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Christmas Cheer Books Media Book Reviews

The Physics of Christmas 128

Posted by Hemos from the ho-ho-ho-ho dept.
Well, with Christmas just around the corner, I'd like to thank Joe Mahoney for sending us a review of Can Reindeer Fly - The Science of Christmas, known in the States as The Physics of Christmas: From the Aerodynamics of Reindeer to the Thermodynamics of Turkey. It's an amusing little piece - and just in time for holiday shopping, I offer this blatant plug: Jon Katz' new book Geeks is ready for pre-order at ThinkGeek. It's really good, even though it's dedicated to two bozos who run this site. *grin*
Can Reindeer Fly - The Science of Christmas
author Roger Highfield
pages 294
publisher Metro Books, 11/1998
rating 8/10
reviewer Joe Mahoney
ISBN 0316366110
summary A fascinating discussion of the mechanics of Christmas magic

The Scenario

Can Reindeer Fly is a book about the culture, science, technologies and traditions that contribute to the Christmas season. Dr Highfield is a respected author and scientist who has written a well researched book that will appeal to a wide variety of people.

What's Good?

If you liked the various 'Science of Star Trek' books and websites, you will probably enjoy this book. Dr Highfield covers almost every area of modern day science - from genetics to quantum theory to dieting to explain or theorize about many of the different aspects of Christmas. Christmas in different cultures is discussed too, with chapters on food and gift giving around the world. I really enjoyed Dr Highfield's approach. Rather than trying to disprove theories and legends, he tries to use every scientific tool available to see if something could be done - this is especially true in a chapter on the virgin birth of Jesus. Unfortunatley, Dr Highfield wasn't able to conclude that Santa Claus employs warp powered reindeer to boot it round the earth on Christmas eve :-

What's Bad?

This probably isn't an issue for most slashdot readers, but I found there was a definite Northern Hemisphere bias. Several chapters take it for granted that Christmas will be celebrated in the middle of Winter. Where I live, Dec 25 is usually a hot summer day and rather than building a snowman after a huge turky dinner, I am more likely to lie in the sun after a huge BBQ. It's not a big issue and it doesn't really detract from the text in any way.

So What's In It For Me?

ThereÕs really something for everyone in 'Can Reindeer Fly'. If you want to know about the origins of the Christmas tree and other traditions there are several chapters to keep you happy. Interested in astronomy? A chapter on the Bethlehem star is what you're after. Science geeks will be interested in chapters on Snow and the tech involved to get a sleigh to travel to the hopes of every good little boy and girl. Dieticians will be interested in the chapter on Santa's diet and genetics.

Purchase this boook at fatbrain.

Table of Contents

  1. Acknowledgements
  2. Introduction: Christmas and the Scientist
  3. 1. The Bethlehem Star
  4. 2. Miracle
  5. 3. Santa and Those Reindeer
  6. 4. Gluttony; Santa's Genetics
  7. 5. The flame and the Tree
  8. 6. Giving and Shopping
  9. 7. Snow
  10. 8. Festive Fare
  11. 9. Christmas Spirit
  12. 10. Christmas Blues and Seasonal Moods
  13. 11. Santa's Science
  14. 12 Christmas 2020
  15. Appendix The Formula for Christmas Day
  16. Glossary
  17. Bibliography
  18. Index
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The Physics of Christmas More

The Physics of Christmas

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  • What about us Jews? (Score:1)

    by Anonymous Coward
    Hey, its no fair! What about the science of HANUKKAH? Christians are so self centered on their pagan celebrations...

  • Re:What about us Jews? (Score:1)

    by Anonymous Coward
    It's called "The Physics of Dreidels."

  • Re:I wonder if the book mentions... (Score:1)

    by Anonymous Coward
    I usually offer "Happy Solstice". My pagan friends (who celebrate Solstice) are pleased, my geek and agnostic friends (well, those who know even a bit of astronomy) like the non-religeous bias (Solstice happened long before Paganism). Any others, well, I just don't give a darn what they think. - RSH

  • Jews need GPS!!! (Score:1)

    by Anonymous Coward

    What's the deal with taking 40 years to cross the desert? I don't believe the dropped quarter story.

    Next Hanukkah, I am getting Moses a GPS receiver...

  • Don't you mean Channukah Harry?
  • All recent book reviews have linked to fatbrain, not Amazon.com. I believe that Hemos stated in a comment on another book review that they're working on converting all the old ones to fatbrain, too, but there are a lot of reviews so it's going slowly.


    --Phil (I'm too into instant gratification to buy online--I just drive down to the local Borders. (I want my books NOW!))
  • Moderate Up Up Up!
    What happened to my moderate points?
    Did I answer to a thread here?
  • Please? Pleeease?? Aw C'mon, plEEEEEaaaasSE?

  • Congrats on the new book thar, big fellah! All proceeds from the book going to FSF?

    Huaow!

    ; )

  • I've hardly the time or space to fill you in on the reasons behind my non-belief. Yhe steaming pile of pants was a mild attempt at humour. A gentle dig in the ribs as it were. You were obviously bending down at the time, since it went over your head.
  • May day May day over
    I'm having trouble with my Slashdot filters over.

    I know I specified in my preferences that I never wanted to ever even hear Junky Katz's name ever again. But for some strange reason he keeps popping up now and again.

    And BTW, being a geek. The one thing that in rages me nowadays is Junky Katz suposedly being a voice for geeks.

    In the future I'll just politely ask that any mention of Katz be in a separate post. :)

    Thanks
  • There is absolutely no problem. Santa exists, the true myth is that there are good children out there. The parents simply don't want the child to get poor self-esteem and feel bad so they pretend that Santa hasn't put you down on the naughty list yet again. Another mystery solved.
  • admitting you have a problem is always the first step


  • As a Jew, my celebration of Christmas consists of:
    • Reading this stupid joke
    • Eating chinese food
    That's about it. So, since my physics prof. didn't give us a copy of the joke, I'm glad to have seen it on /.
  • Solstice happened long before Paganism

    Ummm... Solstice happened long before human existence ;-) But, that's okay, I know you probably meant the human celebration of Solstice.

    Chris
  • I don't know if it's in the book or not. However, recent theorists figured it out.... ;^)

    Ya'see, Rudolph is actually carrying the highly advanced tech required to make the whole Christmas delivery thing work. The light from his nose is actually the doppler shifted reflection of a minituarized ST:NG Impulse engine. The Sleigh is carrying a minituarized Warp Generator which, when in use, causes the sleigh to appear as a shooting star or a twinkle (depending on viewing angle). Claus uses the Picard manuever to be in several places at once, and, as demand for his services has grown, has taken to using a holodeck projected image of himself and molecular transporters to get the work done.

    The cookies, etc. are then transported back to the workshop and converted to their constituent elements for use in next year's toys.

    Geez, don't they teach elementary (ST:NG) 24th century physics around here anymore?

  • Geez, nothing but "Katz sucks" posts and some whiny looser crying that nobody's done a Hannukah book.

    Get a life or at least, another script.
  • Does the book has an explanation of why Rudolph's nose glows?

    Mezz -- always wanted to know.
  • Sounds like Katz is closely related to Eliza then :)
  • Yes, definitely! I saw him give the keynote at the '98 Usenix and he rocks. He did a Q&A session later in a smaller room and I was hugely impressed with him. Sometimes it's kind of disappointing to actually meet one of your heroes but I came away liking him even more.
  • Not just a book, according to ThinkGeek:

    Which just goes to prove the publishers will still print anything. Especially if they don't understand it.
  • Actually, he has several books out. Sheesh.
  • ..Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo!
  • Of course there is an absolutely scientifake explanation for the flying reindeer (just ask any Harvard-trained medical doctor who also studied biotechnology and electric engineering at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology and says he's found the Holy Grail of physics [slashdot.org]).

    The explanation is: the reindeer are made of hydrino compounds and powered by hydrino engines and batteries. There would be pods containing intersecting helium and electron beams under a negatively charged plate. The electrons in the beam would be deformed in such a way that they would oppose gravity and push up against that electric field of the negative plate. Anything attached to the plate would also experience lift!

  • Why can't people just understand that "Merry Christmas" is, 99% of the time, just an expression of wishes and good will, and is rarely said in malice?

    As a militant agnostic, I couldn't agree more. :-)

    While I'm not at all convinced that Christmas has any religious significance whatsoever, I enjoy participating in some of the trappings of the season (i.e., putting up and decorating a live tree in the living room, putting up Christmas lights outside, buying presents, watching holiday movies and specials on TV, throwing a few dollars here and there into Salvation Army kettles, etc.) Most of these traditions, in their general sense, have nothing to do with any particular religion whatsoever. And with that in mind, the name "Christmas" does not, and should not, be taken as a direct reference to or advertisement for any particular religion, either.

    People who get their panties in a bunch about "Merry Christmas" really need to get a life. "Peace on Earth and goodwill to men?" Horrors! We wouldn't want anything like that to catch on and spread!
  • Katz's book is really entitled Greeks. It's a well-thought-out tome that explains what life was life back in ancient Athens. Quite an interesting read, actually.
  • Well DUH! That's why he has helpers! :)
  • "Man who say it cannot be done should not interrupt man doing it." - Old Chinese Proverb


    Why do people always assume that grammatically correct Chinese translates into broken English?

  • Not just a book, according to ThinkGeek:
    Jon Katz is the author of Running to the Mountain and Virtous Reality, as well as six novels.

    --
  • I can't claim this as an original, and I don't know who to credit, but I can't resist:

    Seems that a scientist approached God and said, "Listen, we don't need you anymore. Science has figured out the mysteries of the Earth to the point that we can handle everything without you."

    God replied, "If you think you don't need me, I have one request of you - I made you by breathing life into dust. You try it."

    The scientist said, "No problem, we know that all proteins necessary to sustain life can be made out of dirt." And he stooped down to grab a handful of soil.

    But God answered, "Get your own dirt!"

  • You might have to revise that number based upon the huge number of people who exchange gifts on Epiphany (Three kings day) I know that People in Argentina, as well as many other countries, generally exchange gifts on January 6 rather than December 25. (That's what the 12 days of Christmas are all about.)
  • I think it's based on Katz's Rolling Stone article. [tunes.com]

    It is referenced on Slashdot, [slashdot.org]which is where I first read about it.

    And Jesse and Eric post to Slashdot

    George
  • The best explination I ever heard was frommy wife's first boyfriend's mother.

    She said that santa stopped time and you could tell he had because when time stopped bubbles formed on the side of a glass of water.

    So every christmas eve, the kid went to sleep with a glass of water by the bed so he could tell when santa had come and gone!
  • I fail to see what a tree and lights has to do with Christianity.

    Christmas IS over-commercialized and I'm doing my part by not taking part of it. (Besides, gifts should be un-expected not expected.)

    I wish for peace and good-will to all humans ALL YEAR around, not just ONE DAY, which IS the TRUE essence of Christianity: Treating people with respect, maturity, and love. Religion aside, the world would be a better place if everyone would just try a little harder to put aside our petty differences.

    (Sorry if you were offended by the subject header, but I needed to grab your attention ;-)

    Cheers and Happy Holidays
  • Years ago, I read a hilarious artical by James Randi explaining the scientific method might be used to test the hypothesis that some reindeer can fly. The only thing I can't remember for sure is where I saw it. I thought I found it on hi web site [randi.org], but it doesn't seem to be there now. Is there a copy online? A link to it would be quite appropriate to this discussion.
  • But if he used a TARDIS on loan from Dr. Who then all he has to do is keep going back to the same point in time but a different location on Earth. The TARDIS existing in a different dimension inside than out also lets him store the 600,000 tons of gifts. If he then travelled back to before he travelled in the first place then he could also replicate himself again and again as many times as needed in order to get the job done and save himself some time, or maybe the last bit is pure fantasy ;-)

  • The link to ThinkGeek was given by Joe Mahoney, I'd assumeÉ
    The /. link is to FatBrain, which is independent.


    Work together for the Common Geek Good:
  • Assuming all children are good, and Santa follows the United States standard of legal minors being under 18. The number of goodchilren under the age of 12 is much smaller, I'd think. And what says his sleigh doesn't have an aeordynamic ceramic heatshield, like the Space Shuttle? Given the evidence, North Pole technology is centuries ahead of ours, it might be one huge, thin diamond.
    He doesn't need to carry allthe gifts with him at once, he can go back to the north pole to pick them up in batches.

    On a theological level, the logistical problems caused by more and more good Christian kids as the population expands would have the Church hurting Santa - he can't do his job if the Church does theirs. So, Santa must use a sliding scale of goodness - only a constant numberof the best children get presents directly from Santa every year.

    Work together for the Common Geek Good:
  • Interesting...
    You posted this at a score of 2, /. doesn't give moderation totals for U, it looks like the author of the article gets an automatic bonus. Cool.


    Work together for the Common Geek Good:
  • Isn't it odd how the truth gets in the way of science??? Too bad for them I guess :-)
  • They have a website somewhere

    NORAD's Santa-tracking site [noradsanta.org]

    Warning: Flash 4 required.
    --

  • The numbers don't seem to add up if you take everything according to historical story. We must remember that is what it is--a historical story. With the concept of hubs and hierarchical management, Santa's world operation can be split down into manageable tasks, with the true Santa acting as World Operations manager in the WHQ, North Pole. He also would have realized the importance of outsourcing cumbersome tasks to contract workers, like Mall appearances, Parades, etc. The revenue from all this comes from a payment made on behalf of educational institutions for being a desired and powerful influence on Children. His influence lessens the need for disciplinary actions this time of year, due to the 'bad or good' side of Santa. Disciplinary action takes time away from teaching, so the schools profit more from paying Santa this 'kickback', so they gladly pay.

    So the idea of Santa is legitimate. You have to remember the corporate breakdown of his operation, though, to make it all work.
  • Hasn't this one been going around about 5 years...

    anyhow, I have a source in the North Pole that reports that Santa, his reindeer, and elves are all from Krypton and can fly faster than the speed of light and reverse time (as long as they charge up during the long summers on our yellow sun). You've probably seen Superman do this in one of his movies. Santa didn't get the X-Ray vision or superhuman strength or ability to fly when he came here, but he can suck in his gut and fit down narrow chimneys and has psychic perception to know when you've been bad or good, asleep or awake, which more than makes up for those powers. Santa also has the ability to clone himself and appear at multiple shopping malls at once. He is also immortal. You may or may not remember the evil Multiple Santa (who was thankfully defeated by the Tick) duplicated this power, but lacked the psychic powers.

    I'd best not reveal any more, or Santa's Security (SS) troops will track me down and beat me again.

  • Erm - 8 years ago I was 12 yrs old, and wasn't really up on thermodynamics and quantum physics.
    My spectrum wasn't too hot with email, either.
  • Actually the entire Christian religion is based on one gullible husband accepting the first excuse his wife can come up with to cover up her sleeping around!!

    "Oh - It's a virgin birth. Well that's OK then"

    This was meant to be a joke, and no offence is intended to any religious types out there.
  • I'd have found this really funny if I hadn't read it word for word in an email a week ago.
    Oh well, still good for a laugh.
  • I've never understood quantum mechanics, but now I think it's starting to make sense.

    Santa can be in every house at the same time because he is in a quantum state. This also explains why we never get to see him! If I saw him I suppose he'd be stuck in a single state (my house) until he left, then he'd have to start over.

    Hmm, either that or a jar of poison gas would open and he'd die, I guess I don't quite understand it yet.
  • Dunno if anyone else saw it, but NORAD runs a sky search every year looking for unusual phenomona over the northern sky on the night of Christmas Eve. Apparently, a mixup of telephone numbers in the '40s had children calling NORAD instead of Sears looking to have a chat with the jolly fat man and ever since then, it's been tradition to look for S.C. They have a website somewhere where you can even see their progress. Imagine how much of your tax dollars are being spent to do this... Is that disgusting or what?
  • Ok... so what will it entail? The science of burning candles? The ability for lamp oil (i forget if it was a lamp or candle) to last for 8 days? The physics of Passover? Flying Reindear and fat immortal men are a lot more fun to screw with. Of all the things that are mentioned in the book, most are not truly Christian. Don't be offendable. It is immiture.
  • And truly, what exacting proof is there either way? The man Jesus of Nazareth did exist and is documented by the Romans of the time. The dead sea scrolls are without many, if any, differences when compared to the present day versions. The greek new testament is word for word from what historical evidence we have. But science has changed every day sense it was actually explored. the original purpose of science was to explore the way that God did. To be the moderate, since has not disproved God's existence and the Bible, Koran (or however you want to spell it) and the Torah say nothing that discounts the scientific findings of the times. Don't discount anything even if it has the possibility of screwing up your beliefs.
  • YAH!!! EUPHEMISMS!!!! are you gravitationally inclined?!?! I'm melanin deficient. (see, i'm white so i get a "deficient" thing.) There are times for tact and then there is real life. If someone is going to be offended by being called anything but a singular week word they should ware it around their pissed-off necks. while the rest of us can go on in life noticing the differences in our cultures and appreciating and finding out more about them. Toleration is not how "world peace" is to be made, it is understanding. Get a life.

  • ...what a horrible, nasty, evil thing that saying "Merry Christmas" is. I don't know about in the States, but up here in Canada, it is no longer politically correct to do so.

    Oh, you can say "Happy Channukah", all right. Of course, all the neutral crap like "Seasons Greetings" and "Happy Holidays", but if you say "Merry Christmas", you are originally branded a bigot who doesn't understand that other people celebrate different holidays.

    Why can't people just understand that "Merry Christmas" is, 99% of the time, just an expression of wishes and good will, and is rarely said in malice?

  • Does anyone recall that old post that was about proving if santa could really fly and deliver all those packages? (I'm pretty sure the authors have :)

  • Whoops - my bad. Yer right - it's non-fiction. I read the description of the book, but, didn't check that part of it. :-/

  • Naw - no need for flameage.

    From what I gather, it's a fictional piece, dedicated to CmdrTaco and Hemos. The main characters in the book are Jessie and Eric - the /.'ers are Rob and Jeff.

  • I think its disgraceful to make it sociably unasseptable to say "Merry Christmas".

    When I say it to someone I am justing showing a bit of affection, and wishing for their happiness for the time of year. I am not imposing any kind of religious point of view.

    The person I am saying it to may or may not share in my belief of it being it a simple curtasy. But it is important that they respect it because in turn I will respect their beliefs.

    Basically the point I am making is that we should all respect each other beliefs and points of view. And once we start segrating out a particular group because it is not in line with someone elses beliefs then that is the start of a very slippery path towards... Well we all know off World War II and I for one have no wish to go back there.
  • I was wondering if the Picard manuever was related to the Picard who came up with iteration mechanism to help solve provide a numerical analysis technique for solving differential equations.

    Or the Picard manuever taught in Star Fleet acadamy which if I remember correctly Capt. Picard used aboard the StarGazer.

    Or maybe I should get a life;)
  • Apparently, whenever you change your prefrences all the tags get stripped from your old sig. You have to retype them everytime you change your preferences.

    "God does not play dice with the universe." -Albert Einstein

  • OK, now calculate these figures, please: How many calories does Santa burn going down the chimney, distributing gifts, back up, etc., 108e6 times; and how many does he consume with all those cookies, puddings, etc. left out for him?
    Net result, does Santa have to work out after Christmas to lose the weight he's put on (like the rest of us mere mortals)? Or does he have to bulk up the rest of the year to be in form by next Halloween, or whenever they're turning him loose on the malls now? (Seems earlier every year, don't it?)

    Good... bad... I'm the one with the gun.
  • That is really funny!!

  • you're a typical slashdotter...a dumb fuck. i hate you and your kind and I'm actively working on a solution.

    Dear Bill Gates,

    You really should watch your language, we all know it's you. :^)

  • I, for one, would like a little more information about the book. I checked the ThinkGeek page, but I'm still confused.

    Is the book about CmdrTaco and Hemos? Or is it just dedicated to them?

    Please don't flame me, I just really don't know enough history of the subject.

  • Santa actually delivers presents all year round. However, because of very clever marketing, the probability of them being perceived before Dec 25 is so low that their existence remain indeterminate - in Schrodinger terms, the box is not opened.

    However, on Dec 25th, everyone expects presents - looks in the box - and the wave collapses.

    Meanwhile Santa is selling the idea to Intel as an alternative to clock-locking their CPUs...
  • After he'd visted the first house and fired up the TARDIS, it would malfunction and land him on Skaron...
  • I (being Jewish) enjoy wishing my (also Jewish) friends Merry Christmas, in a purely ironic sense. Don't get me wrong, I also have actively Christian friends to whom I wish Merry Christmas sincerely, but living in a pseudo-Christian country, I find it amusing to wish other non-Christians Merry Christmas. On the other hand, I actually do *not* agree with non-Christians doing the tree thing (and similar). Although it is well-known that these were adopted from Pagan traditions, they were adopted by *Christianity*, not Judaism or agnosticism (or any other -ism, AFAIK), so there is no reason for non-Christians to follow them.

    And there's no point wishing someone Happy Chanukah now, since Chanukah finished 10 days ago :-)

    Oh, yeah, Merry Christmas everyone! :-)
  • Everyone knows this is complete and utter rubbish. Santa uses magic to get around to everyone - science just can't explain this one. Jeeez - don't they teach you anything in high school?

    (posting with Mozilla and proud of it).

  • Well, I'm an atheist. Not a pagan, not an agnostic -- an atheist. I have a christmas tree in the house because I like shiny things, and it gives me a pleasantly warm feeling. Hell, I like music with sleighbells in it (Roy Wood!).

    ... but then I'm an atheist brought up in a predominantly protestant (Welsh nonconformist) community, I guess that 'd make a difference.

    At least this way I don't get hung-up and invent Mr Hanky :)

    --
  • If you're such a militant agnostic, you might consider giving your money to a less militantly Christian charity...

    OK, I know they do some great work with the homeless, but I'm sure there are other charities that do equally good work but don't lace it with evangelism (and all those horrible military trappings).

    --

  • Patch Disk (Score:2)

    by jd ( 1658 )
    There is a generic patch disk, to fix the Northern Hemisphere bias in any Christmas material: "Six White Boomers", by Rolf Harris.

    (Well, at least it's not a Microsoft Production. :)

  • I didn't do the ThinkGeek link, just the review. I did find the FatBrain link for Hemos but didn't put it in the review. I'm just reading all the comments now, it's cool to think there's over 100 posts about something I've written. Joe
  • I have Jon Katz articles killfiled so I haven't read any of his writing in ages. For whatever reason, though, I clicked through to the Rolling Stone "Geeks" article [slashdot.org] and found it to be a lot better than I had expected. I think it's that the themes he deals with -- class, rural boredom, social isolation -- make a much more solid basis for writing than his usual stuff here. They are issues that a lot of people have thought through over the years and which Katz himself understands. It comes across a lot better than "Linux is going to transform society, although I've never seen it." Writing about events in people's lives also gives him a lot more facts to ground his writing in than he had with the sexbots article that sent my running to change my preferences page.

    On the downside, did Jesse really write this ?
    In reality, I am an ageless geek, with years of personal experience, a fiercely aggressive intelligence coupled with geek wit, and the education of the best online material in the world. AArrgghh!! Too much stress being a geek on the move. :)
    That seems a little too Katz-like to be real. And would anyone want to read a whole book of this?
  • Um... if it's about Jesse and Eric, it most definately isn't fiction. Two points: 1) an article from Rolling Stone about these guys was posted on Slashdot back in April. Here is a link [slashdot.org] to it. 2) If you had read to the bottom of the Think Geek page [thinkgeek.com], where the specs of the book are, you'd see the genre is non-fiction

    Eric

  • In fact Santa can do it and you will discover how if you read http://www.cybersurf.co.uk/johnny/sant a.html [cybersurf.co.uk]
  • I'm reading this in the Books section. It provides links to Amazon for purchase of books. There've been enough articles here slamming Amazon's patent practices, and enough negative comments from the /. staff that I find this hypocritical. If this was a case of necessary income, I'd understand. We all have to do things we don't like to make a living, but CmdrTaco's a millionaire now. He doesn't need the few dollars he gets for referral sales from Amazon.
  • There aren't as many good children as you think. Certainly none in my house.

    Rupert (off to buy the white beard colouring anyway)
  • I find 'Bah Humbug' is the most appropriate thing to say ... ;->
    --
  • Am I having deja vu...does the plot of Geeks sound amazingly like a Dateline episode I watched once...or maybe Katz ran an article on Slashdot about these guys. Somehow I've heard this story before.

    Jazilla.org - the Java Mozilla [sourceforge.net]
  • And by the way...what the heck happened to the sigs? Did Rob remove the HTMLability out of them? My links are all gone.

    Jazilla.org - the Java Mozilla [sourceforge.net]
  • Gah, this joke is so old it has hair on it. Yeah, it's hilarious, but does /. need to be turned into another "FW: (fwd): FWD: >>>> JOKES" site?

    Yeah, yeah, bah humbug...
  • There's a thing on the Discovery Channel tonight that looks like it could be the same material:

    http://www.discovery.com/sched/domestic/episode/ 14/22595000.html

  • I'm still trying to figure out what Katz would know about Geeks. His articles on here sure aren't a shining endorsement of his book...

  • Re:Everybody knows... (Score:3)

    by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday December 22, 1999 @05:10AM (#1453244)
    Could be that he is using a Beowolf cluster of 1000's of Santas. After all, he *is* doing basically the same process at each household, and they would all return to the North Pole (the main server) when finished....

    free presents from Santa - free snacks for Santa - free as in 'free beer'. Yeah - that's the ticket - Santa is running GNU/Linux!!

  • Re:Everybody knows... (Score:3)

    by Kaa ( 21510 ) on Wednesday December 22, 1999 @03:50AM (#1453245) Homepage
    Oh, come on. Everybody knows that Santa just forks himself as many times as needed. The gift-delivery process is perfectly parallelizable, so, assuming Santa has decent parallel hardware, he should have no problems at all.

    The only issue, of course, is that all these Santas has to be reaped properly afterwards. After all, you don't want hordes of Santa zombies wandering around town...

    Kaa

  • Re:Everybody knows... (Score:4)

    by tigereye ( 116361 ) on Wednesday December 22, 1999 @04:18AM (#1453246)
    There is off course the explanation that Santa employs the powers of quantum mechanics. In this case the use of the multiuniverse theory (or the other theory - depending on your point of view) can be used.

    By quantum mechanics Santa manages to manifest himself in all states in the same point in time. Santa can employ quantum mechanics based on the uncertainty principle of "Does Santa Claus exist or not?" and "Have I been a good boy/girl/it?".

    In this way Santa assumes all states at once. Being in all chimneys, filling all stockings, eatting the mince pie left out for him, etc etc, all at the same single point in time.

    Now the really clever part is how does Santa manage to forge every single person's pareints signature. ;)

  • Katz In Action (Score:5)

    by Anonymous Coward on Wednesday December 22, 1999 @04:32AM (#1453247)
    transcript of Katz interview for his latest artcicle: Creationism in the Hellmouth of Geekdom and Nerdity

    Katz: So, you're a teenager in a high school. Is that correct?
    Teenager: Yes, that is correct.
    Katz: You don't play team sports and are very pimply. You are a geek, is that correct?
    Teenager: Well, I've never referred to myself that way, but I guess I see how one would think that.
    Katz: Tell me how horrible your life is as a result of being a geeky teenager.
    Teenager: Huh?
    Katz: You can start off by telling me about the daily beatings you suffer and then move on to the alienation and administration apathy which has your bordering on suicide
    Teenager: What are you talking about? I've never been beaten. I'm a Regents Scholar and have a great relationship with my teachers.
    Katz: Yes, that must have been horrible
    Teenager: Uh, are you listening to me?
    Katz: After that horrible incident, how close were you to murdering your schoolmates and/or killing yourself
    Teenager: Murder my schoolmates? Why would I do that. I just came back from christmas break vacation with several of them. We had a blast. As far as killing myself, that would never happen. I have a full scholarship to Berkley. My future is great.
    Katz: Thank you for giving us an insight into the horrors of being a geeky teenager. Sharing your experiences with the world will help others like you and will help me get a house in the south of France.
    Teenager: You need Ritalin, dude.

  • Everybody knows... (Score:5)

    by DGregory ( 74435 ) on Wednesday December 22, 1999 @03:34AM (#1453248) Homepage
    SANTA CLAUS: An Engineer's Perspective

    I. There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the Population Reference Bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming that there is at least one good child in each.

    II. Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000 of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom
    stops or breaks. This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second -- 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles
    per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.

    III. The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized Lego set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the "flying" reindeer could pull ten times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them-Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).

    IV. 600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second crates enormous air resistance-this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft reentering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip. Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 m.p.s. in 0.001 seconds, would be subjected to centrifugal forces of 17,500 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo.

    V. Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now.

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