blades. Considering that were dealing with nearly stone age level technology, how did the chip the stones to look just like steel?

  • Rocky Rocky (Score:3, Funny)

    by WildBeast ( 189336 ) on Sunday April 21, 2002 @11:58AM (#3383203) Journal
    Are you criticizing the most electrifying man in sports entertainment? Know your role, jabroni :)

  • Wow. None of the Sept. 11 and Globalism even though the movie is about a foreign country and deals with war of sorts. That's an incredible behaviour change caused by the incessant slashdot readers jeering JonKatz's every word posted.

    Or maybe it's the antithesis of every idea JonKatz has been blabbering about. So, he's taking an easy way out by just calling it light movie by totally ignoring any of the contradictions it could cause to JonKatz's long developing theories.

    First of all, it's about the small guy fighting a big relentless giant and it's bottom line is that all of magic and wizardy couldn't beat good ol' idea of good ideas (as opposed to evil ones) like freedom (and it's associated death). If I'm note careful, I might be implying something really bad.

    • First of all, it's about the small guy fighting a big relentless giant and it's bottom line is that all of magic and wizardy couldn't beat good ol' idea of good ideas (as opposed to evil ones) like freedom (and it's associated death). If I'm note careful, I might be implying something really bad.

      That was subtly brilliant! (If you are implying what I just read into your statement.)
  • The 16th century had Shakespeare as their form of entertainment and we, sadly have WWF and the Rock here in the 21st. About the only incentive I have for seeing SK is Kelly Hu... Mmmmmm... Kelly... But it'll be a slighty frosty day in hell before I acually pay to see it.
    • Let's not forget. Most works that we regard as classic today were not always looked favorably upon at the time. Machiavelli was considered scandalous and crude. Certainly not appropriate to mention his name in public. Now his work is read in high schools. Or perhaps Marquis de Sad. He was imprissoned for his writeings and at the time and seen as a writer of filth. Now his works are regarded as classics. I am sure that many of Shakespeare's works were considered filth at the time.
      • And that's the thing that scares me... Will kids be reading WWF as part of their history lessons in 2153? Say it ain't so.... "And today we will be studying the 'Smackdown period', 1995-2004" Uhhggg...
        • No, I am sure that some things will always be known as trash :) I doubt that the rock will be learned about in history classes......unless he runs for president!! However, we often look at the past with rose colored glasses. The fact is history is full of trashy entertainment we just forget about the trully trashy stuff. Keep in mind that classical music was the rock music of the day. We have the classical masters that we learn about today. However, there were scores of other composers that were mediocore. Those that were not talented or controversial have been forgotten in history.
    • And there still is broadway and plays in NYC today which are better than the WWF.

      But its costly and there is little space for everyone to see a live performance.

      Flaunt it baby, flaunt it!

    • I love Shakespeare and I loved this movie, too. don't forget the Shakespeare was popular entertainment back in its day, too- it was entertainment for the masses.

      Shakespearian plays were full of sleeping around, romantic mixups, stabbing, and comic mischief. As wonderfully-crafted as most of his tales were, as as witty as the dialogue was they're not exactly the most sophisticated/complex things things in the world.

      So, the gap between Shakespeare and enjoyable trash like this movie isn't as far as you might thing. Personally, having seen many of Shakespeare's plays, I think most people think they're "sophisticated" just because they're in old English.

      Need evidence? Look at any Shakespearian translation set in modern times, performed in modern English....
      • The vocabulary in Shakespeare is about _ten_ times what you'll find in a movie like this...

        (heh, 'insightful'? 'this is kinda like shakespeare for our time' constitutes 'insightful'?)

      • Shakespeare wrote in Modern English. What you're commenting on is, in part, prose, and in part "slang" contemporary to Old Will's day.

        Now travel back a bit further to Chaucer (another English author). Now THAT is Old English. And pretty much NOBODY nowadays can read the original text without lessons in how to actually read it. While it IS English, it's a form of it that is so different as to nearly comprise a completely separate language.

  • I like it, in a silly sort of way. Except for the part where the guy dipped his swords in the fire and they burned for about ten minutes. Since when are swords flammable? That was so stupid it literally almost ruined the end of the movie for me.

    I was also disappointed that no one got hit over the head with a folded steel chair at any point in the movie.

    But other than that, it was ok. :)

  • Katz using the royal "we"? (Score:5, Funny)

    by s1r_m1xalot ( 218277 ) on Sunday April 21, 2002 @12:02PM (#3383221)
    Sorry, but I really love this trash, even as I grasp why more of the world hates us every day.

    Either Katz is starting to use the royal we by the end of that sentence or he spelled "me" in a funny way. ;-)

  • 20 blood rubies (Score:2, Informative)

    by Anonymous Coward
    Actually, it was "20 blood rubies" NOT rupies.

    I saw this yesterday, The Rock kicks serious villain butt, he gets the girl, there's an occasionally amusing sidekick. End of plot. But hey, it's a diversion, it's not a movie classic.

    What do you expect, Vince McMahon was the executive producer ;)

  • So what's the hubbub? (Score:3, Insightful)

    by zaren ( 204877 ) <fishrocket@gmail.com> on Sunday April 21, 2002 @12:06PM (#3383239) Journal
    This movie is a spin-off of The (Brendan Frasier) Mummy movies, which were an astounding bit of escapism, broken plot lines, unreality, fantasy, and general making-stuff-up-as-you-go-along-ishness... and Rocky was in the Returns movie anyway. I don't recall either of those movies trying too hard to be classics of American cinema. So what's the problem with this one being more of the same?

    -----
    Aww, FCSK! [cafepress.com]
    • Katz didn't actually criticize this movie. The purpose of the review was for Katz to show us all that he was just like us: that he, too, can watch an admittedly crap movie and still like it.

      Evidence:

      Sorry, but I really love this trash,

      I have to say I had fun watching this silliness.

      and it's so undemanding a movie, that you leave the theater smiling and relaxed.

      Katz has been criticized in the past for being out of touch with the rest of us, for being elitist. This was his way of showing us that he is really a regular dude who can watch a cheesy movie and enjoy it.

      Didn't anybody else see that?

      I must admit that I am probably in the minority. I genuinely like Katz. Part of the pleasure is reading all of the predictable Katz lambasting, and part of it is seeing my own opinions expressed by someone else (that person being Katz). I do disagree with Katz about this movie: if a movie is crap, it's crap, no matter how big the quota of special effects. I go to the movies to have my brain turned ON, not turned OFF. Daily life is already so numbing and anti-use-of-intellect that I prefer foreign and art films to mass-culture movies. But that's just my own form of escapism, an embracing of the pretentious so that I can forget how dumb reality actually is, how shallow my existance feels.

      Okay, I do have a short list of dumb movies I adore:

      Army of Darkness
      The Rocky Horror Picture Show
      The Fifth Element

      The Mummy pictures (The Mummy, The Mummy Returns, The Scorpion King) are too dumb to be enjoyed, at least by this viewer. I did see them, out of a sense of social obligation (I can't criticize them without seeing them, after all), but they all sucked beyond the point of amusement.

      Except:

      The scene where Rachel Weisz and Patricia Velazquez kick each others ass. I have a weakness for movies where women kick ass. Oh, that exposes a whole genre that I adore, fully realizing that the genre is cheesy - the Hong Kong action films where evil or strong or vengeful women do lots of butt-kicking. Yes, I even own Charlie's Angels, and it is a very bad movie indeed.
      • The real irony here is that people respond to Katz as if he is a starving college journalist or something- when a bit of research will reveal that he was a television executive! Katz is a _suit_. And not just a suit, but a _TV_ _executive_ suit.

        Shocked, shocked I am that he likes truly idiotic movies ;)

  • tyrants, thieves, traitors (Score:4, Funny)

    by xlurker ( 253257 ) on Sunday April 21, 2002 @12:13PM (#3383267) Homepage

    If the Rock can survive tyrants, thieves, traitors, ....

    in Hollywood, the WWF or the movie .... ?
  • "Sorry, but I really love this trash"



    Indeed.



    The sad truth is, in the imposter derby, The Rock is a better at pretending to be an actor than Jon Katz is at pretending to be a writer...


    • The sad truth is, in the imposter derby, The Rock is a better at pretending to be an actor than Jon Katz is at pretending to be a writer...

      What a horrible thing to say. The Rock is much more charismatic than Jon Katz.
      • One thing that I have to say, is that someone (say, Katz) that hated The Mummy AND The Mummy Returns had absolutely no business watching a spin-off and then compl. I think that shows how much of a weenie he is. He shouldn't have thrown his money away on The Scorpion King in the first place. I think he just gets off on whining, like much of the /. crowd.

        I don't see how the world is going to change when people hate things about it yet do absolutely nothing substantive about it. For one, I know a lot of people that don't see what is wrong with throwing away $8 to see garbage that they'll so likely hate.
  • jon, i can't help but notice that you don't have many friends here. i would like to be your friend. e-mail me and we can talk about having some sleep-overs and we can go bowling and stuff.

    i can't wait to hear from you!

    greg clarke
  • make way for this piece of drivel? Hang on while I delete Slashdot from my bookmarks...there... that's better!

  • Drubbing (Score:1, Offtopic)

    by aozilla ( 133143 )
    http://slashdot.org/search.pl?query=drubbing+&op=s tories
  • Think of it as the United Nations:
    Kelly Hu as cute girl with the gift of prophesy (chinese/hawaiian/english ancestry)
    Taiko drummers (japan)
    sword training with shinai (japan)
    Indian elephant (India and southeast asia)
    Monocled Cobra (India)
    Cutting hands off of thieves (Moslem countries of middle east)
    Bamboo laminate crossbows (Hmong people of cambodia/vietnam)

  • The "rupees" he gets in the movie are red ones, which are worth 20 apiece IIRC. so really he got 400 rupees...

    or 20 rubies.
  • Jon - US, There's no US. You mean people like you!

    For anyone dinked enough to pay to see this (no, I haven't, but the ads make me hit the ESC button
    on the remote) I have a selection of chemical alternatives that are less expensive, more fun and probably less damaging to the brain.

    For those wanting to simulate the experience of
    this film I offer a little number called "RageOn"
    (a tasty little microbrewed blend of LSD and Dextroamphetamine) the kit also contains a ball peen hammer and instructions. Take the capsule, stand in front of your bathroom mirror and trash yourself on the skull and upper body...it's incredible!

    Live Life! Don't be Passive!

    e-mail: rushthroughlife@olfactoryhallucination.net
    cell: 1-555-1212-BOOM

    We deliver nationwide

    Satisfied Customers include(d) Hunter Thompson,
    Jim Morrison, Darryl Strawbery, Tupac and others.

    Littlalex
    CAC
    Chemical Aquisition Consultant

    Serving the Community for 35 years

  • Akkadian, not Acadian
    Rubies (red gems), not rupees (currency in India)
  • I haven't seen this movie, but I've seen trailers. The trailers I have seen did not have a single legible word except for the voice overs; the "This season, prepare for a ride..." crap.
    Going by the trailers, I expect of this movie the exact same thing that Katz describes in his review.

    If there is a single person who sees a trailer for this, and goes to see it thinking it will be anything but a stupid & shallow movie, I would be very suprised.

    I don't know why this one is even worthy of a review, the trailers make it bleeding obvious what it will be about. So my only question to Katz would be, what were you expecting?!?

  • Haven't seen the movie, but... (Score:5, Funny)

    by Jerf ( 17166 ) on Sunday April 21, 2002 @01:18PM (#3383512) Journal
    The Sorceress, on the other hand, turns out to be a babe who strolls around in thongs, does kung fu, and relates instantly to the Rock's sophisticated style of combat and international diplomacy. The Sorceress makes it clear that she loses her powers if she ever has sex.

    Let's me guess... she has oral sex with the Rock and stains her blue thongs, which is the smoking gun the Authorities of Magic need to bring her up on charges of improper conduct, for which the penalty is the immediate impeachment of her magical powers. But in an emergency highly publicized session before the Gods and Goddesses of Magic, makes an impassioned plea based on questiong what the definition of "is" is, and manages to get off the hook when it is determined that nobody in fact gives a damn what a Sorceress does in her private life, thus letting her have sex AND keep her powers.

    Am I close?
  • "It seems oxymoronic to bother with plot lines in a movie like this."

    It seems oxymoronic to bother writing a review for a movie like this. I mean, come on "Jon Katz writes a movie review of Scorpion King" I don't have to read the review and I know exactly what you are going ot say. Why not review a real movie with some literary content like "Panic Room" or "Attack of the Clones" or even "Blade II"

    ..oh wait, never mind

  • The Rock, playing the Scorpion King in his new the movie The Scorpion King, represents a memetic paradigm shift away from a post-Columbine 9/11 tech-entrenched world. Fascinating look at something, also I am aware of America as "world's most hated supervillain." Although the world is not as black-and-white as I am paid to write it , teh truth is, the more things change, the more they stay the same.



    Hee hee heee, sosrry, I couldn't help myself! I've never flamed jonkatz before but I took one look at the headline and thought "he reviewed that wrestler flick with the flaming swords? god damn!" I hope at least someone enjoys this before it plummets to -1 land :)

  • Not to be too pikcy, but what does this mean? Can she felate The Rock and still keep her powers?

  • Is it just me or.... (Score:3, Funny)

    by efuseekay ( 138418 ) on Sunday April 21, 2002 @02:27PM (#3383704)
    it is that I look forward to every Jon Katz article just to watch the (much more entertaining) Katz-bashing posts? :)

    Let the feeding frenzy begin!

  • Katz, idiot (Score:2, Offtopic)

    by PD ( 9577 )
    Katz, the world doesn't hate the United States. You confuse all the rhetoric and jokes and irritation that the world has with the United States for hatred.

    The truth of the matter is no matter what others say about the "ugly American" stereotype, it is just a stereotype. Even in the most unfriendly parts of the world, say North Korea, or Iraq, most of the people there would not lift a finger to hurt an American. They would be friendly, eager to talk, probably even give you part of their dinner. That is not hatred!

    But that attitude extends not only towards individual Americans, but also towards the entire country. The United States is not unversally viewed as a bully or belligerent country. The US is seen more often than not as the only party that can intervene in regional conflicts without taking sides. The US is seen as a country that loves freedom, and has a lot of opportunity for poor people to improve themselves. The US is seen as a country that is very rich, but also very generous with that wealth if another country needs it because of natural disaster. The US is respected for strength, but not feared. For a good example of how power CAN be feared, take a look at the Israelis and the Palistinians who mutually fear each other.

    Some might hate us enough to fly planes into our buildings, but probably 250,000,000 times as many would never do something like that. Now, we can't sit on our asses and say "the world loves us" because if we do that then they will REALLY start to not like us. But we must realize that the world does NOT hate us, and we must not use that as an excuse to either withdraw from the world and all the good we could do in it, or to develop some sort of national neurosis about the rest of the world.

    • Well, first of all, this was most likely intended to be a throwaway joke to start the article, not an actual serious commentary on the state of the world, if you really have such an insane need to insult Katz, at least try to insult him for something worthwhile.

      Second of all, where exactly did you learn that the world doesn't hate us?

      "The US is seen more often than not as the only party that can intervene in regional conflicts without taking sides."

      Can anyone say Israel? We've been taking sides in their conflicts for quite a while, and when we support their oppositions control of their holy land, yes they will hate us for that.

      "The US is seen as a country that loves freedom, and has a lot of opportunity for poor people to improve themselves."

      This might be true if you're looking at early 20th century European history, or perhaps Mexico today, but this was never the case in the Middle East. Many nations there have an entire different philosophy which does not respect freedom as a right, but instead something that destroys what they are trying to create.

      "The US is seen as a country that is very rich, but also very generous with that wealth if another country needs it because of natural disaster."

      Once again, the US is not respected for wealth in many countries, instead we are hated for the type of wealth driven culture that we create. When we have corporations that invade their nations with capatilistic ideas and promote wealth as the ultimate goal. Look at Iran, while there is one more liberal fundamentalist party which supports capitilism and too an extent, some freedoms, there are also major parties which are completely against economic or social freedom for the effect it may have on their religious culture.

      I'm not attempting to make any judgement on the right or wrong of their judgements of our culture, but yes they do hate us, and in their eyes, they have very good reasons for hating us. Sitting around pretending that everyone appreciates what we do for the world is delusional. Just look at any amount of recent history (Somolia,Iran) and you'll see how much some cultures hate us.
      • Well, first of all, this was most likely intended to be a throwaway joke to start the article, not an actual serious commentary on the state of the world, if you really have such an insane need to insult Katz, at least try to insult him for something worthwhile.

        The joke should have been thrown away. It was inane.

        Second of all, where exactly did you learn that the world doesn't hate us?

        Ummmmm. Where someone learned something has no bearing on the truth value of what they learned. The question is irrelevant.

        "The US is seen more often than not as the only party that can intervene in regional conflicts without taking sides."

        Can anyone say Israel? We've been taking sides in their conflicts for quite a while, and when we support their oppositions control of their holy land, yes they will hate us for that.

        And when the shit hits the fan, who does everyone call for to mediate? Where are the French? I don't see any Indian diplomats there. How about the Germans and Italians?

        The reason that the US can possibly help there is that both sides respect the strength and fairness that the US represents. The people yelling in the streets DO NOT MATTER. Most of them would not harm an American. The rest of them don't have representation in government. Even Arafat, who has raised so many doubts in recent weeks, will talk to the United States because he recognizes that we are in a position to help.

        Finally, see the peace that exists between Israel and Egypt. Now, what were you saying about Arabs not trusting us?

        Once again, the US is not respected for wealth in many countries, instead we are hated for the type of wealth driven culture that we create. When we

        No, we are DISLIKED, not hated. As I was saying about Katz, there's a difference. A Frenchman's annoyance at a "Cultural Hiroshima" will never be enough to turn France into a mortal enemy of the US.

        have very good reasons for hating us. Sitting around pretending that everyone appreciates what we do for the world is delusional. Just look at

        Hey, that's exactly what I said.

    • Well said. Katz is a confused fool. The USA has done more for a begrudging world than anyone cares to admit. When people gripe and complain the USA listens which unfortunately just encourages the disgruntled of the world to complain all the more. No other country is held up to a higher double standard than the USA. It's becoming all too popular a sport to take pot shots at the USA and blame it for everyone's problems instead of getting off your ass and taking responsibility for your own life. The last thing we need is more misguided fools here promoting the view that the world would be better off without the USA. The USA is unquestionably the single most potent force for freedom and stability in the world today and has been for 3/4 of a century.

      Those who accuse the USA of Imperialism are childern who don't know what real Imperialism is or was. Where would Afghanistan be now without the US intervention, to name just one example? What other nation would have taken as much care in a military campaign, or ever has in the history of the world? Yet these same voices could be heard bleating about the American bully after the attack on the US. This period in history calls for serious thoughts of the REAL consequences of actions, not childish pique over invented slights.

      The world does not foster hatred of the USA because the USA is arrogant. Regimes and anti-capitalist movements foster hatred because there are no negative consequences for espousing that hatred and only gain to be had, whether it's in deflecting domestic opinion or the potential for aid & incentives from the nation they profess to hate or some other hidden agenda such as deliberately undermining US interests through any available means. Unfortunately there will be longer term negative consequences of this and I don't just mean damage to US prestige. The immature who attack the US because of this silly prep school left wing debate over Imperialism will ultimately exact a serious toll from all the peoples of the world.

      One other thing, I am not an American. Just one of the very few grateful beneficiaries.
  • Am I the only one who finds it incredibly hilarious that a WWF "wrestler" fits perfectly into the role of "professional actor"?

    Right, those fights aren't staged, really ;)
  • ...who thinks The Rock looks like Rob Schneider (of SNL fame, as well as Judge Dredd) on steroids?

    Especially with the raised-eyebrow face?

    I can just picture him saying something like, "Of course I can defeat you, Mr. 'Ah em de Law!'" to Stallone's Judge Dredd.
  • It seems oxymoronic...
    I understand what you mean, but oxymoron is a noun. It cannot be transmuted into an adjective or adverb.
  • The Katz movie reviews are driving me insane.

    "The technology unravels almost as quickly as the plot. There are some good things about this movie, but the plot will drive nitpicking techheads and nerds nuts with its implausibility. "

    The same thing could have probably been said about The Scorpion King.

    Whereas

    "If you need escapist entertainment from your hyper teched-up lives, this is the movie for you. If the Rock can survive tyrants, thieves, traitors, arrows, impalement, knives, spears, swords, sandstorms, fire, poison, snakes and killer ants, you can get through a boring day at work. "

    Could have basically been said with a few different nouns about Panic Room.

    If you're going to view movies as escapes from reality- view them that way. If you're going to view them all as true to life extravaganzas, then you've got the wrong idea.

  • I saw the movie. I enjoyed it. One observation: if The Rock's motto is "live free, die well" why does he become a king at the end of the movie? Why doesn't he just yell to his people "you are free now, no kings anymore"? I understand that they have to set this movie up so that he is the evil king of the next movie...but given his motto, he should try to free these poor people from absolute monarchy if he believes in freedom...or maybe only freedom for guys with huge muscles. (Excluding most /.ers I suppose).

    Also, why is everyone bashing Katz on this thread? I suspect if the Taco misspells Akkadian the posts to correct it would be very different.
  • to review, they (by they i mean the royal Katz in his pluralism) choose The Scorpion King.

  • Or does The Rock's head look exactly like one of those clay reconstructions they make from the skulls of murder victims or ancient mummies?
  • it's clear from the corrections pointed out in the earlier posts that katz has actually updated/changed his review without any sort of notification. i believe the slashdot community deserves to see all versions of the review, and updates should be tacked on to the end, as they are traditionally, not covered over discretely. it's too sneaky and dishonest. especially since the timestamp doesn't update!
  • The hip-hop background in a movie allegedly set in ancient Babylon is pretty neat.

    No, really, it's not. Combining genres is nifty when it's original. When it's adding hip-hop to YET ANOTHER MOVIE, it's cliché.

    I used to enjoy JonKatz writings...but now anything by him really strikes me as eternally sophomoric. It's like I went back to high school and got all popular kids' opinions on a movie.
    • > I used to enjoy JonKatz writings.

      Me too--well, at least I used to take them seriously. But ever since he's playing the highly original game of Two Degrees Of Separation (from 9/11 topics) on anything he touches, I've lost any respect for him. Jon, not EVERYTHING is related to 9/11, and an amazing number of people don't really care all that much anymore, we don't all live in NYC and see Ground Zero every day. Get over it!

  • Funny movie review of Scorpion King (Score:3, Funny)

    by tenzig_112 ( 213387 ) on Sunday April 21, 2002 @09:47PM (#3384925) Homepage
    Scorpion King Wows Moviegoers, Closeted Homosexuals

    If you ever thought pro-wrestling was a bit too macho not to be gay, read this article:
    http://www.ridiculopathy.com/news_detail .php?id=55 2
    an older one on the same subject:
    http://www.ridiculopathy.com/news_detail .php?id=4
  • Katz bashes all over "Final Fantasy" and then recommends this piece of garbage? Man...

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