How to Become A Real-World Superhero

utherdoul writes "Batman isn't from outer space and wasn't born with a mutant gene --he uses his riches, raw determination and technological know-how to equip himself to fight evil. So why couldn't the average geek do the same? I've written a story for Forbes.com that breaks down the Dark Knight's expenses and explains what it would cost to become a real-world Batman using commercially available training and technology." From the article: "Batman's suit is a modified piece of infantry armor built by the applied sciences division of Wayne Enterprises. It's waterproof, bulletproof, knife-proof and temperature-regulating. Paired with an impact-resistant, graphite-composite cowl and spiked ninja-style gauntlets, it allows Batman to protect himself against everything from swords to machine guns."

Duh.

[Black Parrot]

> Batman isn't from outer space and wasn't born with a mutant gene --he uses his riches, raw determination and technological know-how to equip himself to fight evil. So why couldn't the average geek do the same?

Did you miss the part about riches?

Batman's weakness

[Spy der Mann]

Why doesn't anybody aim at his chin? (no armor there)
All it requires is a sniper.

Re:Batman's weakness

[technoextreme]

Sigh. Im starting to feel like a comic book nerd. It's actually quite pathetic. If I remember correctly Batman's cape is bulletproof also. All he has to do is throw up the cape and he is pretty much shielded. Also, the only major injury that Batman has had is a broken back by Bane I believe. During this time period he had to have another person replace him as Batman.

Re:Batman's weakness

[techsoldaten]

Well, that depends on how you define major injury.

- he has recevied wounds that resulted in broken ribs and broken arms (for that matter he has fallen from great heights in such a way that the reader would assume much worse);

- he has occassionally suffered the effects of neurological toxins which rendered him incapable of normal function;

- he suffered from a disease similar to vampirism that made him incapable of being out in the light;

- he has drowned to the point of needing to be resuscitated;

- he has been impaled and flailed to the point where blood poured out of his costume;

Now, I am not enough of a comics geek to be able to point out issue / page numbers, but I fondly remember these events from the pages of the comics I read in my youth. I always thought he was the toughest superhero because of the predicaments in which he would be placed by writers.

M

Re:Batman's weakness

[Cro Magnon]

In a way, Batman is one of the LEAST realistic superheros. Superman is invulnerable, and Wolverine has a healing factor, but Batman doesn't have any of that. And I don't care how good you are, you'll get injuries that will at least slow you down, and make it more likely that you'll get MORE injuries until it's humanly impossible to continue as Batman does.

Re:Batman's weakness

[pete-classic]

Actually you can brace yourself that you can survive a fall.

I'm not sure if "brace" is the right word.

I took Airborne school in '93. We jumped T-10 'chutes. According to some random page I found with google [industrologic.com], the terminal velocity of a T-10 with an equipped soldier hanging off of it is 22-24 feet per second (6.7 to 7.3 m/s^2). Sadly my Physics is too rusty to figure out the height from which an unrestrained fall would produce that velocity on impact.

Understand that this is a fall that a parachutist

Re:Batman's weakness

[AJWM]

That speed (7 m/sec) is equivalent to a fall from about 8 feet (2.5 m). That sounds a bit high, but maybe mil chutes fall faster? (Perhaps it's the extra weight of the equipment.) Back when I learned to skydive (I forget the chute -- TU-something, although the sport chute of the day was the ParaCommander - early 70s) we were told it was about the same as a 4 foot drop, and practiced PLFs by jumping from a platform not quite that high.

A lethal height "dose" is....

[spineboy]

The generally regarded LD50 (lethal dose where 50% of the involved die) for height is about 4-5 stories. I do a lot of trauma orthopaedic surgery, and I have to say that we don't get many people alive who've fallen more than 50 feet. We do get some exceptions, but just remember the good old E=1/2MV^2 rule - survivability falls off sharply at height greater than 50 ft (roughly 40 MPH).

Re:Batman's weakness

[YOU LIKEWISE FAIL IT]

"Platonic", you ignorant poltroon! A "plutonic" relationship would be one you had with an igneous rock formed by solidification at considerable depth beneath the earth's surface.

Re:Batman's weakness

[tomhudson]

... gp poster ...
"Plutonic relation my arse"
... parent reply ...
"Platonic", you ignorant poltroon! A "plutonic" relationship would be one you had with an igneous rock formed by solidification at considerable depth beneath the earth's surface.

Note the exact wording of the original - "Plutonic relation" and "my arse". Sounds like doing it doggie style, a la "Pluto the cartoon dog". Sounds about right for a Bat-"man-love"/Robin thing.

Re:Batman's weakness

[tomhudson]

http://www.health24.com/sex/Glossary/1253-1271,263 53.asp [health24.com]

Doggie style

Also known as rear entry. Sexual position in which a person who is on all fours is penetrated from the rear, either vaginally or anally.

Turns out that the "other" doggie style is the most used:

Survey says "Doggie Style" is most used sexual position:

Husband begs for 2 hours
Wife rolls over and plays dead

Re:Batman's weakness

[wdr1]

I thought that was why he kept Robin around?

-Bill

riches wont do you any good

[gad_zuki!]

and if you had the riches what would you do?

There are no cartoonish supervillians. "Street crime" is usually taken care of by the police and is really none of your business. Imagine some moron busting the heads of the local pot dealer out of respect for "justice." If someone is really concerned about the safety of their streets and trains then they can always get a Guardian Angels' t-shirt and the little matching beret and play vigilante.

Big crime happens all the time by power structures like governments, organized religions, corporations, etc. The tools for fighting these nasties don't involve tights. They involve activism, raising awareness, getting others involved in politics, and other things that don't look real cool in graphic novels.

Not to mention if you had insane wealth, you're probably part of the problem. Check the holdings of some wealthy people, they sometimes fund some very shady companies or governments which do some fairly nasty things. Real world problems are rarely fixed with just a punch in the face and a snazzy batmobile.

I'm sure the editors of Forbes magazine have no problem with the worldview that if we just beat up some low level street criminals then everything would be fine.

Re:riches wont do you any good

[deacon]

"Street crime" is usually taken care of by the police and is really none of your business.

Not only is this bullshit, it is also the cause of much of the casual crime that goes on today. If you see an old lady being kicked on the ground by someone trying to rob her, that's everybodys business. Obviously, the police are not on the spot when crime happens. They just show up later to collect the bodies.

If, however, you prefer no one helps you when you get mugged, I guess I'll respect your wishes.

The rest of your "class warfare" rant is too foolish to bother responding to.

Re:riches wont do you any good

[gad_zuki!]

>If you see an old lady being kicked on the ground by someone trying to rob her, that's everybodys business.

Oh please, there's an obvious difference between being proactive and reactive. Most people engage in altruism everyday without body armor and a super cool secret identity. You're talking about reacting to something that happens to you; the comic-book superhero is the opposite: a vigilante that seeks out and prevents or thwarts trouble.

So what are you going to do to *prevent* this little old lady from being robbed? Profile certain people? Illegally spy on others? Knock a few heads around to get some information? A bit of street torture? Maybe a lynching to teach bad guys a lesson?

Wanna really help on the small scale? Become a cop.

>If, however, you prefer no one helps you when you get mugged, I guess I'll respect your wishes.

Sigh. Again, you're failing to understand the context of the grandparent post. Nice way to take things personally too.

Re:riches wont do you any good

[Altus]

Ive seen this myself.

a few years ago I was at an international house of pancakes late at night... the place was pretty busy and I was waiting for a table when 3 guys... each at least twice my size burst into the place and out another door... two of them were kicking the crap out of the third who was in bad shape at this point.

I looked around the room and there were maybe 25 able bodied men standing around watching.... at least on of the waitstaff called the cops (state police barracks up the street... ha

Re:riches wont do you any good

[rpozz]

I assume you are referring to UK law about defending your property on the second paragraph. It has actually been clarified - if someone is in your house and threatens you, you can do pretty much what the fuck you want to them until they start to run away. If they run away, you can chase them down and subdue them, but at that point you can't use unnecessary force, such as stabbing them repeatedly with a knife.

The court case with the farmer who shot the burglars was because he basically shot them with a shot

Re:riches wont do you any good

[Some_Llama]

"Just because you want to get high doens't mean that it's not illegal."

And just because something is illegal, doesn't mean it is "wrong" or deserves a head bashing...

Re:riches wont do you any good

[asdfghjklqwertyuiop]

And just because some people can do it in moderation doesn't mean the majority would use a substance safely, in terms of puting themselves and/or others in danger.

Ok, so if someone on drugs puts someone in danger, just do the same thing we do to anyone else who puts someone in danger. The drugs are completely irrelevant.

Re:riches wont do you any good

[maxwell demon]

Well, for cars, the applied solution is the driving license. You have to proof that you are able to drive safely to get it, and if you are caught to drive dangerously, the police can take it away. So going by your analogy, maybe there should be a drug license? (And BTW, drinking too much alcoholics can be dangerous, too, so maybe there should be a drinking license. However, this could cause problems with drunken driving: Should they take away the driving license, the drinking license, or both? :-)

Re:riches wont do you any good

[runderwo]

No, drugs = BAD, alcohol = OKAY. Don't you see the difference? That's why we lock up drug users.

Re:riches wont do you any good

[Mr. Slippery]

Just because you want to get high doens't mean that it's not illegal.

Just because Christians in ancient Rome wanted to worship Jesus didn't mean that it wasn't illegal.

Just because black people in 1860 wanted to be free didn't mean that helping escaped slaves wasn't illegal.

Just because women before the 1960s wanted to control their own bodies didn't mean that contraception and abortion weren't illegal.

Anyone who attempts to live by any reasonable code of ethics is going to find themselves quite often rooting for, actively assisting, or even becoming, "criminals".

Re:riches wont do you any good

[way2trivial]

religon vs. being high?

to an agnostic, there is a WHOLE LOTTA things running in parallel

Re:riches wont do you any good

[Mr. Slippery]

You forget the utmost important first step--petitioning ones governmetn for a redress of grievences. And that very important second step--attempting to change the government through peaceful means.

So when the government makes immoral and unconstitutional laws, I'm supposed to follow them until my congresscritter gets around to reading my mail? It's only ok to help fugitive slaves escape if you write your legislators first? Pardon me, but I must disagree.

Yes, I've written a letters to my congresscritters over the years, and have donated money to NORML and the ACLU, and my vote is certainly influenced by candidates stances on the War on (some) Drugs and other abuses of state power. But it's pissing in the wind.

And since you mentioned doing things that are illegal, let's not forget the first rule of civil disobedience, as taught by Ghandi and King--you NEED the other side to be seen to carry out the law onto you.

I never mentioned civil disobedience. I'm certainly not talking here about civil disobedience as a social movement as practiced by Ghandi and King. If the term "civil disobedience" applies at all, it is in the original sense as used by Thoreau [indiana.edu]:

Must the citizen ever for a moment, or in the least degree, resign his conscience to the legislator? WHy has every man a conscience then? I think that we should be men first, and subjects afterward. It is not desirable to cultivate a respect for the law, so much as for the right. The only obligation which I have a right to assume is to do at any time what I think right.

...

If the injustice is part of the necessary friction of the machine of government, let it go, let it go: perchance it will wear smooth--certainly the machine will wear out. If the injustice has a spring, or a pulley, or a rope, or a crank, exclusively for itself, then perhaps you may consider whether the remedy will not be worse than the evil; but if it is of such a nature that it requires you to be the agent of injustice to another, then I say, break the law. Let your life be a counter-friction to stop the machine. What I have to do is to see, at any rate, that I do not lend myself to the wrong which I condemn.

But I'm not, a priori, limiting the options to civil disobedience; I'm willing to consider the use of justifiable defensive force against violent actions by agents of the state.

Cut to the chase - $3.4 million

[winkydink]

ans several years of your life for training.

The Bottom Line
Final Cost: $3,365,449

The Training: $30,000
The Suit: $1,585
The Belt: $290
The Car: $2,000,000
The Cave: $24,000
The Alter Ego: $1,109,574
The Butler: $200,000

Re:Cut to the chase - $3.4 million

[superpulpsicle]

Recovering some old ladies $10 purse as a superhero: Priceless.

Re:Cut to the chase - $3.4 million

[nubbie]

The Butler: $200,000
Damn! A butler make $200,000? Why didn't my parents name me Jeeves?

Re:Cut to the chase - $3.4 million

[cached]

Ofcourse, you do have beer commercials to pay it off...

Re:Cut to the chase - $3.4 million

[imsabbel]

The Suit: 1585$
The Belt: 290$

Im sure you are joking? I mean, for that money, you can get a good suit&belt, right.
But certainly not a BULLETPROOF suite with radio transmitter in the cowl and sonar and whatsoever. And no belt with grappling hook and the other gadgets.

IF it were possible to really create such equipment (very doubtful), i would guess for those 2:
100-250K R&D (depending on niftyness)
20-40K Building (its no mass production, plus it has to be confidential, you can just order batarangs at

Re:Cut to the chase - $3.4 million

[GileadGreene]

Had you RTFA you would see that they claim the real batsuit would cost $300,000+ (at least that's what the movie claims), but it isn't available. So they suggest a bulletproof jacket and kevlar helmet for ~$1500. Lame substitute, but there you go.

Re:Cut to the chase - $3.4 million

[imsabbel]

oh... well after the two how-stuff-works articles, i didnt want to enjoy another add disguised as article...

Well, that really sucks as a replacement. Because we all know that cops with cevlar and helmet NEVER get hurt or killed when fighting criminals... Yeah
Its SO hard to hit the legs or arms, and even if you insist on hitting the torso, if you use a rifle the protected guy wont be happy after a short time even if the vest can stop everything...

even if the vest can stop everything...

[mangu]

...have you seen any bullet-proof vest that extends below the belt? Is there nothing important to protect there, or do they think snipers play by boxing rules?

Unless you know your target is armoured.

[khasim]

Real world snipers aim for the center of mass. Right in the middle of your chest.

Now, in a comic book world, where the sniper knows that the action hero is heavily armoured, the sniper COULD aim for the crotch area and hope to sever a main artery that supplies the leg.

Or said sniper could shoot for the buttocks and hope to hit the sciatic nerve and end said action hero's action days.

In fact, it's very difficult to armour the hips without limiting mobility.

But such stories wouldn't be as interesting as t

Re:Cut to the chase - $3.4 million

[hunterx11]

A fast enough softball could take out a few city blocks

:)

Re:Cut to the chase - $3.4 million

[MillionthMonkey]

I think 3.4 million is an underestimate. That car would be wrapped around a tree in a week.

Anyhow, fostering the presence of a superhero is not a very cost-effective way for a city to lower its overall crime figures. Legalized abortion costs the public virtually nothing and has a much greater effect on reducing crime than competing strategies such as incarceration or tax breaks to encourage millionaire superheroes to relocate.

Re:Cut to the chase - $3.4 million

[modecx]

Legalized abortion costs the public virtually nothing and has a much greater effect on reducing crime...

Is that kind of abortion of the postadolescent variety? Because a superhero might be able to help greatly with that, too!

I can see it now: The Aborter. He's a mild mannered abortion clinic doctor by day, helping rid the world of unwanted babies... By night he's on par with The Punisher, except he has a custom-formulated serum that makes villians crap their intestines right out, resulting in a long, miserable (and incredibly messy) death! He also has sonar vision (don't ask how that happened, you don't want to know!) that can also detect "bad seeds", while they're in the womb!

Re:Cut to the chase - $3.4 million

[MillionthMonkey]

I can see it now: The Aborter. He's a mild mannered abortion clinic doctor by day, helping rid the world of unwanted babies... By night he's on par with The Punisher, except he has a custom-formulated serum that makes villians crap their intestines right out, resulting in a long, miserable (and incredibly messy) death!

I was thinking of something more along the lines of Tom the Dancing Bug's "God Man". [wikipedia.org] He prowls the streets, looking for criminals, and when he finds one, he goes back in time and either prev

Re:Cut to the chase - $3.4 million

[Dasein]

The argument put forward in Freakonomics is that children brought up in poverty are more likely to commit crimes and women are remarkably good at deciding if they will be able to provide a good life for a child. Therefore, children who are likely to commit crimes are more likely to be aborted than children who are born into privileged circumstances.

That's it -- not my theory, just what's put forward in Freakonomics.

Contrast

[spellraiser]

City of Heroes account: $14.95/month

It's a no-brainer. Also, we are geeks, right? Real life is a bit too ... real. Especially when it comes to engaging in violence with unsavory characters.

Now, a badass remote-controlled robot to roam the streets, beating the crap out of the bad guys, that would be something else ...

save $224,000

[mojoNYC]

The Cave =parents' basement
The Butler =mom or dad

you could probably save a significant part of the $1,109,574 by sticking with 'local geek' or 'comic book guy' as an alter ego...

Re:Cut to the chase - $3.4 million

[ilsa]

The Bottom Line
Final Cost: $3,365,449

The long version makes it clear that most of the goodies are made by, developed by, or otherwise courtesy of Wayne Enterprises. Now, granted, it's his company, and he can afford an accounting firm that can figure out how to write off $3.3 Million.

But you would think somebody in R&D would at some point read the latest press on Batman say "Hey! I remember working on that project!"

Re:Cut to the chase - $3.4 million

[AeroIllini]

But you would think somebody in R&D would at some point read the latest press on Batman say "Hey! I remember working on that project!"

I think the people in Wayne Enterprises all work on parts and pieces of the projects, never really knowing what they were for, and I think Alfred was supposed to be the one who assembled them into their final form. (I guess that means he also gives the Batmobile a tuneup once in a while.) With that sort of divide-and-conquer strategy, the only employees you'd have to keep quiet would be those in the Bat-Shaped Black Plastic Casings Division.

Re:Cut to the chase - $3.4 million

[AEton]

I think the people in Wayne Enterprises all work on parts and pieces of the projects, never really knowing what they were for

And one day, they're going to wake up and find they've been transported to a mysterious, magical cave with compound numbers scribbled on the walls. One by one, they'll die to the traps until only poor confused Robin makes it out of the cave alive.

Re:Cut to the chase - $3.4 million

[Diamon]

Wow you can pull off an alter ego as a billionaire by barely spending a million dollars? I guess Wayne manor is just cardboard, duct tape and a coat of paint.

Re:Cut to the chase - $3.4 million

[SquadBoy]

The mecha suit for when you have to beat the living shit out of Superman: $?

So why couldn't the average geek do the same?

[Anonymous Coward]

If you can't do it from the comfort of your terminal, it ain't worth it.

Re:So why couldn't the average geek do the same?

[climbon321]

You might have to leave your terminal, but think about it. The dark knight fights at night. You wouldn't even have to be exposed to direct sunlight!

What?

[Daedalus-Ubergeek]

Batman isn't from outer space and wasn't born with a mutant gene

Also, Batman isn't real.

Re:What?

[rjelks]

You owe me a new keyboard Daedalus-Ubergeek.

Re:What?

[hords]

Also, Batman isn't real.

No, but Angle Grinder Man [bbc.co.uk] IS! And boy, does it take balls of steel to wear that outfit!

Re:What?

[Leif_Bloomquist]

So is the Project Grizzly guy...suit and all!

http://www.projectgrizzly.net/ [projectgrizzly.net]

Fscking Astroturf

[ewhac]

How much is Warner Bros. paying for these ads poorly masquerading as "news"?

Schwab

Re:Fscking Astroturf

[Tim Browse]

Just be grateful there isn't one of those usual half-assed 'scientific' formulas attached, like V = G/2 + 5*J/3 - K + T*13, where V is Batman's success, G is the speed of the batmobile, blah blah bullshit bullshit bullshit viral marketing, etc. etc.

Main Problem:

[imsabbel]

Even being totally l33t equipt and fit like Rambo wont give you the magic "perfect Luck" factor batman has.

Even if your suit will stop 99% of all bullets, and your fit enough to beat thugs people into submission 95% of the time.... ... If you go crimefighting every night, after a few months youre chances of being a corpse in some alley are really really good.

A better plan...

[sterno]

You could spend $3.4 million on the batman shtick, or you could spend that money on hiring a vigilante army.

Think about it, what are they paying contractors in Iraq to do protection and security jobs where they are getting hsot at constantly. So pay for them, and then the equipment to arm them, and you'd have a wrecking crew far superior to you on your own.

Figure $250K/vigilante/year for salary and benefits and you could hire 10 of these guys for $2.5 million. Then you'd have about $1 million/year to spend on equipment for them. Body armor, assault rifles, etc.

Then whenever you want justice to be done, you give them a call and they crack some skulls for you. If you want, you can even give them bat ears to put on their helmet so they can keep with the theme.

The best part is, you don't have to worry about getting bruised or scarred. You can go to your rich parties, party it up and know that you've kept the streets safe without personally lifting a finger.

Re:A better plan...

[epiphani]

yes, but this is the logic of most of batmans' opponents, and everyone knows that they always loose.

...also...

[Otter]

So why couldn't the average geek do the same?

Furthermore, the average geek doesn't need to "count on forking over $297,000 a year on gifts, including Tiffany diamond earrings and necklaces for your lady friends."

Re:...also...

[TERdON]

Actually, the average geek might not even have lady friends... ;-)

FTFA

[not-enough-info]

The Batman movie franchise is also one of the most lucrative of all time, with five movies (not counting Batman Begins) grossing nearly $1 billion.

What is this mystical fifth film?

1)Batman
2)Batman Returns
3)Batman Forever
4)Batman & Robin
5)???
6)Batman Begins

Oh I remember now.
5)Batman My Ass

Re:FTFA

[Happy Monkey]

Maybe this one? [imdb.com]

Re:FTFA

[Guillermito]

There is even one more: The Batman (1943) [imdb.com]. Of course, at that time the villain could not be other than a "japanese spy".

Re:FTFA

[Mike Markley]

Batman: The Movie [imdb.com]

Re:FTFA

[totoanihilation]

Let's not forget the 1966 classic featuring Adam West and Burt Ward ;)

link [imdb.com]

Re:FTFA

[Redwin]

Actually there were 8:

1. Batman (1989)
2. "Batman" (1992)
aka "Batman: The Animated Series" - USA (promotional title)
aka "The Adventures of Batman & Robin" - USA (new title)
3. Batman (1966/I)
aka "Batman: The Movie" - USA (video box title)
4. Batman Returns (1992)
5. Batman Forever (1995)
aka "Batman 3" - USA (working title)
6. Batman & Robin (1997)
aka "Batman and Robin" - USA (alternative spelling)
7. Batman Begins (2005)
aka "Bat

Re:FTFA

[D'Arque Bishop]

Maybe he means Batman: Mask of the Phantasm [imdb.com]?

Granted, it wasn't live-action, but it was a theatrical release, and it came out between Batman Returns and Batman Forever. It uses the Animated Series/Gotham Knights/Justice League continuity and was done by the TAS team.

Frankly, I consider it better than the other live-action films, with the possible exception of the 1989 Batman.

Just my $.02...

Fucking Stupid Article.

[His name cannot be s]

Sheesh.

I started reading it this morning, and realized they were just tallying up stuff from the movie that just came out.

This is quite pathetic, but hey, it's Forbes.

Duh.

Oh, I love the truly stupid part about the "fictional forbes fifteen" list of the richest fictional retards.

Fuckabugaloo. :p

Dupe

[nfras]

Looks remarkably similar in content to:
http://slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=05/06/15/223923 1&tid=97&tid=99 [slashdot.org]
and just 6 days later.

Ah yes, become a superhero!

[Roofus]

This reminds me of a quote from Neal Stephenson's Snow Crash:

Until a man is twenty-five, he still thinks, every so often, that under the right circumstances he could be the baddest motherfucker in the world. If I moved to a martial-arts monastery in China and studied real hard for ten years. If my family was wiped out by Colombian drug dealers and I swore myself to revenge. If I got a fatal disease, had one year to live, and devoted it to wiping out street crime. If I just dropped out and devoted my life to being bad.

It's funny, because I used to think that exact thought. Then reality hit, and I realized I'm just a big pussy :(

Re:Ah yes, become a superhero!

[Qzukk]

It's funny, because I used to think that exact thought. Then reality hit, and I realized I'm just a big pussy :(

But were you 25 when reality hit?

Re:Ah yes, become a superhero!

[Daniel_Staal]

And why couldn't they, if they really wanted to? If they dedicated themselves to actually doing it?

They might not be the baddest, but they could probably get close.

Really, the difference between Bruce Wane and the most of us with that dream is that he decided it was more important than anything and everything else in his life. His life is filled with exactly two things: maintaining his cover, and being Batman. Nothing else matters, and nothing else exists.

He never has time to watch a movie, or read a book. To try to meet a girl (outside of maintaining his cover, or another superhero). The company is run by others. He has no life.

You may admire the choice, but admit the cost. Maybe you could have made that choice, if you had really wanted to. But could you have paid the personal cost?

If you think it would be worth it, try it. A few have. They didn't start with the resources Bruce Wane did, but I've read articles about a few. (Sorry, can't find them at the moment.) People who dedicated themselves to being the best hero they can be.

Most are trying to figure out how to have a normal life, how to fit in to the world.

It's a mental disorder.

[khasim]

It's called "monomania". It's a type of paranoia.

Re:Ah yes, become a superhero!

[KillerDeathRobot]

Well, being a little less than 25 myself, I'm pretty sure those things are true.

$740 a month for Shoalin training?!!

[sTalking_Goat]

Man whatever happened to knocking on the temple door and waiting three days without encouragement

These Chinese keep claiming to be communists but I just don't see it.

$1500 suit?

[vanyel]

I think they really wimped out on the suit: the batsuit is a lot more than a bulletproof jacket and a helmet, and much of the technology is doable to some extent. While it may not be an "off the shelf" item as all the stuff they listed is, I'm sure anyone the wherewithall to do this sort of thing could get something a little more advanced than just a jacket...

Re:$1500 suit?

[Tumbleweed]

I believe in the movie, Lucius Fox said the suit would've had a _production cost_ of $300,000. No mention of the development cost, though. :)

What happened to the batman geek?

[DoctaWatson]

The batman I know and love from comics to cartoons to movies to even the hokey 60's Adam West has always been a brilliant detective and keen scientist.

I loved Batman Begins, but I really think they missed the mark when it comes to Batman's CSI savvy.

My head was spinning when Bruce Wayne says "Am I supposed to know what that means?"

So if you want to be a real Batman, figure in another several hundred thousand dollars for advanced degrees in science and criminology.

(Also... $30,000 + 3 years in China != the ability to fight like the movies, but only the keenly stupid would think otherwise, right?)

Re:What happened to the batman geek?

[aliens]

Haven't seen it yet, but did he say that as Bruce Wayne? If so then it would fit rather well, Bruce Wayne was meant to just Wayne Corp's pretty faced playboy. If he acted smart it wouldn't be in character.

GOD DAMN IT

[kenp2002]

Well it's good to see yet another spot for a crappy movie. I am glad to see that while there is so much going on in the world in technology and geekdom in general we need to beat a 4 times already dead horse. Wow this is almost as bad as the last Batman commercial... speaking of which....

I AM GETTING REAL FUCKING SICK OF THE FUCKING COMMERICALS ON SLASHDOT THAT ARE SUPPOSED TO BE DISGUISED AS ARTICLES!! FIX THIS SHIT TACO YOUR SMARTER THEN THIS CRAP!

The average geek

[sxltrex]

So why couldn't the average geek do the same?

Because if the average geek tried to be the next Batman, they'd end up more like this guy. [rottentomatoes.com]

I wonder one thing...

[SharpFang]

Why did nobody thought to shoot Batman in the chin. Through throat, into neck section of the spine. Unshielded area, quick death, easier shot than aiming at the eye. Also shooting the jaw off from the side would pretty much neutralize him.

Re:I wonder one thing...

[imsabbel]

Just aiming in the general direction with a sawed off shotgun or a tec10 on full auto would hit SOMETHING that hurts...

"Secret" Batcave

[cant_get_a_good_nick]

I always wondered how nobody knew about him being batman, where he's got all this high tech stuff that sometimes gets blown up (the batmobile in Batman and robin). Do they kill the contractors after they're done? There's gotta be one guy who gets drunk in a bar and says "you think you're job is cool, i just fixed the anti-lock brakes on the batmoboile at wayne manor"

Irritating website

[Fallingcow]

They made the content a pop-up that auto advances to the next page after a set amount of time.

Dumbest. Thing. Ever.

Riiiight...

[Cthefuture]

Because in the real world rich people want to seriously risk their lives... why??

This would be much more dangerous than flying into space or something. If you honestly look at things humans are really fragile. All it would take it pissing off the right people, they create a setup to entrap you and sorry no miracle escape for you.

It would be so easy for someone to take you out, "super" equipment or not (the Forbes equipment list is lame anyway). For instance, there are many sniper rounds that will go st

An alternative

[funny-jack]

Sure, you could use riches to become a crime-fighting super hero. Alternatively, you could use your fabulous wealth to spend your entire adult life living as a 2-year-old girl [phoenixnewtimes.com].

I wish I were making this up.

-Skor [blogspot.com]

Newton's laws don't apply

[HermanAB]

in comics, but they do in real life. That is the real secret of Batman's success.

If your average doughnut fattened geek would try it, he would be in for a rude awakening and would come down to earth rather quickly at 9.8m/s/s...

Wayne Enterprises; hmm there COULD be a connection

[wernst]

ALL this guy's stuff is from the Whatever-Whatever division of Wayne Enterprises. You'd think this "Batman" fellow owned the freaking company or something... ;-)

Legal costs will kill him

[kmahan]

Let's not forget the legal costs here. He'll need a fulltime team of lawyers.

- copyright/trademark infringement (obvious) - *BIFF* *BAM* *POW* must all have TM after 'em
- defense attorneys to get him out of jail/represent him for all of his speeding tickets
- civil attorneys to handle all the lawsuits from the criminals he "wrongly assaulted"
- insert obvious comments about riaa/mpaa/gitmo

'Ninja style gauntlets'

[LowbrowDeluxe]

Says it all, really.

Easier/Cheaper to get a dose of Gamma Rays ...

[Hulkster]

BAH, Hulk wonder why this is "Stuff that matters" ... definately "News for Nerds"
Hulk suggest maybe Puny Human submitter utherdoul trying being UnderDog
Hulk say lotta work/money to be Puny Human Batman
Hulk a lot stronger than Batman anyway

Hulk go back to SMASHING and Blogging [blogspot.com]

SuperHero

[FidelCatsro]

Batman was more of a vigilante than a super-Hero . He just gets thrown in with all the other Super-Heros.
to make a rough short list.

Superman ..Super strength , flight , x-ray vision , Heat vision , near indestructible , bit of a mummies boy
Spiderman , Walk on walls , super athletic abilities , irritating teeny bopper
Wolverine, Regeneration , adamantium skeleton , Cool claws , Hard ass cool guy( rare in being a bad ass super hero with actual super powers)
Captain America., um he had a shield he could throw

Batman...

[Rick and Roll]

Doesn't Batman sleep standing up?

If I'm correct, that isn't something considered generally feasible for regular people.

Not to mention some of his grappling hook stunts...

Real Life Superhero

[bartle]

Anyone who's interested in whether it would actually be possible to become a superhero would probably enjoy this episode [thislife.org] of This American Life.

The second act discusses the life of a woman who named herself Zora and decided to, from an early age, learn all the skills needed to become a comic book style superhero. She achieves her goals but then learns that there are very few job opportunities that require all the skills that she now possesses. It's well worth listening to.

Armor ?

[ultranova]

The real Batman doesn't have, want or need armor. The real Batman (the one in the comic book) uses the arcane fighting techniques known as "dodging" and "hiding" and a psychological trick called "FUD" to protect himself.

The idea behind "hiding" is simple. It is based on never letting your foe to know that you're there, therefore not giving them a chance to strike back. It helps a lot to wear black and operate at night when it's dark - just like the Batman does.

The idea behind "dodging" is somewhat more complex, but not tremendously so. It is based on never occupying the same point in time-space as anything that might harm you. In practice, you observe your opponent, and when you see him aiming at you with a gun, you move away from the line of fire. Obviously, this becomes exponentially more difficult the more people you fight at once, so it is recommended that you use "hiding" to find lone targets.

The last tactic, "FUD", stands for "Fear, Uncertainty and Doubt". It's idea is to strike fear to the hearts of your opponents, so that they stop thinking clearly and start making stupid mistakes (such as spreading out, buying Windows, or paying SCO for Linux licenses).

Ironically enough, there was a pretender Batman in the comic books once - a guy the real Batman had appointed to stand in for him while he healed from wounds given to him by Bane. That pretender Batman wore armor, and went mad, and got soundly beaten by the real Batman.

The point of all this is that this particular article makes me less, not more, likely to see "Batman Begins". Dear advertiser, please make sure you understand what you are advertising before you design your advertisement. Batman is not Terminator or Robocop, he's closer to a ninja.

But then again, if they cast Batman as a martial arts expert, they'd need an actor who actually knows martial arts to make it look believable. Just compare Darth Maul to Count Dooku - which one has better fight scenes ?

Maybe whatever school actors go to should include martial arts lessons in its curriculum ? They might become handy even outside the movies, once the actor becomes famous and starts attracting mentally unbalanced fans.

Their costing is just as fictional

[syousef]

The Training: $30,000
The Suit: $1,585
The Belt: $290
The Car: $2,000,000
The Cave: $24,000
The Alter Ego: $1,109,574
The Butler: $200,000


I'd love to see some rich twit spend under 32k on martial arts training, a belt, and a poor excuse for an armoured suit, then spend over 3 mill on jewelry, a car and a butler. Better yet I'd like to see the first time they take on a drug dealer and get shot in the head. This is obviously a fluff piece but what's the bet some idiot takes it seriously.

Someone's been smoking a bit too much weed and Forbes.com paid them for their rantings.

Uh, no. . . Sort of.

[Infinity Salad]

You mean Tom Cruise's fiancee! (Don't you follow the celebrity gossip?)

ARE YE DAFT, SIR?

[StefanJ]

Most of these villains will indeed die from their radar-ranging, but if comics have taught me anything a small percentage will develop mutant powers and become a far worse menace to society.

Stefan

Re:One important thing is missing:

[B3ryllium]

[sarcasm] Well, THANK YOU Captain Amazing. [/sarcasm]

(So says Casanova Frankenstein. Rawk!)

Re:Like most average guys

[geekoid]

That would be with me.
Here are the procedures for application:
1) Give me the million in cash.
2) Take superhero test*.

*super hero test is a two parter.
a) drug yourself heavly
b) jump off Empire state building. If you survive, congratulations, you're now a super friend.

Re:What's wrong with America

[russotto]

You're talking about a guy who came up with a diabolical plan involving taking over commercial airplanes to knock down several large, occupied buildings, successfully executed said plan, and you're objecting to the idea that he has an underground lair? The man's certainly supervillian material (though more Bond than comic book, I'll grant you).