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Madman: Proximity To Black Hole "Not a Big Deal" 53

Conventional wisdom says you want to stay as far away from a black hole as you can, but according to one scientist turned madman being close to or even inside one is "not a big deal". Former lead scientist and current overlord of the Cygnus Dr. Hans Reinhardt says he's spent the last 20 years studying the black hole within sight of his ship and is unconcerned. His napkin written manifesto reads in part: "....In addition we have to remember that the main backer of this mission is a company best known for children's movies and theme parks. I find it highly unlikely that they would put us in a situation where we would be in danger of imploding. The black hole is not a big deal. I theorize that a trip through would result in nothing more than a musical montage with fever-like lens effects and eventual plot resolution." According to Reinhardt new visitors trapped by his null gravity field should remain calm, still, and never question his authority. "Once you've been fitted with the mandatory Cygnus crew goggles, you'll see things my way," He says.
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Madman: Proximity To Black Hole "Not a Big Deal"

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  • This story isn't far off from some of the stuff that samzenpus typically allows to the front page.
  • "not a big deal" is the last millennium's "no problem".
    • "not a big deal" is the last millennium's "no problem".

      It's actually not a big deal.

      Seriously, black holes are just a source of gravity. You can orbit around one just like you'd orbit around a star or planet. Sure, if you fall too far into the gravity well you're kinda screwed, but personally I'd be concerned about trying to get off the surface of the sun, too.

      Sci-fi writers should have some obligation to try to be a little sciency. Otherwise, why not just call them "Space Dragons?"

      • by spauldo ( 118058 )

        As long as its immediate neighborhood is completely clear, anyway.

        When matter falls into them you tend to get a lot of gamma rays.

  • by sandbagger ( 654585 ) on Wednesday April 01, 2015 @03:16PM (#49387923)

    It just seems that they threw some symbolism together in the hope that it would stick. It didn't.

    • by Qzukk ( 229616 )

      It's hell. Hell, isn't it?

    • Yeah, it basically didn't have an ending.

    • According to the novelization, they just go through a worm hole and come out the other side near habitable planet, and everything between is just them hallucinating because of that gravity messing with their brains.

    • Disney can't make a movie without pasting on a happy ending. They even stuck a happy ending onto the Hunchback of Notre Dame. They got to the part where everyone is hopelessly falling into a black hole and they just couldn't help themselves. They stuck on a happy ending. It doesn't have to make sense, it's Disney.
      • by Rakarra ( 112805 )

        Disney can't make a movie without pasting on a happy ending

        I thought the part of the ending where Reinhardt is fused to Maximillian, trapped and unable to move while surrounded by the fires of Hell was a pretty dark part of the ending. The wormhole sequence makes sense, but I could have done without the robed figure. While your point about Disney endings is well taken, The Black Hole is one of their few movies that I'd think ended the way it should have.

        • by MrKaos ( 858439 )

          Disney can't make a movie without pasting on a happy ending

          I thought the part of the ending where Reinhardt is fused to Maximillian, trapped and unable to move while surrounded by the fires of Hell was a pretty dark part of the ending. The wormhole sequence makes sense, but I could have done without the robed figure. While your point about Disney endings is well taken, The Black Hole is one of their few movies that I'd think ended the way it should have.

          Yep, it's a great movie another classic, cute friendly AI and mean nasty AI robots. Loved this movie

  • Very clever.
  • I totally missed this movie when it came out. Reading on it I can't believe the company ever let it be produced. Apparently, it was finacially successful, but not worth moving beyond the oneshot.

    • by tnk1 ( 899206 )

      I remember seeing it. Not in the theater, but maybe on TV or someone rented it or something. It was not too bad for the time, although actually a little more odd and scary than the other Disney fare you'd have gotten back in the day.

      And yes, don't bother seeing it if you know anything about how real black holes work. This is very much something you only really enjoy if you are a kid, or your understanding of black holes is almost completely uninformed.

    • Re:Interesting (Score:5, Interesting)

      by halivar ( 535827 ) <`moc.liamg' `ta' `reglefb'> on Wednesday April 01, 2015 @03:29PM (#49387981)

      It was VERY avant garde as far as Disney is concerned, and very dark as well. I mean, Ernest Borgnine died horrifically, as a robot with spinning blades eviscerates him as he feebly tries to shield his body with a book. As a child, that scene disturbed me because it was tense and the character was impotent to save himself in the face of impending doom. Ernest Borgnine was a consummate actor ("Merlin's Mystical Shop of Wonders" aside) and he really conveyed the sheer terror of his character effectively to 5-year-old me. This is a classic movie and you must see it.

      • I rewatched the film a few years ago, and the scene where Maximilian and Reinhardt are merged together in Hell was incredibly dark. Coupled with TRON, there was a period when Disney Studios actually recaptured some of the daring of the early years.

        The worst part of Black Hole were the Disney-esque touches, like the Slim Pickens' voiced robot. If you sort of ignore the silly asides, the film is an astonishingly haunting film. Maximilian Schell's Reinhardt is one dark, nasty guy. Think about it, he basically

        • by Rakarra ( 112805 )

          Yeah, I was not happy with the scenes that tried to "lighten up" the movie. You'd follow a dark scene with a badly-done space shoot-out with a floating robot doing a 360-degree twirl in the air while a VICTORY THEME plays. Ugh.

          That movie needed to be edited down. It was trying to be Star Wars, but all the laser battles compared very poorly to Star Wars's.

      • I mean, Ernest Borgnine died horrifically, as a robot with spinning blades eviscerates him as he feebly tries to shield his body with a book. As a child, that scene disturbed me

        Be disturbed no longer, for it was actually Anthony Perkins who got minced.

      • I'm not posting to discredit your opinion, only to voice a contrary one.

        This was one of the worst movies I've ever seen. Terrible plot. Terrible dialogue. Terrible fx. Terrible acting. Incomprehensible ending. No one should ever see this movie, as long as there is a blank screen they could be staring at instead.

    • I really enjoyed this movie as a kid. Quite frankly, Maximilian was, and is to me still, one of the scariest robots ever created. Given the era, it's very surprising DIsney produced a movie as dark as The Black Hole. In addition to Maximilian there were the zombie-like laser-lobotomized humans running the ship. And no, there was no happy ending for any of them - the best they got was to eventually die. Yeah, it tried to go right by the checklist of what made Star Wars a huge success (lasers, robots, and

  • There was a time when I looked forward to coming to Slashdot on the 1st of April. All of the April Fool gags from around the Internet (or at least most of the ones of nerd interest) were linked here.

    It's OK to have *one* home-grown gag. **One**. After that, it just doesn't work.

  • That's enough Internet for today. If anyone needs me I'll be on the 13th floor, doing some code for the next generation of Vocaloids.

  • by DumbSwede ( 521261 ) <slashdotbin@hotmail.com> on Wednesday April 01, 2015 @04:02PM (#49388105) Homepage Journal

    Despite the outcry of many, I find this year’s April 1st theme enjoyable. Black Hole is one of those films that is bad on many levels and yet still an enjoyable viewing experience. Perhaps it is just the strange repetitive Yah-Yah-Yah-Yaaaaah-da-da-da background music that makes it so borderline creepy and memorable -- very un-Disney like.

    It gets all weird and religiously allegorical at the end while at the same time paying an homage to 2001 a Space Odyssey’s final scenes. I usually just quit insisting the ending make any kind of scientific sense and just accept it as a Deus Ex Machina.

    To be honest, I was a bit surprised that it apparently it must be considered essential for nerd viewing (else it wouldn’t be skewered in this year's collection). Still hoping for a clever Blade Runner entry.

    • by tlhIngan ( 30335 )

      Despite the outcry of many, I find this yearâ(TM)s April 1st theme enjoyable. Black Hole is one of those films that is bad on many levels and yet still an enjoyable viewing experience. Perhaps it is just the strange repetitive Yah-Yah-Yah-Yaaaaah-da-da-da background music that makes it so borderline creepy and memorable -- very un-Disney like.

      It gets all weird and religiously allegorical at the end while at the same time paying an homage to 2001 a Space Odysseyâ(TM)s final scenes. I usually just q

  • I an tolerate the jokes made out of fiction plots, but a from a crappy movie based on science that came from a tabloid--No.

    • by Tomsk70 ( 984457 )

      I guess you *really* hate Forbidden Planet. And Star Wars. And Star Trek....what with all the tabloid-science going on.

      Nobody is going to ask you first. Remember that.

  • V.I.N.CENT - "There are three basic types, Mr. Pizer: the Wills, the Won'ts, and the Can'ts. The Wills accomplish everything, the Won'ts oppose everything, and the Can'ts won't try anything."

Two can Live as Cheaply as One for Half as Long. -- Howard Kandel

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