The Glorious Return of the Twinkie 528
iggymanz writes "The geek food staple the Twinkie is coming back. The sturdy main component of the foundation to the geek four food groups of sugar, fat, caffeine and bacon — with rumored shelf life on the order of the time span to cool a white dwarf to room temperature — the Twinkie, along with Ding-Dongs, Ho-Ho's and Cupcakes, will be returning 15 July 2013 to the shelves under new management of Apollo Global Management and C. Dean Metropoulous & Co which paid over 400 mega dollars (U.S.) for the brands."
Mega Dollars? (Score:5, Funny)
Re:Mega Dollars? (Score:5, Funny)
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Why 299792458? Why not 299792459? Why not 300000000? Why not 1000000000? And let's not even get into how long a second is.
Backwards compatibility, from when the meter was defined by "the length of this here stick."
Seconds, though? Absolutely. Sorcery that is. I guess there had to be a unit of time to make all of science useful in some way, but seconds are really SI unfriendly since, while you could use units like kiloseconds, you can't really abandon hours/minutes for it.
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Wasn't the meter originally defined as "1/10000 the distance from the equator to the north pole, as measured along the meridian running through Paris"?
Re:SI units are fiat units (Score:4, Informative)
The kilometer was 1/10000 of 90 degrees of latitude. Which of course was for less natural for navigation than the nautical mile, which was 1 minute of latitude. The metric system is just a relic of the days when calculations were done on paper, and needs to be abandoned in favor of the One True System of measure: the Furlong-Firkin-Fortnight system!
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yes. A dollar won't even buy you a cup of coffee. A mega dollar can make crime legal and get people to like you even if you're an entitled sneering jackass with an ego the size of Texas.
Re:Mega Dollars? (Score:5, Interesting)
Why should it? In 1975(just before the Brazilian Freeze Coffee (an 8 oz cup) on average was 30 cents, 50 cents a year later)
From http://www.westegg.com/inflation/infl.cgi [westegg.com]
What cost $.30 in 1975 would cost $1.26 in 2012.
A Tall at Starbucks* is 1.35. And it's in a coffee specialty store, not a Denny's like restaurant.
*I'm not a fan of Starbucks, I use them becasue they are pretty much everywhere.
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I make my coffee at home where it is cheaper and doesn't taste like the brown water you get from Dunkin Doughnuts.
Re:Mega Dollars? (Score:5, Funny)
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A megadollar is about 2.23 forlongdollars.
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Serious answer- presumably they mean "million", as in megahertz or megajoule.
I for one find the idea of SI prefixes for currency exciting in ways I can't quite explain.
On the other hand, they might have meant $1,048,576, in which case god help us all.
Re:Mega Dollars? (Score:5, Funny)
A megadollar could get you two chicks at the same time.
Re:Mega Dollars? (Score:4, Funny)
Lawrence, is that you?
Re:Mega Dollars? (Score:4, Informative)
Shelf life (Score:5, Informative)
with rumored shelf life on the order of the time span to cool a white dwarf to room temperature
From the AP [tbo.com]:
During bankruptcy proceedings, Hostess had said that its overall sales had been declining, although the company didn't give a breakout on the performance of individual brands. But Seban is confident Twinkies will have staying power beyond its re-launch.
As for the literal shelf-life, Seban is quick to refute the snack cake's fabled indestructibility.
"Forty-five days - that's it," he said. "They don't last forever."
Re:Shelf life (Score:5, Funny)
"Forty-five days - that's it," he said. "They don't last forever."
That's forty-five days after you take the Twinkie out of the cellophane wrapper, right?
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That was always an urban legend. The oils that they use will always perish at some point, it's just that you don't always notice when oils have gone rancid when they're baked into a chemical product like Twinkies.
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Bannana cream? How the hell do you get milk fat out of a bannana? Bannanas don't have nipples!
Re: Shelf life (Score:5, Funny)
Factoid: Every banana you buy at the supermarket has already been "processed" and milked for Twinkie production. Those hard, brown tips at the ends of bananas? Those were the bananas' nipples before they got milked.
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That's the most insightful thing I've read on Slashdot within the last Twinkie shelf life.
No banana's harmed in making of Twinkies (Score:4, Informative)
The reason they are known to have a long shelf life is because they use banana cream instead of dairy cream, giving them a comparatively longer shelf life.
They have used vanilla cream instead of banana cream since around WWII when there was a banana shortage.
Do any of you actually eat Twinkies? (Score:5, Interesting)
The geek food staple the Twinkie is coming back.
Ok, show of hands. Who among you has actually consumed a twinkie after grade school? Last one I had was during the Reagan administration. Obviously they sell but I cannot recall the last time I saw anyone actually eat one. It's like the National Enquirer of foods. They apparently sell lots but you never actually see anyone buying them.
I don't really know any geeks who eat twinkies either. Is this a thing in some part of the country? I know some geeks who are overly fond of sugary treats (I'm one) but twinkies never seem to be in the shopping cart.
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Re:Do any of you actually eat Twinkies? (Score:5, Funny)
And when you do I'm sure you are thanked profusely... oh wait you're talking about the snack cakes?
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I've probably eaten 5 Twinkies in my life. We were a Ding Dong household -- that was our choice from mom.
I will say, Ding Dongs lost some cachet moving away from a tinfoil wrapper. Oh those glorious vacuumjammers!
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I was wondering the same thing. The only people I see buying and eating twinkies are the housewives or cat ladies. There seems to be a real media saturation about them, though, for whatever reason.
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No-one eats them. Why do you think the company went bankrupt?
However, there is a meme that appears to have the perpetual life of the undead (rather like their shelf-life *rimshot*) that they are the food of choice for unhealthy slobs who don't cook everywhere. We are to believe has a big overlap on the geek population.
As far as observational comedy goes, it got old at least 20 years ago and went meta observational around the same time. Say, have you every noticed how many comedians use twinkies as a lazy
36 million units sold in 2011 (Score:3, Informative)
No-one eats them. Why do you think the company went bankrupt?
They sold 36 million of them [wikipedia.org] in 2011. That's a lot of twinkies if "no-one" is eating them. I just can't figure out who.
Why do you think the company went bankrupt?
They went bankrupt because their (union) labor costs, pension costs and debt load. Incompetent management probably played a role somewhere in there too. They had significant revenue but their costs were out of line with the amount of revenue.
Re:36 million units sold in 2011 (Score:5, Informative)
The union took cuts twice, and each time management gave themselves huge bonuses (million +), . SO after that, why would the union cut yet again?
The union stepped up and did their part, and management screwed them, and refused to make an actual management changes.
Union negotiators screwed up (Score:3, Insightful)
The union took cuts twice, and each time management gave themselves huge bonuses (million +), . SO after that, why would the union cut yet again?
The union played a game of chicken with management and lost. I think it is clear the management was incompetent (and greedy) but apparently so was the union. The company had already been through bankruptcy once before. The union leadership BADLY misread the strength of their position and it cost a lot of people their jobs.
I think the negotiation went something like this.
Mgt: We need wage concessions, etc.
Union: We're going on strike
Mgt: We're going to liquidate the company if you do that
Union: You're a b
Re:Union negotiators screwed up (Score:5, Informative)
Nice rewrite of what actually happened. One of the two major reason that Hostess escaped bankruptcy in 2009 was that the union allowed thousands in job cuts and agreed to benefit cuts to the tune of $110 million. So to act like the unions did nothing is utter nonsense. They only threatened striking after the incompetent management told them that they had to make even deeper concessions
Re:Union negotiators screwed up (Score:5, Interesting)
Yes, but the union also had in the contract that breads had to be shipped separately than cakes, thus you had to send two trucks to a store to stock it.
It's not all the union's fault, and it's not all management's fault. They were both culpable.
Re:Union negotiators screwed up (Score:5, Informative)
Wrong.
Private equity backers had loaded the company with debt, That was the problem. The trivial saving that might have happened if they combined the two entities(breads and cakes) has just become an knee reaction from anti-union groups.
lets not that division went up into management. Upper Management tried play the unions off each other to take the light off the private equity shenanigans.
Re:Union negotiators screwed up (Score:4, Insightful)
"The union" _is_ the employees, and they do have a seat at the table during decision making, that's what collective bargaining allows. You think this is a bad thing, I think it's the only thing that will keep our society together (division of power, some semblance of equality.)
I'm old enough to remember what Coke did (Score:3)
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It went more like this.
Mgt: We need wage concessions, etc.
Union: OK
Mgt: Let's pay our selves some handsome bonuses
Later...
Mgt: We need wage concessions, etc.
Union: OK
Mgt: Let's pay our selves some handsome bonuses
Later...
Mgt: We need wage concessions, etc.
Union: We're going on strike
Mgt: We're going to liquidate the company if you do that
Union: You're a bunch of liars and poopyheads
Mgt: We warned you
Re:Union negotiators screwed up (Score:5, Informative)
It would be nice if internet feudalists didn't offer totally blind support for every robber baron.
I mean, are you denying that the union accepted several wage consessions before striking? Are you denying that management then gave themselves raises? Are these not facts [mediamatters.org]?
Tell me, in what way is my support blind? It appears to be supported by facts.
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No, Actually, they're not facts.
And I suppose you know more about the situation than CNN and the WSJ? It's possible they reported incorrectly, but businesses keep financial records so it should be easy to verify. What reason do you have to doubt those assertions besides their conflict with your predetermined narrative?
And would you please offer evidence that I'm a "feudalist"?
Capitalism is feudalism with better PR.
You're clearly an unabashed socialist; why be insulted by the mere reference?
I'm not insulte
Re:Union negotiators screwed up (Score:5, Interesting)
In the unions' defense: both the teamsters and the bakers union had agreed to concessions previously, while executives were ignoring the consultant they hired to fix problems and instead used Hostess as their own personal piggy bank, pocketing everything that was saved by cutting benefits and pay. It wasn't until last year that the board finally grew wise and axed the executives and promoted the outside consultant, and they did seriously try to turn the company around. The CEO of the time did NOT draw bonuses after taking the company into chapter 7.
The bakers union had cause (based on previous experience) to disbelieve the new boss ("meet the new boss, same as the old boss" is usually true) and think they were playing chicken when they threatened to board up the company. They weren't kidding, the new boss was seriously trying to turn things around and Hostess was not liquid enough to survive, so they recalled all the trucks the next morning, closed the factories, and that was that.
Interesting tidbit: the Teamsters knew the score actually tried to coax the Bakers Union negotiators to agree, because the cut the last Hostess CEO requested was to be a temporary one, until (if) the company got back on track. The Bakers' Union ignored the Teamsters and decided it was another bluff. Unfortunately for Hostess employees, it was not a bluff. It was game over.
Re:Union negotiators screwed up (Score:5, Informative)
Re:Union negotiators screwed up (Score:4, Insightful)
The management wasn't incompetent (Score:5, Informative)
What Hostess' management did wasn't just mismanagement, it was a complete lack of management. The bought the company, paid themselves just well enough to stay within the bounds of legality, and then ignored the company entirely. They put no effort into expanding, into controlling and managing the supply chain, or into anything else. Then they sat back, waiting for the company to die and used the pension to pay back the creditors they'd racked up debt with.
The last part that makes it all nice and legal is when a judge ruled that the creditors get paid before employees do. If you paid your own cash money into your pension while working at Hostess you literally got robbed. As an added bonus they killed a major Union without any bad press.
But nobody talks about that. All they talk about is playing an imaginary game of chicken. FYI: You can't win a game that the other side isn't really playing.
Re:36 million units sold in 2011 (Score:5, Informative)
The union stepped up and did their part, and management screwed them, and refused to make an actual management changes.
Actually, no.
I followed this story. The way it actually worked:
Hostess went into bankruptcy in 2004. It found investors who bailed it out and it kept going.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hostess_Brands#Bankruptcy_.282004.29 [wikipedia.org]
Hostess went into bankruptcy again. It found additional investors who bailed it out and it kept going.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hostess_Brands#Bankruptcy_and_liquidation_.282012.29 [wikipedia.org]
Hostess was running out of money. Management set up a deal that would cut costs by paying workers less. This was not what the workers wanted, but according to management, it was essential to save the jobs.
One thing that riled up the workers: management got paid a lot. In an effort to make the workers happier, the top four guys at Hostess had their salaries lowered to $1 per year for 2012.
http://management.fortune.cnn.com/2012/07/26/hostess-twinkies-bankrupt/ [cnn.com]
But the major costs at Hostess had to do with worker salaries, particularly with respect to delivery of Hostess products. Union rules required Hostess snack foods and Wonder bread foods to be delivered on different trucks, which had to be loaded by different people. A "Hostess" worker couldn't load a "Wonder" truck, a "Wonder" driver couldn't drive a "Hostess" truck, and the company couldn't contract out delivery. So, if a small town in a distant location wanted to buy Hostess cakes and Wonder bread, two trucks would have to drive out there, not one. Also, there is some complicated stuff I don't really understand about Hostess paying pensions to a whole bunch of workers, many of whom had never worked for Hostess.
http://news.investors.com/ibd-editorials-on-the-right/111912-633985-unions-dont-always-benefit-workers.htm?p=full [investors.com]
http://ohioansforworkplacefreedom.com/how-unions-killed-twinkies-and-wonderbread/ [ohioansfor...reedom.com]
Now, pay attention, because here's the key part: the Teamsters Union had been fighting with Hostess management, and they had seen the accounting numbers, and they believed that (at least on this issue) management was not lying. If Hostess didn't cut labor costs, it was doomed.
I am not an expert on unions, but my impression is that the Teamsters Union is not exactly a shill for management.
It wasn't Teamsters Union workers who went on strike: it was workers of a smaller union called the Bakery, Confectionary, Tobacco and Grain Millers International Union (BCTGM). The Teamsters Union publicly told BCTGM not to strike. Check out this page from the Teamsters Union web site:
http://www.teamster.org/content/teamsters-bakery-workers-should-hold-secret-ballot-vote-hostess [teamster.org]
The story gets even crazier. Management publicly told BCTGM that if the strike wasn't over by a specific date, they would shut down Hostess. BCTGM continued to strike. Management shut down the company. Then... a judge ordered both sides into an extra round of negotiations, and I thought to myself, "Here is where BCTGM can back down yet save face. They were unwavering in the face of a threat, they can proudly tell their members that they didn't back down until they were forced to, but they can still save all the jobs." But it was not to be. BCTGM continued to strike and Hostess shut down.
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It's not the union's failt they weren't willing to shoulder the entirety of the cuts while management dicked around.
Actually it is their fault. The union could have conceded more but chose not to. They chose to take the risk of liquidation and they came up snake eyes. They let their ego get in front of their BATNA. Given the financial position of the company management clearly held all the cards in this negotiation. I genuinely feel bad for the union employees since the management seems to have been a bunch of douchebags but they made the choice to risk unemployment over further cuts.
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Fallout rations (Score:3)
Ever since hearing that after a nuclear war the only two things left are cockroach and twinkies, I've been keeping 2 twinkies in my basement since the 80's. And they're still 100% good. So I guess it's pretty much true.
Need a control for the experiment (Score:3)
I've been keeping 2 twinkies in my basement since the 80's. And they're still 100% good.
Unless you actually eat them how would you know?
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the actual shelf life of a twinkie is 30 days
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and by "still good" you mean you have eaten parts without getting sick?
They're Twinkies. If you didn't get sick, they wouldn't be "still good".
Ding dongs and ho hos? (Score:2)
All part of a secret government plan (Score:5, Funny)
The USA public may have been sad at the thought of a Twinkies shortage, but the Secret Shadow Government engineered this re-booting of production for one reason. They know we need massive stores of Twinkies to sustain our brave zombie-killers in the upcoming Zombie Apocalypse.
Four food groups (Score:2)
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I've always gone by salt, sugar, grease, caffeine. Bacon isn't a group, it's just a particularly inspired combination of salt and grease.
WTF? (Score:2)
Re:WTF? (Score:5, Informative)
It seems wrong that a brand discontinued by its owner should sell for $400 million.
Perhaps I just don't understand the consumer business.
Maybe that's why I'm a hardware designer...
It's not really the consumer business, it's the corporate chop-shop/knacker business.
"Hostess Brands" has reasonably strong product lines and revenue; but it was having trouble with those pesky 'employees' who wanted 'the wages and benefits specified in their contracts', like some kind of parasitic commies or something. Some of them even had the temerity to suggest that demanding that they take major cuts when the 'Chief restructuring officer' and other higher ups had received 80% raises was a show of rather bad faith.
By chopping up the company for parts, the various brands, which are valuable, can be divorced from any "legacy pension and medical benefit obligations and restrictive work rules"(as the company describes them, in the self-pitying tones of one who has conveniently forgotten agreeing to them...) and turned into sweet, sweet cash, any facilities worth keeping can be sold off, and operations and creditors who actually matter can continue as normal. (Thanks to a little strategic-under-funding of the pension plan, American taxpayers [pbgc.gov] will get to do their part to ensure that real creditors come out unscathed.
Geek Food Staple? (Score:5, Insightful)
Could you not just write "Bazinga! 42! All Your Base!! xD!" instead?
If anything, the Twinkie is the food staple to those who are too nostalgic or stupid to know to buy ANYTHING ELSE.
The sturdy main component of the foundation to the geek four food groups of sugar, fat, caffeine and bacon
Ugh. I feel ashamed this is in the summary.
Blue Man Group (Score:2)
They must be happy now to have their Twinkies back! ;)
Not really surprising (Score:5, Informative)
The reason that Hostess went under is that management refused to play nice with their unionized workforce, and they decided that they'd rather have no company than a union shop. Now that the union is busted, they've restarted production with a non-unionized workforce, "generously" allowing those workers to return to their old jobs at about 1/3 what they were paid before.
And if you're wondering which side to blame: Before the strike that ended Hostess, there were a couple rounds of the union taking pay and benefit cuts followed by management giving themselves bonuses for convincing the union to accept the cuts. That's why the union didn't buy the "but if you don't take the cuts, the company will go under" argument.
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you may not have been getting your Twinkies, but clearly you are still drinking the Kool-Aid.
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What, that unions are to blame for all that is wrong with corporate America? Sure plenty of evidence for that. Tired of the canards regarding unions being tossed around as "facts."
Re:Not really surprising (Score:5, Interesting)
1. "how much the labor wanted for their jobs"
The union was protesting wage cuts, not demanding wage increases. Management had already agreed to what their labor was worth, and then re-neged on that agreement.
2. "The only real motivation for the management team to stay"
How come management needs nice big bonuses in order to stay when labor is supposed to accept 25-30% wage cuts without complaint?
3. Regardless of how large or small the change is, it certainly bad form. An equivalent scenario: Your sister tells you she's broke and the rent is due, and being a decent fellow you help her out. She gets your check, and then flies to Cancun for a week. 3 months later, she calls you again and says she's in a jam and needs your financial help. Are you as quick to support her the second time? How about the third time?
And, as a sibling poster pointed out, this was also about robbing the entirety of the workers' pension fund.
The Not-So-Glorious Reality (Score:5, Informative)
So as you gorge on your new Twinkiees, try to ignore that no doubt they were made by newly or re-hired workers from the now-permanent underclass: longer hours, lower wages, little or no benefits, and laughable health insurance.
Not that much of this will matter to the increasingly Randian crowd on Slashdot.
Re:The Not-So-Glorious Reality (Score:5, Funny)
"Not that much of this will matter to the increasingly Randian crowd on Slashdot."
Oh, please. You know that if a worker just shows a little initiative, and works hard on the twinkie production line, they will be rewarded with wage increases and promotions until they are able to join elite non moocher society. /s
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This is another case of corporate S.O.P: declare bankruptcy for one reason; to void any and all obligations to current - and especially - retired employees.
This is one reason why I dislike corporate pensions so much -- there are so many ways for companies to get out of those obligations. Never accept compensation that assumes that the company will even be around anymore in the next month, much less the next year.
Corporate 401ks are almost benign in comparison.
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When Hostess began to face financial woes, the company’s CEO got a 300% salary increase from $750,000 to $2,250,000. It was discovered that the former Hostess CEO tripled his salary in early 2012. Meanwhile, a number of top executives saw massive pay raises, some nearly doubling their salaries. The new CEO blamed union workers for the company’s bankruptcy filing—yet it's the workers who were the very ones who gave concessions multiple times in the past few years. In December, a staggering
Glorious indeed (Score:5, Insightful)
Welcome back, Type II Diabetes. We have missed you.
All new twinkies! (Score:5, Funny)
Same great product! Without that heavy union after-taste.
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So you score with your left hand or the right hand?
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Re:No Wonder You All Are So Fat (Score:5, Interesting)
Twinkies and other processed foods aren't the problem. One Twinkies a week isn't likely to make a person gain weight, unless they're taking in exactly the number of calories that they're burning.
The problem is that people aren't moving enough and are eating too much. The fact that Twinkies are effectively just a source of calories without any redeeming value doesn't really factor into it.
I remember having a Twinkie once, and it was one of the most disgusting "foods" I've ever eaten. And I've eaten spiders, scorpions and tripe.
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It's not really supposed to taste good. It's comfort food. As in it presses specific buttons in the brain to make one feel better in the short term. Sort of similar to why some people have a harder time of managing their sodium intake than others. I have very little compulsion to consume too much salt, but I have to be really careful about my sugar intake because that's a problem for me.
Re:..and this is ./-worthy news, how? (Score:5, Funny)
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Pointing out how terrible something is for you != banning it.
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Ahh yes, because one's lack of self-control is the reason we should implement a law telling a company what size cup they can serve their drinks in.
Should we tell car manufacturers their cars can't go faster than 75 mph too while we're at it?*
Again, we're trying to find a technical solution to a human problem.
* Have to make sure to get in the car analogy
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I hear that certain lifestyles run a much higher risk of contracting diseases that are long-term and costly to treat. Maybe we should outlaw such lifestyles on the pretext of not wanting to pay for the downstream healthcare costs. Just saying.
Yeah! This. I hear that the hetero style often results in pregnancy (a horrible debilitating disease, if you ask any woman, especially around 9 months in) and huge long-term costs as everyone pays to feed and educate the results. It should be outlawed.
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Not exactly the same, no. There are copyright restrictions on Hostess recipes.
I just want to know if whoever buys Ding Dongs also gets King Dongs- which truly are the same thing.
And I just RTFAd, which tells me that soon Carl's Jr. will feature these brands in their desert menu and you should be able to buy them anywhere Pabst Beer can be bought (two other overpriced-for-the-nutrition-you-get brands).
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PBR is overpriced?!?!
It is one of the cheaper beers around. To me, it tastes just about the same as Budwiser or the like. I'm not often in mood for the chug'em ice cold US lagers like these, but they do have their place (on extremely hot days here in NOLA), and I'd just as soon grab a PBR as a Bud or Bud Light, especially since the price is much lower.
When not sweating my ass off,
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PBR costs money correct?
That makes it over priced, they would have to pay me to drink it.
If you want bottled water, just drink that. If you must pickup a sixer of megabrewery product for a hot day you could get some blue moon.
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That makes it over priced, they would have to pay me to drink it.
If you want bottled water, just drink that. If you must pickup a sixer of megabrewery product for a hot day you could get some blue moon.
I believe PBR is actually cheaper than bottled water. I'll still stick with water, though.
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Horse pee, not cat pee. They proudly show off the source of their "beer" every chance they get.
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No there aren't. http://www.copyright.gov/fls/fl122.html [copyright.gov]
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PBR is 153 calories, for about fifty cents a can. 300 calories to the dollar is not bad at all.
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Calories are not equal to nutrition at all, unless you're on hospice.
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There are copyright restrictions on Hostess recipes.
No, no, you cannot copyright how to make a functional object. That's what patents are for, and they run out after 20 years.
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1024 kilo dollars.
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It's like an Americanised eclair. Pastry on the outside, cream on the inside. I don't think they usually put chocolate on the top either. Damn now I have a mad craving for eclairs.
On that note the geek culture of eating shit needs to stop, I mean this stuff combined with a sedentary lifestyle is basically slow or not so slow suicide. Eat small amounts of healthy food, cut back on the coffee and cut out the booze, get regular exercise. Being fat isn't fun or smart and sugar rushes wreck anyone's concentratio
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Please post less.
' K
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They don't write "news for nerds" anymore under the logo for a reason.
Re:Over $400 mega dollars (U.S.) (Score:5, Funny)
I honestly have not noticed that until just right now.
Oh man I need a minute to digest this.
Re:Over $400 mega dollars (U.S.) (Score:5, Funny)
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there is nothing ambiguous about the number of significant figures in "over 400". there is exactly one.
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