Episode III Opening Crawl Released 609
moggyf writes "The official Star Wars website has revealed the opening crawler text for Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith, currently scheduled for a May 19th, 2005 release."
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Episode III Opening Crawl Released
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"The only way for a reporter to look at a politician is down." -- H.L. Mencken
Okay, did anyone else.... (Score:3, Informative)
No, but... (Score:5, Funny)
Re:No, but... (Score:3, Funny)
I felt a great disturbance in the force, as if millions of souls were suddenly disappointed...
Re:Okay, did anyone else.... (Score:4, Funny)
That would really put a dent in the look and feel of Star Wars III.
Re:Worst Star Wars ever? (Score:5, Insightful)
Because it is Star Wars ?
No. We had less Jar-Jar in Ep2 than in Ep1, so logically there's even less in Ep3. Besides, if you think about it, Jar-Jar was actually a neccessary character for the plot - to get the Republic army established.
Possibly. I don't really see how Ep3, with the birth of Vader and fall of the Republic (and death of nearly all jedis), could possibly be anything but dark.
But, on more general note, was I the only one who actually liked Ep1 and Ep2 ? People seem to dislike them because they don't have the same feel as the Ep4-6, but of course they can't have the same feel - the original SW trilogy described a war, but the war only started at the end of Ep2.
Just forget midiclorians (as Lucas apparently did in Ep2 - never, ever try to explain mystery) and the ludicrous episode of kid Anakin accidentally blowing up the droid battleship, and they are actually pretty good movies.
I, for one, am very interested in seeing this one - now that the plot is moving full speed, with a desperate war being fought in the background, and Vader appearing to the scene, there is every reason to believe this could be the ESB of the new SW movies.
It better be - because if they mess up my favourite childhood villain...
Re:Worst Star Wars ever? (Score:3, Insightful)
Most people don't realise two critical aspects:
Episode 1 was no where as good as the originals: true... but then, when was the last time you read a GOOD (not just any old one will do, it has to be one you thought was well thought out and well written) Novel where the first chapter was better that the one with the climax... (please no inuendo jokes)
The 'Romantic' dialog in Episode 2 was supposed to be crap... what is anikin it t
Re:Worst Star Wars ever? (Score:3, Interesting)
Lucas has proven that he shouldn't be allowed to make movies without someone to remind him when has slipped into "talentless hack" mode. The problem isn't the n
Re:Worst Star Wars ever? (Score:3, Informative)
a) no pathetic slapstick. Jar-jar can't walk into a room without doing something stupid.
b) no stupid speech. Ewoks make cute little noises, but don't actually sound like a Jamaican Elmer Fudd with down-syndrome.
c) Ewoks who fought the storm troopers actually had casualties, like in a real battle. Gungans were mysteriously immortal in their fight against the battledroids.
Ewoks were obviously, pointlessly cute, and the battle was a little silly with the stone-age ewoks ta
Re:Worst Star Wars ever? (Score:3)
To be honest, I loved Star Wars right up into my late 20s, but I have a hard time watching anything but Episode V any more. I popped in Episode II a couple of weekends ago and thought "I paid to see this in a theater?" What a pity that such vast resources were
In Case Of Slashdotting (Score:5, Funny)
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[Lameness Filter encountered. Post aborted.]
In case of /.ing (Score:2, Funny)
Thank goodness for the Internet (Score:5, Funny)
"You WILL!" (Score:3, Funny)
Re:"You WILL!" (Score:5, Insightful)
Re:"You WILL!" (Score:3, Interesting)
Re:Hope It's not Another Kid's Movie (Score:3, Insightful)
May I suggest Battlestar Galactica [scifi.com] as an alternative. Sci-fi for grownups.
Oh Dear. (Score:2, Funny)
General Grievous? (Score:4, Insightful)
Re:General Grievous? (Score:5, Funny)
Re:General Grievous? (Score:3, Funny)
Re:General Grievous? (Score:5, Funny)
Re:General Grievous? (Score:5, Funny)
Re:General Grievous? (Score:5, Funny)
Youse Guys are giving me a (Score:4, Funny)
myke
Re:Youse Guys are giving me a (Score:3, Funny)
Yossarian!!!
Re:Youse Guys are giving me a (Score:3, Funny)
Re:General Grievous? (Score:3, Funny)
Thank you, Captain Obvious!
Re:General Grievous? (Score:5, Funny)
Re:General Grievous? (Score:4, Funny)
Re:General Grievous? (Score:5, Funny)
He's still mad that you bit his finger.
Re:General Grievous? (Score:2)
Re:General Grievous? (Score:2, Funny)
And his thugs Sergent Bodily and Captain Harm.
Re:General Grievous? (Score:5, Informative)
"General Grievous was developed for Episode III as a powerful new villain on the side of the Confederacy. The initial instructions that Director George Lucas gave the Art Department were very open-ended: "a droid general." From that vague direction, the artists developed a lot of explorations, some purely mechanical, some not, for the look of General Grievous."
He can be seen here [starwars.com] engaged in heated battle with Earthworm Jim.
Re:General Grievous? (Score:3, Insightful)
One would think that 'vague direction' and 'a lot of explorations' would come up with something innovative. But, as can be seen from the picture,
Wrong! (Score:5, Funny)
A droid, in the shape and likliness of a human, holding two lightsabers. I mean honestly!
Oops! You didn't study the picture closely enough. Gen. Grievous is clearly wielding not two but THREE lightsabers. Let's all raise our voices to congratulate Mr. Lucas for striking off in this radical new direction.
Re:General Grievous? (Score:3, Insightful)
Re:General Grievous? (Score:5, Informative)
GTRacer
- Will be in a midnight line out of habit with tempered optimism in my heart...
I would think the reference is blindingly obvious. (Score:4, Insightful)
Given that this is a story of the fall of the Republic and the Rise of the Empire, Lucas' literary allusion here seems to have all of the subtlety of a high-speed halfbrick to the cranium.
Come on, everyone-- ripping off Shakespeare is a noble literary tradition !
Re:General Grievous? (Score:3, Funny)
I'm still convinced that Count Dooku is named as such just because it was as close to 'Count Poopie' that Lucas could get without being TOO obvious.
General Grievous? (Score:2, Insightful)
Re:General Grievous? (Score:2)
Re:General Grievous? (Score:3, Insightful)
Or are we again doomed to a thread where all that is holy and righteous was that which was Star Wars 4, 5, and 6. :-p
Re:General Grievous? (Score:2)
Re:General Grievous? (Score:5, Insightful)
Seriously guys, if you try hard enough, you can easily see flaws in almost everything, even in the old trilogy. Try to imagine yourselves writing an opening crawler for episode III that couldn't be in some way criticised for any stupid elitist star wars zealot.
Don't bury the movie till you see it
Georgie? Is that you? (Score:4, Insightful)
Mr. Lucas, is that you?
Fool me once (Ep I), shame on me.
Fool me twice (EpII)... uh... can't get fooled again.
That twit isn't getting any more of my money. For Ep II he only got the rental money, this time he isn't getting squat.
Re:Georgie? Is that you? (Score:3, Funny)
- Darth Doobyu
Re:General Grievous? (Score:3, Insightful)
He can be as stupid as he wants. Just as long as we keep flocking to see his movies and making him millions...
thanks... (Score:3, Funny)
Not again! (Score:2, Insightful)
Re:Not again! (Score:3, Funny)
At the end the Jedi defeats the evil koopa and then Padme comes out and she's all like,
"Sorry, Jedi, but your Princess is in another castle."
Re:Not again! (Score:3, Insightful)
He's breaking the things that he originally wrote to wink at the audience, and that's stupid.
Dear George Lucas,
learn subtlety.
Love,
emilymildew
Back to the Future (Score:5, Insightful)
Re:Back to the Future (Score:5, Funny)
Agree. SW jumped the shark when Yoda said "tree you make like and get out of here!".
Re:Back to the Future (Score:3, Insightful)
> entertanment they offer.
The problem is the entertainment value has dwindled. The original movie was pretty whiz-bang, and delightfully cheesy, though I cringe through quite a bit of it now.
The Empire Strikes Back was where it hit its stride, and really left us SW freeks at the time hanging on for what Episode VI would be like.
Episode VI bashed us over the head for f*cking ever with that awful Jabba's Palace sequence, though seeing Carrey Fisher in a sk
Spoiler (Score:5, Funny)
NOOOO!!!!!!! (Score:5, Funny)
Re:NOOOO!!!!!!! (Score:5, Funny)
Re:NOOOO!!!!!!! (Score:2)
Capitalization (Score:4, Funny)
Well... (Score:2)
War! Huh! Hey! What is it good for? (Score:5, Funny)
Seriously, with the way the new crawl starts with the word "War!", Lucas just might have replaced it with "Ass!" or something else asinine.
Re:War! Huh! Hey! What is it good for? (Score:5, Funny)
No point in giving away the film in the first ten seconds.
Crawler Text in case of /.ing (Score:2, Informative)
REVENGE OF THE SITH
War! The Republic is crumbling under attacks by
the ruthless Sith Lord, Count Dooku. There are
heroes on both sides. Evil is everywhere.
In a stunning move, the fiendish droid leader,
General Grievous, has swept into the Republic
capital and kidnapped Chancellor Palpatine,
leader of the Galactic Senate.
As the Separatist Droid Army attempts to flee
the besieged capital with their turgid hostage,
two Jedi Knights and a brave but clumsy Gungan
warrior lead a desperate mission to rescue
Re:Crawler Text in case of /.ing (Score:2)
you don't need glasses.
Re:Crawler Text in case of /.ing (Score:5, Funny)
THE RETURN OF THE HYPE
Money! Lucas' Fanbase is crumbling under
the onslaught of bad film after bad film.
Theree are people camping out for Episode
III, but everyone thinks they are just
kinda sad.
In a predictable move, Lucas Arts has
announced dozens of new action figures
and marketing tie-ins. Ronald McDonald has
been Kidnapped and is being replaced by
Yoda, C-3P0, and Chewbacca.
As the general geek community attempts
to brace for another soul-crushing
dissapointment, Jar Jar Binks threatens
to taint yet another gasping breath of
a dying franchise...
I don't thin that Word means... a:Crawler Text (Score:4, Informative)
TURGID
[adj] abnormally distended especially by fluids or gas; "tumescent tissue"; "puffy tumid flesh"
Unless Lucas himself is playing Chancellor Palpatine I'm not sure how this description applies. Is it really necessary to point out that the guy is really fat in opening crawl?
Either that or "turgid" is sometimes used as an oblique reference to having a stiffy... and that REALLY doesn't need to be in the opening crawl, IMHO.
=tkk
Re:Crawler Text in case of /.ing (Score:3, Funny)
REVENGE OF THE SITH
War! - huh - yeah-
What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing
Say it again y'all
Ohhh... War! I despise
Because it means destruction'
Of innocent lives
War means tears
to thousands of mothers eyes
When their sons go to fight
and lose their lives
I said - War! Huh - Good God y'all
What is it good for?
Absolutely nothing
Say it again
"There are heroes on both sides" (Score:2, Insightful)
And with that... (Score:3, Insightful)
Must RESIST ... must resist .. whimper (Score:5, Funny)
See. See.
Look. Look. Look.
See. See. See.
See Anakin. See Anakin turn. Turn Anakin turn.
See Jedis. See Jedis die. Die Jedis die.
See Palpatine. See Palpatine rule. Rule Palpatine rule.
Look. See Darth Vader. See Amidala. See Amidala give birth and hide children. Hide them Amidala.
See Amidala die. Die Amidala die.
There's so much to see.
Count Dooku? (Score:2)
Revised Crawl (Score:5, Funny)
Cash! The production house is crumbling
under attacks by the ruthless
Sith Lord, and Slashdot fanboys.
There are whiners on both sides.
Ennui is everywhere.
In a stunning move, the
fiendish droid leader, General
Lucas, has swept into the
Hollywood capital and kidnapped
famous movie critics, and leaders of
the big studios.
As the exhasperated Slashdot army
attempts to flee the onslaught
of PR pushed by bought-for flaks
two Jedi Knights lead a
desperate mission to rescue the
captive franchise...
asking for your opinions (Score:2, Interesting)
Should I wait until this comes out, and then see the 6 in their intended order?
Or should I forget all the prequels, and just watch the original three?
Or watch the original three, then the prequels?
I'm curious what the general concensus is. I've just never watched them, except for the original star wars once. (Now that I've shocked everyone, what's your opinion?)
4-5-6, then 1-2-3 (optional) (Score:3, Insightful)
Yes, SW should be more enjoyable in the 456123 order, or better in the 456 order.
Hey, why not trying 654321? It must be fun
Re:At this point? (Score:2)
Re:You have no valid option (Score:3, Informative)
Your next best option is to find someone with the original 3 movies on laserdisc.
There are very good quality DVD-R ISOs of the original 3 ripped from laserdisc floating around the net. Nice to see Han shooting first.
The original (Score:2, Redundant)
crumbling away, rotting from the corruption and treachery
within. Power-hungry technocrats and wealthy bureaucrats
maneuvered and bribed their way into office, while one am-
bitious senator plotted to destroy the Jedi and rule the
galaxy.
Hoping to restore virtue and the remembered glory of the
Republic, the High Council of Senators dispatched the Jedi
Knights - protectorate of justice in the galaxy - on a
quest to retrieve the lost Kaiburr Crystal. They bel
good grief (Score:3, Insightful)
Or do they mean he's the general of a droid army?
These people need good writers, that's for sure.
Converts to gull blown screener (Score:3, Funny)
obligatory simpsons reference (Score:5, Funny)
The Gathering Shadow
It is a time of uncertainty. The
empire's ambiguous tariff statutes
mandate close reexamination of
galactic import quotas. Interim
Princess Agoomba has co-chaired
a subcommittee to draft amendments
to existing trade policies
Meanwhile, regulatory agencies
are being heavily lobbied by a
consortium of mercantile interest
groups and their suppliers to
streamline loading restrictions for
class C cargo vessels. The shipping...
It is just me (Score:4, Funny)
Blah blah (Score:3, Informative)
Just kill Jar Jar FFS!
Holy... (Score:5, Funny)
He actually named a bad guy "General Grevious"???
What a breathtaking lack of creativity. I look forward to seeing his counterpart on the other side, Major Niceguy.
Re:Holy... (Score:3, Interesting)
parody (Score:5, Funny)
Why have the new trilogy char names been so bad? (Score:3, Interesting)
Hence: Jar Jar, Dooku, Grievous, Elan Sleazebaggo (don't believe me? look it up), etc.
''Turgid Hostage'' ! (Score:4, Funny)
Turgid hostage!
Did Senator Palpatine get a woody while being held down ?
Turgid:
1. Excessively ornate or complex in style or language; grandiloquent: turgid prose.
2. Swollen or distended, as from a fluid; bloated: a turgid bladder; turgid veins.
On the other hand you can say that all the Lucas movies are turgid.
Re:''Turgid Hostage'' ! (Score:3, Interesting)
Not spicy enough for todays audiences... (Score:4, Funny)
Note to Scroll Writing Staff:
Please rework Scroll to include the phrase "hot space-monkey nookie".
Please, no Wookie-Nookie jokes.
THX, GL
Re:Not spicy enough for todays audiences... (Score:3, Funny)
You are thinking of the remake of Planet of the Apes.
In which case it is better phrased:
Bong smoking space-monkey from the future nookie.
It's official... (Score:5, Funny)
And it's REALLY STUPID (Score:5, Funny)
In the prequel trilogies the crawls have served two purposes. The intentional purpose is to allow George Lucas to weasel out of characterization, establishing setting and place, and moving the plot along. Unlike the original trilogies, where the Star Wars universe's background and nature was established incidentally, through subtle details of what we see and hear during the movie, in the prequel trilogies they just use the opening crawl to say "plop, there it is", and disorientingly slam down the characters and setting they wish to put the movie in. After this point, since they seem to consider themselves thus freed from explaining themselves, they completely refrain during the movie from elaborating on the things the opening crawl sketches or filling in details beyond the crawl's bare outline (where is Naboo and why, if in any obvious way, are they important? who is the Trade Federation and why should we care? who is "count dooky", why would someone have heard of him, what does he claim he wants, and why does this all appear to be important to someone who does not know his true aspirations? who is "grevious", how and why is he starting a droid army, and what are the implications of this? most importantly what would the answer to these questions appear to be to someone within the movie-- not us the viewer, to whom the answers are "he's the bad guy and he wants to rule the world", what would an average citizen of the Republic think Dooku to be?) and so use the time freed up within the movie in this way to concentrate on roller-coaster-style but otherwise long, boring and irrelivant action scenes.
The unintentional purpose of the prequel trilogy opening crawls is to bash you over the head with how stupid all these character names are ("Grevious"? "Dooku"??? I mean come on!), just in case the majesty of John Williams' opening score might otherwise distract you from the suspicion that the entire plotline to the prequel trilogy was written by Lucas's 4-year-old child in a single sitting some years ago in crayon on a napkin.
Re:spoiler- (Score:2, Informative)
Re:Can someone explain something(s)? (Score:2)
Re:Can someone explain something(s)? (Score:5, Informative)
Evil. It's the laughing at wholesale destruction and killing the Jedi that gives it away...
Which is the Empire and which is the Rebellion? Is Dooku on either one of those?
The (Old) Republic becomes The Empire. The Rebellion hasn't started (because it has nothing, yet, to rebel against). Dooku is on the side that will become The Empire.
Which side (Palpatine vs .Dooku) is the one that gets Darth Vader and the Storm Troopers?
Palpatine and Dooku are on the same side. They are both Sith (i.e. evil).
Since Palpatine is the Emperor, how can he be on both sides?
Palpatine is creating a war situation to allow him to seize tighter control and disband the senate. This is a fairly unoriginal trick amongst politicians (see Margret Thatcher in the UK and George W. Bush in the US for real life examples - although they were both a bit less blatant about it). Palpatine's minions are running the separatist movement, under his orders.
I've seen Episode II a bunch of times, but frankly, I can't figure it all out.
It's not exactly complicated...
Re:Can someone explain something(s)? (Score:3)
It's not exactly complicated...
Actually, I agree with the GP. I have followed all of the movies and Ep II is way too complicated (not to mention boring). I had to watch it three times in order to understand ANY of the politics (on HBO -- I wasn't about to pay to see the movies in the theater again).
I consider Ep II to suffer from a similar problem to Godfather III. Each movie is way too complex (the Senatorial politics of E
Re:Can someone explain something(s)? (Score:5, Insightful)
He's a politician, right? It doesn't matter which side of the aisle he sits on, he's evil through and through.
Seriously, episodes 4, 5, and 6 were about the rebels (clearly good guys fighting for their freedom) overcoming the "evil empire". It was clear where the good/bad distinction was. In episodes 1, 2, and 3, it's the story about how they got to that point. There were no clear sides, just decay throughout the entire old republic. Some people were good and some people were bad, but the good guys weren't organized to see what was going on.
To me, this is all very much related to how we all perceive world events. In the late 70's, early 80's, there was a clear good and bad side to the world (from our perspective in the west). The soviets were the "evil empire", and we were all the good guys fighting for freedom. In this day and age, the lines have blurred. Nobody's sure who's on "our" side, and we're all afraid about terrorists infiltrating our own neighourhoods. We still want to live by the old ideals of freedom, but we are also aware that there are people in power who might not have the noblest intentions. It's hard to paint Iraq or Iran as truly "evil" because we shy away from stereotypes now. The governments can't unite us against any enemy that we can't all agree is evil.
When I was growing up 20 years ago, the U.S. was the ultimate "good guy" nation. Now, none of us (outside the U.S.) know who the good guys really are anymore. Many of us expect the U.S. to turn on the rest of us merely out of its own self interest, even if it's against its own self-proclaimed principles to do so. Within the U.S., it seems like many people also worry about whether their own government will turn on them some day.
Movies tend to mirror the ideas and fears of the time when they are made. These movies are no exception.
Re:Can someone explain something(s)? (Score:3, Funny)
(I keed, I keed)
Re:Some real news about Revenge of the Sith (Score:3, Funny)
Obi-won: What are you going to do, bleed on me?
Anakin: I'm invincible!
Obi-won: You're a loony.
Anakin: The Black Knight always triumphs! Have at you! Come on then.
[...]
Anakin: All right; we'll call it a draw... Oh, oh, I see, running away then. You yellow bastard! Come back here and take what's coming to you. I'll bite your legs off!
Re:What the hell is a "crawl"? (Score:3, Informative)
According to http://www.e-paranoids.com/c/cr/crawl.html [e-paranoids.com]: "In television, a text crawl is a moving line of text usually put at the bottom of the screen. It is generally set up to convey news and up-to-the-minute information about weather and other critical situations. A text crawl is an application of the computer graphics technique of scrolling. Text crawls became standard on news broadcasts in the wake of the September 11, 2001 attacks."
Ergo, in this case it is simply a scr