George Lucas May Be Completely Evil 1036
gabec writes "Sci-fi Wire is reporting a couple rumors about the changes being made to the original Star Wars trilogy for its next release. That being that Natalie Portman may be being inserted into Episode VI: Return of the Jedi and that universally reviled Jar Jar Binks may be being inserted into Episode IV: A New Hope. May The Force forbid." Mind you this is reported as rumor, but it's so unsurprisingly possible...
Stupid Star Wars nerds (Score:4, Funny)
Re:Stupid Star Wars nerds (Score:4, Funny)
:)
It's funny cause it's true (Score:2, Insightful)
The parent will probably end up at -1 flamebait pretty soon, but it's actually an appropriate sentiment.
If you don't like what Lucas has done or is going to do (Episode 7 anyone?), just give your money to someone else. Break the cycle. His ego is such that he doesn't care if people hate Jar Jar or any of his other silly CGI insertions. AotC will make him millions and episode 3 will make him millions more, regardless. Just let it be and go focus in on other movies and moviemakers. They'll appreciate your 10$ more than Lucas ever will, I'm sure.
Re:Stupid Star Wars nerds (Score:3, Funny)
"NERD ABU-SER! NERD ABU-SER!"
Of course any chant with Jar-Jar's name in it wouldn't be worth the breath it expelled...so we'll leave him out of it!
Re:Stupid Star Wars nerds (Score:2)
Re:Stupid Star Wars nerds (Score:5, Funny)
Maury: How did it feel when you saw how much Episode 1 sucked?
Nerd: Ah felt betrayed, and ah felt abused. He abused me like ah was a wet food stamp!
Maury: But you stood in line for weeks to be the first nerd to see Episode 2!
Nerd: [Nods, weeping]
Maury: Well, why do you keep going back to him?
Nerd: Because ah LOVE him! I LOVE George Lucas!
Re:Stupid Star Wars nerds (Score:4, Funny)
Damn and I was hoping in Episode 3 we find out Jar Jar Binks is actually the thinner version of Jabba the Hut. I figure Jar Jar (once he realized how badly he screwed over the Federation and after he grew a conscience) started over-eating to subsume his growing guilt, started a black-market trading operation to undercut the Empire financially, and finally lost his mind when he started eating his Queen Amidala dancer-substitute. Face it folks - Jar Jar is Jabba the Hut. Once you accept it, all of it makes sense.
Maybe interesting... (Score:2, Insightful)
Re:Maybe interesting... (Score:3, Interesting)
You know, I'd buy them, if only I could. But you know what? I can't. I can buy the new versions of 4,5 and 6, but not the original versions. Lucas won't sell the originals anymore. So, no money from me, George.
Re:Maybe interesting... (Score:2, Interesting)
I, for one, curl my lip every time I see Greedo make that first shot [jax-inter.net]. What was he trying to do?
I thought she was dead. (Score:2, Insightful)
Re:I thought she was dead. (Score:2, Insightful)
That said, Lucas is incredibly naive if he thinks anyone is going to accept Jar-Jar being added to Ep IV. Personally, I think AICN has been fooled yet again.
Re:I thought she was dead. (Score:3, Insightful)
and luke thought his father died when he was very young, too. what's you're bloody point?
SPOILER
luke's father isn't dead. he wnet to the dark side and became darth vader.
Re:I thought she was dead. (Score:2, Funny)
This will result in a funny scene:
Yoda: If he fails everything is lost.
Obi-Wan ghost: No, there is still his sister.
And if she gets screwed, we can still clone them 1384 times.
Re:I thought she was dead. (Score:3, Funny)
Re:I thought she was dead. (Score:3, Funny)
Natalie Portman in black leather... Mmmmmmmm...
Uh, *Cough* Um, sorry, I was in a happy place there for a second.
Re:I thought she was dead. (Score:2, Funny)
Re:I thought she was dead. (Score:3, Funny)
We're getting DEEP into nerdism here
To say the least...
It's interesting to note that while Vader does know he had a child, it isn't until he reads Luke's mind in ROTJ does he realize he had twin children.
I don't see any inconsistency here. Anakin bangs wife -> wife gets pregnant. Even Anakin should understand that his wife is pregnant even if she wouldn't tell him, no matter how dim-witted he is. And seing how he acted in "Attack of the clones", that is plenty dimwitted indeed. Anyway, so Anakin joins Palpatine (hey, I would too if I'd get that cool black helmet with The-breathing-sound) and leaves Padme. Or maybe Padme dumped Anakin? You know, maybe she wasn't satisified, or she was plain weirded out when Anakin fingered her with that robotic hand (you can see the robot hand at the end of "attack of the clones")?
I knew it.... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:I knew it.... (Score:4, Funny)
Re:I knew it.... Star Wars XP - (Score:4, Funny)
Surprise, Surprise (Score:2, Interesting)
It'll make a ton of money, and maybe (just maybe) he'll fix his continuity problems.
GenericJoe
Now we know who the sith apprentice is :-) (Score:2, Insightful)
So here's the quandary: do we take the bastard out now, or do we try to figure out who the sith lord is?
the actual story (Score:3, Funny)
if the author's command of english is any demonstration of the reliability of his unmentioned sources, there's little to fear about natalie being inserted into the original trilogy.
however, i would have nothing against jar jar taking greedo's first shot in the chest, allowing han to do the heroic thing and finish him off.
err, finish off greedo that is, not jar jar.
But why??? (Score:4, Insightful)
It might work for continuity purposes (in George Lucas' mind), but frankly, most Star Wars fans prefer Episodes IV-VI to be as unchanged as possible even after Episode III is released. Lucas will be accused to overtinkering with the first Star Wars trilogy, and that won't win him friends among old-time Star Wars fandom, that's to be sure.
Re:But why??? (Score:5, Insightful)
He is *not* the genius visionary that all his buddies and hollywood ass kissers like to tell him he is - he just had one really good idea - but now he is just a greedy flipping bastard without imagination and vision. The star wars universe has been built up and expanded upon by the great fans that have loved the original seed that lucas planted and nurtured it into a mature and full concept - the only thing lucas does for the sar wars universe these days is capitalize on it.
he is not a good director, he is just someone who stumbled onto something that became great - regardless of him. but he keeps his imperial grip on the concept and makes himself more and more into the palpatine we despise....
/rant
The tighter you squeeze the franchise. . . . (Score:3, Funny)
Now, all we need is a CGI Peter Cushing [earthlink.net] with a CGI Lucas beard and flannel shirt [starwars.com]. . . .
Re:But why??? (Score:5, Insightful)
Heh, I always love to hear this kind of uninformed sillyness. It's what keeps me going.
First off, as for directing, Lucas is good. He directs well, and his visual sense is utterly amazing. He's terrible at some things, and I would never rank him with someone like Kubrik or Hitchcock. There are, however, only a handful of people who can make a movie as physically engaging as episodes IV, V and II. Technically he does a good job.
But no one sings Lucas' praises solely for his directorial work. The reason that he's refered to as a giant in the industry is the sheer number of times he's changed the way Hollywood works! You may have heard of the names Skywalker Sound, Lucasfilm, Lucas Arts, Pixar, ILM? These are all Lucas companies that have contributed hugely to the modernization of the movie-making industry. Having created any *one* of them would have been an achivement worthy of comment in Hollywood. Having created all of them is frankly stunning.
There are also less... wholesome things that I credit the man with genius and visionary status for. He forsook pay on episode IV in return for merchandizing rights. He was frankly laughed at for asking for this, but the studio happily gave away the "worthless" merchandizing rights. No studio will ever be able to take that decision lightly again because it was George Lucas who showed Hollywood what those rights were really worth. That money paid to turn ILM and Lucasfilm into forces to be reckoned with in Hollywood and in turn founded Skywalker Sound, Pixar, and lots of other little companies as spinnoffs (can anyone remember the name of the medical imaging company that Pixar spun off?)
You may or may not like or respect Lucas, and that call is all yours, but I think genius visionary is a title that can be safely awarded to anyone who slaps Hollywood to its senses and ushers in the age of digital effects and later digital film making.
Re:But why??? (Score:4, Interesting)
>
> people who can make a movie as physically engaging
> as episodes IV, V and II.
How about practicing what you preach? Lucas did not direct V, Irvin Kershner did.
Re:But why??? (Score:4, Interesting)
Personally I would LOVE for Lucas to tinker with ANY episode that he wants to. Barring a complete rewrite of the story I'll be chomping at the bit to see what layers of the story can be added.
If he blows it and introduces something new and corny I'll just watch my older VHS copy of the episode, no harm done. If he pulls a rabbit out of the hat and adds more depth, or better effects, or ties the story together better I'll eat it up.
Star Wars isn't sacred and written in stone. It's just a story, one of the most epic stories ever told. Obviously as time goes on the story will grow (fan fiction, Lucas himself) and evolve (remastering, etc.). Given the advances in technology I'd love to see all of the episodes stiched together seamlessly. How many of us wouldn't want to fiddle with the originals if we were in Lucas' position?
You're just who Lucas is looking for (Score:4, Insightful)
Oh, and calling Star Wars one of the most epic stories ever written is pathetic. Read some books for God's sake. Ever heard of The Illiad? The Odyssey? The Maha-Barata? Fucking BEOWULF, for God's sake! Get out more!
HEY! (Score:5, Funny)
Binks: A Future For Your Children. A Future For The Republic. Vote Today.
Didnt you see the Simpsons episode... (Score:5, Funny)
Hasn't anyone seen the Simpsons episode where the comic store clerk goes to sleep with a life-sized Jar-Jar doll saying "Oh Jar-Jar, no one loves you but me..."
Groening couldn't have been more correct there...
Episode III spoiler (Score:5, Funny)
In III, it is 15 years later. The Clone Wars are in full swing. Chancellor Palpatine's "War on Secessionists" has killed many innocent people, but has failed to bring Count Dooku to justice.
Amidala has secretly had Anakin's love babies - while Anakin has been called away to fight the "War on Secessionists" with his side kick ObiWan.
Jar Jar accidentally flips the latch on Amidala's window in her high-rise as she leans on it to look out on the beatiful sunrise one morning (er - I wonder what Jar Jar was doing in Amidala's room in the early morning?). Anakin totally blows his top, and abandons his post, returning to Coruscant, he confronts Jar Jar, who admits that he was "doing" Amidala, and that Luke and Leia are really HIS. Anakin force-grabs Jar Jar, and lightsabers his arms and legs off, then shoves him out the same window, and before dropping him 5000 feet, tears his torso to shreds.
In the meantime, ObiWan is instructed by Yoda to NOT confront Anakin, but instead, to protect Luke and Leia from his growing rage. So ObiWan successfully evades Anakin on Coruscant, abducts the children, and spirits them off to Bail Organa's home planet of Alderaan. To have him adopt them as the Jedi's ace in the hole against the growing menace of their loose cannon, Anakin.
Anakin finds out and decides that the Jedi council is plotting against him, and needs to be destroyed. And so, he destroys them. Three escape. Yoda, Mace, and a new Jedi, Ell Ron Hubbardi played by John Travolta. A long hunting sequence plays out where Mace Windu and Ell Ron lead Anakin on a wild goose chase through the streets of Coruscant in a speeder, while Mace and Ell Ron philosophise about the meaning of life, the force, phenomenology, etc.
While they stop for food at a "Space Denny's", Mace goes to the bathroom, and Anakin finally catches up to Ell Ron, and uses the Jedi Mind Trick (TM) to convince him that Mace is evil and that they should destroy eachother. Mace comes out of the bathroom, and they have the lightsaber duel to end all lightsaber duels. Properly disposed of, Anakin now ignores the two and pursues Yoda. But by now, the trail is cold, and he ends up on Alderaan, looking for the kids, so he can destroy them. ObiWan finds him first, and they duel nearly to the death, and Anakin is plunged into a volcano.
Mace has destroyed Ell Ron Hubbardi, and it is in the remains of the shattered high-rise that was the Space Denny's that the emporer encounters him, all pissed off and shit. The emporer turns him to the dark side, and has him change his name to Darth Vader. The emporer says that he will tell everyone that Darth Vader is really Anakin, rescued from the Volcano, and rebuilt with off the shelf cyborg parts.
Yoda catches up with Obi Wan, and tells him that they've got to change plans a bit, because having BOTH twins on Alderaan is a single-point of failure, so Obi Wan takes Luke to Tatooine, and sells him as a slave for a cheap hooker. Luke is eventually sold through several owners, who decide to get rid of him as soon as they find out how much he whines, until he ends up in the same fate as his grandmother Shmi. Eventually, Owen comes to love Luke and sets him free, and even stops molesting him - but continues to keep him on as a farmhand. Yoda, in the meantime, has hidden himself on Dagobah.
Oh yeah, and one twist he wants to add.
The Space Denny's actually gathers roadkill from all around Coruscant. People who have fallen out of windows, or their speeder's seatbelts weren't fastened, etc. And grinds them up as mystery meat. So Mace and Ell Ron were actually eating bits of Amidala and Jar Jar. And when Anakin stopped to warp Ell Ron's mind, he also took a bite of Mace's hamburger, containing bits of Amidala. In this way, Amidala's body became part of the force, and this is the route through which she becomes a ghost at the end of the re-made episode VI. Also, they'll have to reshoot the scenes where Vader takes off his mask in Episode V and VI (and his ghost scene at the end of VI) to replace him with Windu. This is also how Jar Jar's ghost ends up in Episode IV, because he was eaten by Mace, who was Darth Vader. Jar Jar's ghost will be in the scene where Obi Wan is killed, he'll tell Luke; "Luke! Meesa tink yoosa better get a runnin boss" - but he won't admit to being his true father, because that would present an obvious continutiy error with Episode V. In fact, it will never be revealed to Luke who his real father is, and when he pulls off Vader's mask at the end and sees that it's Mace, he'll chalk up the skin color difference to volcanic scorching or something.
- - -
I'm not sure what to say to George. I mean, I think he sent it to me by mistake - I actually opened it by mistake, because the subject line was "Enlarge your penis 500%!" -
I think it's a great idea that hes getting a headstart, and I kind of like this better than where it looked like it was headed.
So... (Score:2)
Next thing you know, he'll follow it up with a movie called Jar Jar : The Battle for Naboo, which'll be inane, cute and a travesty of... oh, wait.
No need for hysteria (Score:5, Interesting)
Personally, I like the idea of this. It helps tie all 6 movies together and makes them seem like the series they are supposed to be. I mean, its not like he's totally changing the movie like he did with ANH and the Greedo scene.
Re:No need for hysteria (Score:2)
Re:No need for hysteria (Score:2, Funny)
But then how could they be twins? That would be one heck of a labor!
Re:No need for hysteria (Score:5, Insightful)
Re:Remember the classics... (Score:5, Funny)
Actually, I got ahold of a bootleg copy of the script for EP III on the internet, and found this interesting little piece of dialog just before Mace Windu's death:
Boba Fet: Hello, my name is Boba Fet. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
Mace Windu: STOP SAYING THAT!!!
Re:No need for hysteria (Score:3, Funny)
Perhaps Lucas wants to acknowledge what a mistake Jar-Jar is by giving the fans what they want.
The new scene will have Jar-Jar as a groveling, mistreated, abused slave of the Emperor. The Emperor will be in a discussion with his heads of state while Jar-Jar crawls in on all fours carrying a drink for the Emperor. Obviously beaten and broken, Jar-Jar cringes at each movement of his master.
Of course... since Jar-Jar is obviously a racial stereotype this may not go over so well...
What about the DMCA? (Score:2)
I suppose he considers this a bugfix release. . .
How dare he... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:How dare he... (Score:2)
sPh
HAHAHAH The arrogance (Score:2)
Oh yeah, how much do you want to bet that these DVDs with new footage will sell like hotcackes ?
And the craptification will be complete (Score:2)
However, Lucas just didn't figure out that he should've quit while he was ahead. So we get bullshit like Episode I. What an utter disappointment. That was the last new Star Wars movie that I'll ever be tricked into seeing. What remains is only the manifestation of Lucas's desire to ride the wave of merchandising income driven by the sheer inertia of the franchise. The only people that I really see as enjoying the new breed of Star Wars movies are those who are in denial of its poor quality, those who refuse to believe that the best days of their favorite Sci-Fi adventure series is behind them.
Sorry, folks. All good things must come to an end.
Why? (Score:2)
Re:Why? (Score:5, Funny)
lol. Right. It's imperative that we ensure our fiction is as absolutely accurate as possible. How will future generations know what might really have happened on Tatooine if it would have been a real place? Who can our children trust when they need to find out how the Rebel Alliance could possibly have destroyed the first Death Star assuming that either of those things existed in the first place.
Please. Okay, yeah, Lucas may be a jerk for changing stuff around (if, indeed, he ends up doing so), but hell, don't liken it to 1984. It's just a movie.
He should spend his time . . . (Score:2)
Certainly the "oops . . . I just blew up a fleet" scene could be repaired.
ha (Score:2)
That gives it away.
Score:-1, Troll
There's only one thing to say (Score:2)
I wish that you people would at least *think* before you post online rumors like this one. Jar Jar in Episode 4? It takes place 30 years after Episode 3 ends, and the Gungans have a life span of only 25 years (from Episode 1). And where could Portman get worked into the plot of Jedi? There are no lines in the whole movie that reference a mother figure, only "I am your father". If anywhere, it would be in Empire, where Luke is talking to Obi Won, asking about his parents and finds out about his sister.
Re:There's only one thing to say (Score:2)
Luke finds out about his sister in Jedi, not Empire. (Although it is hinted at in Obi-Wan and Yoda's private conversation in Empire after Luke takes off from Dagobah.)
The lines referring to the mother are in the conversation between Luke and Leia in Jedi. Lucas always said he added this scene in because he intended to make their mother a significant character in the prequels. I'm speculating added footage would involve a flashback on Leia's part.
Special Special Edition (Score:2)
I thought it was great they Jabba was added to A New Hope, and I look forward to seeing Natalie Portman in Return of the Jedi, but pleeeeease no more Jar Jar.
Re:Special Special Edition (Score:2)
i don't care so much about greedo shooting first, when you compare it to that horrile jabba scene. i had almost managed to rationalize it away, thinking, "well he must have put on a few pounds between movies." after all, isn't it supposed to be several years in between episodes 4 and 6?
then i saw episode 1 and realized that george lucas just didn't see how hideous that scene was because his colon was blocking his view.
Re:Special Special Edition (Score:2, Interesting)
For story continuity reasons, maybe. But the way they physically did it was awfully clunky. They had shot a scene of Han walking around a big fat guy wearing a weird costume. Not "Jabba" enough I guess. So later when they CG add Jabba, the body sizes are off. So Han has to walk on Jabba's tail to walk around him. Bad, clunky. OK, this guy wants to kill me, let me walk on him, but then again the CG Jabba doesn't have a reaction at all anyway to this guy walking on him, so what the hell. Worse, they have to CG elevate Han, so all of a sudden, he just pops up maybe 2 feet, then pops down, no natural ovement at all. Very clunky.
I also remember, maybe in a comic, that Luke and Leia kissed. Kinda icky since they're brother and sister. Just shows that Lucas never really thought the whole thing out, kinda shooting from the hip. That's not a bad thing, just don't confuse him with a story visionary.
Isn't this the exact same crowd... (Score:5, Insightful)
Yeah, count my vote on that one.
That does not follow (Score:3, Insightful)
We also want to have the choice of retaining the film in its original presentation.
Lucas seems bent on changing the "Star Wars" movies a bit more with every major release so that the only way to get the original films may one day be to buy the VHS copies on eBay somewhere.
Pfah to that. Not *everyone* wants to see the films "enhanced" with new footage, and I'd like to have the choice of not seeing it when I watch the film.
Cheap way to extend copyright forever (Score:3, Insightful)
I'm not sure of the legal standing of this wrt to the original version, but for practical purposes it's probably effective as a method to extend copyright forever.
Bar Scene (Score:5, Funny)
JJ: "Meesa wanted man in 12 systems!!!"
Luke: "I'll be careful"
JJ: "Yousa be dead like a da Gungans!!!"
(swoosh! - lops off his head)
Meesa thinks (Score:2)
May not be that bad. (Score:5, Insightful)
First I want to say that any lengthy insert would be a disaster. I think their is no argument at all on that subject.
I can , however, see where a small insert would be helpfull to the story line. Something like a shot of jar jar watching luke meet obiwan and saying "the circle starts again" or something similar IANASW( I am not a script writer). A small item to help tie the first three with the next three. With the way that these movies were filmed, in reverse order, Something like this may be necesary to make them feel as a whole series again.
The other possibility is that he needs to add elements to tie the last three to the middle three. For an example having queen amadala show in return to say that she was never gone but hiding out and once the emporer is defeated we need to go do this. He may have excluded these parts in the original filming becuase it would have created a cliff hanger in the movie that would not be resolved for 30 to 40 years. Now he can add it and start the work, striving for a completed nine movies over three sets of three.
The point is a little dash of extra may not be so bad, have to see it to judge. Let's just hope this is not done as some marketting stunt to get us all buy the movies AGAIN.
Re:May not be that bad. (Score:5, Insightful)
My understanding was that the trilogies were supposed to be separate. Yes, there is a background story which flows between the nine, but each trilogy is (I guess) about a different generation. But hasn't Lucas said he wasn't going to make the third trilogy.
Which brings me to my argument. I have yet to see any convincing evidence that there ever was a trilogy of trilogies. It seems to me that Lucas is just winging it, knowing Star Wars fanatics will blindly follow where their messiah takes them (call it fundamentalism if you want). He may have had the original trilogy in mind when he made the Ep IV (debatable) but I find it extremely hard to believe he had the entire series of nine in mind. Now, however, he's in a position to claim he had the whole thing in mind the whole time, and who is really going to question him? SW zealots take his word as Truth, and nobody else really cares.
I'm actually planning on seeing AOTC tonight, so we'll see if Lucas manages to impress. I have the advantage of having no hopes that it will... so perhaps this movie will be rated on its own merit and not the merit of the supposed "universe" which "Lucas created." Newsflash: Lucas didn't do a hell of a lot... writers like Timothy Zahn did the great work extending the SW universe. Lucas just gets the credit.
I'm a former SW fan (fanatic, perhaps, but only a bit beyond the "fan" level). Maybe that makes me a bit disgruntled and angry of how Lucas has fleshed out the plot to "his" movies -- that's fine if they're his movies, but you'd think he'd have the self-interest to make sure the new ones didn't suck. Episode I was just another example of Lucas's complete lack of talent.
As Han says, "I call it luck."
To which Obi-Wan answers, "In my experience, there's no such thing as luck."
Well... who do you like more? I always liked Han.
Looks like we're screwed for the DVDs (Score:2)
Maybe there will be a hidden feature that will let you play the movie in the original, uncut version.
Tragic (Score:4, Funny)
Ooh a new halflife patch!
Darth JarJar (Score:2)
What Lucas Doesn't Mention... (Score:2, Funny)
Bootleg Episode 3 (Score:4, Funny)
You know, I hear that if you cross the International Date Line thrice, backwards, at the equator, and then find the proper site in Taiwan, you can get a copy of Episode 3 before Lucas has a chance to mess it up...
this is a trick (Score:2)
Here is my addition to those scripts:
don't touch the original trilogy, write a new script and do episodes 7, 8 and 9.
american director are too lazy when it comes to stories: sequels and re-make.
Jar Jar is Chewbacca (Score:2)
-Sean
Look on the bright side (Score:5, Funny)
A very clever plan (Score:2)
Having learned from the previous Special Editions that it is possible to make a good film worse, he will now bring all the films to the same level of quality, thus shutting down any future debates over which movies were worse than the others.
Unfortunately, his benchmark for quality seems to be that late-70's made-for-TV Wookie holiday special.
Besides, re-editing the original films could make them better, you know (it worked for the video/cable release of Battlefield Earth. Right?)
From the SlashDot Rumor Mill Dept. . . (Score:3, Funny)
May I suggest a change of motto?
Rumors for Nerds. Tabloid that Thinks it Matters.
Here is another idea- Star Wars Themes! (Score:2)
On topic- Lucas has always said he thinks of movies as never being done, they are abandoned. Though I think one can end up tinkering too much and screwing up (Jedi's new end song didn't do it for me).
Who gives a damn? (Score:5, Interesting)
These six movies are a saga. They tell a long, complex story with lots of twists and turns. When Lucas comes up with what he thinks is a good idea, he puts it in the mix. If he has to change a couple of things around to fit it in, he does. Big deal. It's not like he's going to change his mind on Darth Vader being Luke's father.
He can do whatever he wants with his movies, and personally I think he's doing a fantastic job. All six movies will fit together as a cohesive whole when it's all said and done.
This ain't Shakespeare, folks. Even Tolkien went back and corrected some continuity problems after LotR was published. So get over it.
Re:Who gives a damn? (Score:4, Funny)
The Year: 2007. The Empire Strikes Back: Ultimate Edition hits the screens.
In a controversially updated scene, Luke follows Darth Vader to the Cloud City of Bespin, where at the climactic moment of the legendary lightsaber duel, Vader says...
"No, Luke... meesa es your father!!!!!"
Re:Who gives a damn? (Score:3, Insightful)
Ok, I agree, George Lucas owns those movies. But the ideas he put down on film in episodes 4-6 are our common experience. They are part of our culture. We know what happened in the first star wars trilogy and we know what didn't happen.
I'm from Boston, and I know that in 1986, the Red Sox lost the world series on a grounder through the legs of Bill Buckner. I also know that the Red Sox DID NOT win the world series, have not since 1918. As much as I wish it could be otherwise, this is the way the world is.
Fiction is otherwise, but it's still a shared common experience. We all know Luke lost his hand in episode 5. We all know Han was encased in carbonite. We all know Yoda dies in episode 6. These are as much facts for us as the 1986 world series or the Apollo moon landing or 9/11/2001 or Tiennanmen Square.
Now, suppose George Lucas could rewrite history. Would we approve? No, of course not. This is, in many ways, no different. Jar Jar Binks was not in "A New Hope". But now Lucas is saying "No, no, I can change history. I own this Intellectual Property and can do as I wish with it.". In short, yes, he CAN make a mockery of our common heritage. I, for one, certainly hope he doesn't.
Episodes 4-6 stand on their own as a saga of epic proportions. They live on in my mind as memories of happy days in the past, before the dark times, before Jar Jar. I only hope my children will have the opportunity to feel the same way.
Re:Who gives a damn? (Score:4, Insightful)
The "true fans." This is the problem with the movie industry. Everyone is so busy catering to the "true fans" that people forget about making good films. "Oooo, the Tolkien fans won't like it if we take something out of the book." "Oooo, the Star Wars fans won't like it if we put Jar Jar in the next movie."
The fans' opinion does not matter. If you are truly concerned with artists making good films, then quit expecting them to cater to your every whim. It is not your film. Even if you have every single Star Wars figure, book, bedspread, drinking glass, etc., you still have no say in what an artist puts into his art. You don't hear art collectors saying "I like Starry Night, but I wish Van Gogh had put some more red in it. He owed it to us to paint a picture that we'd like."
If you don't like what the artist has to say, how his story is told, or what accent his characters speak with then don't buy his work. No one is forcing you.
You are truly the epitomy of a consumer.
amnesia as a plot device (Score:2, Funny)
I wish I couldn't remember anything form the first trilogy either!
Seriously, though ... it reminds me of one of the Chritopher Reeve Superman movies, where Superman erases Lois' memory, so she won't know for the sequel. Stupid then, stupid now.
George, why couldn't you have died in the 80s and left us imagining how great the movies could have been?
What about the originals? (Score:5, Insightful)
It's sad that the original films have become lost to consumers, and presumably will stay lost. How about if he releases the original, restored (but unaltered) movies on DVD first. Then he's free to add Jar Jar, Natalie Portman, Samuel Jackson, Matt LeBlanc or whoever the hell else he wants to Episodes IV-VI.
Re:What about the originals? (Score:3, Funny)
That's odd. I could swear my laserdiscs were of the original films. Aside from the "A New Hope" title, that is. I hear that got inserted in the years between the original theatrical release and the video release. Damn, I wish I knew what happened to the ancient bootleg VHS copy that my family used to have way back when.
Re:What about the originals? (Score:3, Interesting)
It's a two disk set (or two sided disk, depending on when you bought it). On the first side/disk are three different edits of the film: the original edit, the "special edition" they did for cable a few years back, and an extended edition (hidden behind an easter egg) that includes a few more scenes that aren't even in the special edition. What's great about it is everyone gets what they want: Cameron [imdb.com] can deliver the recut version he likes best, and fans can see the other two versions as well. (Cameron's preference apparently is the middle version, which is why the longest one is hidden behind an easter egg).
How do they jam three separate edits of a 152 minute movie on one DVD? They don't. They take advantage of the seamless branching functionality that has been in the DVD format all along, and re-use the sections of the flick that are unchanged from one edit to the other.
Now, the question is: is Lucas is smart enough to do this?
Killing Jar Jar (Score:3, Funny)
Remember the scene where Greedo confronts Han in the cantena. Now we all know that in the original Star Wars, Han shoots first, but for the "special edition", Greedo shoots first, and his shot hits the wall next to Han.
Imagine Jar Jar sitting next to Han. Greedo shoots first, blowing Jar Jar's head off. Han shoots second, killing Greedo.
Everyone wins.
Sequels to the Phantom Edit... (Score:4, Funny)
Episode I: The Phantom Edit
Epidose II: Attack of the Edit
Episode III: TBA
Episode IV: A New Edit
Episode V: The Edit Strikes Back
Episode VI: The Return of the Edit
And of course Portman is going to end up a glowing ghost beside Anakin, Obi-Wan and the little green dude. Heck, it wouldn't surprise me if Lucas digitally inserts (a suitably make-up aged) Hayden Christensen instead of the guy who's playing Anakin now. Long story short--don't worry about it. The technology is there and the devout Star Wars afficiandos (you know, the guys who make their own vacuum-formed stormtrooper armour?) will have a definitive FAN-tastic version circulating out on the Net before you know it.
SCENE: Alderaan... (Score:5, Funny)
Jar-Jar: "Issa thata new moona, Bail Organa?"
CUT TO Death Star interior as the Planet Pulverizer(TM) fires and hits Alderaan.
CUT TO Jar-Jar binks being hidiously vaporized on Alderaan in a cruel twist of fate for giving the empire its power.
So you see, people, it might not be that bad...
Different versions on DVD? (Score:5, Interesting)
Would there be any harm in doing this?
mark
Re:Different versions on DVD? (Score:4, Funny)
Yes. To George's ego.
Star Wars needs Service Packs (Score:5, Funny)
Not 9 Movies. No, really. Just 6. (Score:5, Interesting)
I don't discount the possibility that there could be more Star Wars movies after Episode III, but I personally don't think Lucas will want to put out the effort. Remember, he's going to be 61 years old when Episode 3 comes out, and productions of this magnitude take a huge amount of effort. I suppose he could act in more of a supervisory role and let someone else handle more of the day-to-day duties, but, the question of Lucas' talent aside, would such movies FEEL like "Star Wars"? Hard to see, the future is. Not to mention the fact that the story arc would be more or less unrelated to Eps. 1-6, and we probably wouldn't have the same emotional attachments we've formed with the characters we already know.
It has occurred to me that an "interim" movie would be possible, something that takes place between episodes 3 and 4 (call it "Star Wars: Rise of the Empire" with no "Episode N" part) that bridges the 20-year gap... maybe giving some details of the Empire's atrocities, Luke and Leia's upbringings, maybe Han's background, etc. Just a thought of my own.
Re:Not 9 Movies. No, really. Just 6. (Score:5, Informative)
And now (Score:5, Funny)
10. Orbiting Tatooine in the opening scene.
9. Sweeping the hallway on the Princess' ship right before the stormtroopers cut through the door
8. In the first escape pod from the Princess' ship
7. Standing behind Obi-Wan at the bar
6. Under the table during Greedo and Han's conversation
5. Admiring the Millenium Falcon from the doorway just prior to its departure
4. Running a lemonade stand on Alderaan
3. Last (almost) through the blast doors
2. Porkins' co-pilot
..and the NUMBER ONE place for Jar-Jar in Episode 4:
1. In the exhaust shaft!
R2D2 Memory (Score:3, Funny)
That explains a lot. R2 doesn't fly in episodes 4-6 because he forgot he can.
I can see it now.. (Score:5, Funny)
Episode IV: Jar Jar steps in Jawa poo.
Episode V: Jar Jar steps in Jabba the Hut's poo.
Episode VI: Jar Jar steps in Ewok poo.
I just think Lucas is trying to insert "poo" analogies in his films. Pretty soon, Vader will be re-dubbed to refer to his army of "stormpoopers". Han Solo will be encased in poop instead of carbonite, AT-ATs will step in poop, and and the climax of the saga will be when Vader gets unmasked, only to say "Poop, I am your faaaa-tha."
Save The Planet - Nuke California,
from email... (Score:5, Funny)
INT: BESPIN GANTRY - MOMENTS LATER:
A furious lightsaber duel is underway. DARTH VADER is backing LUKE SKYWALKER towards the end of the gantry. A quick move by Vader, chops off Luke's hand! It goes spinning off into the ventilation shaft. Luke backs away. He looks around, but realizes there's nowhere to go but straight down.
Darth Vader: Obi Wan never told you what happened to your father.
Luke: He told me enough! He told me you killed him!
Darth Vader: No... I am your father!
Luke: No, it's not true! It's impossible.
Darth Vader: Search your feelings... you know it to be true...
Luke: NO!
Darth Vader: Yes, it is true... and you know what else? You know that brass droid of yours?
Luke: Threepio?
Darth Vader: Yes... Threepio... I built him... when I was 7 years old...
Luke: No...
Darth Vader: Seven years old? And what have you done? Look at yourself, no hand, no job, and couldn't even levitate your own ship out of the swamp...
Luke: I destroyed your precious Death Star!
Darth Vader: When you were 20! When I was 10, I single-handedly destroyed a Trade Federation Droid Control ship!
Luke: Well, it's not my fault...
Darth Vader: Oh, here we go... "Poor me... my father never gave me what I wanted for my birthday... boo hoo, my daddy's the Dark Lord of the Sith... waahhh wahhh!"
Luke: Shut up...
Darth Vader: You're a slacker! By the time I was your age, I had exterminated the Jedi knights!
Luke: I used to race my T-16 through Beggar's Canyon.
Darth Vader: Oh, for the love of the Emperor... 10 years old, winner of the Boonta Eve Open... Only human to ever fly a Pod Racer... right here, baby!
{Luke looks down the shaft. Takes a step towards it.}
Darth Vader: I was wrong... You're not my kid... I don't know whose you are, but you sure ain't mine...
{Luke takes a step off the platform, hesitates, then plunges down the shaft.}
{Darth Vader looks after him.}
Darth Vader: Get a haircut!
Other Rumored Changes (Score:3, Funny)
Star wars is like microsoft (Score:3, Funny)
sir_haxalot
Re:Bah, who really cares. (Score:2)
Re:Not gonna happen (Score:2)
I doubt Lucas would mess with his earlier creations.
I think John McEnroe said it best:
YOU CAN NOT BE SERIOUS!
Lucas has constantly tinkered with modifying his "earlier creations." Just try to find a copy of the original Episode IV where Solo shoots first.
And from the story:
Lucas also reportedly told E! Online that the reason droids C-3P0 and R2-D2 have no memory of Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader is because their memories have been wiped prior to the beginning of Episode IV, the original Star Wars movie.
Man, that is the absolute worst explanation I have ever heard. Anyone who honestly thinks Lucas had these stories all planned out years ago is deluding themselves. Face it, Lucas is making this stuff up as he goes along.
GMD
Re:Not gonna happen (Score:5, Informative)
Another galaxy, another time.
The Old Republic was the Republic of legend, greater than distance or time. No need to note where it was or whence it came, only to know that...it was *the* Republic.
Once, under the wise rule of the Senate and the protection of the Jedi Knights, the Republic throve and grew. But as often happens when wealth and power pass beyond the admirable and attain the awesome, then appear those evil ones who have greed to match.
So it was with the Republic at its height. Like the greatest of trees, able to withstand any external attack, the Republic rotted from within though the danger was not visible from outside.
Aided and abetted by restless, power-hungry individuals within the government, and the massive organs of commerce, the ambitious Senator Palpatine caused himself to be elected President of the Republic. He promised to reunite the disaffected among the people and to restore the remembered glory of the Republic.
Once secure in office he declared himself Emperor, shutting himself away from the populace. Soon he was controlled by the very assisstants and boot-lickers he had appointed to high office, and the cries of the people for justice did not reach his ears.
Having exterminated through treachery and deception the Jedi Knights, guardians of justice in the galaxy, the Imperial governors and bureaucrats prepared to institute a reign of terror among the disheartened worlds of the galaxy. Many used the imperial forces and the name of the increasingly isolated Emperor to futher their own personl ambitions.
But a small number of systems rebelled at these new outrages. Declaring themselves opposed to the New Order they began the great battle to restore the Old Republic.
From the beginning they were vastly outnumbered by the systems held in thrall by the Emperor. In those first dark days it seemed certain the bright flame of resistance would be extinguished before it could cast the light of new truth across a galaxy of oppressed and beaten peoples...
Re:Another one? (Score:3, Informative)
Re:revised ep's IV thru VI? (Score:2)