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Hope for the Valley's Single Men 171

Posted by Hemos from the just-what-some-people-need dept.
Anonymous Coward writes "ZDNN is running an article about how a good geek is hard to find. " The American Singles group is holding its annual convention in the Valley, because of the sheer amount of good men that are availible. Dear Lord.
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Hope for the Valley's Single Men More

Hope for the Valley's Single Men

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  • In an article on Yahoo! the President of American Singles (the group converging on Silicon Valley) says something like, "There are a lot of single men there with a lot of money and no one to spend it on."

    I think it is pretty clear what kind of woman they are targetting with language like that.
  • My search is over and I all to slashdot. :)
  • um, i said every great once in a while for a second i ponder the idea. and the reason i wouldn't is because i couldn't respect myself.

    try reading it again.
  • I think what is important isn't getting a 'geek girl,' necessarily, but getting a woman who has a measure of intellectual curiousity. Having a girlfriend who understands perfectly everything you say about your geekly pursuits isn't the most important thing. Even if she doesn't know better than to freak out at a Javascript error, if she's willing to learn, or at least to understand your obsession with computers without sharing it, that sounds like someone worth dating. I don't mind if people don't understand the subjects I'm interested in, or understand them enough to know that's not where their interests lie, but I can't stand people who just don't care about intellectual pursuits. If you're the kind of person who gets really excited about ideas, it can be excruciating to try and share your life with someone who doesn't care about the life of the mind.

    Of course, I'm not a geek guy, so I suppose I can't really speak for them, but I know that's what I want out of a boyfriend.


  • I doubt internal dating services would do that much good.
    They can't guarantee you a spouse.

    Is that what people want anyway, though it often comes
    across as the focus of many so called "dating services",
    whatever the media.

    Things tend to divide between thinly disguised prostitution
    and "try to get people married" (which may in some cases
    be much the same as the former.)
  • Right, so I'm a jerk because I hang my head and don't talk to people and avoid social situations in which I feel uncomfortable. Sorry, I'm not the bad guy here.
    --
    Kyle R. Rose, MIT LCS
  • It may be true that a geek man will tend to get along best with a geek girl.

    But that doesn't matter. Why? Because the geek men outnumber the geek girls by at least 5:1, and probably more like 10:1. Which means that at least 80% of the geek guys are going to have to "settle" for someone other than a geek girl (at least in the sense that you mean it here).

    This isn't necessarily a bad thing, mind you. One needn't be totally into something to appreciate and support someone else's interest in it.

    There are some days that I wish my Significant Other (tm) shared my interest in computers. But given all her other wonderful qualities, I think I can live without it.


    --
  • Trust me on this. if you get known for being the "geek" or "computer whiz" around the workplace, beautiful women will ask you for all sorts of computer help...


    ...but that's it. Don't expect dates or anything like that. Just expect to get used for what you know, nothing else.
  • We should quit whining about this and do something. I know there aren't enough women to go around and what's worse we don't get out enough to meet them. Not only that, but I know a lot of us want to meet geek girls, we don't necessarily want to throw ourselves into the meat market of normal clubs. Well people, the geek girls probably want to meet geek guys as well.

    So what SHOULD we do? I propose we find a spot to claim for geeks in the Bay Area...a geek hangout if you will. I was thinking somewhere in San Jose or Palo Alto. I'd *LOVE* to hear some ideas.
  • As a geek girl, who has and is dating a geek man, I have but to as what do they think they have to offer the attractive geek man?

    Sure they may have looks - maybe - and they may be women, perhaps for some lonely man that may be enough, but what is a geek man looking for?

    And what about the language barrier, she speaks Martha Stewart, he speaks in C, C++, Perl, VB, and Java.

    I know exactly what a geek man wants because as I geek girl I want the same thing.
    A bit of understanding when he works 18 hours straight on debugging on little bit of code, and is at his wits end. He smells of sweat, and is still in the same clothes he put on a couple of days ago. He is wrestling with Gollith, he is strong, he does not have time for that little cocktail party, or to anwer whether or not mustard yellow would be a nice color for the bathroom. He wants to know that you understand, and care about him, and you think he is intellegent even if he can't find the logical error in that nasty bit of code.

    What happens if the cute couple's aniversary comes in the same week that a project is due. The project is more important - a non geek woman may not understand that.

    Perhaps these girls should prep themselves with a few programming classes, I recomend C.
    Men find C very sexy.
    C is just so versitile, with a bit of training in C, you can figure out Perl and C++, and once you have c++, you can figure out java with ease, and perhaps then they can understand a bit more of what the geek man is saying.

    He's so cute when he's implementing a hash table!

    He's so sexy when he uses a stack, just look at that smile on his face when he pops and item off of the stack, he's like a kid in a candy store!

    I digress.

    Just my opinion, but after a long, and I mean long day, don't you think the geek man would like a girlfriend who understands what her boyfriend is saying, instead of a girlfriend who stare blankly and then proceeds to ask if she should rag roll the living room walls.

    Perhaps not all geek men want a geek girl, but I am sure almost every geek man would prefer an intellegent woman, who understand computers and is not afraid of them, or worse yet ignorant of them.
    It is also very important the prospective mate understand that work is involved, and sometimes to leave work is to leave a train of thought behind at risk of losing it. A geek man may not be around much, but not to worry, the computer is not your competition, you could never compete with the computer.

    I found myself a geek man, and although he's a network guy, and I am a programmer, we speak the same language.
  • My last two jobs have been in cities which are known, or at least said, to have more single women than men by nontrivial margins. Now, in my geeky jobs, this has never been apparent to me, basically because geeks just don't tend to frequent the kind of places where this imbalance would be apparent. I've spent a few years working in these two cities, and remained steadfastly single throughout, not through intention, but just because that's how it's turned out. And so have a lot of other geeks I know. Admittedly, in some cases, some strong-willed and generally determined woman has done the modern equivalent of bopping them over the head and dragging them back to her cave and they've both ended up happy with the end results, but I rather think that this kind of thing is something that geeks hope to happen across, rather than specifically going out on the razz to look for. Not to mention the fact that quite a few of us wouldn't know how to go out on the razz, and don't care either.

    I guess what I'm saying is, don't bother going to pickup joints or specific Places Where Singles Go looking for geeks because on the whole, you won't find them there. After all, why would you want to waste time in some singles bar when there's hacking to be done? This is probably a fault of the geek personality, but elementary human mating rituals can be as bewildering to your average geek as sendmail.cf is to a non-geek - often it's just not apparent where to start.

    The best bet if you really want to grab a geek is to be one yourself. Either that or become one, but I think it might be a bit of a culture shock...

    (Besides, here's a little secret that the article's author missed. We aren't all that rich - don't go looking around universities for rich geeks, 'cuz you won't find any)

    Mike

  • > And being that I'm a geekgrrl, I imagine it wouldn't be *too* hard.

    Perhaps I'm operating under a misguided perception here, but my impression is that there are an awful lot more male suitors for every female. Of course that could because I'm in computers on a college campus. Dunno.

    What do the rest of you think? Do you ever feel like you're one of hundreds of guys competing for the same prize?

  • Duh (Score:1)

    by cgarrity ( 71838 )
    "A hard man is good to find"

  • YeahYA! (Score:1)

    by Anonymous Coward
    I'm going to Silicon Valley to find me some SLUTZ!
  • Hey, I'm a geek, who goes dancing every weekend, and still nothing. While most geeks do spend a bit too much time not socializing, generally it takes most women till they get a bit older till they realize that geeks are accually a good catch. But a geek in his early 20s really doesn't have a chance.
  • Single: 1 Geek (not really, sorry honey!)

    Languages: ASP, HTML,VB, PERL....
    Enjoys:
    -long walks ont he beach
    -Horse back riding
    -Notepad
    -WinVI
    -Installing Hardware (ooohhhh it gets me sweaty!)

    Seaking a nice little geek girl to geek with....


    NOTE: JUST KIDDING (don't get any funny ideas...)
    ;-)

    "Y'all come back Y'a Hear!?!?"
  • It doesn't matter if you *are* a/the jerk or not, because no one is 1) going to know or 2) bother getting to know (you, for example).

    Example: male friend who always walks around with his head down and not smiling at people. His take: he's just introspective and shy -- why won't people see past that facade and get to know him? Other peoples' take: boy that guy's unfriendly; he doesn't smile and chat and he's so hard to get to know -- perhaps he's not really interested in getting to know me (or whomever); maybe he's stuck up (smart geek who can't be bothered to deal with 'us' peons), etc.

    [note: after improving this, by learning to smile, to look at people in the eyes, etc., this friend 1) had several girls ask him out, and 2) got up the nerve to ask a few others out. surprise surprise ...]

    If you're afraid of 'uncomfortable social situations', fine, but don't expect to have a 'social' life. Admittedly, a lot of social situations are lame and pointless, but remember that it's your choice to avoid them, and frankly the opinion 'i won't fit in there' or 'they don't want me there' is a BS excuse. It's a BS excuse I've used before and that many of my male geek friends have used.

    Sorry, I'm not the bad guy here.

    Maybe not, but such a line sounds whiny, and coming across as a defensive and/or self-pitying guy makes you look immature on the one hand, and furthermore, many (most?) girls/women want guys with selfconfidence (not the same as arrogance).

    That's just my take, based on my experiences.

    ---

  • Since when are we hard to find? Troll /. for three seconds and you have a truckload. I think they've picked on the 'Valley' geek simply because of $. The great american motivator, right? Any woman can live with a geek if he's loaded. And the valley is loaded with stock-option havin', IPO cash laden geeks these days. It's a paradise of $ first, and geekiness second.
  • I just moved from NJ to Santa Clara ( for those of you who aren't familiar with the area it's about 15 min away from Palo Alto) and I couldn't belive just how few women there are in this area. I used to laugh at people who imported their wife/girlfriend from some mail order bride catalogue but now I see that those guys are geniuses. There was another articale that said there were 5 men for every women in silicon valley. Oh well you have to find something to spend your $$$ on beside computers right ?
  • Ask any girl you know, at random. "If Bill Gates asked for your hand in marriage, what would you say?"

    Chances are pretty good that she'd think about it for a little while.

    Girls are like that. They've been trained to crave security, and money is part of that equation.

    But to be completely fair, suppose someone offers you 1.0e9 dollars to marry you. I imagine it would inspire most of us to at least think about.

    --
  • The article says last year they went to Alaska, and made the mistake of coming during hunting season when the men were nowhere to be found. Are there any Linux conferences in the valley we should warn them about?
  • They obviously decided this without researching their destination; did we not see on these very pages a while ago that the reason all these nerds were single is that they're too busy making money and doing hackerish things?
    "Wanna go to Colonel Sanders?"
    "Mmmmm... kernel..."
  • Well, yes, but that stuff is compounded by the acute shortage of females... That, combined with the males doing all those geeky things instead of going dancing is a deadly combination!

    My question: are the ladies going to go on tours of data centers, development shops, and hardware laboratories? Considering your point, that's where the boys are! ;)
  • I didn't see a date in the article, but isn't Comdex coming up?
  • How many of us who are out in the dating scene are happy with what we see, both with respect to the relative numbers of women in our field(s) and finding a relationship that is one of peers?

    I don't mean that I want to find another over-educated computer wiz - I just want to meet someone who is as driven, creative, and good looking as so many of my male friends, if you get my drift.

    I certainly am flattered to be the target of these kinds of events, but I'm not interested in someone who is looking for a wealthy mamma's-boy who is never home and is more knowledgable about his kernel rev than his partner's hopes and dreams.

  • Okay, I know that others have probably figured this out before, but I feel proud for having come up with it from your posting:

    Geeks not reproducing is really bad for the human race. The thought of our future world being dominated by blue-collar workers, businessmen, and lawyers because the geeks don't have children is really disturbing. All those years of evolution to bring out intelligence in man will be wasted because intelligence isn't as attractive as confidence (which have an anti-correlation, if anything).

    --
    Kyle R. Rose, MIT LCS
  • What's this about women looking for nerdy guys? I need a geeky woman who won't mind sleeping in the bathtub because the master bedroom is a dream computer lab and the microwave runs linux. Ahh.. the joys of being single :-)
  • The article made specific mention of the
    net worth of the men targeted. Besides that,
    where else on Earth is better suited for
    'gold-digging'. Legions of sex-starved,
    socially inhibited men with padded wallets.

    Now don't get me wrong, I don't honestly
    think every geek with a significant other is
    the victim of a gold-dig attack! Brains are
    'sexy', and there are definitly a large number
    physically attractive geeks (both M + F).

    However, this stunt stinks like a dorm room
    after an all male four day Quake-fest.
  • You are making the mistake of throwing all geeks into the same pot.

    There are many intelligent men/women out there who can be considered just as "geeky" as computer nerds. They may just be in other fields.

    And they will still understand your dedication to work, while opening you up to other aspects of their lives.

    I think people are making a mistake if they think programmers are the only partners that could possibly understand their way of lives.
  • I hope that American Singles has contracted a studio to film this momentous event. This could make an excellent nature-style documentary.
  • Don't limit yourself when looking for a life-long partner. The last thing you want to do is eliminate someone because they don't fit a preconcieved image.

    If you must have a geek, at least don't restrict yourself to Computer Geeks - alternative forms of geek are just as desirable.
    While a Garden Geek may not be impressed when she hears of your clever algorithm, she will understand where you are coming from. It is more important she be able and willing to see your point of view than grok code.

    I myself have a wife who's a Garden Geek, Classical Guitar Geek and Art Geek all at the same time. I love her to pieces not because she's a geek, but because she understands. Her being a geek just gave her a headstart.


  • Re:not this thread again! (Score:1)

    by Anonymous Coward
    Nice response. It's easy for us geeks to make a bad/rude generalization like that. Keep us in line.

    Speaking of generalizations, not everyone who lives in the valley has huge stock options. Most people I know make ok money, but have to work 80+ hours per week, don't have health insurance, and pay to much for gas and housing. I paid $1.80 a gallon this morning for gas (ouch), and I've lived in a motel for the past three months, because it's cheaper for me to pay for a motel 2 weeks per month (that I'm there) than it is to rent an apartment!

  • ... it should be called "A hard geek is good to find." ;-)
  • LOL... You mean a situation like three computers
    on the floor in the living room so that you have
    to be careful going to the couch that you don't
    trip on the ethernet cables? That's what my
    house is like... and it's all *my* doing. :)
    I'm sure it doesn't make a great impression on
    the men that have visited me.
  • Hear that? That's the sound of dozens of male Slashdotters going "Whoa, where can I find a girl like that?"
  • Absolutely. On the other hand, I see the other situation too. The most attractive people are always surrounded by curtisans, whichever gender they might be...
  • Apparently, there's an overabundance of women in linguistics. Women are raised believing that they are capable at language and incapable at math. When you get to formal linguistics, the distinction starts to blur. Larry Wall's background is in linguistics, and I consider it a geek field. My guess is that many of the women who have the mental aptitude that would make them well suited to studying computer science go into linguistics again. Otherwise, check out library science.

    Regarding correlation between intelligence and wealth: rich guys tend to study (in increasing order of brains required) business, law, or medicine. Geek fields (math, CS, engineering, science, linguistics) carry a low social status, and most rich guys wouldn't stoop to that level (major exception: pre-med science majors). Women aren't expected to impress men with their ability to make money, so more women chose less lucrative fields (literature, art, sociology, anthropology, linguistics) because they're genuinely interested in the subject matter. Other women are motivated to demonstrate that they are capable of making it in the high-pay high-prestige fields (business, law, medicine). Fewer women are motivated to show that they can handle the low-prestige fields (CS, engineering), which is one of the reasons there's a shortage of geek women.
  • Unfortunately, she works long hours more often than I do.
    Oh well.

    Honestly, I don't think the stereoype applies; I live in the Bay Area, and I know very few "lonely geeks". Most of my friends, natch, are in high tech in one way or another, and most of them do have social lives.

    I think the convention will be a bust.
  • There are geek babes out there! I found one at After Y2K [after-y2k.com]. Her name is Nitrozac, and she's a Techno Talking Babe! Unfortunately I seem to have some competition, as most of her other readers have crushes on her too ;-)
    Her latest "appearence" in the comic is here [geekculture.com]. Dig those boots!
  • Preach on brother Matt. Same things happened here. The problem with getting a chick into computers having to listen to her problems -- ESPECIALLY when you find it a trivial problem and can pop the answer off the top of your head. Telling your gf shes stupid isn't a good way of gettin some that night.
  • Do geeks guys usually go for geek girls? Most the folks I know prefer more normal women. :)

    I mean, you've been slagging it away with code for 18 hours. Do you really want to come home and discuss it?

    Personally, I'd prefer to come home, and have a girl who's just happy that I'm back. Not someone who really wants to know the details of why heap corruption is happening on the PPC build of whatever I'm working on.

    Life just gets so one-dimensional when you're dating a geek. You're a geek at work, you're a geek at school. Do you have to be an egghead when you come home, too? :)

    I think it's just nice to have someone who reminds you that code is not EVERYTHING. It's nice to have a life that has nothing to do with computers.

    --

  • but elementary human mating rituals can be as bewildering to your average geek as sendmail.cf is to a non-geek - often it's just not apparent where to start.

    Yeah, I know where to find the bat book if I ever need it. OReilly and Associates doesn't publish a dating manual and I don't trust anyone else to help me with something as finding a potential Mate. You understand of course that the concequenses of being wrong are horrid. Thus I'm single and dateless at 25. Don't want to be that way, but I don't know many girls I accually would consider if I wasn't a geek.

  • You know, I've just never understood people that feel like they *have* to find someone, that somehow that person will fix whatever is wrong with their lives. What a sadly passive existence. Make yourself happy, and then you are well-prepared to make someone else happy.

    "If you are lonely while you're alone, you are in bad company." - Jean-Paul Sartre
  • Now granted first, I am no hacker. I am close to what could be considered a larval stage, but I am just not that passionate about coding, its just more of a hobby. I am however a hardware geek (just ask me how I hooked up a component CDPlayer, using my VCR as the reciever). I don't find the social interaction to be a problem.

    I guess I have learned some lessons over the last few years. Bear in mind that several of these are from my job-now-near-career of Tech Support (end user).

    (1) Work is not always the best, nor the only place to look. As I said, I work tech support, so there aren't many women, and the ones that are here are attached or, well... (not to sound mean..)

    (2) Work cannot be your life. You cannot live at work, no matter what the company tells you.

    (3) People don't normally bite... much. They, unlike dogs, actually seem to prefer a good conversation.

    (4) What it all comes down to... Find a place that you feel comfortable at where people congregate (for me, it's the local Starbucks) and make yourself at home. Chat with strangers, or just the people that work there. I have been hanging out a Starbucks for the better part of a year and I have found things to be quite interesting. All the people that work there know me and will openly chat with me (and a few of them are some intelligent and beautiful women). Many of the regulars know me as well and are not afraid to talk. Bottom line, you have to communicate F2F sometimes.

    I'm not saying it works for everyone, but for the cost of coffee, it's worth it.

  • nt
    ---
  • This isn't necessarily a bad thing, mind you. One needn't be totally into something to appreciate and support someone else's interest in it.

    It's the appreciation that's the hard part.. Most women I've known tend to consider tech distasteful and something best not spoken of in public.

    "Oh yah. Those tech vests are real nice. Fascinating." get me OUTTA this store! I've got database interface wrappers to debug!!

    I dream of the day I can find a woman who:
    • Knows the difference between a hash and a list
    • Can recite the peasant scene from Holy Grail from memory
    • Isn't already taken

    Is that too much to ask?
  • AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

    Story of my fu??ing life in college...

    I dunno, I just think my wiring is just so different, like trying to get a PAL signal on a NTSC screen.. It's also like, how do I get to know someone without looking like some overbearing freak? And every time, every f?ck?ng time I've ever raised the portcullis and lowered the bridge, it's gone horribly wrong! Some people weren't meant to be with other people, I suppose. Or rather, they may be meant to be with crazy people, and not crazy in a good way.

    I could go for some flat food...
  • I was generalizing, of course. :)

    In actuallity, if I was not dating a fellow computer geek, an engineer or mathematician would be just as attractive to me. Maybe even a professor of philosophy - logic, of course.

    I find Bertrand Russell's writing very - mmmmmm - stimulating.

    I am joking again.

    Although geekdom is only one aspect of my life, I am very devoted to my work, and I agree that another intellegent person, be they a programmer, or what ever, would be just as compatible, I am just doubting the man hunrgy women who are seeking the wealthy programmer will have much luck.

    There is a certain class of women who work in offices, and consider themselves quite capable on computers although they call tech support to tell them the internet is broken when they get a javascript error on the page when trying to look at www.marthastewart.com - these are the women who I see in that little trip to Silicon Valley.

    This type of woman may be physically attractive, or not. Perhaps for the truely superficial, she'd be an ideal trophy wife, some men want that.

    I see more men wanting a partner, a mate they can talk to, share ideas, ideals, dreams, and much more.

    Perhaps a couple will capture themselves a geek man who likes talking about interior decorating, and does not mind that his girlfriend doesn't understand computers. Even I like to escape from computers completely from time to time.

    I just see the vast majority prefering a woman who has more to talk about than dried flowers, rag rolling walls, and dinner at the neighbour's place, and boy didn't their living room look fabulous.

    These dependant little sucklings will be decending upon the geek world like vultures, seeking a man to care for them.

    Are you ready?
  • As a post suggestion here...

    Just becuase you're a geek, doesn't necessarily mean you need another geek. I perosnally, find that a non-geek helps keep me grounded and from losing touch with reality. Sure, she won't know COPY from FDISK, but if she loves ya, who the hell cares.

  • Well if they have a web page and can BTO I may just consider it....
  • Dude, get out and socialize. Mainly goto clubs (definatly try out any 80's nights you can find.. hehe personal preference), and coffee shops. I've had plenty of women in their late 20's early 30's who woulda jumped me if I hadn't been, so young. (I'm only 20)
  • More fucking hookers

    "The men here are every mother's dream. They're stable and well-educated, and they are wealthy. Some of them have millions and millions of dollars and no one to spend it on."




    Sorry to be crass but that just pisses me off. Blatant gold digging bullshit. I hsould just go find a real hooker, at least i know what I'm not getting. Guess some guys will buy into this though.

  • Yes, there are more gays and lesbians in the Silicon Valley than in other parts of the US, but not nearly as many as in San Francisco where they outnumber the straight. The majority of men in Silicon Valley are straight men.

    I think when you live in an environment that's as fast-paced as Silicon Valley, it makes it pretty hard for a straight couple to raise a family. The cost of living is very high and it's not easy for a couple to make it if both are not working. Check this Mercury News report at http://www.mercurycenter.com/svtech/news/special/w ealth/ [mercurycenter.com] to see how tough it can be . For instance I am the sole breadwinner in my household and my boyfriend is still studying. My pay is enough for a decent house for us, but if we ever wanted to adopt and raise children, it would be a stretch. Straight couples get extra tax breaks that we don't, but even then, they can have a hard time raising a family on single-income. For all we know all those single men probably wouldn't have the time to deal with a family. Unless they left Silicon Valley.

  • Any woman can live with a geek if he's loaded.

    Agreed. Case in point, Bill Gates.

    (c'mon, you don't really think his wife is after his BODY do you? .. and we all know that his coding abilities suck... :o)
  • When you, the geek aware that there are many lonely geeks in this world, meet an intelligent but computer-ignorant woman who needs to use computers in any way,

    teach her how as though she's a potential geek. She is.

    Not all of these attempts will prosper. Most of them, if you honestly believe that anyone can understand computers to the limits of their intelligence, will at least improve these women's affection for computers and understanding of geeks. (Adjectives are in the right order.) A few of them will take root in that familar larval-stage way.

    Result: a few more she-geeks; more women who can understand an interest in computers; and almost all of them will now think of geeks as people they can talk with, not people who talk at them. Far more, dare I say, fertile ground for romance.

    Caveat: Assume that you won't date this woman; this may be an untrue assumption, but it will probably improve the interaction. (Talking to women only because you hope to sleep with them is emotionally analagous to sleeping with men only in hopes of getting money from them.) You get to date the woman some other /.er is teaching, or the friend she knows who needed someone to talk to about machines, or...

    it's a gift economy all round.
  • Okay let's get right to the bottom of this
    "Good Man" tripe.

    A "Good Man" is rich enough that the female
    will either be able to stop working (or play at
    working) while Mr. Right supports her. A "Good
    Man" will be interested in Marriage, which is
    not always what it's supposed to be, and can
    often cause problems in relationships. A "Good
    Man" wants to reproduce, despite the fact that there are too many people on the planet as it is.

    Even though by all rights, I should fall squarely into the "Good Man" category, I have experienced
    real alienation from women; I've got a pretty decent career, and I'm even more attractive than not, but here's the deal:
    #1. I do NOT want to be married (a contract between you and the STATE, not between you and your SPOUSE, and therefore a myth)
    #2. I do NOT want to become somebody else's means
    of support, I want that special somebody to be able to, and want to, take care of herself
    #3. I do NOT want children. Having children
    is something you do instead of living your own life.

    Needless to say, few women find me worth the time
    of day when they learn my feelings on those issues.
  • speaking for us non-geek chicks (though they'd probably protest if they knew i was trying to be some sort of advocate) - i just find it a bit insulting that you assume that all we want is to be some sort of martha stewart-talking-head-clone thing. i mean, most of us - or at least some of us - are rather career minded and would be able to understand someone who was equally so.
    okay, that's my shpeal... take it or not. whatever.

    art is not a toy.
  • learn to dance. He has it right. Almost all girls like to dance, it is a shame more guys do not learn. You don't need a partner, you can get tapes. Dancing to techno type music is not hard.

    Going to clubs dancing is probably the best way to build a social life from zero.
  • Hmm... Sound like this might be a good company perk to add...

    "...and we'll do your laundry, give you free lunch, and find you a spouse to nag you..."

    It's only a matter of time before the large companies start their own internal dating services.
  • It really is gross and rude. I can't believe that shit.

    If you have "millions and millions of dollars" and you aren't even getting laid you have a major, major, problem. If I did I would not touch any of these gold diggers. If I wanted whores I'd go to one of those escort services (there are some that have extremely hot women too); if I wanted love I certainly wouldn't go around flashing money and telling women that I was rich (you'd have to pretend not to be, I think).
  • Yea, it's in November in Las Vegas. My dad is going, I only wish I were old enough and didn't have school, otherwise I'd be there in a second.
  • Lisa,
    You just don't get it. You can't quit your job and geek out all day in style unless your sugar daddy is a milionaire. Proper geeking requires a datacenter with at least 45 computers, 3 different processor architectures and 5 different operating systems. Admittedly there are a few mulitmillionaires around town, but they're all ex microsofties and would object to buying you an UltraSparc - espescially if they knew you planned to run FreeBSD on it. Get yourself a job with a company that has a huge datacenter and then you can roll around naked on a pile of ethernet cables between a Sun E500 and and Alpha GS 60. That's what I do at work - late at night when nobody is looking of course.
    --Shoeboy
  • Did you ever think that it happens the other way around??!!????

    And with that kinda attitude.. your right hand will probably be your best friend.
  • E500 Oops, that should read E5000. Scott McNealy is going to come to my house with a flamethrower now.
    --Shoeboy
  • I think that there is more to this than what is on the surface...

    I am a woman in her early twenties majoring in EE. Now.. there are no other women in my classes... which first is a clear indication that there are significantly less women in the field than men. (which duh we knew).

    When you are dating or looking for a date.. you tend to try to find someone with similar likes. For some reason.. a lot of women do not find computers or technology very interesting. That doesnt mean they arent intelligent and cant make it in the field.. but I read an article that stated that most women found the field to be dull and uncreative. (which i disagree with). So.. now if a woman is looking for a man that has similar interests.. she most likely wont seek out a geek (unless she is like me.. heh). So while the men may not be seeking someone similar to them.. the women are..

    Regarding a geek in his early 20s.. I believe you have more of a chance then anyone. You are either in college or fresh out of college.. as long as you join different groups.. and explore different interests... Then women can have other ways to relate to you then just on a technical level... and they will find similarities..

    Plus.. the right woman always comes along when you arent looking for her.. :)
  • HA! goto clubs??? You are a geek!

    Oh, and BTW, you shouldn't use goto. It's bad style.

  • I must imagine you are in a difficult place - so many men around you in your workforce, but one wrong move and you could be in a very compromising position.

    I think it depends on his situation. Is he out at work? What kind of coworkers does he have? Good coworkers would make all the difference. On a professional note, I would not look for a romantic relationship at work. As the crude saying goes: "Do not dip your pen in the company ink."

    Tthere are defintely relationships "out there" for single men and women. I am twenty six and I met my partner four years ago when I least expected it. We worked together on a task force at our university.

    My advice, is to be comfortable with, love, and accept yourself. Be open to the possibilities and be willing to take chances. Relationships are often where you least expect to find them.

  • "One guy I know hasn't ever had a girlfriend and he's just turned 27. "

    Well, I can't say he doesn't deserve it, well, at least the one or two dicks I know don't deserve to EVER have a girlfriend, or even a boyfriend, if that's what they like. They're complete jerks.

    Only one of them is a geek. The other one is gonna be an English teacher. Don't have kids. You were warned.

    Some people just don't get with people cuz they're too afraid. They don't love the one they are with, but are afraid to move on, etc.

    The concept of being alone terrifies me.

    I don't care if my girlfriend is a "guru" or not, as long as she isn't afraid to ask me what a gigabyte is.

    Just glad I got someone willing to learn . . .

    later

  • Computer Literacy bookstore in Sunnyvale and San Jose (my favorite real-world store). And... they charge so much for their books (compared to online), you have to have a decent income to even walk in there. :) Of course, striking up a conversation there is pretty hard if you aren't the engineer type.

  • This is probably a fault of the geek personality, but elementary human mating rituals can be as bewildering to your average geek as sendmail.cf is to a non-geek - often it's just not apparent where to start.


    heh. sendmail.cf is bewildering to anyone, period.
  • Unless they are interested in nothing other than bona fide goldbricking, I doubt that most people would want a partner that was unwilling to leave his data center, development shop, or hardware laboratory to meet people.

    I know lots of geeks with successful love lives; the main thing they have in common, other than crossing an elementary clue threshold (oh God, the stories some of my friends could tell you) is that they just know how to get away from the damn monitor on weekends!


  • More like something you tell them as late in the relationship as possible ("Well it is nice whether today, andsometimesIcodeinVB, don't you think? Did I mention how great you look?")

    You wouldn't put recent bouts with foot warts in a personal add...

    -
    /. is like a steer's horns, a point here, a point there and a lot of bull in between.
  • Good point. As always, we take woman==partener for granted. Unfortunately it will take many many years to move from this mindset .. it's far too ingrained in our culture, still. Maybe forever, but I hope not.

    I must imagine you are in a difficult place - so many men around you in your workforce, but one wrong move and you could be in a very compromising position.

    Hetro, gay supportin' geek,
    SirSlud
  • Now, if these women are willing to buy a ticket and fly across the country just for the chance to net themselves a geek, why not just wander down to the nearest university and hunt around in the engineering or comp sci faculties. (Note: if you are having trouble finding nerdy boys, head downwards...the computer labs are often in the basement)

    Mind you, Palo Alto probably has pretty good weather, so you're not entirely wasting your vacation.

    Dana
  • ASP...VB...WinVI

    Eew! I'm turned off already! =)

    Isn't there a book like that out there somewhere? I think it was called Men use vi, Women use emacs. I saw it in a purchasing circle on amazon.

  • I havn't had /too/ much trouble finding women, but don't go to them).

    I'll tell you one thing .. no matter how much you love computers, unless you're betting like the lottary, you actually have to expend some effort to go out and find one. Take a 2 month vacation from computers. Try not to use them outside of work. I'll try not to make it sound too material, but just like you have to spend a few hours getting that script done, finding yourself a soul mate also takes a little bit of deticated time and effort.
  • I'm an idiot (I knew there was a reason for 'preview'). The above should read:
    (if you don't go to them).

    I havn't had /too/ much trouble finding women.

    I'll tell .. blah blah, etc .. (see parent post)
  • Agreed. I was living in the Silicon Valley until recently, and it was very easy to forget, moving from the office to the largely office-related social circle, that over 50% of the Earth's population is female. Right before I left, I read this depressing article about dating in SV, citing the experience of geeks who have been asked how much money they make on the third, second, or even first date!

    To that I can only say, Fuck all y'all bitches! I'd rather stick with my right hand for all eternity than get with some superficial gold-digging asshole.

    Beer recipe: free! #Source
    Cold pints: $2 #Product

  • If she asks you to buy her a drink, instead say "Why dont YOU buy ME a drink?"

    I guarantee it will turn away 100% of the golddiggers.
  • I'm not sure about anyone else, but I consider talking to people and connecting with other human beings to be very productive. When you talk to someone, sometimes you learn more about yourself.

  • It sounds to me like he's made some friends there. For those who'd rather 'do sometime productive' rather than be with / meet friends, I'd say the chances of finding that special someone are pretty slim. Of course, if you do something like this, determined to find the mate of your dreams, and get frustrated when that doesn't happen in the first 15 minutes, well, maybe it's not for you. But if you can hang out, spend an hour taking it easy and maybe talking to some people that you may not know, well at least you've tried something new, and perhaps gotten some new perspectives on things, and who knows, you may like it!
  • "Single geek guy seeks single geek girl. Likes: ANSI/POSIX C, GNU programming tools, vi(m), GNOME, flower arranging. Dislikes: Microsoft Anything, ties, conspicuous consumption. Seeking single 20something girl who knows the difference between df and du, an integer and an integral, force and momentum. Relative sanity an absolute must. Fax resume to: (...)"
  • This is pretty acurate. I used to be a teaching
    assistant for first year computer courses.
    Women are outrageously nice to you when they need explanations for simple computer stuff.

    True I was getting payed to help people but I would go to extremes like meeting them on my own time to tutor them for free in the hopes that I might be able to actually engage them in conversation after I had explained the 16 op assembly language the course used.
    (yes yes, this->desperate == TRUE, now shut up about it already :))

    Anyhow, cutting to the chase it didnt work very well. Really all I wanted was conversation but I guess they just saw me as a facilitator of a good mark.

    I guess perhaps im just bitter. I probably smell funny too.

    Anyhow quick summary: Hes right dont go down this road it leads nowhere.

    -N
  • Bachman Turner Overdrive? I'm not getting that acronymn.

    --
  • How do we know that the geek guys in the valley aren't gay or bisexual?

    I can't speak for the valley, but I would imagine that like most places that are affluent and filled with intelligent people you are more likely going to find a higher proportion of out homosexuals than in a random sample taken from the American population.

    This isn't to assert that all gays must be intelligent and/or affluent, but instead that a homosexual is more likely to be out and thus visible and countable for the sample.

    From my personal experience, I have noted that having a geek boy to go along with me is quite pleasant. Our skills and interests mesh well and understand each other's technofetishism.

    We met on a thread on Usenet. How geeky can you get?
  • Lexi the Linus girl wrote: >As a geek girl, who has and is dating a geek man, I have but to as what do they think they have to offer the >attractive geek man? companionship, intelligent converstion, a diversion from the average day, sex Wait a minute you think a nongeek girl has nothing to offer a geek boi? When I first meet my boyfriend, whom i've been with for 2 years now, I had no idea what he was talking about when discussing code but I could empathize with his frustrations and his glee when he figured out a problem or be completely amused when he and his housemate would get in jousting matches over different technologies just to amuse themselves. Over time I became knowledgeable about the different compontes that made up the software he was working on, then it was pointcast and now XUL and other parts that will comprise the new Netscape browser. This meant I asked alot of questions about what he was talking about until I felt I could actually understand what he was talking about. Just because a girl is not a geek by trade does not mean she could not communicate with a geek boi. It just means that if she is truly interested in her man she will take the time to understand him and he will take the time to explain things to her. Oh and the occasional conversttion about non work things are always nice. And if I ever start talking Marth Stewart I will personally kill myself thank you. signed, a geek boi's girlfriend
  • While the Silicon Valley situation exposes a tip of the iceberg, the problem is abysmally deeper than a mere problem with a provincial male saturation. Humanity and ultimately technological civilization arose with beta male primates trying to survive at the fringes of the ecological range. Frontiers are always male saturated environments. What really makes human survival outside of our subsaharan African origins sustainable over the long term is a particular kind of sexual morality that gives 'geeks' (read beta male homonids) opportunities to reproduce that would not present themselves in a more natural setting. Notice I said sustainable over the long term, not over, say, the few hundred years that the european colonies in the new world have been in existence.

    The "sexually uptight" morals of the Protestant Reformation, most extremely typified by the pioneering demes like Puritans, Quakers, Amish and the like, are not simply neurotic hold-overs from the tribes praised by Tacitus in his Germania -- they are the keys to progress.

    Humans are continually striving to return, in the older parts of their souls, to their origins in subsaharan Africa where the three-tier concentric sociosexual circle of alpha males, concubines with children and peripheral beta males, is embedded so deeply.

    This is why Margaret Mead, in a conversation I had with her in 1971, told me that the entry of women into the workplace mandated one fundamental compensating change:

    An "incest taboo" in the workplace.

    Subsequent decades have proven Ms. Mead far too liberal.

    The flood of females into middle-management, coupled with the "glass ceiling" against their occupation of the executive suites and board rooms, has undone, within a single generation the painstaking creation of technological civilization's foundation and unleashed the three-tier sociosexual structure of pre-technological primates.

    Importation of females won't solve this problem -- it will merely change Silicon Valley from a work camp to yet another urban area destined for a downward slide that will make descent into the so-called "dark ages" look like a picnic -- for this time, there are no pockets of isolation from this decay except, perhaps China.

  • Perhaps not all geek men want a geek girl, but I am sure almost every geek man would prefer an intellegent woman, who understand computers and is not afraid of them, or worse yet ignorant of them.

    True indeed. Many a witty, brainy young lass turned this geek's heart to butter in his formative cycles. And now, a slightly older, slightly wiser, slightly portly geek can look back at the 9+ years of joy with his then-girlfriend-now-wife-and-mother-of-his-child. She ain't no coder. She ain't no cracker. Her eyes glaze when I talk of Perlish things, and she oh-so-patiently forgives my O'Reilly habit. We have enough geeky things in common to make us happy, and enough differences to keep us sane. My advice for those in search of geeks to love:

    • Flirt, flirt, flirt
    • Be witty
    • Be honest
    • Don't be a floozy
    • Don't laugh at a geek dancing (if you can get them dancing, which I highly recommend, because it really is funny)
  • I'm not sure where you get this being a gay recruiting effort, and even if it is, so what. The law of supply and demand works just about as effectively in dating as it does in commerce. Speaking as a man on the all-straight, all-the-time channel, who isn't dating a lot right now, the more gay men there are, the better it is for me. I would think that most people on this thread complaining about the lack of women would feel the same way.

    Stewball
  • Let's see. Limited social skills, and limited social time (that's time available to spend with other people, rather than sitting in front of a CRT) are the oft quoted reasons for why these individuals are single. The only thing these guys have going for them is that they have large amounts of disposable income. Not exactly the strongest base for a meaningful relationship.
  • I mean, who's going to fix all the bugs in open source software when all the good guys are getting laid instead of bored on saturday nights? *eg*
  • I like spending money with women, but "spending it on them" sounds too much like you're doing it just to get a certain something in return. That, in my humble opinion, sucks.

    Then again, maybe your opinion differs. Your signature would seem to suggest as much. :P

    Beer recipe: free! #Source
    Cold pints: $2 #Product

  • goddamnit. don't you think that SOME of us have our *own* money!? i treasure my fiance's studly sysadminliness far more than his options any day.

    it's not unheard of, you know. maybe if you went beyond looking for superficial crap like nice asses you would discover someone with substance. no, i am not saying all men do this. i am just saying.

  • Right. If the women were geeks, too (or at least some kind of intellectuals) this would actually be a good thing.

    You know, it's funny that you mention dancing. All over the Bay Area, swing and ballroom dancing are going through a huge revival. However, it's couples, by and large, who sign up for the lessons.

    "Let him who would move the world first move himself [on the dance floor]"
    --Socrates, interpreted somewhat

    Beer recipe: free! #Source
    Cold pints: $2 #Product

  • I think you'd have to be pretty pathetic and desperate to go to SV from all over the country to find a man. Not that there aren't plenty of good men there-but that's a lot of effort to go through just for a man. And if I were one of those guys, I'd feel pretty insulted that women were being lured to me by the promise of a stable, large disposable income.

    But I have to admit, every great once in awhile (after I've become frustrated with my job, for example) I do spend a second to ponder the possibility of finding a "sugar daddy". And being that I'm a geekgrrl, I imagine it wouldn't be *too* hard.

    C'mon guys, you know you would do it too if it were as easy for you as it is for us.

    (before I get flamed....*please* realize that I would never actually seek out someone for their money. I'd lose a lot of respect for myself if I wasn't supporting myself)

    -Lisa
  • You try living in the Silicon Valley for a while. Then see if you can find anything better to do than hack.

    The Silicon Valley sucks. It's a yuppie strip-mall-and-suburbs wasteland.

    Beer recipe: free! #Source
    Cold pints: $2 #Product

  • Ever hear the news story about the Fl*rida lawyer who sued her husband for not winning the bread? You're not missing much by being unmarried.
  • Well as I generally don't return from clubs back to the place I left from, its not a proper function. I guess I could say that I have home fuction then I operate friends house function which while ending operates club function, which both add to the value of my blood_alchol_level counter. Finally both fuctions end (only I honestly don't return to friends house function before returning home.. but thats a technicallity that is not noticed in the final outcome).
    Sorry for not using proper programming notation in this I'm mostly just tech support with a little script programming.
  • Umm, so are you busy friday night? HEHE sorry just joking, but seriously I wish there where more women like you in the world. None of my past gf's have really been interested in technology (though all of them can use computers, but its not really on the technical side) and so far none of the relationships have lasted over a month at a time, seriously. While my town (tallahassee, fl) is a majorly wired town (fsu's fault), most of the women are the Sorority type (or atleast try to look act like it). And many of the guys are computer majors. It leads to a very funny situation. There are almost twice as many women in this town as there are men, but yet a very large percent of good/decent men are still single. While there are still a large amount of women complaning that there are no men.. Its quite interesting
  • How could you look for a sugar daddy and still want to support yourself? Or are you saying that you fantasize about it but wouldn't do it?

    I'm confused ...

    D

    ----

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