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Superhero Smackdown 602

Paul writes "Fox News is running a story that asks one of the best geek questions of our generation: who win if Superman and Batman fought one another?. The last this topic was big was during the Spider-Man/AOTC rush in May. I distinctly remember a particular essay that compared Superman, Batman, Spider-Man, any Jedi (particularly Yoda), and James Bond." Obviously the author didn't read DK2 ;) And I put my money on Deadpool, if only because his quips are better.
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Superhero Smackdown

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  • Obviously, unless Batman has some kryptonite stashed in his utility belt, he's thoroughly F'd if he messes with the Man of Steel.

    Have the /. editors ever read any comic books? Batman is a normal guy. He just has a fancy suit and a lot of gadgets and training. It's no contest.

    • by joshsisk ( 161347 ) on Tuesday October 29, 2002 @10:41AM (#4555489)
      (slight spoilers ahead)

      Have the /. editors ever read any comic books?

      Did you ever read Dark Knight Returns? Of _course_ he has kryptonite in his utility belt!!
    • Have the /. editors ever read any comic books? Batman is a normal guy. He just has a fancy suit and a lot of gadgets and training. It's no contest.

      I always thought that was his appeal. He's just a normal human (at least physically) without the benefit of being an alien or mutated. At his core, he's really just a very rich vigilante.

      • by Thud457 ( 234763 ) on Tuesday October 29, 2002 @11:17AM (#4555803) Homepage Journal
        God, I can't believe how many of you geeks manage to horribly mangle the plot of "The Dark Knight Returns". You must write for hollywood. I'm not even a damn fanboy, and I can synopsize the battle more accurrately.

        Batman plans ahead and is prepared while big dopey Superman comes blundering in to take B into custody because the powers that be say he's a "bad boy".
        Batman gives S a dose of the K, smacks him around with some missles while he's weakened, and generally beats him until he cries like a little girl. They point that out in the story that Batman wants Superman to know that he got his ass kicked, and by whom.
        Then, having already thought through the scenario, B knows that even if he wins, that the world has changed, and he can't operate openly anymore. So he has a chemical concotion, that he thought up with his big brain, that puts him in a coma.
        Superman thinks he's killed B, and cries again. Batman sculks off to continue to use his big brain to fight evil from the shadows.

        Basicly, Batman wins because he's a big smarty-man, but then throws the fight. In the bigger picture, they're both victims of circumstance, and have to comprimise to survive in the world.
    • by Metaldsa ( 162825 ) on Tuesday October 29, 2002 @10:43AM (#4555508)
      Have you ever read comic books? The only known kyrptonite was given to batman from superman to stop him in case he goes crazy. I agree with what others are saying. If Batman attacks then he wins but if superman attacks first he wins (b/c batman doesn't carry around the kryptonite 24/7).
    • Obviously, unless Batman has some kryptonite stashed in his utility belt, he's thoroughly F'd if he messes with the Man of Steel.

      Have the /. editors ever read any comic books? Batman is a normal guy. He just has a fancy suit and a lot of gadgets and training. It's no contest.

      Does it hurt to be this ignorant?

      Batman has already won, it was in comic books. You seem to be underestimating the fact he's a few orders of magnitude smarter than Superman and has unlimited funding. Let me reiterate this for you, Batman has already beat Supes. DKR, DKR, Frank Miller; they are your friends.
  • by mikedaisey ( 413058 ) on Tuesday October 29, 2002 @10:38AM (#4555457) Homepage
    Batman wins through guile, then spares Superman's life. Film at eleven.
  • by Drunken Coward ( 574991 ) on Tuesday October 29, 2002 @10:38AM (#4555459)
    This desire to see bloodshed between our heroes is obviously human nature, take the popularity of MTV's Celebrity Deathmatch.

    So why haven't we seen more things like exhibitional wrestling matches between Paul Allen, Steve Ballmer, and Bill Gates?

    Or ESR and RMS?
  • depends (Score:5, Insightful)

    by Unknown Poltroon ( 31628 ) <> on Tuesday October 29, 2002 @10:38AM (#4555461)
    Spur of the moment drunken brawl: Superman, no question.
    Planned event: Batman, hands down.
    (unless theyre limited to their bare hands)

    Always bet on the sneaky pragmatic bastard.
  • That's easy (Score:4, Insightful)

    by SuperDuG ( 134989 ) < minus distro> on Tuesday October 29, 2002 @10:38AM (#4555462) Homepage Journal
    Superman has un-human like powers. Batman is an anti-social billionaire who just likes to hang out in the dark all the time. Unless good ol bruce has a monopoly on the local gotham Cryptonite plant, I think hands down the "man of steel" himself will wax batman no problem.

    One question does come to mind, since they both always "fought evil", which one is going to turn to make this possible.

    Even more fun would be Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles vs. Power Rangers, or Pokemon vs. Dragon Ball Z. Why does everything have to be a boxing match, I want to see an all out brawl!

    • Re:That's easy (Score:5, Interesting)

      by GMontag ( 42283 ) <gmontag AT guymontag DOT com> on Tuesday October 29, 2002 @10:58AM (#4555642) Homepage Journal
      Actually, Batman was GIVEN Cryptonite by Superman, just in case Superman went nuts and had to be subdued.

      Thus, Batman would win hands down.
    • Even more fun would be Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles vs. Power Rangers, or Pokemon vs. Dragon Ball Z. Why does everything have to be a boxing match, I want to see an all out brawl!

      That's a good idea, but considering that in the DBZ world, Goku has god-like abilities (i.e. can destroy planets and such) how would this be even remotely fair? It'd be over before it began. TMNT versus Power Rangers might be good for a laugh though. But what would those turtles do when the rangers call their robots? Steal the Terror Drome?

  • Superman (Score:5, Funny)

    by CaffeineAddict2001 ( 518485 ) on Tuesday October 29, 2002 @10:38AM (#4555467)
    Of course. Batman is just a talented schizophrenic drunk millionaire with an adopted boy good at solving riddles. Hell, Superman wouldn't even need to do anything, Batman would probably off himself.
  • by andyring ( 100627 ) on Tuesday October 29, 2002 @10:38AM (#4555468) Homepage
    Ahhhh! How could you people forget one of the best - Inspector Gadget!
  • Superman... (Score:5, Funny)

    by spakka ( 606417 ) on Tuesday October 29, 2002 @10:40AM (#4555471)
    given sufficient stem-cell research
  • Duh... (Score:3, Interesting)

    by xTK-421x ( 531992 ) on Tuesday October 29, 2002 @10:40AM (#4555473) Homepage
    Superman by a mile... Batman is a highly skilled human, while Superman is a endowed with superhuman strength, speed, intelligence, etc...

    Now, Superman vs the Flash, who would win that race?
    • Re:Duh... (Score:5, Insightful)

      by sql*kitten ( 1359 ) on Tuesday October 29, 2002 @11:01AM (#4555682)
      Superman by a mile... Batman is a highly skilled human, while Superman is a endowed with superhuman strength, speed, intelligence, etc...

      In the Superman world, I would always root for Lex Luthor. Superman is nearly indestructible, has literally superhuman strength and speed, can see through walls, can fly, can cause solid objects to burst into flame just by looking at them. Superman doesn't have to be brave, or subtle, or creative; all he has is overwhelming brute force.

      But Lex Luthor is just an ordinary human like you or I. Superman has all the advantages, but Lex still almost wins. Lex Luthor is a modern-day Prometheus, and Superman is a capricious god.

      So I'm backing Batman, or any other human. As a race, we've destroyed gods in the past by outgrowing them, and we're the better for it.
  • by stubear ( 130454 ) on Tuesday October 29, 2002 @10:40AM (#4555477)

    Batman kicked Supermnan's ass with the help of a biomech suit and some kryptonite. Doesn't matter how he did it, the result was still the same.
    • by jgerman ( 106518 ) on Tuesday October 29, 2002 @10:44AM (#4555516)
      Don't forget that Superman was a weak assed tool of the government at that point. Batman deserved to win, he was still a bad ass.
    • by mblase ( 200735 ) on Tuesday October 29, 2002 @10:49AM (#4555561)
      Actually, if I remember that story correctly, Batman ended up dead at the end of the fight. Granted, it was a self-administered, drug-induced temporary cardiac arrest to give the illusion of death, but it certainly implies that Batman didn't expect to actually win in a fight to the death. And if Superman hadn't been feeling charitable, he wouldn't have let Batman get away after his funeral, when Supes was the only one who could hear his heart start beating again.

      Of course, this sort of thing is always subjective to the moods of the storywriter. Which is why you never, ever want to bring up this topic on the rec.arts.comics [] newsgroups.
    • by Plutor ( 2994 ) on Tuesday October 29, 2002 @10:58AM (#4555641) Homepage
      A friend [] and I had a discussion about this a whiles back, and I raised the following important points:

      1) Batman also had the help of others: a new Robin in the original DKR, and The Flash, Green Arrow, and Plastic Man in DKR2.
      2) Superman was working for evil villains oppressing the world's populace. His heart clearly wasn't in the fight.
      3) Most importantly, both of these stories take place in an alternate universe, set in years after the end of the traditional "Silver Age" DC universe was closed. It is hard to extrapolate these results to the present-day Modern Age Superheroes.

      Another thing to point out, in the current universe, Superman once gave Batman a kryptonite ring, with instructions to use it if he were ever to become evil (a-la Red Kryptonite Superman in the third movie []). If there was such a battle, it would likely be because one of the two "switched sides". If so, Batman would likely use the ring to his advantage.
  • by puto ( 533470 ) on Tuesday October 29, 2002 @10:40AM (#4555483) Homepage
    I want real world cage matches.

    I want to see Henry Rollins and Danzig get it on.

    Rollins would be intellectualizing his moves blow by blow. He would enter the ring babbling in low tones about the state of human relationships and work himself up into a screaming rage while inflating his neck like some iguana on steroids.

    Danzig would be continually wiping the runny makeup out of his eyes as he started to sweat. Singing about how his mother could bang better heads than Hank.

    That would be entertainment.

  • by tps12 ( 105590 ) on Tuesday October 29, 2002 @10:40AM (#4555484) Homepage Journal
    Jon Katz owned [] the Spider-Man vs. AOTC debate. I'd bet his take on this one would make a good read. Anyone know what became of him?
  • by carb ( 611951 ) on Tuesday October 29, 2002 @10:42AM (#4555494) Homepage
    Winner: Spongebob Squarepants
  • Batman... (Score:3, Interesting)

    by SealBeater ( 143912 ) on Tuesday October 29, 2002 @10:43AM (#4555505) Homepage
    Batman would win, without a doubt. Not only is he sneaky as hell, he prepares for everything. As soon as he heard about Superman, he probably started planning on what to do with him, just in case. And he's got the money to back it up. Superman is cool and all, but he's a farmboy hick at heart. He would just charge straight in, get caught by something that would slow him down and get his jaw broken with Batman's krytonite brass knuckles.

  • Grudge Match (Score:5, Informative)

    by hero ( 25043 ) on Tuesday October 29, 2002 @10:44AM (#4555521) Journal
    If you haven't seen this [] site yet, you should check it out. It features hilarious commentary about many classic grudge matches like rocky vs rambo, homer vs norm, gary coleman vs webster and latka vs balki, well okay, some of them are a bit non-standard.

    The best part is you can vote on the current grudge match and decide the winner and then check the history for the winners of all the previous matches.

    (warning, you will waste the whole work day reading the site)

  • by pizza_milkshake ( 580452 ) on Tuesday October 29, 2002 @10:45AM (#4555527)
    Best "versus" movie: Bruce Campbell vs. Army of Darkness


  • by The Evil Couch ( 621105 ) on Tuesday October 29, 2002 @10:45AM (#4555530) Homepage
    in trying to keep from bastardizing comics. they want to usher in a new era of bite sized cameos and team-ups? man, it's like a shitty aniversary issue or something. As far as batman v superman goes, I distinctly remember batman taking a swing at superman after robin got killed off. he just about broke his hand. come on, it's a no-contest, although as rich as he is, batman could probably reduce superman to living in a cardboard box under a bridge. I'm glad they were smart enough to can that idea.

    predator versus aliens, however is an idea that people are actually looking forward to. I think ever since predator 2, where there was an alien skull on display, people have been dying to watch the two races go at it.

    and I just don't know about the freddy v. jason thing. I know it's been being kicked around for 10 years or so, unless someone hatches a good plot for it, there's going to be no point in it. it'd just be a race to see who can find people having sex first and then wax them.
    • As far as batman v superman goes, I distinctly remember batman taking a swing at superman after robin got killed off. he just about broke his hand. come on, it's a no-contest

      But Batman has defeated Superman several times. You can say all you want about him using kryptonite or getting help, or whatever, but he still won.

      Batman has a distinct advantage over everyone in JLA. 1) He's the world's best fighter, hands down. 2) He's the world's smartest detective, hands down. And he has a third advantage, he's not a superhero, he's a normal human. People, especially superheroes, always underestimate him.

      predator versus aliens, however is an idea that people are actually looking forward to. I think ever since predator 2, where there was an alien skull on display, people have been dying to watch the two races go at it.

      Well, I think we know who won that fight, then :).
  • The King.... (Score:3, Informative)

    by mccalli ( 323026 ) on Tuesday October 29, 2002 @10:47AM (#4555548) Homepage
    No, not Elvis.

    Far back in the mists of time, or sixteen years ago if you're being less poetic, I was a DM'ing my first set of D&D games. I created the Eruvia continent for the setting, and populated it with various goodies, nasties and a chief baddy - The King.

    The King was a stunningly powerful lych, and it soon became clear that if this guy drifted in to the game, the balance of power was ended. Put simply - the King was too strong, and ruined all the games because players went up against him and just instanteneously died.

    I'm not deeply into comics, but Superman seems to be that character to me. In Superman they've created a superhero who is just too strong to be beaten.

    I fixed my game world by arranging for the King to die courtesy of some unspecified magic tool. The games became interesting again. Similarly, I was encouraged a while ago that Superman was to be killed off, but apparently they've wimped out of that and brought him back to life.

    I suppose then my pick would be Superman. But it's not a pick I make with any great enthusiasm. It's an unbalanced character.


    • There is only one word, and the word is Kryptonite.
    • Re:The King.... (Score:3, Interesting)

      by BoneFlower ( 107640 )
      "In Superman they've created a superhero who is just too strong to be beaten."

      Thats why Smallville is worth watching(though I don't, no TV in my room grr..). His powers are still manifesting, and as a teenager, he still struggles with moral dillemas rather than seeing it all in black and white. What gets me most about Superman, is there is little moral struggle. It may have developed more though, been a while since I read comics of any sort regularly.
  • AvP (Score:3, Interesting)

    by Lightwarrior ( 73124 ) on Tuesday October 29, 2002 @10:50AM (#4555570) Journal
    That's a very well written article that links to a number of great AvP resources out there. Of course, it fails to go where this subject has already been delved:

    Comic Books.

    Aliens versus Predator was originally (IIRC) a short in Dark Horse Presents, that was spun off into its own comic. The first series was great - it was about a group of humans who colonized a Predator 'Hunt' planet unbeknownst to the Predators, so when the Predators seeded the planet with Alien eggs they got more than they bargained for (of course, it's more complex than that). There have been a number of other comics (and books) in the same vein, all of them with their good points and bad points.

    But one can't speak of comic crossovers without speaking of Batman v. Predator, Aliens v. Predator v. Terminator, Superman v. Aliens - not to mention the various Marvel and DC comics that are about pitting one superhero against another (X-Men and Batman are just versus of the week). The list is virtually endless. It's a lot cheaper to make a comic than a movie, but I think most of these ideas have real merit.

    I really, really hope AvP is made into a movie - it's already had two great and successful video games. Of course, we'd have to wait until it came out on DVD to see it ;)

  • by keller ( 267973 ) on Tuesday October 29, 2002 @10:50AM (#4555573)
    is listing their favourite competitors of a (super)hero vs (super)hero, so i'll do it too!

    MacGyver vs Walker Texas Ranger!

    That would be one hell of a fight! GoooOOOO MacGyveeeeer!

  • Here are the stats [].
    Now, we all know Batman would win. He's got a big ol' kryptonite medallion, that Superman gave him himself, to use in case he was ever controlled by sume supervillain. Along with a speech about how Batman was the only person he would trust with it. I read that comic, but can't find the reference for the life of me :(
  • by Clay Mitchell ( 43630 ) on Tuesday October 29, 2002 @10:53AM (#4555605) Homepage
    It's generally considered fact that if Batman had enough time to plan, he could defeat God.

    Superman would be trivial. Clark/Superman = strong as an ox, dumb as a stump.
  • No no no... (Score:2, Funny)

    by haukex ( 229058 )
    MacGyver always wins! ...provided he can whip up some kryptonite from what happens to be lying around...
  • by i_want_you_to_throw_ ( 559379 ) on Tuesday October 29, 2002 @10:55AM (#4555618) Journal
    "Batman vs. Superman" is set to be a movie in '04. It's right here folks! []

    It's being directed by Wolfgang Petersen.

    It's being made by Warner Brothers so it's a mystery why Fox is asking the question and not Warner Brothers. Maybe Fox is asking FOR Warner Brothers and the top moderated scenarios that you folks are giving will be used.

    Taco, you in on this?
  • by matlokheed ( 602233 ) on Tuesday October 29, 2002 @10:57AM (#4555634)
    When someone is fighting in their own comic against someone of equal power, they're destined to win. If it goes into another book, the fight will usually have an indefinite finish, though will lean towards the characters from the second book (to heighten drama for the character from the first book as the second book's characters will usually be winning at the end of the first book.).

    So in other words, if the fight is in a Batman comic, Batman is going to win. If it's in one of Superman's, Superman is going to win. If it's in a combination, there can never be an absolute winner.

    I hope that helps.

  • Depends... (Score:5, Funny)

    by Mysticalfruit ( 533341 ) on Tuesday October 29, 2002 @10:58AM (#4555644) Homepage Journal
    Batman did kick supermans ass but he was wearing a biomechanical suit and had some kryptonite.

    Now, if it was a nude grecko roman wrestling match, If superman didn't just kill him outright, he could

    a) light his balls on fire with his heat vision.
    b) break every bone in his body and then grind him into a flesh colored paste.
    c) fly him into out space and enjoy watching the effects of an absolute vacuum.
    d) Imagine the scene in Snatch when the parkie puches out gorgeous george? Not imagine if georges head popped off...
    e) superman could scoop up a bunch of rock, melt it into a ball, make a cavity in the ball, knock out batman, put him into the ball, seal the ball and then either throw it into the sun or slam it into the moon...

    Needless to say, without his technology, batman would be screwed....

  • Batman thought he was bad
    He was a fucking asshole in the first place
    He got knocked to the floor
    I wupped batman's ass!
    I wupped batman's ass!
    I wupped batman's ass!

    Superman thought he was bad
    He was messing with my girlfriend
    I caught him in my room kissing her
    I took a rubber hose and flogged his rump

    I whipped Superman's ass (repeat 4 times)

    Wesley Willis Song Generator []

  • by bernz ( 181095 ) on Tuesday October 29, 2002 @10:58AM (#4555650) Homepage
    The four superheros mentioned recently have had a resurgence in both the skill of their writers and the depth of their stories. Here are, I think, the great books with these characters. All are still available at your local comic shop:

    Superman: For All Seasons (Jeph Loeb)

    Batman: Year One (Miller), Dark Knight Returns (Miller), The Killing Joke (Moore), Officer Down (Rucka), Bruce Wayne Fugitive:Murderer (Rucka).

    Spider-Man: A Day in the Life (Jenkins), anything by J.Michael Strazinski (from Babylon5. yes, he writes spiderman).

    Deadpool: The current Agent X storyline, The Circle Chase or any trade paperback you can find. This guy is harder to find.
  • by mblase ( 200735 ) on Tuesday October 29, 2002 @11:01AM (#4555683) should never, ever bring up in a geek forum:

    Spider-Man versus Wolverine []
    Superman versus Hulk []
    Thanos versus everybody []
    The Joker versus Hostess Fruit Pies []
    CowboyNeal versus Grodd the Gorilla []
  • What's the point? (Score:3, Insightful)

    by Ghoser777 ( 113623 ) <[] [ta] [abnerhaf]> on Tuesday October 29, 2002 @11:02AM (#4555688) Homepage
    They're both good guys, why do we want to kick the crap out of each other? I'd be more interested in watching Megatron and Optimus Prime go at it (fighting, I don't know how the other interpretation would work with Transformers) than Duke and Lady Jane or something.

  • by nexusone ( 470558 ) <> on Tuesday October 29, 2002 @11:04AM (#4555708) Homepage
    Let's compare the two:

    Superman: Clean-cut country boy in the big city, small town values, all round good guy, always fight's fair.

    Batman: Traumatic child hood, watch his parents get killed, grew up in a corporate world where it is dog eat dog to survive, does what ever is needed to win, thinks out of the box.

    Superman see Batman as another super hero good guy, thinks he could use a hug.

    Batman on the other hand looks at Superman as competition, and would look for weak spots to exploit for his own personal gain. Of course he would know all about Kryptonite and the means to get it.

    Batman would have a natural upper hand on Superman, based on his background.

  • by BoBaBrain ( 215786 ) on Tuesday October 29, 2002 @11:05AM (#4555715)
    Superman's real "weaknesses" are his morals. Sure he is all-powerful, but he is also strictly confined within his own rules. Defined purely by his own boundaries he has become a predictable, pliable tool.

    Batman's weakness is clearly physical and his boundaries seem to be imposed upon him by nature. However he will do whatever is necessary to break and bend these shortcomings. Can't fly? Get a batwing. No heat-ray eyes? Use lasers. As such Batman's real limit is his ingenuity.

    So who would win? Unstoppable but self-restraining force vs. struggling, but limitless potential.

    It really seems to be a foregone conclusion.
  • From the comics... (Score:5, Interesting)

    by quantax ( 12175 ) on Tuesday October 29, 2002 @11:06AM (#4555724) Homepage
    I personally have not read the comics concerned, but had discussions of this with a friend who is an avid comic collector/reader. He said that whenever Batman has battled Superman in the comics, Batman usually comes out on top due to his cleverness and possession of a bit of kyptonite.

    Batman is unique that he does not have super powers, but is a razer honed human in terms of his abilities, and has many very cool gadgets for any situation that may arise. He might not be able to fly at will, shoot lasers out of his eyes, move like lightening, or be able to manipulate the physics forces around him, but he's one clever, *determined* bastard. When I think of revenge in the justice sense, Batman is the image that comes to mind. He is a dark, human superhero that fights for very human reasons.
  • Dolt (Score:5, Funny)

    by BoBaBrain ( 215786 ) on Tuesday October 29, 2002 @11:12AM (#4555768)
    If Batman had superman's powers, he wouldn't wear the blue leotard; he'd wear kryptonite proof armour.

    Superman needs a belt to keep his underpants up forcryingoutloud. And they're outside his trousers.
  • by NineNine ( 235196 ) on Tuesday October 29, 2002 @11:16AM (#4555795)
    Here's a tip for all you virginal geeks out there... this is a pretty fun bar discussion. Good at getting geeky chicks to talk without having to resort to discussion IO speeds vs seek rates of SCSI vs. IDE.
  • by Gizzmonic ( 412910 ) on Tuesday October 29, 2002 @11:33AM (#4555920) Homepage Journal
    While we're wondering about this, can I just step in and ask: how many angels will fit on the head of a pin?
  • by Spencerian ( 465343 ) on Tuesday October 29, 2002 @11:37AM (#4555947) Homepage Journal
    It's probably been done before, but imagine Kal-El dropping down on Earth, but in Nazi Germany, not the U.S. Nazis train him to become their supersoldier, their ubermann.

    In the U.S., Bruce Wayne is a major contributor the war effort, and does his Batman thing. When he hears of the this "superman" laying waste to many of his finest weapons supplied to the Allied effort, he does a little research and takes on this new menace, personally.

    Now THAT would be an interesting Batman/Superman story, hero and antihero, and without Superman's current morality limitations. Nazi Supes would crush Batman without a second thought unless Batman was very, very careful.
    • There's actually a miniseries (comics format, not TV) in the works similar to this, called Superman: Red Son, where Superman crashes to earth in the USSR instead of Kansas and becomes the champion of Soviet ideals instead of Truth, Justice and the American Way. I think current big-shot comics author Mark Waid is writing it, correct me if I'm wrong.
      I actually like your Nazi idea better though.
    • On a side note, they did an Elsworlds story where Thomas and Martha Wayne find Supes as a child, he wathces them get killed, becomes the Batman and by the end of the story becomes superman. I highly recommend this one. It really shows how close at times supes and the Bat can be.
    • by RDW ( 41497 ) on Tuesday October 29, 2002 @02:32PM (#4557468)
      Kim Newman's short story Ubermensch has a brown-shirted Superhero (alter ego 'Curt Kessler') fighting the villains of Fritz Lang and other Expressionist movies in an alternate nazi Germany (the capital is, of course, Metropolis). He survives the war, but is imprisoned for decades like Rudolph Hess, while Rotwang (the villain of Metropolis) goes to work on a US weapons program that eventually produces a 'K-bomb'. Spoilers and notes here: []

      (According to that link, a (secretly Jewish) German 'Batman' has also been done).

      Ubermensch doesn't seem to be available online, but another of Kim Newman's short stories with an interesting take on the superhero genre is: []

  • by Lev13than ( 581686 ) on Tuesday October 29, 2002 @11:59AM (#4556134) Homepage
    Oh come on people, there's no contest at all. The one person who can kick anyone's ass is Mr. T.

    And I quote: []
    Mr. T: [in answer to a youngster who wanted to know who was tougher, Mr. T or Batman]
    Mr. T is tougher. Batman would never go into the 'hood. Mr. T will go into the 'hood.

    End of story. There's also the classic "Mr. T vs. Superman" but it's not up anymore. In any event, Mr. T can kick pretty much anyone's ass. []
  • by gosand ( 234100 ) on Tuesday October 29, 2002 @12:05PM (#4556189)
    Gee, you have two superheroes:

    One is a rich dork in real life and his alter ego is the cool superhero.

    The other one is a cool superhero naturally, but his alter ego is a dork.

    Yeah, tough to see which one the Slashdot crowd would pick.

  • by brickbat ( 64506 ) on Tuesday October 29, 2002 @01:08PM (#4556651) Homepage Journal
    The Dark Knight Returns tells you all you need to know: Batman well and truly kicks Superman's ass, with an assist from Green Arrow and all sorts of high-tech gear. Then Wayne appears to drop dead from a heart attack.

    The motivation for Batman challenging Superman is a bit more complex, but in a nutshell: the Man of Steel is working for the guvmint, and has been used to to stamp out vigilantism of the sort practiced by Wayne and the Green Arrow--in fact, the latter loses one of his arms after Superman rips it off. (Thus his motivation for helping Batman.) So Superman represents an oppressive, Reagan-era government, and Batman of course is the freedom fighter struggling to reclaim the streets. That oversimplifies it a lot, but it does nicely set up the climactic showdown.
  • by MickLinux ( 579158 ) on Tuesday October 29, 2002 @01:21PM (#4556829) Journal

    This link [] tells about the battle between an aging Batman, and a superman weakened by a nuclear winter.

    In a way, Batman has gone crazy; crazy with doubt and violence.

    Anyhow, you can read it for yourself.

  • by Kaz Riprock ( 590115 ) on Tuesday October 29, 2002 @01:32PM (#4556951)
    Are we talking Batman from Dark Knight Returns or Batman from The Amazing Adventures of Batman and Robin TV series? And are we talking Superman from Superman the Movie or Superman from Superman vs. Doomsday? This is crucial because if we're talking Adam West vs. the Superman that died at the hands of Doomsday....Holy Beasts of Burden, Batman...Mr. West is a dead man. But I think he could kick Christopher Reeve's ass.
  • by sherms ( 15634 ) on Tuesday October 29, 2002 @01:33PM (#4556960) Journal
    I would have to say "Q" from STNG would kick ass over anyone.

  • by Embedded Geek ( 532893 ) on Tuesday October 29, 2002 @01:37PM (#4557013) Homepage
    Maybe Vicki Vale and Lois Lane could compare notes on this...

    Now, before I get modded OT, let me say I know this discussion is about the two guys in tights mixing it up. Nevertheless, I'm amazed there's a /. topic about our boy from Krypton where no one has posted a link to Larry Niven's classic essay on Superman's sex life, Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex []. You can find it on varius places on the web, but this is one of the better formatted ones. You will at least snicker, perhaps even LOL.

    Er, then again, maybe someone did post the link but they got modded down below all threshold. Oh, well, it's only Karma.

  • by Rogerborg ( 306625 ) on Tuesday October 29, 2002 @01:42PM (#4557060) Homepage
    By which I mean Batman, not Superman. See this kuro5hin article [] for why.
  • by CAIMLAS ( 41445 ) on Tuesday October 29, 2002 @07:45PM (#4560026) Homepage
    DC Comics made an issue years ago where this actually happened. If I remember it correctly, Batman used a piece of kryptonite and weakened Superman, then commenced to beat the living super-doo from him for something he'd done - likely being an incompetent super-fiend. I'm sure most people would guess this, since Superman is just... superman. He's blind to the facts and all about truth, justice, and the "American" way. Batman's all about getting the job done the right way, or simply about just getting it done. He uses his head.

    On a side note, superman is just too unbelieveable. He's a bygone artifact of another era of America's history, sadly enough.

    As far as deadpool is concerned... I'm thinking he and batman would get along well, what little I know of deadpool. :P The two of them, teamed up with Wolverine would be an incredible asskicking combination.

    I wonder if Wolverine could beat up Superman, personally. Superman is the Man of Steel, and Wolverine has adamantium (sp?) claws - which can cut through steel. (I'm thinking of the earlier Superman, not the pre-Doomsday Superman that was practically invincible and nothing could touch him - which is why they killed him, to bring him down a bit) Not only that, but Wolvie can heal really quickly. Considering Wolverine has caught a blast from sentinals before, and undergone hell, I think he could do it. :P I was really hoping for that during the Marvel/DC crossover. Instead they did Superman vs. Hulk... bah.

    What ever happened to taht crossover universe, anyway? I've not been seeing any comics from it.

The absent ones are always at fault.